Out of the Shadows

by Susan Lewis

  Patsy’s eyes came up to hers. ‘How are you feeling about that?’ she asked softly.

  Susannah shook her head. ‘I’m trying not to,’ she answered, but tears were already welling in her eyes and began to fall as Pats came to embrace her. ‘It was just a poor, innocent little soul,’ Susannah sobbed. ‘It wasn’t to blame for anything …’

  ‘Of course it wasn’t,’ Pats soothed. ‘And I know this is harsh, but if it had survived it would have kept him in your life and I don’t think you’d want that, would you?’

  ‘No of course not, but it seems so awful to think it’s for the best. I was its mother. I’d have loved it and cared for it. So would Neve.’

  ‘We all would, but try to think that it’s gone to a better place now. Someone once told me that there’s a special place for children and animals in this great big universe of ours, where only good things happen and they’re always happy.’

  Susannah smiled weakly. ‘It’s a nice thought,’ she whispered.

  ‘Isn’t it?’ Pats agreed. ‘Now here you are,’ she said, passing some kitchen towel, ‘dry your eyes while I pour the tea.’

  Doing as she was told, Susannah sat down at the table and reached for her bag. ‘Did Michael say what he wants to talk about tomorrow?’ she asked, taking out her phone and turning it on. ‘I guess it’ll be about when I can go back to Derbyshire. Physically I should be fine by tomorrow, but I can’t leave Neve. I’ll have to take her with me …’

  ‘Or she can stay here with me, and I’ll bring her up at the … What is it?’ Patsy asked, seeing the blood draining from Susannah’s face as she listened to a voicemail. ‘Oh God, don’t tell me it’s him.’

  Susannah’s eyes came to hers as she listened.

  ‘So please call me back,’ Alan was saying. ‘We need to talk. I have to explain what happened and why Neve believes what she’s saying. She can be helped and I know, as her mother, that you’ll want to make sure she gets the very best care. OK, it can’t be me, I accept that. I’ve tried, and now, God help me, I seem to have made things worse, when all I ever wanted was to be a father to her, and to our own baby when it comes along. Susannah, please don’t give up on us. We can get through this. You just have to trust me and …’

  ‘I can’t listen to any more,’ Susannah snapped, cutting it short. ‘The bastard! He’s still trying to say she made it up. He seems to think …’ A blaze of fury suddenly fired in her head. ‘I’m calling him right now,’ she seethed. ‘I’m going to tell him …’

  ‘Susannah, you’re in too vulnerable a state at the moment. Let the police, or Carl Pace and his family deal with him.’

  Susannah was already connected, her eyes dark with rage, her lips pale with exhaustion and anger. ‘It’s me,’ she said tightly when he answered. ‘I’m calling to let you know that you are going to pay for what you’ve done to Neve. Whatever it takes I’ll make sure you suffer every bit of the disgrace you deserve, and all the …’

  ‘Susannah, listen!’ he cried. ‘We need to talk …’

  ‘That is never going to happen,’ she broke in furiously. ‘I don’t want you near me, or my daughter ever again …’

  ‘But the baby …’

  ‘There is no baby! You killed it, Alan, when you pushed me down the stairs.’

  ‘Oh my God. Susannah …’

  ‘That’s where your punishment begins,’ she said savagely. ‘Don’t call me again, ever.’ As she ended the call she was shaking so hard that she dropped the phone on the table, and as great huge sobs began racking her body Pats quickly wrapped her in her arms as though to hold her together.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Pats soothed, stroking her hair. ‘Just let it out. Everything’s going to be fine. It’ll take some time, but we’re going to get through this. It’ll be as though he was never a part of our lives. You have my word on that.’

  It was almost eleven o’clock the following morning when a bleary-eyed Neve hobbled into the kitchen, to find Pats working from home.

  ‘OK?’ Pats said, smiling fondly as she looked up.

  Neve nodded.

  ‘How’s the ankle?’ Patsy asked, looking down at the bandaged joint and finding herself unable not to notice how beautiful Neve’s legs were. It sickened her to think of Alan even glancing at them, never mind doing what he had, but her eyes showed only tenderness as they came back to Neve’s.

  ‘It still hurts a bit,’ Neve answered, ‘but it’s OK.’ Then, after a pause, ‘Mum’s in the bathroom.’

  Seeing she was about to cry, Pats got up to gather her into her arms.

  ‘It’s all my fault,’ Neve sniffed. ‘I didn’t want her to have the baby and now …’

  ‘Ssh, that’s nonsense,’ Patsy soothed. ‘It wasn’t anyone’s fault, apart from Alan’s, and if you look at it that way, he doesn’t deserve to have children anyway.’

  ‘But what about Mum? It was her baby too …’

  ‘She’s got you, and nothing in the world matters more to her than that.’

  ‘Thank you, Pats,’ Susannah said, coming into the kitchen behind them. ‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her,’ and joining in the embrace she kissed Neve’s head firmly.

  ‘OK, so who’s for breakfast?’ Patsy offered, sensing the need to move on with something mundane and normal. ‘I went out early to get croissants and pain au chocolat, and there’s a great coffee machine here.’

  ‘I hope you’re going to eat,’ Susannah said softly to Neve. Her eyes started to tease, ‘I know you’re hungry, your stomach’s been going like “Pomp and Circumstance” this past half an hour.’

  With a smile Neve leaned in to her mother and rested her head on her shoulder. ‘I’ll have a pain au chocolat,’ she said.

  ‘How did you sleep?’ Patsy asked Susannah as she started to make fresh coffee.

  ‘OK, I think,’ Susannah replied. ‘I’m certainly feeling better this morning than I did last night. How are you?’

  Patsy laughed. ‘I’m fine, and I’ve managed to get out of a meeting this afternoon, so if Neve’s ankle is up to it, I thought I’d take her for a little retail therapy around Knightsbridge.’

  Neve’s eyes widened. ‘Knightsbridge is like major,’ she murmured, ‘but what about Mum?’

  ‘She can always meet us somewhere, if she likes,’ Patsy answered, ‘but Michael Grafton’s due here at midday, so I thought we should make ourselves scarce before that so they can have a chat.’

  Neve turned to Susannah in alarm. ‘Does that mean you’ll have to go back to Derbyshire today?’ she asked.

  ‘Probably not today,’ Susannah answered, ‘but when I do go, you’ll be coming with me.’

  Neve still seemed worried. ‘What about Lola?’ she said. ‘We can’t leave her here on her own. She’ll get all lonely, and what if she has another fall?’

  ‘She’s going to be in hospital until early next week,’ Susannah reminded her, ‘so we don’t have to worry too much over the weekend. Pats will go to visit her, perhaps.’

  ‘Of course I will,’ Pats assured them, ‘and Frank’s going to try to get over, so he’ll no doubt dazzle her with more of his atrocious charm. And as for what happens when she comes out …’ She looked around. ‘Whose phone is that?’

  ‘Sounds like mine,’ Susannah answered, turning cold in case it was Alan trying to get hold of her again. ‘It’s probably Marlene,’ she said, as much for her own benefit as Neve’s. And seeing when she dug it from her bag that it was indeed Marlene, or someone from the Centre, she said, ‘I’ll take it in there.’

  After she’d gone into the sitting room Pats gently eased Neve into a chair and put a pain au chocolat in front of her. ‘I don’t want you to worry about anything, OK,’ she said in a whisper, ‘including Lola. It’s all being taken care of … I’ll explain more when we go out. For now, all you have to do is come with me to get yourself all kitted out for the next few days in Derbyshire, then we’ll go back to the office to sort out a whole new stash of make-up for you to take with y
ou. Frank and I will collect your other stuff from Clapham, so don’t even think about that.’

  ‘And Mum’s?’

  ‘Of course, hers too.’

  Neve looked down at her breakfast as Pats turned to pour some coffee. When she picked it up, she didn’t attempt to take a bite, she only went on staring at it. ‘It is my fault, Pats,’ she said quietly. ‘If I hadn’t gone on to that website …’

  ‘Darling, you have to stop this,’ Pats said, gently but firmly. ‘Remember, I backed you all the way, and I’m the adult here, so if anyone should be bearing the responsibility, it’s me. But how can I, when neither of us had any idea what kind of person he’d turned into?’

  ‘I know, but if …’

  ‘No buts. What you did by going on to the website was out of love for Mum, and it’s a cruel, cruel fate that made it turn on you the way it did. I just wish you’d told one of us sooner, but thank God you did in the end, and now, you’ll never have to see him again.’

  Neve’s eyes looked haunted. ‘What about if we go to the police?’ she said. ‘Will I have to see him then?’

  Taking a breath, Patsy said, ‘Only if it ends up going to court.’

  Neve paled. ‘Then the papers will find out and everyone will know, and it’ll be really horrible for Mum …’

  ‘All she’ll care about is you,’ Patsy broke in. ‘We’ll all fully understand if you don’t want the world finding out what happened, but you mustn’t hold back because of Mum.’

  ‘He shouldn’t get away with it though, should he?’

  Patsy shook her head. ‘No, he shouldn’t, but there’s something you don’t know, about his stepdaughters … He did the same to one of them, and it’s possible she might report him once she finds out that he’s done it again.’

  Neve’s gaze seemed to lose focus as her eyes drifted away.

  ‘Listen, it’s too soon for you to be trying to make any decisions,’ Patsy said, coming to sit next to her. ‘Let’s just get ourselves through the next few days for now. There’s no rush. You can be with Mum, or in Paris with me when I go back, and you’ll be able to talk about things with either of us any time you want to. You know we’ll be right behind you, no matter what, don’t you?’

  Neve nodded, and rested her head on Patsy’s shoulder.

  ‘It was Marlene,’ Susannah announced, coming back into the kitchen. ‘I’ve told her I’ll be back tomorrow in time for the night shoot. You’ll be coming too,’ she told Neve. ‘We’re almost at the end of term, so I’ll talk to your housemistress about releasing you early.’

  Neve nodded bleakly.

  Susannah’s eyes went to Patsy’s. They could only take this one step at a time, and to expect Neve to be bouncing back already would be asking too much. However, they both took a little heart as she finally bit into her pain au chocolat.

  ‘So do you think you might come shopping with us later?’ Neve asked. ‘I mean after Michael’s gone.’

  Susannah smiled. ‘I expect so,’ she said. ‘But before that, I have to work out what I’m going to wear today.’

  With mock weariness Patsy said, ‘I guess it’ll have to be something of mine, but please try not to do me the disservice of looking better in it than I do, because that just wouldn’t be kind.’

  Neve giggled, and the sound of it was so magical for Susannah that she could have hugged Pats to within an inch of her life for making it happen.

  An hour later, wearing a cream linen shift dress and no shoes, Susannah was blinking in astonishment as she looked at Michael Grafton. ‘Are you serious?’ she asked, hardly daring to hope he was.

  Laughing, he said, ‘Did it sound like a joke? It wasn’t meant to.’

  ‘No, but …’ She shook her head, not sure whether to object on the grounds of the offer being too generous, or simply to throw her arms around him in a bruising display of gratitude.

  ‘Actually, something I forgot to add,’ he said, ‘is that Ellie, my daughter, who’s the same age as Neve, if you recall, is going to be around for the summer, so that’s another reason why it could work.’

  Susannah was so still so stunned, and moved, that all she could manage was, ‘Are you sure? I mean, you hardly know us and …’

  ‘Listen, the Long House is there, standing empty,’ he repeated. ‘It has three bedrooms, all on ground level, which is going to be important for Lola. One of them is pretty tiny, but you’ll probably be over at the lodge most of the time, so that’s hardly going to matter. What’s more, Binkie’s in the cottage next door, so Lola will have company, and Neve can either have Ellie for company, or you can take her to the set with you. I know it’s only a solution for the summer, but at least it’ll give you some breathing space to think about what’s to be done when it comes time for Neve to go back to school.’

  Susannah pressed her hands to her cheeks, wanting to cry, she felt so relieved. ‘If you’re absolutely sure we won’t be in the way,’ she said. ‘I mean …’ Her eyes came uncertainly to his. ‘Perhaps you’re not going to be there, so it won’t …’

  ‘I think my daughter would have something to say about it if I weren’t,’ he interrupted wryly. ‘But I will need to be in London from time to time.’

  Susannah started to smile as her eyes filled with tears. ‘Then provided it’s OK with Neve,’ she said, ‘and Lola, and I’m sure it will be, how could we possibly refuse?’

  ‘I’m sure I don’t know,’ he replied ironically. ‘And now, I’m afraid I must leave you. I have an appointment in Covent Garden at one thirty. Marlene tells me you’re going back to Derbyshire tomorrow, so I’ll be happy to drive you if you can be ready to leave by midday. We’ll send a driver for Lola when she’s fit enough to come,’ and after a quick glance at his watch he gave her an ironic sort of smile and was gone.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  SIX WEEKS LATER Patsy was sitting at her desk in Paris when a shadow fell across the doorway and Frank said, in a long-suffering sort of way, ‘Patreesha, looking at you now, I feel my inner tiger starting to roar.’

  ‘Will you please go away,’ she said, turning to her computer screen. ‘I’m very busy and you are a distraction.’

  Coming up behind her, he tilted her head back and growled.

  ‘Frank, you can’t keep doing this,’ she muttered, quite serious in spite of how much she loved his playfulness. ‘People can see, and as the two most senior members of the company, it isn’t acceptable for us to bring our personal relationship into the office.’

  ‘You are correct,’ he agreed, all contrition. ‘Which is why I am here to propose …’

  She waited, expecting him to finish the sentence. When he didn’t she pretended she hadn’t heard and continued studying the spreadsheet on her screen.

  ‘You do not wish to know what I wish to propose?’ he challenged, perching on the edge of her desk.

  Debating whether or not she should rise to this, she ended up saying, ‘As long as it’s not marriage, I’m all ears.’

  ‘Ah, now that is something I might consider when I am free to do so,’ he admitted. ‘Until then, my little cabbage, you are safe.’

  ‘Phew!’ she retorted, and turned round to look at him. ‘So, what are you about to wow me with?’ she challenged, folding her arms.

  ‘As a matter of fact, I have a small list of things,’ he replied, and glanced at his watch. ‘My first proposal is that perhaps I must allow myself to be ’ead ’unted.’

  ‘To be what?’ she said, screwing up her nose.

  ‘Let me see, we have not the same expression for this in French – we say …’

  ‘Headhunted!’ she cut in. ‘Are you seriously …?’

  ‘Ssh,’ he said quickly, ‘we must not let all the world know, but yes, I have been made an offer by Lancôme to join with them, and maybe I think I must say yes.’

  ‘Maybe I think you must not,’ she told him, hotly. ‘We need you here, and where’s your loyalty? Claudia’s a wonderful employer …’

  ‘Je sais, je sais
and it is not that I wish to leave, but I think it is very difficult for us to continue as we are, non?’

  ‘Non, I mean, oui, I mean, yes, but to decamp, Frank … That’s taking it too far. We can find a way …’

  ‘No, we cannot. I have made up my mind, and when a man makes up his mind, you understand, the word is final. I must accept the offer from Lancôme …’

  ‘But you don’t want to.’

  ‘This is true, but you are not going to leave, and one of us must, so I am willing to do the honourable thing for the sake of our future.’

  Patsy opened her mouth to protest again, but found no words coming out. ‘What if our relationship doesn’t end up going anywhere?’ she finally managed. ‘You’ll have thrown away …’

  ‘I am throwing nothing away, because our relation ship will go somewhere,’ he informed her, as though he had some kind of inside knowledge. ‘So this is my number one proposal proposed and accepted. I shall go to Lancôme. My number two proposal comes from our meeting yesterday concerning the face for the new teenage range, and it came to me this morning that perhaps we can open the search up from France to include other countries, and if we do this, we can, perhaps, put Neve forward for consideration. She is very beautiful, oui? And now we are at the end of July and she is in Dobbyshere with her mother, I was thinking that when we go to visit them in August, we can take some photographs of her and show them to the rest of the team on our return. What do you say?’

  Patsy was staring at him, dumbfounded. It wasn’t that the idea of suggesting Neve hadn’t occurred to her, because it had, but she was biased, and it would smack of nepotism, so no way could she entertain it. Coming from Frank, however … and if it were turned into a Europe-wide search, and if she removed herself from the final selection panel … ‘I’ll need to give it some thought, and talk to Claudia,’ she said in the end. ‘And Susannah.’

  ‘Of course,’ he agreed affably. ‘Next on my list of proposals is that you will meet my son, and if you like him we can take him with us to England. My wife is to go on a yacht in Greece for the summer, so he is now going to be with me for all of the time. I do not want to miss our holiday together, so I will be very happy if he can come too.’