by J. Sterling
“You’re lying. I might have believed you if her face didn’t give it away.” She glared at Katherine with disgust.
“No, really.” Katherine shook her head. “He hasn’t come back.”
“I don’t even know you that well and I know you’re completely full of it.” Kylie’s eyebrows pulled together.
Katherine glanced at Taylor for help, and she subtly nodded her head.
“Okay. He’s been back. A few times,” Katherine admitted.
Kylie leaned forward with interest. “Really? And it’s the same guy every time?”
“Yep, same guy.”
“Do you know who he is yet? I mean, is he real?”
“I have no idea,” Katherine lied.
Kylie squinted. “You’re a terrible liar, Kat.” Kylie’s gaze darted between the two girls. “What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”
Taylor rubbed at her eyes and then stared at Kylie. “Just keep an open mind, okay?”
“Whatever,” Kylie snapped before leaning back into her chair. “What is it?”
Katherine was so scared for Kylie’s reaction that she stood up and started to pace back and forth. She assumed Kylie would be incredibly angry, would most likely hate her, and might even lose it and get physical. Katherine wasn’t a fighter, so she hoped it didn’t come to that.
“Why are you pacing? Sit down,” Kylie barked at Katherine. “Which one of you is going to tell me what the hell is going on?” She folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot against the deck.
Katherine shook her head ‘no’ and watched as Taylor took a deep breath. “We figured out who Kat’s dream guy is.”
“I gathered that much,” Kylie grumbled. “So, why all the drama? Who is it?”
“Austen.”
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Kylie asked through clenched teeth.
“It’s Austen, Kyles. He’s the one from her dreams.”
“Are you joking? This is a joke, right?” Kylie glowered at Katherine and her voice rose into a scream. “He didn’t even know you! Why the hell would you dream about my boyfriend?” Her face reddened as she yelled, “I don’t believe you.”
“It’s true,” Katherine said gently. “Kylie, please calm down.”
“Don’t.” Kylie narrowed her eyes. “Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”
Taylor put a restraining hand on Kylie’s arm. “Kylie, don’t be like that. It’s not her fault. She had no idea who he was until last night.”
“What happened last night? How do you even know it’s him? How do you know she’s not lying, Taylor?” Kylie waved wildly, her arms flailing around in the air.
“She recognized him from a picture in my bedroom. And why would she lie about this?”
Kylie’s face twisted in anguish as she screamed, “He was my boyfriend. Not yours! He didn’t love you, he didn’t even know you!” She drew a deep breath and wailed, “Why wouldn’t he have come to me?”
“I don’t know.” Katherine looked away, trying to deal with her own emotions. It pained her to see Kylie react this way.
“You’re lying! You do know! Tell me!” Kylie shouted, her tone riddled with pain.
Katherine assumed that talking about Austen like this was too much for Kylie. She imagined that having Austen come up like this must be like ripping a blood-soaked bandage off a two-year-old wound to find it had barely begun to heal.
Kylie buried her face in her hands and started to cry tears of disbelief and sadness. “Why wouldn’t he come to me? Doesn’t he love me anymore?” She sobbed inconsolably. “Why did he stop loving me? I haven’t stopped loving him.”
Katherine’s heart ached as she witnessed Kylie’s grief. She had never in her life inflicted so much pain on another human being, and she felt completely responsible. Despite her own tangled-up emotions, she wanted to fix it for Kylie, but she didn’t know how.
“Of course he loves you, Kyles.” Taylor reached her arms around and hugged her from behind. “You were the only girl he ever loved.” She peered into Katherine’s eyes apologetically as she spoke those words.
Katherine whispered, “I’m so sorry, Kylie. I never meant to hurt you.”
Kylie scowled at Katherine, her tear-stained face red and angry. “I don’t care that you’re sorry. Stay away from me, and stay away from Austen!” She threw Taylor’s arms off her shoulders and sprinted toward her car.
“Kylie, don’t go. Come on,” Taylor shouted.
Once Kylie reached her car, she slammed the door, turned the stereo on full blast, and sped away, spinning the tires until they screeched. Taylor gave Katherine a sad look. “Well, that went well.”
“I am so sorry, Taylor. I can’t believe all of this is happening.” Katherine wasn’t sorry for meeting Austen. She wasn’t sorry for the dreams. But she was sorry for all the pain it seemed to cause those around her.
“She just needs time. It’s a lot to take in, you know?” Taylor met Katherine’s sympathizing gaze. “She really loved my brother and I can only imagine that she probably feels left out, or forgotten, or something.”
“I just feel terrible that something that makes me so happy makes everyone else so upset.”
“Not everyone.” Taylor forced a small smile and Katherine hugged her, thankful for her understanding and support.
Chapter Nine
“Was that Kylie who sped out of here this morning?” Taylor’s mom asked without looking.
“Yeah. She stopped by, got pissy, and left,” Taylor said.
“What happened?” Her mom turned away from the sink where she was washing the dishes from dinner, and looked with interest at both Taylor and Katherine.
“Nothing happened. You know how Kylie is, Mom.”
Mrs. Dailey turned back to the dishes and nodded her head. “That girl is emotional. Well, I hope you patch things up before you head back to school.”
“I’m sure we will.”
Taylor raised her eyebrows and jerked her chin toward the staircase, and when Katherine nodded, she grabbed her hand to drag her back upstairs. They flopped onto Taylor’s bed and Katherine rested her head against the pillow.
“Do you think she’ll call you back?” she asked.
Taylor hesitated. “I honestly don’t know. It might be awhile before she’s ready to talk to me.”
“Have you heard from Danny?” Katherine changed the subject, anxious to think about something happy, and the thought of Taylor and Danny together always made her smile.
“Only every twenty minutes,” Taylor joked, and shook her cell phone. “Did you ever respond to Cooper’s text?”
“Yeah.”
“What’d you say?”
“I told him I was having a great time. That I hoped he was too and that I’d see him in a few days.”
“Hmmm.”
“Hmmm, what?” Katherine asked.
“You didn’t tell him you missed him back,” Taylor said.
Katherine smirked. “I must have forgotten.”
“Uh-huh. Listen, now that your dream guy is my brother it sort of changes things. I mean, I feel invested even more in this. But I still don’t want you to blow Cooper off.”
“I can’t make any promises,” Katherine said with a sigh.
“So, then what are you going to do?”
“About what?” Katherine asked.
“About Cooper. Are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t think so. At least, not yet. I don’t see any reason why I should, in all honesty.”
Taylor nodded and said, “No, you’re right. But someday, when you do tell him, I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.”
“When do you think that will be? I mean really? When am I going to have to tell him?”
“I think you’ll know. I don’t think there will be any other option. Know what I mean?”
Katherine pursed her lips together. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
Taylo
r yawned before she said, “Good night, Kat. Tell my brother ‘hi’ for me.” And then she rolled over and closed her eyes.
The comment made Katherine laugh. “’Night, Tay.”
****
Katherine walked atop the warm grains of sand, and kicking at them from time to time with her bare feet. She could see their bench in the distance. Past that, she could see him. She smiled just knowing he was near. She watched as Austen tossed a stick for Brody to chase.
When she was close enough they could see each other’s faces, she saw his eyes light up. Austen walked up to her and put his hand on the back of her neck. He bent down slightly and kissed her. It was soft and slow and she hoped he’d never stop. Her mind raced and her limbs felt loose, as if she might melt through his arms. He pulled away from her and said, “It’s so good to see you.”
She blushed and ran her fingers across her wet lips. He took her other hand and led her over to their bench. They sat down before he asked, “Rough day, huh?”
She jogged through her memory to recall what he referred to, but she couldn’t place it. Bits and pieces scattered in her mind, but they weren’t enough. She struggled to remember when Austen pressed her, “Think, Katherine. Remember your conversations today with my sister…and with Kylie.”
The moment Austen said Kylie’s name, the memory hit her with the force of a Mack truck. Her face twisted with pain and her eyes filled with tears. “You remember now, don’t you?” He gently wiped an escaping tear that trailed down her cheek.
“Oh, Austen, it was awful. I feel so bad…hurting her like that.” Katherine turned and hid her face against Austen’s chest.
“I know, I feel bad too. I never want to hurt Kylie. My dying was hard on her. I used to visit her at first, you know. Mostly because I was confused and wasn’t sure where I was, so I went to where I was pulled. Her pain and longing for me was stronger than almost anything else I felt at the time. I found myself in her dreams often.” Austen paused and ran his fingers through her long brown hair.
“Once I realized what happened and I had more control over where I could go and what I could do, I stopped visiting her. I felt like being with her wasn’t good for her. She could barely carry on as it was, and the dreams weren’t helping,” he explained.
Katherine listened to every word he spoke about his first love. It was difficult for her to imagine him loving anyone else. “You guys really loved each other, didn’t you?”
“We did. I don’t want to diminish what Kylie and I shared because it was love. Ridiculous high school, teenage love…but still—love.” He lifted her chin to face him. “But it’s nothing like how I feel about you.”
He pressed his lips against hers and softly parted them with his tongue. When their mouths touched, she saw flashes of places, people, and things she didn’t recognize in her mind as his kisses awoke her otherwise dormant subconscious. He made every part of her feel alive. “I love you beyond the depths of my soul.” His words sent shivers down her spine as she nodded her head in agreement.
“I want to take you somewhere. But it’s not going to be easy,” he told her.
“What do you mean?”
“I want to show you something. Will you come with me?” His voice was more serious now, and she began to tremble. What did he want to show her? Where did he want to take her?
She reached for his outstretched hand and before she even blinked, they were walking down a darkened street. Katherine heard screams and cries in the distance. And smoke…the smoke choked out the air. Her eyes worked to focus on the scene in front of her. Twisted metal wrapped around more metal. She tried to make out what she was witnessing, but to see, she needed to get closer. Austen reached out his arm to stop her.
“I’ve watched this probably a hundred times. Nothing ever changes,” he said solemnly.
Katherine looked on, horrified. A small passenger car sat smashed beyond recognition underneath a seemingly undamaged big rig truck. Smoke from the airbags billowed out of the shattered car windows. The truck driver paced back and forth nervously, tearing at his hair. He had trouble breathing and frequently slammed his fist against his chest. Police cars and ambulances finally arrived on the scene, their sirens blaring into the otherwise quiet night. The first responders yelled frantically as they directed heavy equipment toward the crushed car. The earsplitting sound of power tools grinding against metal tore through the air.
Two limp and lifeless bodies were finally pulled from the battered car. Katherine recognized Austen’s body immediately. She dropped to the ground and tore at her shirt. She started to cry and scream, but no one could hear. When she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, she suddenly remembered that he was still right there with her. Frantic, she turned and forcefully pulled him to the ground with her. She glanced back at the heartbreaking scene in time to see the two bodies, covered in sheets, being wheeled into the ambulance. Katherine could barely stomach this reality as her insides churned.
“Why did you show me this?” she asked through her sobs.
“My death is a big part of how people remember me. They’ve stopped seeing all the good moments. Instead, they focus on the one that took me from them. They think about the road where I was killed, or the truck we smashed into, or where they were when they heard the news. It’s like they have to get past the part where I died before they can remember the parts where I lived.”
“So you showed me this so that I’d think of your death too? I don’t understand.”
“I wanted you to see where I spent my last minutes. This accident is a part of me. For you to truly understand how everyone who ever loved me in this life feels, I had to show it to you. Not to make you sad, just to help you see.”
He took her hand in his and they were suddenly in a very crowded church parking lot. Katherine had never seen so many people vie to be in one space before. Austen and Katherine made their way through the crowd and into the building. There were flowers everywhere and a large picture of Austen greeted everyone inside the church.
Katherine looked around and found Taylor wiping her eyes as she sat in the front row. She watched as Taylor’s mother and father held each other while they sobbed. Blake sat next to Taylor, and looked as if every emotion that had ever lived inside his body had vacated for the day. While everyone around him fell apart, Blake looked as though he refused to feel anything at all.
Then Katherine heard cries and screams filled with so much agony, they made her tremble. She looked around and noticed Kylie being comforted by her mother, obviously in so much pain that Katherine’s heart hurt for her. The overwhelming amount of sadness in the room almost broke her.
Austen leaned down and whispered in her ear, reminding her, “Don’t be sad.”
Heartbreak flowed through her. “Poor Kylie,” was all Katherine could get out before she was overcome with emotion.
“I know. It’s hard to see her like that.” Austen turned from the sight, and Katherine noticed him cringe each time Kylie screamed out. He kissed the top of her head and took her hand again. “One last stop.”
They walked on the grass toward a row of headstones. The lawn was meticulously manicured and some gravesites were covered with trinkets and flowers. Even though it was supposed to be a place filled with death, it felt more like a place filled with love.
Austen pulled her toward a light gray stone. She could read his epitaph now: Austen Dailey, beloved son, brother, and friend. The front of his site was filled with little white rocks. There were all sorts of figurines, stuffed animals, and toys. A photo of him was embedded in the headstone, and Katherine bent down to get a better look at it.
“I know what you’re thinking. I’m way better looking in person,” he said with a grin. She tried to smile back, but was too caught up in everything she had just witnessed. “I didn’t bring you here to make you sad. I didn’t show you any of this to make you upset.”
“I know,” she reassured him.
“Then what is it? Tell me.” He sat down on the
grass in front of his headstone and pulled her down toward him. She sat between his legs, leaning back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her so tightly against him, his heartbeat radiated through her. Lowering his head, he kissed the side of her face as her tears fell. “Please don’t cry, Katherine.”
“I don’t mean to. It’s just that…I can’t imagine how Kylie must have felt to lose you like that. Or Taylor…or your parents. It just breaks my heart for them…and for whatever reason, for me too.”
She felt his warm breath against her neck as he whispered softly into her ear, “I don’t have to be living in your world to love you. I’m sorry to have caused you pain.” He brushed against her cheek with his lips before he kissed the nape of her neck. She closed her eyes and got lost in how he made every fiber of her being feel warm and alive. “I love you,” he told her, “beyond all reason.”
****
Katherine woke up and gasped for air. Taylor sat up immediately, wiping the sleep from her eyes, and stared at her. “What did my brother do now?”
“He took me to the scene of his accident.” Katherine choked out the words.
“He did what? Way to go, Austen. You really know how to romance a girl,” Taylor directed up at her ceiling.
“He also showed me his funeral and his gravesite.”
“Jesus.” Taylor rolled her eyes. “What’d he do that for? Is he trying to depress you?”
“He said he just wanted me to see. I think if I saw how painful it was for everyone who loved him, I might understand it better? I’m not entirely sure.”
Taylor shook her head. “Understand what better? And how the heck would seeing any of that make you feel anything other than sad?”
“I don’t know.” Katherine shrugged her shoulders.
“But that does remind me. I need to go to the gravesite and bring Aus flowers. Did you maybe want to come with or does that freak you out?”
“No, that doesn’t freak me out at all. I’d love to go, actually,” she said as she wondered if it would be anything like her dream.
The girls got dressed, ate cereal, and headed out. Taylor’s dad asked where they were going and once Taylor told him their plans, he turned his head away and smiled sadly. Katherine gathered that Austen was a topic of conversation that didn’t come up often. She completely understood, but it still made her sad. They stopped along the way to get some white calla lilies, and then Taylor drove into the cemetery and parked next to Austen’s grave.
