The Hope That Starts

by Heidi Hutchinson

  “You like it?” she asked his friend, and all he wanted was for her to direct that look at him. His eyes flicked to Sway, who was still being far too suggestive with his sandwich eating theatrics, then back to the girl standing in the cabin of his bus.

  Her eyes widened and her lips formed an “O” as she held up her hands palms out. “I forgot the lemonade! I made it earlier.”

  Harrison set the sandwich aside and stood up. Sway looked at him in confusion, and Harrison didn't blame him—standing was probably a stupid idea. But he was already moving and had taken a step in Zelda's direction. Her back was facing him as she pushed up on her toes to reach glasses in the high cupboard.

  “What kind of lemonade?” he asked, thinking that the details didn't matter. They shouldn't matter.

  “Regular lemonade. With lemons and sugar.” She pulled the pitcher out of the refrigerator and began to pour. Harrison felt his throat get tight.

  His sister Greta was the only person he knew who made homemade lemonade. It was so easy to make it with a packet or a can; he didn't know anyone else who bothered to make his favorite summertime drink with the most basic of ingredients.

  Zelda turned to face him again, surprise rippling across her face when she saw him standing. She sucked both lips inside as worry creased her brow. “Is the sandwich not good?”

  “What? No, I—I haven't tried it yet,” he replied quickly.

  Her head tilted in silent question so he reached out for the glass, needing an excuse as to why he had nearly chased her down. He took the drink she offered and automatically raised it to his lips.

  Harrison had often wondered what the expression “weak in the knees” was really all about. People said it a lot, but did anyone really know what it meant? Was it representative of how someone could let another person affect them so deeply that they figuratively lost function in their support structure? Or was it to say that giving your heart to someone made it feel like you'd literally had your kneecaps blown off and were helpless to save yourself?

  For the first time in his life, Harrison was experiencing exactly what it meant.

  It was both.

  As he swallowed that first sip of lemonade, his senses were bombarded. The sweet-sour cooling his throat, Zelda's jade eyes watching him with expectation, the soft smell of vanilla he'd never noticed (why had he never noticed she smelled like cookies?!). His ears roared with the rush of blood that came with his increased heart rate.

  Then he started to choke.

  “Harrison?” Zelda asked, grabbing his bicep with both of her hands. He flexed it automatically, despite the coughing fit.

  He tried to wave her away, but the choking increased. She took the glass from his hand, setting it aside. He doubled over, trying to suck in air.

  “Breathe through your nose, baby,” she coached at his side, one hand rubbing soothing circles on his back while the other gripped his shoulder.

  Their eyes connected and he took her advice, sucking in a huge breath through his nose. It pushed the trapped lemonade down his throat and he coughed two more times, finally clearing his airway.

  His eyes watered. He stared at her. Her exotically large lips slowly spread into a smile. And he had never in his life wanted anything more than to kiss those lips and hear her call him baby again.

  “All better?” she asked softly.

  No. Never again.

  His world had changed.

  A girl with hair like River Song and eyes like a lightsaber, named after a princess in his favorite video game, who smelled like cookies, and brought him food like nothing he had ever tasted, had changed everything. He could already feel his heart breaking with the inevitable friend-zoning that was sure to occur any second.

  It was the way it went with Harrison. The truly remarkable ones were the ones who wanted nothing to do with him.

  The only chicks who seemed to want him for any kind of timeframe were well and truly crazy or weren't looking for anything long-term. Like insane Audrey (AKA Slappy) or too-good-to-be-seen-with-in-public Kiley. Those relationships were always destined to end at some point. He always knew that. Even if things hadn't ended yet with Kiley. They would.

  It didn't matter that he was a rock star. He was the adorable one.

  He was the safe one.

  The friend.

  And it killed.

  He didn't say any of that out loud, of course. Instead he replied with a mumbled affirmative and cleared his throat again.

  Her hands disappeared from his shoulder and back, and he missed them instantly.

  Taking a step back, he increased the distance between them. Afraid she'd be able to pick up on his thoughts. He ducked his head and returned to his sandwich. He and Sway had brief eye contact.

  “What's on the menu for television time tonight?” Sway asked.

  “Ladies' choice,” Harrison answered without looking up.

  The bus beneath them shuttered and started to move. A glass of lemonade was thrust at him from above and he looked up without thinking. She met his gaze head on and he felt that green blade slice right to the center of him.

  “Your drink,” she insisted, and he finally took the glass.

  “Come and sit down, Zeldy,” Sway directed her gently, severing their contact.

  Harrison focused intensely on the sandwich in his lap. He hadn't taken a bite yet. The unmistakable sound of the TARDIS came from the television and he had to swallow hard.

  A small, painful seed of hope burrowed into his gut. He tried to fight it. Perhaps kill it with intense self-criticism.

  Taking a deep breath, he raised the sandwich to his lips.

  At the very least, he was in love. With her sandwiches. He would marry her sandwiches in a heartbeat. He was positive he could make her sandwiches happy for the rest of their lives.

  “Do you like it?”

  Zelda was watching him with apprehension. As if she were unsure of her sandwich-making capabilities and he was the foremost expert in the field. Actually, he kind of was.

  He couldn't answer vocally. That would mean clearing his mouth and ending the savoring that was happening. So he gave her a heartfelt grin as best he could with his mouth as full as it was.

  She beamed. She freaking lit right the heck up.

  Yep, he was in love.

  With this sandwich.

  Chapter 6

  Folding Chair

  The moment Harrison's eyes opened, he was filled with unexpected disappointment.

  The dark of his bunk was not a welcome sight. He'd been enjoying a very realistic dream involving deli meats and green eyes.

  It had been a very long first week to start the tour. And not in a bad way.

  The shows were perfect, the crowds enthusiastic. The crew was in unusually high spirits considering the grueling schedule they were on, and with Zelda capturing every moment.

  She'd begun loading the pictures onto her laptop at night while Sway read dirty novels and Harrison normally played video games. But the video games held less appeal for him. Besides, it was hard to play video games while eating one of Zelda's spectacular sandwiches.

  They'd developed a new normal. Their day-to-day became predictable, comfortable. Harrison loved a pattern and hated change, so he embraced this solid scheduling. Especially since Zelda made feeding him a priority.

  In the mornings, he'd make coffee for her while she got ready for her day. They usually shared some witty banter involving Captain Kirk or Lord Elrond, then she'd jet out the door to do her job. Harrison and Sway would go to the gym, and by the time they returned to the bus, Zelda would have sandwiches waiting for them in the fridge. Then sound check, then show, then his absolute most favorite part of the day.

  Zelda would fold her tiny frame into a corner of one of the sofas with her camera and her laptop. Sway would hunch over his e-reader at the kitchenette table while he ate and read at the same time. And Harrison would sit beside Zelda, watching her work while he ate her latest creation, something profoundly ge
eky on the flatscreen as background noise.

  The photos she took never failed to amaze him. She captured hidden moments, secret grins, the energy of the crowd, the fun they all had every night. All the things the band had been hoping they would be able to share with their fans, she nailed it.

  He took a deep breath and stretched his limbs as far as he could in the cramped bunk. He had to get up and make Zeldy's coffee—that was another thing, Sway may have started it, but now they were all doing it, calling her Zeldy—and get to the gym. All the sandwiches meant he needed to train harder. Which only increased his appetite. It was a vicious circle.

  But the dreams he'd been having were making it difficult to leave his bed every morning. The only thing that pressed him to do so was knowing he'd be seeing that wildly wonky grin in a few minutes.

  He hopped out of his bunk, slid on his discarded jeans and a white tank. Part of him wanted to start walking around without his shirt on, just to see how she'd react. But he wasn't Luke or Sway or the rest of them. It would be weird.

  He heard the water running in the small bathroom as he passed and smiled. She had a schedule that she kept to no matter what. One more reason he liked her so much. Harrison wasn't the biggest fan of surprises. He liked a plan, he liked to follow the plan, and he liked it when others followed the plan.

  The truth was, he knew he liked Zelda too much. She was awesome. But they had developed an easy friendship over the past seven days, and he wasn't willing to risk that. Not now. Maybe not ever. She was really good at her job and if he were to attempt to take things further, she might flee in uncomfortable panic. He wasn't that stupid.

  “Mornin'.”

  Harrison turned from the Keurig to see a blurry-eyed Sway stagger down the bunk steps. The bassist rubbed his face with both hands and then slumped into the small booth at the table.

  “I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you look terrible,” Harrison greeted him without mirth.

  “I feel terrible.” Sway dropped his head onto his folded arms on the table and went very still. Harrison decided to make extra coffee.

  “What's happened to Blondie Bear?” Zelda asked sweetly.

  Harrison didn't even try to stop the smile he had for her when she entered the room. And why should he? They were friends.

  He shrugged in answer to her question.

  Sway groaned. “I am so glad today is a day off. I have absolutely no energy,” he said to the table.

  Zelda slid into the seat across from him with triple the energy that Sway was showcasing. Her features were bright with excitement. “I have so many questions for you. Why are you so tired? What do you guys do on a day off? What am I supposed to do on the day off? Should I go find Carl and ask?”

  Sway raised his head to stare at her, then moved just his eyes to Harrison. “Say words for me.”

  Harrison chuckled and set a cup of coffee on the table. Sway cradled it in his hands but rested his head on the table next to it.

  “My guess is that he stayed up all night reading.” Harrison raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Zelda.

  She widened her eyes, then turned back to Sway with a saucy grin. “How far are you?”

  “I finished the fifth one last night.”

  “Oh, that one is my favorite!” She actually let out a little squeal that Harrison decided was completely adorable. “Did you like it?”

  Sway took a deep breath, then his eyes got distant and a light smile formed on his lips. “I don't know how she does it. I mean, it's all there: the chemistry, the romance, the adventure...”

  “I know, right?!” Zelda braced both palms on the table-top. “She's such a fantastic author. I love her. I want to meet her and have beautiful little book babies with her.”

  “I feel like I need to meet her, too.”

  Zelda was shaking her head, wild curls flying. “She's too shy. She has friends run her social media stuff and no one even has a picture of her.”

  Sway's eyes moved to study Zelda as she spoke, then he looked off in the distance again. “I've never felt so... gutted by a book before.”

  Zelda sucked her bottom lip inside her mouth and bit down, nodding her head in agreement.

  “Wait a minute, aren't they just dirty books with, like, Fabio on the cover?” Harrison asked. Two sets of eyes narrowed at him and he backed up a half a step. “Sorry I asked.”

  “They're love stories, dude,” Sway retorted, his voice hard. “They're about hearts and souls coming together.”

  Harrison felt his lips twitch and he tried to hide it behind his coffee cup. “But your eyes are so bloodshot that Carl's gonna ask you to pee in a cup.”

  Sway closed his eyes and sighed heavily again. Zelda rubbed a sympathetic hand along his shoulder.

  “You've got to be kidding me with this.” Harrison wanted to laugh out loud. He restrained himself simply because he didn't want Zelda to think he was a total prick.

  “C'mon, Harrison,” Zelda's soft voice pulled his eyes to hers. “Haven't you ever just irrationally loved something?”

  His heart lurched. Yes.

  “Not without being given a hard time about it,” he said instead.

  She rolled her eyes and looked back to Sway. “It's okay, I understand what you're going through.”

  Sway opened his eyes to look at her. Then he slid out of his side of the booth and into her side. She opened her arms to him and he fell against her, head in her lap, one arm around her waist and one over the top of her legs.

  “Okay,” Harrison said grimacing. “This is a little over the top.”

  Zelda gave him her goofy grin while she pushed Sway's hair out of his face.

  “I just want to be held by a beautiful woman for a minute. Can you please let me have this?” Sway asked, his eyes closed.

  Harrison glared at his friend, but softened his look when Zelda smiled at him.

  “Remember when Eleven had to say goodbye to River at Trenzalore? That's what book 5 felt like,” she said with deep meaning.

  Harrison had known this moment was going to come, but he found himself ill prepared. “I haven't finished season seven yet,” he admitted quietly.

  Zelda's shock was apparent. Her back straightened and her mouth fell open. “I honestly don't know if we can be friends anymore.”

  There it was. The solid declaration of their friendship status. He'd known it was there, but he hated hearing it. Still, what she said was amusing, so he gave her a half-smile. “Maybe you'll forgive me if I get caught up this week.”

  “I'll consider it.”

  Harrison silently canceled all of his other plans.

  “I know I'm going to regret this,” Sway said tiredly from Zelda's lap, “but I think I'm going to stay in the bus and read book six.”

  “No,” Zelda quietly declared.

  Harrison had been preparing his own argument and was surprised at her forthrightness.

  “Book six is amazing, don't get me wrong. But let book five simmer in your soul. You're not ready for six yet. Trust me.” She leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss on Sway's temple.

  Harrison's inner caveman woke up. Two things happened to him in that moment. One, his body locked with wild jealousy when Zelda's lips touched his friend. Two, his chest swelled at the display of gentleness. No one treated Sway like that. They gave him a hard time, ribbed him relentlessly, but here was Zelda, being sweet, tender... maternal. He wanted to pull her away from Sway, yet he couldn't separate that feeling from the deep knowing that she was going to be an amazing mother. A fact that had never registered in his thoughts as being an important character trait until that exact moment.

  Instead of reacting to any of those things, he cleared his throat to get their attention. “How about we all take a day off and see what Daytona has to offer us?”

  Zelda raised her eyebrows, curious. “Would it be all right if I still brought my camera? That way I can at least pretend to be working.”

  “Yes, though you might be too busy having
fun to really use it.” Harrison gave her a smirk before drinking the rest of his coffee down.

  “Where are we going?” Sway asked, his exhaustion evident.

  Harrison shrugged. “The beach?”

  Zelda's green eyes blazed brightly and she grinned. “I've never been to Daytona.”

  Sway sat up and looked at her. “Seriously? Where did you go for Spring Break?”

  She shook her head, still smiling. “Nowhere. Spring Break is a little different in Iowa.”

  Suddenly invigorated, Sway stood up, grabbed his now-lukewarm coffee and swallowed it down. He slammed the empty mug on the table like a challenge had been given and accepted. “Then let's fix this wildly inappropriate atrocity.”

  Zelda laughed without reservation and it felt like sunshine exploding in Harrison's chest. He decided he would do anything, anything it took, to get her to laugh like that all the time.

  ***

  Zelda closed her eyes and decided that she loved the beach.

  On their way to the beach, they had stopped off at a little strip mall where Sway insisted she go in to buy a bathing suit. The store had a limited selection, but Zelda found a bright pink bikini in her size. So what if it had ruffles on the butt. It was pink and it was a swimsuit, she wasn't going to complain. On her way to the register, she spotted a display of yoga pants. So she bought two pairs of those as well.

  They had arrived at the beach, taking the rental van provided by Carl and driven by one of Kendra's assistants, and Zelda changed in the backseat while Sway held a towel over the window.

  It had kind of reminded her of the time she went on a mission trip with her youth group in high school and she had fallen into a muddy ditch. Her companions had collected various bits of clothing for her to change into until they could get her back to their temporary residence. She had had to change in the back of a van then, too.

  She had emerged from the van to Sway oohing and ahhing over her bikini and “cute figure.” She had been unsure how to take that. Sure, she didn't have the bazoombas to really take her figure to a “wow” level. She was petite. In all areas. Sway had her vacillating between feeling kind of pretty to kind of like his kid sister.