With This Kiss

by Bella Riley

  He knew she wanted him to leave her alone. But how could he bring himself to leave her? And how could he ever let her go, if that’s what she really wanted from him now?

  He tried again, saying, “Your family came.”

  Her mouth almost tipped up into a smile. “They wanted to surprise me.”

  “I’m glad they were here for you, Rebecca.”

  For the first time in their conversation, she met his gaze. Her chin was lifted, her shoulders were back. This was the strong woman who had fought the preservation council, who had believed in herself and her festival. This was the woman who had always been such a big part of his brother’s life. This was the woman who so many people in town cared for and wanted to see happy.

  This was the woman he would never stop loving.

  “I am too. I’ve missed them.”

  She looked pale. And tired. But still so beautiful he could hardly believe his eyes.

  “Have you eaten today?”

  She covered the tapper, then stood up and wiped her hands off on her jeans. “You don’t have to take care of me,” she said softly. “I already know how to take care of myself. I’ve always known, but I haven’t wanted to make the hard decisions about when to stay. And when to go.”

  It killed Sean to stand there and let her walk away. He couldn’t do it.

  “Rebecca, I—”

  She stopped, looked at him over her shoulder. “Nothing has changed. Not between you and your parents. And not between you and me.” She paused before saying, “Stu is going to cover for me for a few days. I’ve got some things to take care of.”

  All he wanted was to run to her, to beg for her forgiveness.

  But he knew now that wasn’t enough.

  Rebecca wasn’t leaving because their broken relationship was beyond repair. She was leaving because of problems that had nothing to with her and him… and everything to do with the way he had dealt with his family for so long.

  He was surprised to realize that she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t wanted to make the hard decisions about when to stay and when to go.

  He’d done exactly the same thing.

  And in that instant he understood that there was only one way he could possibly prove his love to Rebecca, only one path to having a solid, loving relationship: he needed to deal with the demons that had been eating away at him for nearly twenty years.

  His gut clenched, tightened even further, at the thought of seeking out his mother.

  Soon. He knew he’d have to speak with her soon.

  But first, he’d go make his apologies to a man who had only ever wanted to love his son.

  Sean found his father in his workshop, surrounded by saws and hammers but not using any of them.

  “I’m sorry I pushed you away. I didn’t know what else to do. I thought if I was around you too much, one day her secret would slip out. You loved her. Stu and I both saw how much. I didn’t want to be responsible for anything happening to your marriage.”

  His father looked crushed. Shaken.

  Bill walked across the workshop and pulled Sean into a hug. And Sean, rather than fighting it, found that he didn’t want to pull away. Not when he and his father had twenty years of lost hugs to make up for.

  Finally, his father said, “I wish you hadn’t felt like you needed to protect me. But you’ve always been so honest. Such a good person, even when you were a little boy you were helping the other kids at school, protecting your little brother from bullies.” He grimaced. “I always knew, Sean. If only I had confronted her right away then it would have all come to light and you wouldn’t have had to live with her secret for so long. Will you ever forgive me?”

  “There’s nothing to forgive. You’re the best father I could have ever asked for.”

  “No, I’m afraid I wasn’t. But I’d like to be if you will let me try again. Very, very much.”

  “What is going to happen with you and Elizabeth?”

  His father’s face, which had been so open, shuttered. “I don’t know.” He sighed, deep and long. “I don’t know. But the one thing I do know is that no matter what happens, I don’t want you to feel responsible in any way for my marriage. All I want is for you to be happy, son.”

  “I’m going to talk to her.”

  Both of them knew he wasn’t talking about Rebecca, that he was finally going to have a long-overdue discussion with his mother about what had happened twenty years ago.

  “I don’t know that I deserve to,” his father said, “but can I give you a piece of advice?”

  “Please. I’ll take whatever you’ve got.”

  “Every time I build a new house, somewhere in the middle of it all, I look around me, at the mess and disarray. But do you know what I see? I see the potential for what’s coming. The new building that will soon stand tall. Proud. This is when clients worry that everything’s going wrong, that we’ll never be able to turn the piles of wood and shingles and cement and tile into a home. I soon learned there was no use in trying to placate them. It was better to be honest. To tell them, yes, things were messy, bordering on being out of control. But that I was sticking to my vision anyway… along with my hope that with focus and determination, all was going to go well.

  “You’re focused, Sean. And you’re determined. Let yourself be honest, too. Getting things out in the open won’t necessarily make them any less of a mess. But at least everything will finally be laid out on the table.”

  His mother was in the house, standing at the kitchen counter, staring out the window above the sink into the darkness. When Sean walked in, she turned to him and he could see she was crying, the tear tracks fresh on her cheeks.

  Black. White. That was the way he’d seen the world since he was fourteen. He’d never been a person who looked for the shades of gray. Even as a child, he’d liked what he liked, and disliked what he didn’t. Stu had been his exact opposite. Happy with whatever came, willing to find a way to like things.

  But standing in the kitchen of the house he’d grown up in, the same kitchen where his mother had asked him to promise he wouldn’t tell anyone what he’d seen, for the first time in years, Sean wondered if things really were completely black and white.

  Yes, his mother had still cheated on his father. Yes, Sean had still gotten in that car and crashed into a tree to try in a foiled, childish effort to forget what he’d seen.

  But if he’d known that one day in the future he’d find a love like Rebecca’s… well, then maybe it would have all been worth living through, just to get to her.

  “Sean?” His mother’s voice shook on his name.

  The truth. His father had advised him to simply tell the truth.

  “I don’t really want to forgive you,” he told her. “But I’ll do anything for Rebecca, even put what happened behind us with the hope that forgiveness will come someday.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  And, for the first time, he truly did.

  He wasn’t going to solve things with his mother today. But they’d just made a start. Finally.

  Sean made it back to the inn just as Rebecca was leaving. She was carrying a suitcase.

  He already knew that she’d arranged with Stu for a few days away from the inn.

  From him.

  She stood before him on the inn’s front porch, and the delicate beauty he’d been so aware of from the first moment he’d set eyes on her was made even more beautiful by the moonlight that illuminated her features.

  “I’ll be back to help with the wedding this weekend.”

  She’d answered only part of his question. Yes, he now knew she’d be back by Saturday. But then what? Would she leave again?

  And the next time, would it be forever?

  “I talked with my father tonight. About—” The words choked in his throat, but he made himself push them out. “About everything.”

  Her expression softened. “That’s good.” The edges of her lips moved up, almost mak
ing a smile. “Really, really good.”

  “I also talked to Eliz-… to my mother.”

  Rebecca’s eyes widened at that news and in the moonlight he could see tears about to fall. A moment later, as she blinked, two tears moved from her eyelashes to her cheekbones.

  “Sean.”

  She whispered his name and there was so much love in it, he could feel it wrap around him, warm enough to almost chase away the chill of the wind blowing across the lake.

  Sean had never begged a woman for anything. Not for attention. Not for love. Until now.

  “Please don’t go.”

  When she didn’t put the suitcase down, he said, “Earlier today, you said nothing had changed, that you couldn’t stay until I worked things out with my parents. I’m trying, Rebecca. I swear to you, I’m trying.”

  He watched myriad emotions moving across her pretty face: hope, longing, love.

  “Why, Sean? Why are you trying?”

  He didn’t have to think about his answer. “Because I love you. I don’t want to lose you, Rebecca.”

  A cloud drifted in front of the moon, making it impossible for him to see her expression.

  “Stu knows to call me with any problems while I’m away this week.” She moved her suitcase into her other hand. “Good night, Sean.”

  And as she walked away, the only thread of hope he had to hold on to was that she’d said good night.

  And not good-bye.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  After packing her bags the evening of the festival and leaving Emerald Lake, Stu had called her cell early the next morning. At first, she’d thought he was calling to ask for help with something at the inn. But he never even brought the inn up.

  Her friend said one thing, and one thing only: “He loves you.”

  “You asked all of us to let you go away for a while, to let you think about your life and what you wanted from it. Now I’m asking you for that same thing.”

  Only, Stu had continued to call. And Rebecca knew why: her friend cared about her. He cared about his brother. He wanted to see them happy. And, preferably, together.

  After that first conversation, Rebecca let Stu’s calls go through to voice mail. She had a lot to think about. Namely that she’d been running her entire life when things got too complicated, not because she was weak nor afraid or unable to take care of herself.

  But because she’d never had a reason to stay.

  And she’d never had anything important enough that she didn’t want to lose.

  Sean was important, had been important right from the first moment he’d spoken to her, touched her, looked into her eyes and connected with her despite all the reasons not to.

  This time around he’d been her reason to run… but he was also her reason to go back.

  And to stay.

  She returned to Emerald Lake early Saturday morning just in time to witness the first outdoor wedding of spring. Rebecca was happy for the couple, who had just said their “I dos” and kissed in front of their applauding family and friends. And still, she was crying, just like she always did at weddings, whether she knew the couple saying their vows or not.

  There was nothing she loved more than a happy ending.

  Even if she hadn’t yet gotten one for herself.

  As the bride, groom, and their guests all moved inside for the reception, Rebecca was just stepping beneath the roof and onto a wooden floor covered in rose petals when she heard her name on the lips of the man she’d fallen so deeply in love with.

  “Rebecca.”

  Slowly, she turned to face Sean. He was staring at her and she couldn’t read his expression.

  After all, he’d told her he loved her, had begged her to stay, and she’d left, anyway.

  Because she’d had to. Because she’d needed a little time by herself to really think things through. And to make sure that she knew her own heart.

  “I missed you,” he told her, not moving from his position twenty feet away.

  Rebecca stood in the center of the gazebo where forever had been declared so many times before. She’d never known how to lie. She didn’t know how to lie now.

  “I missed you, too.”

  She could almost feel his relief, could certainly see it on his face. She was about to tell him everything she was feeling when he spoke first.

  “You were right, Rebecca.”

  Her heart was thundering in her chest. “About what?”

  “To go.” Sean crossed the distance between them, coming close enough that she knew he’d catch her if she fell. “I gave you a million reasons to leave me. A million reasons to stop loving me. All I wanted was to try and find one to make you stay. Just one.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You were the only reason I went to talk to my mother that night. Because I knew you wanted me to. Because you thought I needed to. Because I knew you’d leave if I didn’t. But you left anyway.”

  Her chest had never felt so tight, so constricted. “I didn’t want to go. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

  “When I was a teenager, I didn’t understand that loving someone meant sometimes having to break a promise. I’ve made and remade that mistake over and over for twenty years, but you were wise enough to know better than to keep a secret that was going to tear someone apart. The first time I saw you, I thought you looked so delicate. But you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. So strong that you’ll sacrifice anything for the ones you love. Even yourself.”

  She felt the tears start to come again, but she didn’t want anything to blur her vision of the man standing before her.

  “It was a hell of a week,” he said softly. “Probably the worst one since I was fourteen. But all I could think was that maybe, just maybe, if I kept at it, if I kept trying to forgive her a little more, then somehow you’d know and you’d come back.”

  “I told you I was coming back.”

  “Not just for the weekend, Rebecca. For good.” She was surprised to see a hint of a smile on his lips. “But somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t just talking with my mother for you anymore.” He paused. “I was trying to fix things in my family for me, too.”

  She couldn’t stand apart from him another second longer. Dropping the basket to the floor, she reached for him, wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders.

  He held her even tighter. “You were gone, but I could feel your love was behind me every step of the way, sweetheart.”

  She didn’t bother to try and stop her tears as she pulled back. “It still is.”

  She felt his hands move across her shoulders and down her arms, until he was holding her hands in his. And then he was getting down on one knee and looking up at her.

  “You taught me to trust, again. And to love with all of my heart. Please stay in Emerald Lake, not only because you love your job and your friends and this town, but because you want to live out forever with me.”

  She had to join him on her knees. She didn’t let go of his hands. “You say I taught you so many things, but what about everything I’ve learned from you? For so long I was afraid to trust my heart, but it led me to you. You showed me a world I’ve only glimpsed from the outside, that I was too afraid to explore, and that day out on your beach, with your plane, you gave me your hand and asked me to trust you one more time. Because you believed in me in a way no one else ever has.”

  “You would have eventually gotten into an airplane, even without me.”

  “Maybe, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as special. Nothing is as good without you, Sean. When I’m with you, everything is brighter, sweeter.” She smiled a small smile. “I spent the week planning a trip I should have taken a long time ago, because being with you has shown me that I can’t put off what I want—what I need—another moment longer.”

  She intercepted the pain moving across his face by placing his hands over her heart. “I want you, Sean. I need you.”

  “But you just said you were leaving.”

  “You k
now how I’m always saying and doing things no one else would? Well”—she shrugged—“turns out I couldn’t give up on hope when anyone else would have, either.” She couldn’t hold back her smile any longer. “I bought two round-the-world tickets. One for me. One for you.” She smiled even wider. “Looks like we’re going to have to see a whole lot of stuff real fast, before my legal name changes and my ticket isn’t valid anymore.”

  Sean’s eyes were shining as he tested out her future married name: “Rebecca Murphy. I like the way that sounds. So is that a yes?”

  Rebecca whispered, “Yes.”

  She leaned in close to seal it with a kiss.

  Epilogue

  Two weeks later

  Stu threw them a heck of a going-away party at the inn. Rebecca and Sean’s bags were packed and they were due to fly to London that night on the red-eye. For the next several months, the world was theirs, ready to be explored hand-in-hand.

  Rebecca looked around the room at her friends, then out the window at the lake. “All this time, I’ve been wanting to see the world. So then why do I wish we could just take our bags back upstairs and stay right here?”

  Sean smiled at his fiancée. “It will all still be here when we come back,” he promised her.

  It wasn’t just a promise; it was something he knew from experience. He’d tried to leave Emerald Lake behind, but he’d never succeeded. Rebecca was going to love the Eiffel Tower, the Tower of London, the beaches of Thailand, but nothing would ever take the place in her heart that this small Adirondack town held.

  He wanted to say all of this to her, but before he could, his mother approached them. His parents were currently living apart. After the Tapping of the Maples Festival, Bill had moved out of the house he’d built. He was now renting a cottage on the other side of the lake. Bill had come in earlier to say his good-byes, but he’d left before he and Elizabeth could run the risk of bumping into each other in the inn’s event room.

  “I was just telling your brother what a lovely party this has been.” It was easy to see the sorrow behind her smile. “I’m so happy for both of you. We all are.”