What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 7)

by Lexi Buchanan

  Megan moves my braid behind my back. “Are you skiing with Kaleb this morning?”

  I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. “That’s the plan. I’m waiting for him to make sure he can’t miss me.” A dry laugh slips through my lips.

  Megan hugs me again. “I’m here if you need me. Okay?” She stands to leave.

  “Yeah, thanks.” I look up at Nick who is standing too. “Both of you.”

  I wait until I realize I’m about to be late for work. I rush back to my locker and grab my outer gear. Now who’s the late one? Agony radiates through my shins as they pound against my ski boots while I jog to the Kids’ Castle. I make it just in time. I wonder if Kaleb will make it to lineup or if he’s even working today.

  A day full of laughing children is a great distraction. Add the spring weather in Colorado, and it’s hard not to have a good time. The snow is soft by noon, and my skin is in danger of sunburn even with sunscreen on.

  I rush to complete my duties and get to the locker room to catch Kaleb. Metal clangs under my boots as I jog down the steps to the back door. I search the ski and board racks until I find his snowboard dripping with melting snow. He’s here. I walk quickly to his aisle, and the jolt of heavy boots vibrates up my legs. I know I’m frantic when I ask everyone in the aisle, “Did you see Kaleb?”

  Scott, an older instructor answers me. “He just left.”

  Damn it. I sigh and make my way back to my aisle. Jason and Casey are in and embrace when I walk down it.

  Casey sees me and breaks away. “Lori!” She races down the aisle and pulls me into a big hug. “I’m so happy to see you in one piece.” She steps away, and her eyes are full of questions. I know she wants to understand, and I’ll tell her everything. But not here and not now.

  Jason touches my shoulder. “Hey, glad you’re all right.” His look is one of caring, and I feel blessed to have these friends in my life.

  “Thanks.” I turn to Casey. “Let’s have coffee, and I’ll tell you the whole story.” I shake my head. “It’s so crazy it’s hard to believe.” I snort but don’t smile.

  “How about another girl’s night? I know Gretchen and Megan will want to hear it too, and then you don’t have to keep reliving it.” She smiles out of habit. “Besides, a little Gretchen can cheer you up. She’s totally got your number, and you’ve got hers.”

  That makes me try a smile too. “That would be great.” I open my locker and pull out my jeans. The denim is soft in my hands. It strikes me that more people probably know or will soon. I hadn’t prepared myself for this and wonder how Kaleb is dealing with it.

  This is eerily familiar, and I flash back to the tabloids and the speculation over why I didn’t go to the Olympics. I remember the reporters waiting outside my house and my mother’s frustration over trying to get us simple things like groceries while people shoved microphones in her face and cameras flashed. I know it’s not the same, but I hate that Kaleb has to experience such an invasion.

  When I’m ready to leave, I come to a decision. I have to find Kaleb at work.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  The bell jingles, and I’m greeted by the smell of dank earth. It was warm today, and a window lets a breeze suck through when I open the door. It makes me shiver. Gretchen is behind the counter, ringing up a sale. Her eyes get big when she sees me. She nods her head at the back to indicate where Kaleb is.

  My stomach clenches with nerves. I’m not sure what to say, but I need him to know how much I love him. I can’t just let this fade. If he’s done with me, I need closure. I whisper to Gretchen when I walk by, “Thanks.” Her hand lightly slaps my butt, and it makes me jump a little.

  Kaleb turns from the waxing machine. The smell of burning candles comes toward me, and I’m reminded of dinner at Megan’s on Christmas Eve. His mouth is even, and his eyes are dull.

  “Hey.” I want to run to him and wrap my arms around his waist.

  “Hi.” He steps away from the machine and leans a ski against the bench.

  “How’re you holding up?” I step a little closer as if I can sneak up on him before he realizes I’m in his arms.

  He tilts his head and shrugs. “Okay, I guess. You?”

  “I actually feel pretty darn good. Lucas in jail for a long time is freeing. But…” I step close enough to touch him. “I miss you.” I touch his chest above the apron, and the sensation of flannel makes me long for his smooth skin instead. “Are you okay with people asking about what happened?”

  Kaleb puts his hand over mine. The sadness in his eyes squeezes my heart. He barely speaks. “I’m so sorry.” He shakes his head, and I wish he would tell me more.

  “I am too, Kaleb. I’m sorry I brought this whole mess to you. If I’d had any idea—”

  “Don’t.” He flinches as if he didn’t mean to speak so loudly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You handled the whole thing really well.” He takes my face in his hands and kisses the top of my head. His breath is warm against my hair. “I don’t care what people ask or what they have to say. I’m so proud of you.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist and raise my face to his. “Please tell me we’re okay.”

  He sighs, and his strong shoulders sag as if underweight. “I can’t do that, Lori. I can’t.” He steps out of my embrace and waves his hand toward skis leaned against the wall. “I’ve got to get these done.” His eyes glisten, and my heart shatters into a million pieces.

  I run out the back door as tears form in my eyes. When I get to the street, I have to stop because I can’t breathe. My throat hurts, and I can’t keep the tears from falling. I cease to try, and I let myself cry.

  Damn you, Lucas! Damn you for ruining everything. The best thing that ever happened to me can’t live with the damage you did. I don’t blame Kaleb. Who wants to be with my kind of crazy?

  Through blurry vision, I make my way to my truck. The sun has heated the interior, but the warm steering wheel fails to heat my chilled hands. I grab a napkin from my side door pocket and blow my nose. The rough paper rubs me raw. I pull myself together with a big sniff and drive home.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Once I’ve turned off the alarm, I stumble to the bathroom. One look at my puffy eyes makes me sigh. Even though my heart bleeds, I know I have to go to work. I’m tempted to crawl back in bed and not come out for weeks. But I know that won’t solve anything. I need to find a way to move on.

  My feet move slowly to the kitchen to force breakfast into my stomach. The chill of the fridge wraps around me as I stare inside. I should make eggs, but I can’t find the energy. Yogurt, that’s easy to shovel in my mouth. The silverware drawer rattles when I pull it open.

  I eat quickly when I realize a ski run before work would be a good idea. The smooth, vanilla flavor slides down my throat easily. I want to time things right so I don’t run into Kaleb. If he’s skiing before work, he’ll be gone before I get there. And if he’s not, then I’ll be out before he arrives. His dimpled smile invades my mind, and tears threaten to escape. I squash them back down and go about getting ready.

  When I get to the locker room, only a few people mill about. When I turn down my aisle, I see Casey. She sits on the bench and taps out a message on her phone. She looks up at me in annoyance. “You need to get a phone. I’ve been waiting a while for you.”

  I sigh. “Yeah, I know. I will.” Truth is I never needed one. I didn’t have friends.

  She lifts her legs to sit cross-legged and leans against a locker. “I heard about your breakup. I’m so sorry. I know you must be a mess.”

  “I kind of am.” I sink down on the bench across from her and sigh.

  “I wanted to make sure you still plan to come to dinner tonight. Instead of going out, I think we should do it at my house. Something simple, and you don’t need to bring a thing. We can eat ice cream and chocolate and drink too much wine if you want.”

  I’m silent for a moment. I should go, but I don’t want to.

  Casey leans forward. �
�I have lots and lots of tissues. If you need me to, I can even put on a sappy movie so we cry with you.”

  I force a smile. “Okay, I’ll come.”

  “Great. Why don’t you plan on a quick shower after work and come right over when you’re ready.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” I say, “Casey?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for being such a great friend.”

  “You’re welcome. I know you’d do the same for me.” She stands up. “Are you skiing?”

  I may have lost Kaleb, but at least I still have great girlfriends. “Yeah, but I think I need to be alone.”

  She nods her head. “I understand. See you later.”

  We both get ready to ski in silence. Casey is ready before me and leaves with a quick wave. She’s sensed my anguish and knows even words hurt right now. I slam my locker door harder than necessary, and the metal clang echoes through the room like the pain in my body.

  My boots pound out a steady thump toward the racks. I see Kaleb’s snowboard and skis. I touch the warm top skin of his board when I walk by as if it can somehow transfer my touch to him. I pull my skis out of the rack, and they seem unusually heavy. Sighing, I make my way to the back door. The metal clink as the push bar releases hurts my head. The bright sunlight should fill me with warmth, but today it’s harsh.

  I make my way to the chairlift. Grateful for the lack of a lift line, I manage to get on a chair alone. I lean against the metal bar and let the cold slice through my cheek. Tears fall freely as I stare at the snow below. It looks soft and inviting.

  The idea of freezing to death plays in my mind. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go. Once hypothermia sets in, you feel disoriented and no longer cold. The body relaxes, and it’s easy to drift off into sleep. I imagine that would be better than the knife that tears my heart to shreds. The cold of the metal on my cheek has dissipated, and I remember how easily my body can deny the discomfort of cold to the point of hypothermia.

  With one last, longing look at the fluffy snow below, I shake off the morbid thought and pull myself together. Almost at the top, the rough leather of my glove scrapes at my nose when I wipe it, and I pull my poles out from under my leg. I haven’t bothered to unbuckle my boots, and I don’t stop when I get off the chair. Instead, I glide toward a trail and tug my pole straps over my gloves.

  I stand at the top and take a deep breath through my nose. The air is cold and soothes my sore nostrils. I open my mouth and take an even deeper breath to get the icy oxygen in my lungs. Sunlight makes the snow sparkle like millions of tiny stars. My senses are heightened, and the beauty astounds me.

  I point my skis down the hill, and their metal edges rasp as they carve through the snow in a turn. The power of my thighs moves my skis into the next one. I focus on my muscles as they flex and contract while I try to make perfect turns. My rhythm is flawless and easy. My poles swing, and I lift my body to start the next turn. I’m one with the terrain.

  Breathless from the exercise and the pleasure, I stop. I lift my face up to the sky, and tears brim in my eyes. I wish I could share this with Kaleb. I squelch my torment and start skiing again. This time it feels forced and clunky. I make my final turn and stop.

  Instructors walk into the Kids’ Castle, and I take off my skis to join them. I see Kaleb walk to lineup with his board behind his back and resting on his curled fingers. His head is down, and he shuffles his feet. He’s sad, too.

  I’m sorry, Kaleb. I really am. A tear rolls down my cheek, and I will my heart not to break.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Casey must have heard me pull in because she opens the door before I can ring the bell. She yanks me through by my hand. “What’ll it be? Alcohol or sugar? A movie with Channing or Ashton?”

  I can’t help but smile. “Um, sugar and Ashton.” Because alcohol won’t feel good tomorrow, and Channing’s body is too much like Kaleb’s.

  Megan’s voice carries from the kitchen. “Oh, good! Nick will be impressed with his sober girlfriend instead of the drunk one like the last time we did this.” She jokes as she walks into the living room with a platter of chilled chocolate-covered fruit. I grab a strawberry. When I bite in, sweet juice explodes in my mouth. The chocolate flavor follows and should tantalize my tongue. It tastes flat instead.

  Gretchen steps out of the kitchen and waves an empty martini glass. “How about one weak drink? I can make you a Casey Cosmo. And I promise not to splash more vodka in.”

  “Okay, that sounds good. Thanks.”

  “But wait, there’s more.” Casey mimics a television commercial and waves her hand over the coffee table. Next to the tray with veggies and sliced meat on it, I see a big squeeze bottle with dark yellow contents and various nail polishes. “You’re getting a pedicure, compliments of me and Megan.”

  I smile. “You guys are too much.”

  Casey pushes me gently, and I land on her couch with a whoosh. She slips off my boots and socks, and I hear water run in the kitchen. Megan walks out with a dishpan full of suds and sets it down in front of me. Casey rolls up my yoga pants, and I put my feet in. Warm water sends waves of pleasure up my legs. “Oh, this is wonderful.” I sigh and lean back.

  Gretchen hands me my drink and speaks in a snooty voice. “Your cocktail, madam.”

  I smile up at her and mimic the accent. “Why, thank you.”

  I watch Gretchen cue up the movie as I take a sip of my drink. Bubbles tickle my throat, and the taste of vodka is faint. “You guys are spoiling me. Thanks.”

  Megan sits on the floor to my right and takes my foot out of the water. She squirts an oily liquid on my foot and rubs. A course, sand-like substance scratches my skin. The massage of her hands relaxes me, and I sink a little lower into the couch.

  Casey sits on my left to work on my other foot. These girls are amazing. Tears form in my eyes, and I let them roll down my cheeks. Without a word, a box of tissues appears in my lap, and Gretchen takes my drink from my hand. I smile up at her, and she gives me a wink. I wonder if I cry for more than heartbreak. I focus through blurry vision to get lost in a feel-good chick flick.

  When the movie is over, I tell them about my past with Lucas. I start with when I was a big-eyed twelve-year-old and explain how I slowly became a victim of domestic abuse. Megan interjects with supportive facts and heaps of compassion.

  While telling them is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, it’s also cathartic. A part of me hopes these women are now able to see the signs and help someone else or themselves.

  I look down at my fuchsia nails and wiggle my toes. “I dare say I have some sexy feet. Thanks, guys. You’ve made me feel special tonight.”

  “Cupcake, you are special.” Gretchen plops down next to me on the couch with her bowl of plain fruit. “Want me to rough up Kaleb for you?”

  This makes me smile. “Naw, he’s got a good reason for breaking up with me. I understand why he doesn’t want to be with the psycho chick. I just wish I hadn’t fallen in love with him before he figured it out.” I sigh and shove the threat of tears away.

  “You aren’t psycho. Not even close.” Gretchen leans against me and sticks a blueberry in my mouth. “Boys are just stupid. And I still plan to kick him in the shins for you.” She jokes. “I’ll make it look like an accident.”

  I giggle. “You’re the best.”

  Casey speaks. “Do you plan to ski tomorrow morning?”

  My mind flashes to skiing with Kaleb and remember I’ll be alone. “Yup.”

  “Want to ski with me?”

  Megan says, “I’m coming too.”

  “That sounds great.” I sneak a piece of banana out of Gretchen’s bowl.

  Casey says, “It’s a plan.”

  I yawn and stretch my arms. “I’m ready for bed. I think I’m going to go.” I stand up and collect things for the kitchen. “I can’t thank you all enough for this.” I look around the room at their faces. “Really.” I remember how lonely it was when I was dealing with the aft
ermath of Lucas. The kindness of friends tonight helps me know that with time I’ll heal and move on.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  “Okay, ladies, let’s do it.” I lead as we walk up the metal steps and they clang out a happy melody. It’s a beautiful spring skiing day. Skiing a few mornings a week with Casey and Megan the past couple of months has been fun. They both are such great teachers, and friends.

  Today they think I’m ready for bumps. I’m not so sure, but I think positively.

  Casey is behind me. “I think the snow is still soft from yesterday. It’s a great day for you to learn.”

  “And for me to get better. Right?” Megan catches up to us once we hit the snow.

  “You don’t need to get better. I have a reputation to protect.” Casey jokes while she drops her skis and clicks in. Megan does the same. But I stare at the lift line. Kaleb is there with Gretchen.

  I sigh and drop my skis too. I don’t have to see Casey and Megan to know they exchange a look. It’s been two months, and they probably wish I would move on.

  Casey says, “Hey, did you guys know Gretchen is filming for a snowboard movie next week?”

  “Is this a new one?” asks Megan.

  “No. They just needed more footage and set up a three-day shoot to get it.”

  I step into a binding. “That’s awesome. She must be excited. Where’s she going?”

  “Crested Butte. She’s trying to convince me to let her take my Saab.” Casey says. “That thing’s my baby. No way am I letting Gretchen drive it, even if it’s only three and a half hours.”

  Megan asks, “What’s the matter with her car?”

  “It’s a piece of junk, and she doesn’t trust it to go that far. I’m surprised she got out here from Vermont.”

  We slide over to the lift, and I can’t help but watch the chair that has already swooped up Kaleb. Sadness weighs on me. Yet again, I blink back tears and try to focus on the conversation happening around me. This is getting old.