Bell, Book, and Sandals
Page 36
I sat on the edge of my bed, toweling my hair dry. It had been a long day. Most people didn’t come close to death twice in one day, but lucky me, I was special. Tossing the towel aside, I opted for the hairdryer. The ritual of drying my hair always relaxed me, and boy, did I need that. I was no closer to finding any of the answers I sought. In fact, I had only found more questions. Ones I was truly terrified to answer.
At least one good thing came out of this day. I could finally control my powers.
Van had come back from fixing Jensen’s wards, which apparently, I had knocked out when I made the door. We straightened up the bookstore, returning it to its original condition. Except for the door. Jensen decided to leave it there. You never know when it might come in handy.
When everything was back to normal, Jensen gave me an impromptu magic lesson. He needed to know I could protect myself if something like that happened again.
When something like that happened again. We all knew it was only a matter of time. There were things after me. I couldn’t deny that fact anymore. It was too stupid and too dangerous to play dumb. That’s why I had to be able to wield magic on my own terms.
But to everyone’s amazement, I didn’t need much training after all. I got it right the first time and every time after that. I had total control of my magic. They thought it might be because the total shock of almost dying had opened me up to it. I knew the real reason.
Jensen’s soul was infusing mine. And because of that, I knew my powers would never let me down again.
I couldn’t believe Jensen had given me a part of his soul. Who does that? I honestly didn’t know if Ryan would have done the same thing for me, (Did vampires even have souls?) and that was what was bothering me as I dried my hair.
I was beginning to think maybe I had been blind when I chose Ryan. I didn’t let myself see everything because of who he was. I mean, I was dating Ryan Everheart. That should be a girl’s dream come true. Yet, here I was, miserable and completely confused. Don’t get me wrong. A part of me did love Ryan. Those feelings were true, but how much of that was needing to be in love versus actually being in love?
What I felt with Jensen was so different. It was stronger, yet purer. It was something to fear even more than dating a vampire. It was the connection that could scar you for all eternity if it was taken away. I didn’t know if I was ready for that. This was something I hadn’t even experienced with Stephen, and I was going to marry the guy. What was going on with Jensen was terrifying. Plus I had part of the man’s soul. How much more complicated could it get?
And I couldn’t stay with Ryan. As much as I cared about him, he was a vampire and I couldn’t get trapped in that world. His father could make my life a living hell. And I didn’t think running away would help. He would find us no matter where we went. It was all too confusing to think about. I really wasn’t ready to choose either of them at this point, and because of that, maybe it was time to choose none.
I was too dependent on men anyway. A girl like me is raised to be. But I was the new Maxie Duncan. A modern, fabulously dressed witch and I could stand on my own two feet. Yes, that was it exactly. I needed to find me. I needed to become who I really was and see where I was going before I settled on some guy. After all, the right one would wait for me until I was ready, right? It was time for me to just be me.
Wow, was I growing up or something?
I finished my blow-out and was picking out some pajamas, when my cell phone rang. A quick check of the screen told me Ryan was on the other end. I stared at the ringing phone in my hand. I wasn’t quite ready to talk to him yet, but…considering the decision I had come to, I knew sooner was better than later. I needed to end it before it ended me.
Answering my phone, I carefully tried to keep the sadness from my voice. I knew I needed to do it, but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it. This was something that would weigh on my soul for years to come. Why couldn’t we just be normal people? Would that really have been too much to ask?
“I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from right now,” his voice floated into my ear, rushed. Obviously, he was afraid I would hang up on him before he could get it all out. “I should have told you from the start. I’m sorry for that.”
It was true. I could hear it in his words. But it didn’t change anything. He was still a vampire. With a very dangerous father. “I know you are.”
“Good,” he said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Can I take you to dinner? We could talk? Figure out where we go from here.”
“Yes,” I told him immediately. We did have a lot to talk about. “I’d like that.”
“Okay,” he told me. “I’ll pick you up in an hour?”
“I’ll be waiting,” I said before hanging up. Tossing my P.J.’s on my bed, I rummaged through my closet once again. I had a date to dress for. What does a girl wear to tell a vampire she no longer wants to see him?
Thirty One