Out of the Shadows

by Susan Lewis

  ‘Neve’s also his daughter, and I’m getting sick of repeating myself. Now, you either accept my offer, Duncan, or I’ll leave.’

  ‘What about,’ Duncan said, with a nervous glance at Hugh, ‘if or when you do sell, I get something out of it then? OK, maybe not fifty per cent …’

  ‘Dunc, stop. Let me handle this,’ Hugh interrupted. ‘You can’t turn your back on a hundred and fifty K plus …’

  ‘I’m not trying to …’

  Speaking over him, Hugh said to Susannah, ‘What about this new boyfriend of yours? He doesn’t seem short of a few bob, so you’re hardly on the breadline, are you?’

  Susannah’s eyes narrowed with loathing. ‘You’ve been spying on me,’ she spat furiously. ‘I didn’t think it was possible for you to sink any lower …’

  ‘It’s my duty, as Duncan’s older brother, to protect his assets …’

  ‘If you’re so concerned about your duty why don’t you do something to help him get started again? Why do you have to make him come after us …’

  ‘We’re getting off the boyfriend,’ he interrupted, ‘and we need an answer about what part he’s playing in your life, because you can’t have it all ways, Susie. Rich boyfriend, Duncan’s house …’

  ‘He’s not rich, nor does he have any responsibility, financial or otherwise, where Neve is concerned. That belongs exclusively to her father, much as he’d obviously like to shirk it.’ Turning to Duncan, she said, ‘As for giving you something when I do sell, I’m prepared to consider it, but instead of settling on a percentage now, why don’t we agree to discuss it when, if, it happens?’

  Duncan shrugged. ‘I guess that sounds reasonable.’

  ‘Which is why you’re standing there like a sack of old spuds,’ Hugh told him crossly. ‘That house is in your name …’

  ‘Thank you for reminding me,’ Susannah cut in. ‘I need my name on those deeds,’ she said to Duncan, ‘so I’ll get the relevant paperwork drawn up and send it to you. Will you be here? Or somewhere in Scotland?’

  ‘I’m getting the sleeper to Glasgow tomorrow night,’ he told her. ‘I have to report to my probation officer on Wednesday morning so I can’t hang around in London.’

  So he’d already set things up for himself north of the border, which could hardly be better news as far as Susannah was concerned, though once again there he went, turning his back on Neve. ‘Do you have an address yet?’ she asked coldly.

  ‘I’m staying with friends close to the centre until I can find a place to rent.’

  ‘Which is why you need …’

  ‘Shut up, Hugh,’ Susannah hissed. ‘You’re like a stuck record. So, Duncan, if you can let me have an address for these friends …’

  Having taken a square of white paper from a fancy notepad stand on the coffee table, Duncan jotted it down while Hugh muttered and growled in annoyance. Susannah ignored him, and once she had the slip of paper in her hand she said, ‘Thank you. I think that’s everything. I hope things work out for you in Scotland.’

  Duncan swallowed nervously as she started to turn away. ‘How’s Neve?’ he suddenly blurted.

  Surprised, but liking him better for asking, she said, ‘She’s fine.’

  ‘Will you tell her …’ He took a breath and wiped a hand over his face. ‘I couldn’t let her come to the prison,’ he said. ‘It’s no place for a girl her age, and I didn’t want her to see me like that.’

  ‘No, I didn’t want her to either, but you could have phoned, or written.’

  ‘Then she might have wanted to see me, and I wouldn’t have known how to refuse. Will you try to explain that to her?’

  ‘I already have.’

  ‘It’s not that I don’t care. I want her to know that I’ll always be there for her, if she needs me.’

  Deciding there was no point challenging him on that, she gave him a half smile and prepared to leave.

  ‘Will you tell her?’ he pressed. ‘I want her to understand that now I’m out things can be different. We can try to rebuild our relationship.’

  ‘While you’re in Scotland and she’s here in London?’

  He flushed at her sarcasm. ‘She can come to visit, as soon as I have a place.’

  Seeing no point in worsening his misery, she said, ‘I’ll tell her,’ and once again she started to leave.

  ‘Your boyfriend,’ he went on quickly. ‘Does she like him? Do they get on together?’

  ‘Yes, they do,’ she answered, keeping her back to him.

  ‘It’s just that … I don’t want some stranger barging their way into her life.’

  ‘Oh for heaven’s sake,’ she snapped, turning around. ‘He’s not a stranger. In fact, he’s already been more of a father to her than you ever managed, but in your case that wouldn’t be difficult when your priority was always the next fix.’

  Flushing, he said, ‘She’s still my daughter, and despite what you say I care about her …’

  ‘Then you’ve got a funny way of showing it. And you can’t expect to walk back into her life now because it happens to suit you. She’s just finding some stability after years of paternal neglect.’

  ‘With a man who’s …’

  ‘It’s Alan Cunningham, who I was with before I met you, but of course, you already know that,’ she added with a withering look at Hugh.

  ‘Yes, that’s what’s bothering me,’ Duncan replied.

  Too taken aback to be annoyed, she said, ‘What do you mean by that? You’ve never even met him.’

  ‘I have. Once. Twenty-odd years ago, when he came looking for you. Something happened that you didn’t need to know about then, but perhaps you do now. You might remember how I was attacked one night, in Richmond?’

  Her eyes widened.

  ‘It was him. He beat me up and threatened to kill me if I didn’t stay away from you. A few days later some of Hugh’s people sorted him out and he went …’

  ‘You’re lying,’ Susannah told him. ‘Alan’s never been violent in his life, so this is something he’s put you up to,’ she seethed, jabbing a finger towards Hugh. ‘I don’t know what your game is,’ she spat, ‘and I don’t want to know, but I will tell you this: I’ve known Alan Cunningham since I was a child, and he has more integrity in his left foot than you’ll ever have …’

  ‘I’m not lying,’ Duncan cut in.

  ‘Whether you are or not, I could hardly care less. It’s history and so are you. I’ll have my solicitor contact you about the deeds,’ and turning on her heel she marched out of the flat.

  A few minutes later as she crossed the pavement in front of the building, she became aware of a strange light-headedness coming over her. It took a while for her to realise that it was relief and achievement, and a sense of finally being set free. The nightmare of the last few years was at last drawing to a close; the two men she’d just left behind with their crimes and corruption were no longer a part of her life, and need never be again. She kept on going, walking faster and faster as though moving from the past towards the future, where Alan was already getting out of the car to meet her.

  ‘How did it go?’ he asked, folding her into his arms.

  ‘I think I got a result, of sorts,’ she answered. Then, tilting her face up, she smiled as he kissed her. ‘How’s Neve?’ she asked softly. ‘Did she calm down a bit after I’d gone?’

  ‘Stop talking about me, I can hear you,’ Neve warned, climbing out of the passenger side of the car. ‘I suppose I have to get in the back again now.’

  ‘You suppose right,’ Susannah told her. ‘Does anyone feel like a coffee, because I certainly do?’

  Alan looked around to get his bearings. ‘I believe there are a few cafes the other side of those town houses, next to the river,’ he said. ‘Come on, I’ll drive round to see if we can park any closer.’

  After finding a space they began strolling along the towpath towards a rank of cafes and restaurants where an assortment of tables and colourful parasols was spread over cobbled terraces and gras
sy banks.

  ‘So, what did he have to say?’ Neve finally ventured, slipping between them in order to link both their arms.

  ‘Not much, actually,’ Susannah replied, ‘but he’s agreed not to try and force us to sell the house, and … he’d like to try and rebuild his relationship with you.’

  ‘Ugh! No way!’ Neve cried in disgust. ‘I don’t want anything to do with him.’

  ‘Maybe not now, but he wants you to know that if you do ever need him, he’ll be there for you.’

  As Alan glanced at her Neve said, ‘Oh, you mean like he has been since he went down? Great. I’ll have to remember that, except, of course, one little problem, I don’t actually know where he lives.’

  ‘He gave me an address.’

  ‘And that would be where?’

  ‘Glasgow.’

  ‘Oh, just round the corner then. Wicked. Remind me never to go.’

  They wandered on in silence, passing several other families who were taking advantage of the warm spring sunshine, until finding a free table outside an Italian coffee bar, Susannah and Alan sat down while Neve went off to the Ladies.

  ‘I don’t know how to make this any easier for her,’ Susannah said with a sigh. ‘All this attitude … She’s obviously feeling angry and rejected, and who can blame her? He’s still her father, no matter what he’s done. What did she say while I was gone?’

  ‘Not a great deal, but if I was reading her correctly, I think she’d rather focus on us becoming a family now than dwell on where he’s supposed to fit into her life. She seems to think that seeing him will just start complicating things, and to a degree she’s right, because it probably would.’

  Susannah looked across the table at him, and found herself smiling at the kindness and concern in his eyes. Then, remembering Duncan’s accusation, a teasing humour crept into her tone as she said, ‘He told me you beat him up once.’

  Alan gave a slow blink of astonishment. ‘I beat him up,’ he repeated incredulously. ‘That’s rich, when it was the other way round, and three against one, I might add. I put up a fight, but I still ended up in hospital for the night.’

  Having expected him to deny it, Susannah’s face dropped. ‘I had no idea about any of this,’ she protested. ‘Why have you never mentioned it?’

  He shrugged. ‘I guess because it was a long time ago, and back then, once I realised he could offer you the kind of world you wanted, there was no point me throwing down the gauntlet for a rematch. Anyway, I wasn’t exactly proud of being on the losing end, but I think we should drop the subject now, because Neve’s on her way back and she doesn’t really need to know I got duffed up by her father twenty years ago. Apart from not doing much for my pride, it won’t help things between them at all.’

  With a smile, Susannah put a hand to his face and leaned forward to kiss him. ‘You’re a wonderful man,’ she murmured softly. ‘Did I ever tell you that?’

  ‘Mum, you are so embarrassing,’ Neve hissed, coming up behind her. ‘Just stop, will you, or I’m going to leave.’

  With twinkly eyes Susannah sat back in her chair, and as Alan gave their order to a waiter she started refocusing her thoughts on the screen test she still hadn’t quite given up hope of being offered. Neve, on the other hand, seemed to plunge into some fairly black thoughts given the frown that pleated itself between her eyes, and for once, not even Alan was able to coax her out of her sulk. If anything, he ended up making it worse, because she suddenly jumped up from the table and flounced off in a huff to go and wait by the car.

  As she vanished along the towpath Susannah looked at Alan, but he only shook his head in despair, clearly as confounded as she was by the mercurial shifts in Neve’s moods.

  Chapter Nine

  ‘YOU HAVEN’T GOT a clue what it’s like,’ Neve was complaining with an anguished wail that loaded the words with frustration. ‘She’s my mother, for God’s sake, and I love her more than anything, so it’s not fair that this should be happening. I mean, it’s not my fault, is it? I didn’t ask for any of it.’

  Sasha’s expression was a picture of required sympathy. ‘Do you reckon he knows?’ she asked kindly.

  ‘Are you insane?’ Neve cried. ‘Of course he doesn’t know. I can hardly tell him, can I? Anyway, actually, I think he might.’

  Sasha blinked. ‘You just said he didn’t.’

  ‘I mean, I think he can tell. Oh God,’ Neve groaned, letting her head fall back as misery engulfed her. ‘I’m getting like I don’t want to go home, because I can’t stand to see them kissing, or even holding hands, and we’re moving into his house next weekend … What am I going to do? Sash, this is so bad. Did I tell you what happened last week, when I was having a bath? Oh my God, it was like …’

  ‘You mean when he walked in?’

  ‘Yeah. He must have seen everything … He had to have, because I was just getting out, and I didn’t realise he was there at first until he passed me a towel.’ She started to giggle as she groaned again. ‘It was wicked the way he just said “Sorry,” then turned around and walked out. I wanted to die, I swear it, but it was kind of cool as well, like in a way he was letting me know that … you know.’

  Sasha looked puzzled and shook her head.

  Neve shrugged self-consciously. ‘I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. It’s hard putting it into words, but … Do you swear you won’t repeat a word of what I’m about to tell you now, to anyone? Not even Melinda.’

  ‘On my father’s life,’ Sasha vowed, which was as solemn a promise as she could offer, because she was mad about her dad.

  ‘Well, the thing is,’ Neve whispered, in case someone might be listening outside Sasha’s door, ‘I really think he likes me too. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that he’s said anything, or anything, but he’s really, really nice to me, and he always treats me like an equal, not like I’m a kid. And I feel so chilled when I’m with him, you know, like … Well, sometimes it’s a bit like we’re a couple, because he lets me hold his arm when we walk along together, and he never seems to mind when it’s just me and him going somewhere, you know, the times Mum can’t make it. Oh God, Sash, what am I going to do?’ she said desperately. ‘If she ever found out … But there’s nothing to find out. I mean, it’s not as if anything’s happened, and it’s not my fault he saw me with no clothes on, is it?’

  Sasha shook her head loyally. Then, after a pause, ‘So what are you going to do?’ she asked breathlessly.

  Neve shrugged. ‘There’s nothing I can do, is there, except move into his house at the weekend with Mum, and thank God my room’s far enough away from theirs so I can’t hear them. That would just be like … Oh, I would hate it so much, but it’s all my own fault, because I’m the one who got in touch with him, and Mum’s really happy now, which is what I wanted, so I’ll just have to be the one who’s miserable.’

  Sasha regarded her gravely. ‘It must be hell,’ she murmured sympathetically.

  Neve nodded.

  They sat in mournful silence for a while, then Sasha said, ‘What would you do if you found out he really did fancy you?’

  Neve’s breath caught on the jolt in her heart. ‘Don’t even say it,’ she gasped, pressing a hand to her chest. ‘It would be the most amazing thing, but it would be majorly terrible.’ Her face transformed itself into an expression of romantic longing. ‘I keep thinking about kissing him,’ she confessed, ‘but it’s never going to happen, is it? It can’t, so I might as well try to forget him, but how am I going to do that when we’re living under the same roof? Oh Sash, it’s all so horrible and such a mess …’

  ‘Is that your phone or mine?’ Sasha said, as a mobile started to bleep with a text.

  ‘Mine, I think.’ Neve picked up hers and as she read the message her eyes grew wider and wider. ‘Oh my God, my mum’s only got a screen test,’ she cried excitedly. ‘That is so brilliant. I have to call her,’ and seconds later she was connected to Susannah saying, ‘Mum, I got your text. You must be so pleased.’r />
  ‘I am,’ Susannah laughed joyously, ‘and stunned and shocked and scared out of my wits, but it’s fantastic, isn’t it? I’ve actually been shortlisted, so I must still be in with a bit of a chance.’

  ‘You’ll get it,’ Neve told her confidently. ‘It doesn’t matter that you can’t ride a horse, you’ll learn, or they’ll use a double or something. So when is it?’

  ‘Wednesday afternoon, at the London studios. Alan can’t take me because he’s working, but he’s offered to pay for a cab. Isn’t that generous? He’s so good to us, I already can’t imagine how we ever managed without him.’

  ‘He’s the best,’ Neve assured her, while looking dolefully at Sasha.

  ‘What time are you coming home?’ Susannah asked. ‘I thought we should get on with some packing tonight. There’s a lot to do before the weekend.’

  ‘I’m just finishing my homework so I won’t be long. Is Alan staying with us?’

  ‘No, he’s at a conference somewhere in Kent today, and he won’t be back till late, so he’s going straight home. I know what you’re going to say, the place feels a bit empty without him now, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Yes,’ Neve agreed. ‘I really love it when he’s there.’

  ‘Well, luckily he loves it when you’re there too, because I’d have a real problem on my hands if he didn’t. Anyway, I want to tell Lola and Pats about Wednesday so I’m going to ring off now.’

  ‘OK. Tell Lola I’ll be calling in on my way past to pick up some stuff. Love you,’ and clicking off the line she let out a howl of frustration as she kicked her feet up and down on the bed. ‘It’s not fair, Sash, but it’s brilliant and wicked and oh my God, I can’t believe my life is so amazing and horrible all at the same time. What am I going to do? You have to tell me, or I’ll end up going mental.’

  During the build-up to the screen test it didn’t once occur to Susannah that Michael Grafton might not be there to watch, so when she turned up at the London studios on Wednesday afternoon to find out he wasn’t coming, her disappointment virtually eclipsed her nerves. She suddenly felt like a tightrope walker whose rope had just gone slack, or more pertinently a horse set to pass the post without a rider. No matter how well she did, she needed Michael’s support, or his colleagues were going to push her aside in favour of their own personal favourites. She wasn’t even sure it helped to learn that Marlene Wyndham wouldn’t be putting in an appearance either, except actually it did, because of course they were going to watch the tests later. And once she’d managed to get a more sensible grip on herself it didn’t take long for her to begin feeling the buzz of being around a place where TV was made. The hustle and bustle was electric as floor managers, technicians, production assistants, any number of people, whizzed through reception with stopwatches, clipboards and walkie-talkies, while lights blinked to red behind the receptionist to show a programme had either gone on air, or was being recorded.