Elliot and the Last Underworld War

by Jennifer A. Nielsen

  "All my blood is in my head right now. But that's okay. It's helping me think...or I think it's helping me think."

  With a shrug, she said, "If you say so. And where's everyone else? They haven't come back from Demon Territory yet. The creatures who stayed behind are getting worried."

  "That's why I need your help. I need you to find Agatha the Hag. Most of the creatures who were fighting with me in Demon Territory are in Kovol's cave. Agatha's the only one I know with a light bright enough to hold off the Shadow Men, if they're still there." He didn't want to tell Patches how the Shadow Men had left most of the creatures as stone statues, and others, like her father, in cold comas. Or that the creatures were all Kovol's prisoners now and couldn't escape, even if Agatha was somehow able to heal them. But he had left Agatha the note in the dirt to look for the orange rock. She would know what to do. Elliot looked back to Patches. "Ask Agatha if she'll go to that cave and see if she can help."

  "Okay, but what about you?" Patches asked.

  "Can you cut me down?"

  "Not while you're Kovol's prisoner," she said. "But when I come back, I'll help you fight him."

  "No, don't come back," Elliot said. "I'll figure things out here on my own."

  As soon as Patches was gone, Elliot looked around the area, trying to figure out other ways to use his magic against Kovol. He couldn't think of any decent ideas. Even if he did know a good trick, there was always the chance that it would backfire and make things worse.

  Maybe Elliot had been wrong about all the blood in his head helping him think. Thinking was actually getting pretty hard. Also, his feet were beginning to complain about not getting their fair share of blood.

  Only one thought had worked its way through Elliot's brain, the one idea that might be the perfect trick against Kovol. Elliot twisted around until he found the exact spot he was looking for, then closed his eyes and made his idea happen. There was no way to tell if it would work. And it wouldn't do him much good unless he was able to get out of this rope.

  He squirmed and kicked and tried to think himself thinner. But none of it worked.

  Being Kovol's prisoner was starting to get old.

  When Kovol finally returned for Elliot, he seemed to be in a worse mood than usual. At least he snorted a lot, and stomped his feet, and had this low growl that wasn't too different from the way Reed sounded on days he had to wake up extra early for school. It was no surprise to Elliot that Kovol was in a bad mood. Ever since he'd become king, Elliot had noticed that bad moods were normal for evil creatures. And if they were in good moods, it was probably because one of their evil plans was going well. So the bad mood didn't bother Elliot nearly as much as a good mood would.

  "It sounds like destroying Earth is a lot tougher than you thought it would be," Elliot said. He figured that he and Kovol might as well have some conversation.

  But Kovol only grunted. He paced back and forth, every so often looking up at the bright springtime sky. Maybe he was waiting for the sun to go down before he did anything really mean. Elliot understood that. He had always felt that if he were a super villain, he'd do all of his super-villain work at night too--as long as he had taken a nap in the daytime so that he didn't get tired.

  Elliot wondered if Kovol had taken a nap that day. Probably not. He'd probably had more than enough naptime in the last thousand years.

  "I have a question," Elliot said. "What are you planning to do after you destroy Earth? Because if you destroy my world, then you destroy yours too. What if you get bored and want some candy from the store? But there is no store because you destroyed it?" Elliot shrugged. "I'm not sure that you really thought this plan through."

  "I will destroy Elliot," Kovol muttered.

  "Well, yeah, I think you've made that clear," Elliot said. "But what about everything else? Maybe you haven't noticed, but Demon Territory is the ugliest, stinkiest, dirtiest place in the entire Underworld. And if you go around destroying all the nice places, you'll be stuck without a home."

  "I'll destroy everything," Kovol said. "Except for one sunny island."

  Elliot's ears perked up (except he was still upside down in the rope, so his ears actually perked down). "Oh, like Fiji or somewhere? My teacher went there for a trip last year."

  Kovol grunted, which was probably a yes.

  It gave Elliot another idea. Hiding his grin, he said, "So you don't want to destroy everything. Mostly just me, right?"

  Again, Kovol grunted a yes.

  "What about all those creatures you took prisoner inside your cave? Are you going to destroy them?"

  This time Kovol spoke in sentences. "I'll rule those who serve me. Those who fight me get eaten."

  Elliot thought that was a pretty lame way to rule. The Brownies didn't bow to Elliot because otherwise he would eat them. They bowed because he served them and loved them and did everything he could to make their lives better.

  But to Kovol he only said, "I'm the one who got all those creatures to fight you. I'm responsible for that."

  "So I must destroy Elliot," Kovol grunted again.

  "Yes, I know. But you've already got me. So it doesn't make sense to keep all those other creatures as your prisoners."

  "You're right," Kovol agreed. "I need creatures to serve me."

  "So you wouldn't care if everyone you took prisoner down there went free?"

  "No."

  Elliot hoped that would be enough. He wasn't clear on how all the rules of magic worked, but Kovol had just said he didn't care if all the creatures he had taken prisoner went free. Was that enough to release them?

  Technically speaking, Elliot was also one of the creatures that Kovol had taken prisoner. So if they were free, did that mean Elliot was free too?

  There was only one way to find out. Elliot closed his eyes and tried to think of a place where he wanted to poof himself. But it wasn't an easy decision. Wherever he went, there was a chance that Kovol might follow. So he couldn't go home or to Burrowsville. And he didn't want to go to Demon Territory, where Kovol could take him prisoner again. If he got the chance, he wouldn't mind stopping the war long enough for a bathroom break. That would give him a good place to think.

  Elliot was usually a pretty good thinker. But sometimes he was also a pretty slow thinker, and trying to figure out where to poof was definitely not a good time for him to take so long to think.

  Because while Elliot's eyes were shut, Kovol decided he might as well just get rid of his prisoner once and for all. He made a twirling motion with his fingers, and Elliot started spinning with his rope. "I like my breakfast scrambled," Kovol said.

  "News flash," Elliot called back. "Breakfast was hours ago! I guess you'll have to wait until morning." Except he already felt his insides scrambling. He didn't want to do this all night.

  Elliot opened his eyes only long enough to figure out that he was getting dizzy really fast. Then he closed them again and tried to poof away to anywhere. It didn't matter. He'd poof to the top of Mount Everest if he had to. Or to the moon. Or, better yet, to Fiji. He thought Fiji might be nice this time of year.

  But with so much blood crowding out the other thoughts in his head, and with the problem that he was now spinning like a top, Elliot couldn't form a single picture of anywhere he ought to go. In fact, he couldn't put any thought together that made sense. He started sputtering things back to Kovol like "I...you...sometimes pickles...let's dance."

  He wasn't sure what that meant. Kovol didn't seem to understand it either, because he slowed Elliot's spinning long enough to say, "No more. With Elliot gone, no one rules the Underworld but Kovol!"

  Kovol raised his arms above his head to strike at Elliot, releasing the most horrible armpit odor that had ever been sent into the world. A butterfly that had just flown into the area exploded as soon as it crossed the smelly vapor. When the breeze carried the odor to a fat pine tree, eight of its branches fell straight to the ground. If Kovol's armpits had smelled good, like a fresh-baked apple pie or something,
Elliot still would have wanted to live. But to have that disgusting stench be the last thing he ever smelled--he could not accept that!

  So he closed his eyes and made the decision just to poof out of the rope, where Kovol was aiming his curse. He wasn't sure where he'd go next, but all he cared about was getting away from that smell.

  While Elliot was thinking, Kovol began building his magic. The skin on Elliot's arms prickled with static as the magic gathered between Kovol's beefy palms. It felt like a ball of invisible lightning, and when it was all gathered, Elliot knew it was coming straight for him. This was exactly what Fudd had warned him about earlier that day.

  "Poof!" he ordered whatever part of his body controlled the magic. But he felt nervous about what Kovol was doing, and it was hard to concentrate, even to drop out of the rope. Elliot realized he didn't know for sure that he could poof away. Maybe his trick to have Kovol release all the prisoners had worked. And maybe not.

  "Poof!" he said aloud. He closed his eyes and pictured himself falling onto a soft mattress pad right below him.

  But the magic failed again, and whatever Kovol held between his palms was beginning to spark.

  "This is the end!" Kovol said. "Now I destroy you."

  Despite what Kovol had threatened, it wasn't the end, or at least not the end of Elliot. Because with a very loud yelp, Kovol was suddenly thrown into the air as the ground beneath him exploded. Kovol was many things--all of them bad--and this included how bad he was at flying. Kovol shot high into the air, his arms flailing and his roar echoing higher and higher into the air.

  "Poof!" Elliot said again. And this time the magic worked and Elliot fell onto the ground. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to include the soft mattress this time, so his fall kind of hurt. But not as much as a ball of lightning would have, so he didn't complain.

  He sat up but remained on the ground for a moment while all the blood in his body went back to where it was supposed to go. He ran his fingers through his hair and tried to figure out what might have caused that explosion. He knew only one creature who could do something like that.

  "We're even now," a voice behind Elliot said.

  Elliot turned, surprised to find that he was actually pleased to see Grissel standing there. Grissel had hated Elliot from the moment he heard about him on a Halloween night more than three years ago. He had tried to destroy Elliot ever since Elliot became king of the Brownies, and had refused to stop trying, even if it meant suffering the cruelest ever punishment of nothing to eat but chocolate cake...without frosting! And yet Elliot had saved his life. Now Grissel had come to repay the favor.

  "How did you get here?" Elliot asked. "I thought the Shadow Men turned everyone into stone or put them in cold comas."

  Grissel shrugged. "Agatha found the orange rock that was your Shapeshifter. She helped him change back, and then he explained what had happened. When the Hag transforms, she isn't nearly as pretty to a Goblin's eyes, but her light is very warm. With that light, she can heal the curse of the cold comas. She healed me first and is still healing the others."

  "What about those who were turned to stone?"

  Grissel shook his head. "They cannot be healed as long as the Shadow Men fly."

  "Then I need you to go back and protect them," Elliot said. "Until I find a way to stop the Shadow Men, I don't want anything else to happen to our friends."

  Grissel blinked at Elliot. The corners of his mouth began to splinter as if he was trying to make an expression that his face was not used to. After some serious cracks, his mouth formed something that almost looked like a smile. Then he bowed and said, "King Elliot, many of those stone creatures are my friends too. I didn't think you would care about us, but I was wrong. I will not allow harm to come to anyone in the cave until you find a way to save them."

  "Thank you, Grissel," Elliot said.

  "No, King Elliot," Grissel said. "Thank you." After a short bow, Grissel disappeared.

  Elliot waited only a moment before calling for Harold. He didn't know how far away the explosion had carried Kovol, but they didn't have much time. He waited a moment, sure that the Shapeshifter must not have heard him. Then he yelled, "Harold!" again.

  He had expected to see Harold arrive in his human form, but instead a mosquito popped onto Elliot's nose. If Elliot could have seen it with a magnifying glass, he would have noticed the small white patch of hair on the mosquito's head--a sign that this was his friend. But Harold the Mosquito only buzzed, "No! Leave me alone!" Then he gave Elliot a bite, because that's what mosquitoes do. And he poofed away.

  Elliot itched his nose, then said, "Harold, get back here right now! I have to talk to you!"

  A small spider monkey appeared in the tree above Elliot. Same white patch of hair, same Shapeshifter. "No!" the monkey howled. It looked around for a bunch of bananas, but since this was not a banana tree, it threw some pinecones at Elliot's head and poofed away again.

  Elliot stood up and put his fists on his hips. "Harold! You will come here right now, or I will tell Cami that we never want to see her again."

  Several seconds passed when Elliot thought even that threat wouldn't be enough to bring Harold back. Finally he poofed in front of Elliot, in his human form. But his arms were folded, and the look on his face was somewhere between upset and furious.

  "Don't ask me for anything else, because I won't do it," Harold said. "You gave me one job, to keep Kovol away from Demon Territory. I didn't do that right. And then down in Kovol's cave, I should have transformed into a Hag and tried to put off enough light to chase the Shadow Men away, but I didn't do that either. All I did was turn into an orange rock. Not diamond or gold or some useful metal. Just a dumb orange rock. I don't dare to do anything else to help. I might be more dangerous to our side than Kovol."

  Truthfully, that same thought had occurred to Elliot. But he hoped this time he had found something so harmless that even Harold couldn't ruin it. Elliot sighed as he stared at his friend. Who was he kidding? Nothing was too harmless to be safe from Harold.

  "Just come with me, please," Elliot said, and then quickly added, "And before you tell me no again, it's something with Cami."

  Harold's eyebrows lifted. "Cami?"

  Elliot smiled. "Cami with Warts--I mean, Cami Wortson, the love of your life."

  "I'd do anything for the love of my life," Harold said. "You know I would. But I can't risk making any more mistakes."

  "Are you kidding?" Elliot said. "Do you know how many mistakes I've made since becoming king? Maybe you made a mistake by bringing Kovol back to Demon Territory, but it was really my mistake for having us go in there unprepared. Everyone makes mistakes. But my dad says that's always okay, if you're willing to fix them."

  Harold sighed. "How do I fix this?"

  "Let's go back to my house," Elliot said. "We'll poof straight to my room."

  "Okay," Harold said glumly. "I just hope you know what you're doing letting me make mistakes around your family."

  "Uh--" Elliot began. But it was already too late. Harold had poofed away.

  When Elliot and Harold poofed into Elliot's bedroom, they found Cami on the floor reading a book. She jumped to her feet, startled. "Oh, you scared me!" Once her heartbeat started up again, she said, "I'll never get used to you doing that."

  "I'll never get used to doing it either," Elliot said, although he had already begun to think that magic might be the perfect solution to his problem of getting to school on time. He added, "How's Reed?"

  "He still thinks it was all a dream," Cami said. "After he rested for a while he felt better, but he's definitely not going back to the Quack Shack today."

  Elliot hoped the Quack Shack would still exist after today. Not only because it would mean Kovol had failed in destroying the world, but also because he really liked duck burgers.

  "Are there any new sinkholes?" Elliot asked.

  Cami shrugged. "The reporter who was covering the story fell into one and broke his leg. They can't do any more news on th
e sinkholes until they find another reporter who'll agree to go out there." Then she noticed Harold, who had done nothing but stare lovingly at her since he poofed in. "Who's this? Another king?"

  Harold fell to his knees in front of her. "Do you know how wonderful it is to look at you through my own eyes? How do I describe the joy of looking at you looking at me as I look back at you?"

  Cami made a face and turned to Elliot. "What's he talking about?"

  "Get up, Harold." With his foot, Elliot nudged the Shapeshifter in the back.

  Harold started to stand up, but Cami put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him down again. "Wait a minute." She fingered the patch of white hair on Harold's head. "I've seen this before."

  Harold froze, looking as guilty as if he had just been caught robbing a bank. Elliot shook his head, mad at himself for forgetting that Cami was actually a pretty smart girl.

  Her eyes narrowed as she first stared at Elliot. "About four months ago, I saw this exact patch of white hair on your head for a few days. And for those days, you were acting so strangely. Sort of like--" Now she turned to Harold. "Sort of like you were acting just now!"

  Elliot tried to look innocent. "Hmm, that's weird."

  But Harold cried out, "I can't lie to the love of my life!" Now he stood, but he clasped his hands as he faced Cami. "Elliot was trapped in the Underworld, and he begged me to come up to the surface and pretend to be him."

  Elliot's nose wrinkled. That wasn't the way he remembered it, although he was certain that was exactly the way Harold did.

  "But how could you do all that?" Cami asked. "You don't look anything like Elliot."

  Harold blew out a deep breath, and as he did, the bones and coloring of his face shifted to match Elliot's. Other than the white patch, his hair lightened to dark blond, and even his clothes changed to a simple T-shirt and jeans, exactly the same as Elliot's.

  Cami let out a scream. Not a big scream or a long scream, but a very girly scream that made Elliot's toes curl.

  "Change back!" he said to Harold. "Hurry!"

  "Yes," Cami agreed. "This is so creepy!"

  With another deep breath, Harold returned to his usual form. He said nothing more, but his eyes pled with Cami to accept him for who he was, in whatever form he might happen to be.