Waiting For Rachel: A Christian Romance (Those Karlsson Boys)

by Jordan, Kimberly Rae

  “Come on in,” Damian said, rubbing his eyes.

  The door opened, and Serena peeked around it. Damian immediately saw the concern in her eyes.

  “Are you okay?” She stepped into the room and shut the door behind herself.

  “I suppose you’ve been talking to Annie,” he said with a sigh.

  Serena wrinkled her nose. “Unfortunately. She said you and Rachel had a fight?”

  “It wasn’t really a fight. Just clearing the air on some issues.” Damian pushed away from the desk and stood. “And apparently ending a relationship we never really had.”

  Not wanting to see the look of pity on Serena’s face, Damian turned and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack in the corner of his office.

  “Damian, I’m really very sorry to hear that. Are you sure it’s over?” Serena asked slowly. “I mean, Rachel has always said no to you, but it’s never been final. I’ve always had the feeling that though she said no, for whatever reason, she would rather be saying yes.”

  “I never assumed that her no actually meant yes. I just thought it meant not now,” Damian said as he pulled his jacket on. “I just hoped that I could convince her to give us a chance. I’ve tried not to push too much, and I would have backed off in an instant if there hadn’t been something…there. I don’t know how to explain it. But tonight there was a definite difference in her response. Tonight her no meant no. Not now. Not ever.”

  Damian walked around his desk and took Serena’s arm, guiding her out of the office. He hit the light switch and locked the door before closing it. “I’m going home. I need some time to think. Are you leaving now?”

  Serena nodded. “I can lock up if you’d like.”

  “Are you sure? In my current state of mind I’m not sure I’d even remember the code for the security system.”

  She patted his arm. “I’ll take care of it. You go on home.”

  “Thanks, Serena. See you tomorrow, I guess.”

  Damian left the church and drove straight home. He wondered how long it would be before his mother called asking what had happened. Annie would likely waste no time in spreading the word. The relationship that never was, was over.

  *****

  After leaving the church, Rachel started to head for home. Not eager to return to her empty home, she turned off East River Road onto a street that would connect her to University Avenue and then headed north. She didn’t know why she felt drawn to the cemetery where her mother was buried. Rachel knew her mother was no longer there, but she had a need to visit her grave.

  As the cemetery came into view Rachel flicked on her signal to turn left. Slowly she drove her car through the curved roads until she neared the place her mother’s burial plot.

  The full moon chased away a lot of darkness, but the looming trees still cast dancing shadows on the ground. It could have been the setting for any number of scary stories told by children, but Rachel felt no fear as she walked across the grass, the heels of her boots sinking into the moist ground. There were still small patches of snow gleaming in the moonlight, mostly under trees where they were shaded from the heat of the sun and hadn’t yet melted. The up and down temperatures of the past week had meant that any snow they’d received had pretty much melted.

  Rachel wished she’d brought flowers to place on the bare grave. Instead she stared at the flat headstone. Squatting down, she used her gloved hand to rub away the watermarks on the black marble. Evelyn McIntyre, beloved mother. And keeper of Rachel’s secrets.

  Her mom had liked Damian. It was when her mom was in the hospital that she and Damian had really begun to interact even though they’d known each other since high school. They’d moved in very different circles at the time. But now as assistant pastor, he’d come by every other day or so to check on her mom and always asked if there was anything he could do for them. It had been hard not to be drawn to him, and then he’d started coming by her store to pick things up for Serena. When he’d asked her out for the first time, she’d been shocked. But even by that point she’d known of his desire to have a family so saying no had been relatively easy. Unfortunately, it had only gotten harder from that point on.

  “Should I tell him, Mom?” Rachel asked. “It’s just easier this way. It hurts now, but at least he doesn’t know. If I told him, he’d have to agree that I’m not the right woman for him, but then I’d have to live the rest of my life knowing he knew. I just can’t do it.”

  Ignoring the cool night air, Rachel pulled off her glove and traced the letters of her mother’s name. “I wish you were here, Mom. I don’t have anyone I can share my heart with. If only Dad…” Rachel let her words trail away. This was a heartache she probably wouldn’t have shared with her father, even if he had still been a part of her life.

  Warm tears slid down her cold cheeks. The joy Rachel had thought she’d found in the Christmas season was gone. Evaporated like mist beneath the sun’s warm rays. Pain and confusion had replaced the joy.

  Rachel rubbed a hand against her chest, trying to ease the ache in her heart. It was finally over. Months of saying no when her heart screamed to say yes had finally come down to this. Damian had finally heard her no and realized that, this time, she was serious.

  At least she wouldn’t be leading him on any longer. Her no was no, and it was over. The tears fell more rapidly, and Rachel’s breaths came out in gasping sobs.

  “Oh Mom, I heard the words tonight I had always wanted to hear, but instead of feeling good, I hurt even worse. Why couldn’t I have been the woman Damian wanted? Why couldn’t I have been the mother to his children? Why was that opportunity taken away from me seventeen years ago? It’s so unfair.”

  Rachel allowed her tears to continue to flow as she crouched beside the headstone, her head bent. “Please God, take this pain away. And help Damian find the woman who will fulfill the dreams he has for his future. I just wish it could have been me.”

  When the tears and sobs subsided, Rachel stood wearily and, after staring at the headstone for a few more moments, turned and headed for her car. The visit to the cemetery hadn’t eased any of the pain, but putting her pain into words had helped a little.

  It didn’t take long to get home; the late evening traffic was fairly light. Inside the house, Rachel went through the motions of preparing for work the next day. She tried to keep her mind focused on that, but it kept straying to Damian and their conversation. It wasn’t every day a girl heard a guy tell her he loved her. And even though it had been one of the most painful moments in her life, Rachel would treasure it always.

  *****

  Although Damian didn’t show up at the store over the next few days, Jace came almost daily. Rachel sensed the young man’s questions, but thankfully he never put them into words.

  When the books for the church’s library arrived on Tuesday, Rachel put in a call to let Serena know. Even though she knew there was nothing between them, Rachel hoped that Damian would come by, that he’d be the one to pick up the books. Throughout Tuesday she kept glancing out the window, and each ding of the bell above the door sent her heart into hyper-speed.

  By Wednesday afternoon, Rachel’s heart no longer skipped a beat at each ding of the bell, although she couldn’t keep from looking. Just in case. Mid-afternoon the bell dinged, and Rachel glanced at the door. Her heart sank when she saw Serena enter the store.

  “Hi, Rachel,” Serena said as she walked to the counter.

  “Hey. Are you here to pick up the books?”

  Serena nodded. “And maybe a book or two for myself.”

  Rachel pulled the bag of church books out from under the counter. “Uh, why don’t you wait until after Christmas to do that?”

  Serena’s left eyebrow arched. “Why?”

  “You know why, silly. You just never know what might be under the tree for you.”

  Serena rubbed her gloved hands together, excitement shining in her eyes. “I can hardly wait!”

  “Me, too.” And as Rachel said the words, she
realized that she really was looking forward to Christmas with Serena and Mari.

  Concern replaced the excitement in Serena’s eyes. “How are you doing?”

  Rachel knew she couldn’t fool Serena with a pat answer. “I’m doing okay. It’s weird to be so hurt by ending a relationship that never really got off the ground.”

  “Well, I think we both know it did get off the ground. It may have been unconventional, but the two of you did have a relationship.”

  Rachel looked down at her hands and rubbed at a hangnail on her thumb. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I wish it had all happened at another time. I had planned to wait until after Christmas before really ending it. I felt like I was leading Damian on.”

  “Only as much as he wanted to be led, Rache. He could have taken your ‘no’ as ‘no’ a long time ago. He chose to participate in the cat and mouse game the two of you played. I just wish I understood.”

  Rachel looked at her friend, very tempted to spill everything. “Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday. It involves a rather painful part of my past. My mom was the only person who knew.”

  “We all have secrets, I guess. I have a couple of my own.”

  “Hey, maybe we should have a sharing secrets party.”

  “I think that’s called a slumber party,” Serena said with a wink. “And I haven’t been to one since I was in junior high.”

  “Isn’t that what we’re having Christmas Eve? A slumber party?” Rachel asked.

  “Not unless we’re all going to sleep in the same room with our blankets and pillows. And, of course, snack foods, nail polish, and a good scary movie.”

  “Guess it doesn’t qualify then.” Rachel couldn’t keep the corners of her lips from lifting slightly.

  “I’m glad to see that smile,” Serena said.

  “It’s been hard to smile since Sunday night.” Rachel sighed. “I feel like the joy has been zapped right out of my life.”

  “Aw, Rache, I know you’re hurting right now. I don’t mean to lecture, but you should try to find your joy in the Lord, not in circumstances.” Serena reached for Rachel’s hand. “Things will change in your life. People will come and go. If you get your joy from those things, it will never last. The only person who is unchanging in our lives is Christ. Get your joy from Him, and then no matter what else happens, even when it’s painful, the undercurrent of joy will still be there.

  Rachel considered Serena’s advice. It was true. She tended to let events dictate the state of her spiritual life and the level of joy she felt.

  “Okay, I’m done with my sermon.” Serena released her hand and grinned. “I guess hanging around those pastors has rubbed off on me.”

  “I appreciate your words and the reminder,” Rachel began but paused when the bell jingled. Eagerly she looked towards the door. Disappointment swamped her when it wasn’t Damian who walked into the store but another customer.

  “I’ll talk to you later, hon,” Serena said, picking up the bag from the counter. “This isn’t the time or place for this discussion. I just hate to see you so down.”

  Rachel forced a smile. “I’ll be okay. I’ve made it through some rough times and lived to laugh again.” Seeing the skepticism on Serena’s face, Rachel tried to reassure her again. “Really, Serena. I’m focusing on being with you and Mari, and all the fun we’re going to have. See you tomorrow night?”

  “Of course. I’ll be there with junk food that none of us need but will enjoy anyway.”

  Serena left the store just as a customer came up to the counter and captured Rachel’s attention.

  *****

  Christmas Eve day passed in a blur. Rachel had both Mari and Sue in the store working since it was so busy. When three o’clock finally rolled around and Rachel flipped the closed sign on the door, the three of them breathed a sigh of relief.

  Sue didn’t waste any time getting her stuff together, including the bag of gifts Rachel had given her. “Have a merry Christmas, you guys.”

  “You too, Sue. I imagine it will be pretty wild at your house tomorrow morning,” Rachel said, giving her a hug.

  “No doubt.” Sue hugged Mari and then left the store.

  “You ready to go, Mari?” Rachel asked.

  “Yes. I can’t wait.” Mari’s eyes sparkled. “This will be the best Christmas I’ve had since my folks passed away.”

  “It’s my first since my mom died. I think it will be better than I had imagined.” Rachel stood in the doorway of her office and pulled her boots on.

  Mari slipped into her jacket and took her purse from under the counter. “I think we’re going to have fun.”

  “I hope so.” Rachel began shutting off lights.

  Mari checked the coffee pot, and then waited by the door while Rachel pulled on her jacket and set the alarm. Together they left the shop and headed out to Rachel’s car. It had started snowing earlier in the day, and big, fat, fluffy flakes still fell. Perfect Christmas snow.

  Serena arrived just before five, laden down, as promised, with bags of food.

  “Are you coming for the night or a week?” Rachel asked as she helped carry the bags to the kitchen.

  “Just making sure we don’t run out of food.”

  Rachel pointed to the spread on the counter. “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

  Mari stood next to the counter, a dip-covered carrot in her hand. “This dip is divine, Rachel.”

  “You’ve got healthy stuff?” Serena wrinkled her nose.

  “Only a few vegetables. You can use the dip to dunk the chips if the vegetables aren’t up your alley.”

  Serena slid onto a stool on the other side of the counter and reached for a carrot. “I’ll start with healthy stuff.”

  Rachel felt the tensions of the past few days begin to slip away. The ache in her heart hadn’t faded, but Rachel didn’t want to think about it right then. She would need to deal with it all eventually, but not on Christmas Eve.

  *****

  “Want to come with me to Rachel’s?” Jace asked as he and Damian lounged in their parents’ den.

  “Rachel’s?” Damian asked. “I guess you want to see Mari, eh?”

  Jace grinned. “Need you ask?”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “So, you want to come with me?” Jace asked again.

  Damian knew he shouldn’t. He knew he should just leave her alone, but his heart longed to see her. And he had a gift for her, bought before their talk on Sunday night.

  “Damian, this is your last chance. Otherwise I’m going on my own,” Jace warned.

  “Have you asked Mom?” Damian asked. “She might not like us running off on Christmas Eve.”

  “She’s fine with it, as long as we’re not gone longer than an hour. She said she still had a few gifts to wrap.”

  “Then let’s go.” Damian pushed himself out of the easy chair he’d been sitting in. He moved slowly, still not sure it was the right decision.

  “We’re taking my truck,” Damian informed Jace as they pulled on their jackets.

  “You boys don’t be gone too long,” Sharon said as she walked out of the kitchen, drying her hands on her apron.

  “Not more than an hour, Mom,” Jace promised.

  “Tell the girls I said Merry Christmas.”

  “We will.” Damian followed his brother out to the truck.

  Jace, clutching a wrapped box, climbed into the passenger side of the cab. Damian slid behind the wheel and started up the engine.

  As they approached Rachel’s house, Damian’s doubts grew. “It’s possible I’ll spoil the evening for Rachel if I show up. Maybe I’d better just stay in the truck.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” Jace said, incredulity lacing his tone. “You came along with me to sit in the truck?”

  “I think it might be better if I just wait outside. Maybe I’ll walk the neighborhood and look at the Christmas lights,” Damian said as he pulled the truck into Rachel’s driveway behind Serena’s little car.
>
  “You’re nuts.” Jace opened his door and climbed out. “Scared of a woman.” The door of the cab slammed shut with more force than necessary making Damian wince.

  Damian looked out the front window of the car at the Rachel’s cheerily-decorated house. Warm light spilled from the windows and reflected off the snow. It looked homey and welcoming…to all but him.

  As he continued to watch the house, the front door opened, snagging his attention. He watched in amazement as Rachel stepped out onto the porch and headed in his direction. Damian’s breath caught in his lungs. He watched her gracefully walk in front of Serena’s car then down the driveway toward his truck.

  Damian hit the switch to lower the window just as Rachel reached the truck.

  Chapter Ten

  “Why are you sitting out here in the cold?” Rachel asked.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me tonight.”

  Rachel cocked her head. Damian wished he could see the expression on her face, but the truck blocked any light from the house.

  “I won’t lie and say it’s comfortable, but I also know we’re going to have to be together sooner or later.” She stepped back from the truck and waved her hand. “Come on in.”

  Damian rolled the window back up and climbed out of the truck. He hesitated briefly before grabbing the gift he’d set between the front seats earlier. Rachel was already on her way back to the house. Damian locked the truck and followed her.

  “Merry Christmas, Damian,” Mari greeted him cheerfully as he stepped into the house.

  “You too, Mari.” Damian gave her a quick hug.

  He looked into the living room and spotted Serena standing by the Christmas tree. Still holding Rachel’s gift, Damian edged past Mari. He bent to put the gift under the tree before giving Serena a hug.

  “Merry Christmas, Serena.”

  “Same to you.” Sadness was evident in her gaze.

  “Hey, what’s got you so down?” Damian asked, glancing over his shoulder to see if Rachel was nearby.

  “Need you ask? I feel so bad for you and Rachel.”

  Damian shrugged as casually as he could. “These things happen.”