Conflicted (The Deliverance Series Book 2)

by Maria Macdonald

  “Caden…” The unmistakable deep growl pulls me from staring at my hands, which are entwined in my lap, to the figure in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

  Tarrant stares back at me, his eyes calculating my state, concern lingering like a stalker. He has a scab forming over his eye and a slight bruise on his right cheekbone. Apart from that, he looks perfect, unharmed, and I loosen a little of the imaginary rope constraining my body.

  He moves slowly to my bed, pulling the chair alongside it out, and turning it to face me. He sits, studying my face.

  “Tell me,” I croak out, cupping my aching jaw. I know by now I must need some meds, but right this moment—when he tells me what happened—I need the pain to exist, I need it to cling to.

  Tarrant winces at my voice and obvious pain, but he nods in understanding. With no words or explanation, my brother automatically knows what I need.

  “Someone saw you at the field.”

  I frown but remain silent.

  “Seems the group that tracked you down… that did this…” He tugs at his hair. “They were Tim, his brother Todd, and some friends from their new college. The same one we played football against the day before.”

  My eyes widen, and Tarrant clamps his jaw shut, grinding his teeth.

  “They were in old man Potts’ diner. A local went in, and apparently old man Potts was talking to his wife about you not being on the team anymore. The local piped up that he’d seen you over by Archers Field taking photos.” Tarrant shrugs. “Guess that was all Todd needed. Opportunity. He grabbed his buddies and went to find you.”

  “You came,” I whisper.

  The muscle in Tarrant’s check jumps more than once as he contains himself, and his emotions.

  “Aaron called me.”

  My stomach clenches. “What?” I murmur.

  “He called me. Said he’d just had a call from Tim. Apparently, after what happened the other day, they expected him to fall in line with them, to join in. Instead, he called me, explained they were going after you, apologized about a million times until I told him to shut the fuck up. Shit!” Tarrant rubs the back of his neck, and I want to shake him, I want him to get it out. “Damn near crying he was. Couldn’t believe what he’d done to you. Said he was going to make things right.”

  I feel tears burn in my eyes. Aaron was always a good guy. I’m not sure what has kicked him off his path over the last few months, and no matter how pissed I was about what he did the other day, I also know that wasn’t him. Not even a little bit. I’m pleased he chose the right path, that he basically saved my life. I know I’ll forgive him, and thank him and I’ll mean every word.

  “I saw Casper turn up.” The wobble in my voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Tarrant.

  “I called him while I was on my way to the field. I wanted to make sure you weren’t with him. That Aaron was legit. To be honest, I already knew in my gut Aaron wasn’t lying, but I needed to do something on the five-minute drive. It felt like five fucking hours, brother.”

  “So Casper… is he okay?” I almost don’t want to ask, but I have to know.

  Tarrant lets out a long breath. “He is. But, he got arrested, Caden.” His eyes narrow. “Did you know Coby is his cousin?”

  “Coby?” I reply.

  “Yeah, you know my friend the hockey player.”

  “No.” I frown. “I didn’t know they were cousins.”

  Tarrant shrugs. “We were all taken to the police station.” He looks at my booted leg and frowns before staring out the hospital window. “Well, everyone who didn’t need to come to the hospital.”

  My heart squeezes, and the pain in my body seems to ramp up.

  “Casper’s mom called Coby to help him with a lawyer. I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine, as it was self-defense, but he’s with the lawyer right now. He’ll be here to see you later.”

  Slowly bringing my hand up to my chest, I put a tiny amount of pressure over my heart and jerk as my ribs scream in pain. “He’s okay?” I need confirmation.

  Tarrant smiles, and then quickly frowns. “He is. He’ll be here as soon as he’s finished. He was so fucking angry when the cops took him in. He would have been released much earlier if he hadn’t of put up such a fight.” Tarrant rubs his hand back and forth over his head. “We thought you were dead, Caden… he…” Tarrant coughs, closes his eyes and pushes his finger and thumb onto his eyelids. With a small shake of his head, his shoulders drop, and he looks at me again. “Casper lost it. He was a fucking machine. It took four cops to stop him fighting, to drag him away, and he wasn’t just fighting one guy either.”

  “There were six of them,” I choke out.

  “Solomon came, too.”

  “Solomon?”

  Tarrant nods. “Yeah, Aaron called him, too.”

  “He did?” I don’t know why I keep questioning what he’s telling me. I swallow hard, and tears gather on my lower lids as I try not to think about where I’d be right now if Aaron had chosen to do nothing.

  Tarrant nods. His fists are clenched, the knuckles blanching across his stretched skin.

  “I… I might have died if Aaron hadn’t…” my breath stutters. “He saved me.”

  Tarrant drops his head, resting his chin on his chest. His shoulders rise, and he seems to hold his body still for ten seconds before I watch his shoulders drop, his head swings up and the pain on his face, the sadness in his eyes, it takes my breath away. “He’s dead.”

  Hammering, fluttering, collapsing in on itself, my heart does it all as my brain tries to process his words. I can’t speak as tears streak down my face.

  “Aaron came to the fight. He arrived just after me and brought Solomon. We kicked their asses because of him. You’re okay because of him. Shit. They stabbed him, Caden. Todd stabbed him.”

  Choking erupts in my throat and chest, and the pain intensifies both physically and emotionally. Tarrant jumps up grabbing my water, he helps me sit up, waiting for me to calm down. Then, holding the straw that Nurse Lucy added to my water, he lets me sip like the water will somehow wash away the ache, which at this point simply feels like a part of me. I shake my head over and over, my jaw screams at me with every movement, but I can’t seem to stop.

  Tarrant puts the water down, and tenderly cups both my cheeks with his hands. “Stop, brother. There’s nothing any of us could have done. Todd is obviously unstable. Aaron…” He glances away swallowing then turns back to me. “Todd stabbed him eleven times. He bled out on the side of the road.”

  A strangled noise expels involuntarily from my throat. “Morgan.”

  “Is with Laura and Max. Worry about you right now, you still need to recover.”

  “Todd?”

  Tarrant’s face hardens. “The cops have him. He won’t be free anytime soon.”

  “Mom?” I whisper.

  “She’s at the house. I asked her to let me come here and tell you what happened. Mom would have been too emotional. Then there would be two of you.” The corner of his mouth quirks, but I don’t react. I feel numb. More than anything, I want Casper.

  “Can I borrow your cell? Call Casper?”

  He frowns. “You can’t call him right now. Let him sort out his legal situation, then he’ll be here… trust him… trust me.” It’s a plea, and so I silently agree. “Get some rest, you need it.”

  Again, I give Tarrant no answer, only close my eyes and hope my dreams give me a reprieve.

  Waking this time brings a torrent of emotions. I’m hit by sharp pain directly in my chest when I remember that Aaron died, and it’s because he chose to save me.

  The only thing softening the crushing feeling within me right now is Casper. Sitting in the chair next to my bed, his hand firmly grasping mine, I watch as his back expands in time with his breathing. His head rests next to my legs, and his long eyelashes caress the very top of his cheekbone while he sleeps.

  I love him. My absolute.

  Staring at our joined hands, I wonder if he’ll love me if I’l
l be his first love. Not many people our age find their forever love. It’s the way Tarrant and I are built. But considering Casper wouldn’t even admit he was gay until recently, I’m not sure he’ll be satisfied with me—not forever.

  “Hey…” His whispered voice drags me from my introspection, back to his eyes. Wide open, the deep amber hue shines back at me, drawing me in, and as always I’m captivated.

  “Hey…” I echo his greeting, but my voice comes out with a rasp.

  Casper lets my hand go and picks up the plastic cup. Walking into the adjoining bathroom, he throws the old water down the sink and moves to the other side of my bed, pouring fresh water from a pitcher. It’s still warm, but as he holds it to my lips with such care, I realize it could be filled with lava, and I’d still drink it. Pulling the beaker from my mouth, he sets it on the side cabinet with a thump, then sits back down and stares at me, his face devoid of emotion. A sick feeling gathers in the pit of my stomach, churning every time I exhale.

  “What is it?” I finally find the words and courage to speak.

  Casper sighs hanging his head, and I lose his eyes. Dropping his shoulders forward, he seems defeated. The nausea twists and turns more violently and I want to go back to sleep, to shy away from whatever’s about to come out of his mouth. Slowly, his head rises, his gaze meeting mine again, but this time devastation clouds his eyes. Of all the things I consider in those ten seconds when he finally speaks I’m surprised, but also hugely relieved.

  “I could have lost you.” His words are raw, panicked, and every syllable is loaded with despair.

  “You didn’t.” I feel the need to immediately soothe him.

  “I know. Thank, fuck.” Casper grabs one of my hands in both of his and closes his eyes, dropping his head onto our clasped hands. He takes a few breaths and whispers against my fingers, “I’m in love with you, Caden.”

  A lump forms in my throat, a lump of disbelief and happiness. “You love me?”

  His head is still resting against my hand, his lips on my fingers. “Fuck, yeah, I love you,” he answers, and I feel every movement of his mouth as his hot breath licks against my skin. “I didn’t know… didn’t know how I felt, not until I saw you on the ground. There was so much blood, Caden…” There’s a hitch in his breath as his voice shudders. “I know most of the blood was from the teeth you lost. But then Aaron…” He raises his head and looks at me. “That could have been you, and I wouldn’t have been able to tell you how I feel. I would have lost you before I really had you.” A tear slips down his face. It’s striking. Against this tall, built, jock, the single tear seems so out of place. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry it took me this long to admit to you what I already knew.”

  I reach out my arm, careful of my ribs, and run my thumb over his cheek, wiping away the wet trail. “I love you, too,” I tell him. There’s a beat of silence as Casper stares at me, his eyes glisten with unshed tears. Then, he stands up, leans over the bed and kisses me so damn tenderly that I think he’s scared he might break me.

  “You can touch me, I’m not delicate.”

  “Yes, you are.” His breath fans across my lips. “And to me, you always will be.”

  I’ve been on this beach, watching the sunset more times than I can remember, but until today I’ve never observed the sun rise. I’m not sure if the colors are more vibrant now, the waves a little louder in the mornings, or if maybe the sun coming up rather than going down is just extra special, the start of a new chapter. Maybe the world feels that way because Casper is sitting next to me, holding my hand, filling my space and my heart with everything that’s him.

  “Life has a way of doing a one-eighty when we need it the most and turns itself back around. Things will be okay,” Casper whispers, squeezing my hand tighter.

  “I want to tell you I agree, that I believe you.” I sigh. “I’m just not sure I can.”

  He doesn’t respond, only squeezes my hand harder, letting me know he’s here. He’s with me.

  “I’ve got you.” He brings my thoughts to life with his statement, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his embrace.

  “I know you do,” I reply, and I mean it. I know with one hundred percent certainty he has me. More than that, I know he always will. “It’s Morgan I’m worried about.”

  “Yeah. Have you seen her since the funeral?” Casper asks.

  I shake my head. “She’s gone off grid. Laura and I are driving up to her brother’s place this weekend. We were supposed to visit her a few weeks ago, but then this happened.” I look down at my boot. It’s been six weeks, and the doctor said my leg is healing really well. I’m expected to have my boot off soon. Apart from this unwanted attachment to my leg, I have no outwardly signs of the attack. Thanks to the guy sitting next to me, my brother and my friends, I have no inward signs of the attack either.

  “You and Laura?” He smiles staring at my boot.

  “Well, Tarrant is taking us,” I admit.

  “You want me to come with?” he asks, and a surprised smile creeps across my face.

  “You’d do that?”

  Casper lets go of my hand and lifts me from the sand, carrying me to the pathway and to my crutches which we left propped against the wall. Once I’m supporting myself, he lets go, leans forward, and kisses me lovingly. “I’m with you. If that means I have to spend all day in a diner hanging around while you visit with your friend.” He shrugs. “I’m there for after. When you’ve been strong for her, and you need someone to be strong for you.” He points to himself. “That’s this guy right here.”

  I touch my mouth back to his. “My guy,” I murmur.

  “Your forever guy,” he informs, kissing me again, harder this time.

  He strolls slowly next to me as I shuffle along. Heading back to his car, I can see the truth in his eyes. I can also see my future, and it’s never looked better.

  Staind – So Far Away

  James Lindsay, Will Whiting, Cut One – Wait for You

  Jason Walker – Everybody Lies

  Tracy Chapman – Fast Car

  Birdy – Wings

  Christina Perri – The Words

  Ashes Remain – On My Own

  Daughtry — It's Not Over

  Starset – Dark On Me

  Nickleback – I’d Come For You

  Fugees – Killing Me Softly

  Thank you firstly to my family. My rock.

  To the Misfits – I love you all. I love my group and I couldn’t do this without your constant support and encouragement.

  Thank you to all my beta’s – Laura Button, Donna Matthewman, Beth LeMilliere, Johnaka McCosker, Laura Nelson, Karen Bill, Stace Louise, Kerry Adamson, Emma Louise, Hannah Brimson, Sarahjane Keeler, Lorren Smith, Emma White, Morgan Campbell, Klaire Sutherland and Yvonne Eason. All of you help me keep on track, and encourage me to write to the best of my ability.

  Yvonne Eason – Thank you for being my PA and my friend. I know you’re always there for me and you go above and beyond always.

  Laura Button – Thank you for being the driving force in the Misfits and for bringing Aimee and Jasmine into our lives.

  Donna Matthewman– Thank you for always trying to help wherever you can and for being a Misfit through and through. And for swag... always for swag.

  Jenny Smith – Thank you for all your medical advice. I would have been lost without you. FYI, I’m keeping you for the future.

  Klaire Sutherland – This book is dedicated to you. Although more than one person asked me to write Caden’s story, you were the driving force behind the book. It would be like losing a limb if I didn’t have you there, as part of the lifecycle, when bringing a story to life. Thank you for everything you do for me.

  Abigail Davies from Pink Elephant Designs – Thank you for this beautiful cover. From the moment I saw it, I knew it was Caden’s book.

  Danielle Dickson from Vixen Design – Thank you for my amazing new branding. I love everything about it!

  To bo
th Abi and Dani – Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I can be a pain while I search for perfection, but I truly appreciate you hanging in there. Love you ladies.

  Swish Design and Editing – Kay and team. Once again, thank you for not only editing and formatting my mess but doing it swiftly. You guys rock.

  To my street team – Thanks for helping me get out there to the masses.

  I have a few people who support and pimp me at every turn. So a special shout out to Nadine Keedy, Tracy Anne Wood and Nicole McCurdy who go above and beyond with their support.

  Bloggers – Thanks so much for your continued support. I really am grateful and blessed.

  Finally, to all the readers – I can never express how much it means when I read a positive review, or I receive a Facebook message or an email via my website, from a reader who has loved one of my books. Reach out, I don’t bite. In fact, if you meet me, you’ll find out I’m actually a hugger. I love the interaction with my readers. If you really want to join in then come and be a part of my group – Maria’s Misfits – it’s on Facebook and is NOT a street team (I have one of those as a separate group).

  Love to you all.

  Thank you for reading Conflicted.

  If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a review at your point of purchase and on Goodreads. It means a lot to me to hear what you think.

  Also, feel free to join my street/reader group—Click Here

  Check these links for more books from Author Maria Macdonald.

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