At Knit's End

by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

  The future belongs to those who believe

  in the beauty of their dreams.

  — MARIE CURIE

  This is surely the motto of designers who work in knitted lace. It can only be faith alone that drives them, because, before it is stretched and blocked, lace in progress often resembles Chinese noodles.

  I will reserve judgment on my lace in progress until the magic of blocking has worked its charms.

  It is not down in any map;

  true places never are.

  — HERMAN MELVILLE

  A portion of my stash is not for knitting; it is souvenir stash. The soft white wool that I bought in Newfoundland, the wool that I got in Hawaii (as an aside, this particular wool is probably worth keeping simply because I believe that it is the ONLY wool in Hawaii), the tweedy yarn my friend brought me from Ireland, the cotton from Italy. This is remembrance yarn. This yarn is not for knitting. With this yarn I can document every trip and yarn shop of my life. Who would knit that?

  I will remember that yarn can serve many purposes, and that it is possible nonknitters will never understand this.

  The secret to creativity is knowing

  how to hide your sources.

  — ALBERT EINSTEIN

  The secret to storing lots of yarn is expanded thinking. There is really no reason why yarn cannot occupy any space not occupied by anything else. Take a fresh look at your home, closets, cupboards, and furniture, and ask yourself, “Can I fit a ball of yarn in here?” The world is suddenly full of possibilities. The liquor cabinet? Above books on the bookshelf? The freezer?

  I will think creatively before I decide that I have run out of room for yarn.

  Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world

  is against me, but deep down I know that’s

  not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.

  — ROBERT ORBEN

  5 ways to fix a mistake in your knitting:

  Take the knitting off the needles and rip back the work, then put the work back on the needles.

  Unknit the work, going back stitch by stitch.

  If the mistake is near the bottom, cut the knitting, unravel it, put the work back on the needles, and knit back down again.

  Cut only one stitch in the offending row, unknit those few stitches, repair them, and weave in the ends.

  Light a small fire in a metal garbage can, and then throw the knitting in.

  I will remain open to drastic measures.

  Ordinarily he was insane,

  but he had lucid moments when

  he was merely stupid.

  — HEINRICH HEINE

  I have been trying to get my stash of yarn under control. My husband thinks this means that I am trying to get rid of some yarn. In truth, it actually means that I have been trying to find much, much better hiding spots.

  I will remember that there is more than one way to get control of an issue.

  The first step towards amendment

  is the recognition of error.

  — SENECA

  Knitting patterns are notorious for having errors. It is a good practice to read through the pattern before you begin to see whether it seems right. If you run into trouble, you can check with the publisher or the Internet to find out whether an erratum for that pattern has been published. The very clever knitter will check for corrections to the pattern before beginning the project.

  Instead of spending 47 frustrating hours trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong and why I can’t fix it while berating my knitting ability, I will consider the possibility that I’m not the one who screwed up.

  If all else fails, immortality can always be

  assured by spectacular error.

  — JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH

  Many years ago, when I used to smoke, my lighter was often easier to find than my scissors. If I couldn’t find the scissors, or was feeling too lazy to get up, I used the lighter to burn the yarn in one place to break it. Other than the smell, this worked fairly well. Later, when I found my scissors, I would cut off the little charred bits.

  One day, I was knitting a cotton facecloth and needed to cut the end. I flicked my lighter, expecting to singe the one spot, thus breaking the yarn.

  I will remember that cotton is highly flammable, and that the knitting Fates punish laziness. I will also remember that a flaming facecloth can be extinguished with a cup of coffee … in a pinch.

  Make no little plans; they have no magic

  to stir men’s blood … Make big plans,

  aim high in hope and work.

  — DANIEL H. BURNHAM

  When I knit Fair Isle, I carry one color in my left and one in my right. This feat of hand-eye coordination is harder than zooming along with one color in my dominant hand. Give me Fair Isle and I knit each stitch more slowly, but each intriguing little row piles up on top of the other at an astonishing rate. With my wool as my witness, despite its apparent slowness, Fair Isle moves faster than plain knitting. Some say this is due to seeing the pattern emerge. It holds your interest and you work harder, enticing the image out of the wool.

  I say it’s the magic of Fair Isle.

  I will remember that, as unlikely as it seems, sometimes having the bravery to accept a knitting challenge is rewarded.

  You know you

  knit too much when …

  Your friends & family know

  that you will always accept

  yarn sight unseen. Garage

  sale yarn, yarn from cleaned-out

  basements, other knitters’

  castoffs, any yarn at all.

  (All you ask is that they leave it in a plain brown paper bag at the door, because you like to pretend you have a reputation to protect.)

  You have to know how to accept rejection

  and reject acceptance.

  — RAY BRADBURY

  If you’ve knit for a three-year-old, then you understand. Just because he says he wants purple mittens, and you believe you have knit purple mittens, is no reason to believe that the three-year-old in question will believe that these are indeed purple mittens. It’s a total crapshoot. As a general rule, I don’t knit high investment items for toddlers. I stick to the small stuff. Hats are good. At least then, if you have spent a few weeks knitting a hat and then they dedicate their life to stuffing it behind the car seat and dropping it in the road, it doesn’t sting like a spurned sweater.

  I will remember not to knit for three-year-olds unless I am going to be pretty relaxed about rejection.

  I have found the best way to give advice to

  your children is to find out what they

  want and then advise them to do it.

  — HARRY S. TRUMAN

  I have three daughters, and they all know how to knit. The youngest knits with persistence; the middle one with a passion; and my eldest, now a teenager, wouldn’t be caught dead with the needles in her hands. At first, I thought it was because knitting wasn’t “hip enough” for her; then I thought she was worried about what her friends would think. Finally, I realized that she doesn’t knit … because I do.

  I will remember that kids need to rebel to establish their own personalities, and that her rejection of knitting is nothing personal. I will also try not to rub it in when she takes it back up in her twenties.

  Our children seem to have wonderful taste,

  or none — depending, of course,

  on whether or not they agree with us.

  — ANONYMOUS

  At my sister’s request, I knit my nephew an acrylic hooded sweatshirt. I hated everything about it: the yarn, the pattern, the making up. With each moment and each stitch I cursed it. I swore on all I hold dear and all I believe to be true that I would never, ever knit its monotonous miles of stockinette stitch; its stupid, stupid pocket; its endless miles of I-cord ties; or its merciless, unending hood again.

  Then I found out that my little nephew loves it, he wears it every day, and he is fast growing out of it.

  I wi
ll remember (as I cast on another acrylic hooded sweatshirt, in the next size) that I knit for love.

  There is no reciprocity.

  Men love women, women love children,

  children love hamsters.

  — ALICE THOMAS ELLIS

  If we could somehow magically gather up every hand-knit mitten ever lost by a child and put them in one place for reissue, I doubt seriously that anyone would ever need to knit another one.

  When knitting mittens for children, I will remember that they are inherently temporary. That no matter how elegant, stylish, or funky the mitten, children repel mittens on a biological level, and that the lack of respect for the mittens is not an indication of how little respect they have for the knitter.

  Things won are done;

  joy’s soul lies in the doing.

  — WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

  I needed an easy project, something that I could work on while I watched TV or talked with my knitting friends. I picked a plain scarf with a plain yarn. I began to work with it and quickly discovered that the yarn split badly. It split so badly that I couldn’t do anything else while I worked on it. It demanded my full attention for each stitch. I couldn’t watch TV; I couldn’t talk. After a little while, I discovered that this focused but simple knitting had its advantages. It was almost meditative to form plain stitch after plain stitch, watching the needles move hypnotically row after row.

  I will consider that paying attention to my knitting is a good thing, and probably what people are talking about when they say that knitting is “the new yoga.”

  Fashions fade, style is eternal.

  — YVES SAINT LAURENT

  I’ve just finished knitting myself a copper and gold wrap, made from the most sparkly, elegant novelty yarn. Now, standing in front of the mirror with it draped oh so nonchalantly over my shoulders, I can imagine myself wearing it. I picture myself, tall and long-fingered, dangling a martini at a cocktail party, making witty conversation and charming everyone. The men are enchanted by me, and the women want to be me … and it’s all because I knit myself a copper and gold evening wrap.

  I will try not to be too depressed when I realize how silly I’m going to look when I wear it to the only place my husband and I go these days — the grocery store.

  You know you

  knit too much when …

  Your spouse likes to play a

  little game with guests. He

  calls it “What do you think

  is in here?” and opens every

  cupboard, chest, drawer, and

  closet in the house to reveal

  your yarn stash.

  No matter how cynical you get,

  it is impossible to keep up.

  — LILY TOMLIN

  Dear designer that I shall not name,

  I recently purchased your knitting book and was immediately struck by its artistic merit. The photographs are so beautiful, the models so stunning, and the settings so authentic and breathtaking that I scarcely even think of it as a book of patterns, but rather, a tribute to the skill and magnitude of your life’s work. I only have one question. I’d like to knit the sweater on page 9, the one where the model is turned toward the sunlight, hair streaming down her back, but I’d like to know whether that’s a cardigan or a pullover.

  I will tell designers that I would rather have photos of sweaters that clearly show the details of the garment than the incredible ability of your photographer.

  Ability is what you’re capable of doing.

  Motivation determines what you do.

  Attitude determines how well you do it.

  — LOU HOLTZ

  Gauge is a precision game; there is no room for a relaxed attitude. There are many knitters who, after knitting a couple of gauge swatches, make the classic error of thinking that a measly little inconsequential half stitch more per inch is no big deal. So it will be a little smaller. That’s okay. For example, how about a sweater that has a bust measuring 40 inches, with a gauge of 4 stitches to 1 inch. You are getting 4½ stitches to the inch and you just ran out of patience for this whole “getting gauge game.” You are planning to go ahead. In the end, you will end up with a sweater that is 35½ inches around. A half stitch in the other direction, and your sweater measures 46 inches. Gauge is serious business.

  I will remember that not everyone likes knitting to be serious. If I decide to play it fast and loose with gauge, I will make a point of befriending people of various sizes and shapes. It will fit someone.

  We don’t receive wisdom:

  we must discover it for ourselves

  after a journey that no one can

  take for us or spare us.

  — MARCEL PROUST

  As I carried the finished sweater to the bathtub for its “victory blocking,” I practically danced. This sweater had been a big deal. It was fancy and complex and the pattern had stated the wrong amount of yarn and, despite getting gauge, I’d had to go back to the yarn shop twice to get more. I’d written the designer and she maintained that the yardage in the pattern was correct, but somehow it had taken me an incredible six extra balls to finish it. I put the sweater in the water to soak and returned 10 minutes later. I lifted the sweater from the water and just about suffered a stroke. The sweater was huge. Massive. Beyond colossal. The arms dragged on the ground. I was heartbroken; I couldn’t even think of a human it would fit.

  I will consider the possibility that, if it takes me a great deal more yarn to knit something, the extra yarn will surface at some point.

  Under the fence,

  Catch the sheep,

  Back we come,

  Off we leap!

  — A RHYME TO TEACH

  CHILDREN TO PURL

  Many knitters hate purling because somebody told them that it was horrible.

  When I teach children to purl, I will make sure they don’t get that idea from me, even if it means lying.

  People who have what they want are fond

  of telling people who haven’t what they want

  that they really don’t want it.

  — OGDEN NASH

  It is perhaps a sign that your attachment to your yarn (or yarn that you think should be yours, such as most of the stock in your local yarn shop) is getting out of hand if you have lied to another knitter about the properties of said yarn.

  In the interest of being a good and honest person, I will refrain from referring to the first-class merino in the shop as “scratchy” when I see someone else looking at it. There is butter that is scratchier than that yarn.

  In through the front door,

  Once around the back,

  Peek through the window,

  And off jumps Jack.

  — A RHYME TO TEACH

  CHILDREN TO KNIT

  I will remember that knitting is not hard, and that most children can learn to do it about the time they are ready to learn to read.

  I will remember, too, not to take it personally when they learn much faster than I did.

  You know you

  knit too much when …

  There is a knitting project

  or yarn in every room of

  your house, including the

  bathroom.

  Learning is not attained by chance,

  it must be sought for with ardor

  and attended to with diligence.

  — ABIGAIL ADAMS

  My 11-year-old daughter was knitting the other day when she had a breakthrough, an accident that resulted in learning something incredible.

  “Mom!” she said. “If you knit two together, you have one less stitch and you make the knitting smaller!”

  “That’s a good thing to know; that’s a decrease,” I replied, very, very impressed with my clever child. She had just made the same discovery that some other knitter had made for the first time in the fourth century. How many knitters have had this exact moment? Millions? Ladies-in-waiting, peasants in huts, lawyers in New York, nomads in the Arabian Desert. How many
people down through history have thought, “Hey, if I knit two together …”

  I will stay connected to the history of knitting, while remembering that just because a billion people thought of this before my kid did, she’s still freakin’ brilliant.

  We are hungry for things that

  have touched human hands.

  — FAITH POPCORN

  This is the reason that people are driven to knit. This is why someone will spend 59 hours making a sweater when they could have had one that looks like it for $20. This is why the words “hand knit” are magical.

  I will remember, when I see a sweater in the store just like the one I’m killing myself knitting, that even if mine turns out wonky and crooked and costs me my sanity and more money … I’m making a way better sweater.

  A private railroad car is not

  an acquired taste.

  One takes to it immediately.

  — ELEANOR R. BELMONT

  When I first started knitting, I used cheap acrylics. I was loath to spend my money on expensive yarns that my skills wouldn’t live up to. Everything I knit was misshapen; the gauge was off; and my work was rife with dropped stitches, holes, and random increases and decreases.

  When I was finally seduced by a fine wool, I was shocked by how quickly my work improved. Having good yarn to live up to was a powerful motivator.

  When choosing materials for my projects, I will buy the best that I can afford; there’s not a lot of encouragement in cheap yarn.

  Accept the challenges so that you can feel

  the exhilaration of victory.

  — GEORGE S. PATTON

  Knitters are driven by the challenge of taking a ball of string and turning it into a new and interesting finished object. This is what makes knitting a pair of socks or mittens a double dare. Halfway through, you are confused by the presence of a completely finished garment.

  I will accept that things that come in pairs are a unique opportunity for a knitter to prove her tenacity and rise to a challenge. I will also accept that if I know someone who is willing to wear mismatched socks, I may never meet this challenge.

  Tinking:

  The act of unknitting knitting

  one stitch at a time.

  It is used to correct small and recent errors, and its advantage is that the knitting need not be removed from the needles, saving time and concern for dropped stitches. It is called “tink” because that is “knit” spelled backward.