Todd

by Dakota Rebel

  “We haven’t been able to find anything connecting the fires,” Daniel said, dropping into his chair next to the whiteboard.

  “Well you’d better hope you find something,” I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “If this shit is actually random, that’s a hell of a lot scarier.”

  “Why?” David asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

  “Because if we don’t find a connection, then finding the culprit is going to be way harder.” I crossed my arms and stared at the board. “If these hits are random, it means the bug knows what he’s doing. These people start small, then get bigger as they get more confident. If he’s hitting random spaces through town, he’s probably been doing this for a while.”

  “Well, that means he’s probably not local,” Kyle said, propping his hip on my desk and tapping his chin with his finger. “You okay?”

  “What?” I looked up at him. “Yeah. I’m fine. Why?”

  “I don’t know…you seem…different.” Kyle was staring at me so hard it was almost impossible to keep from shifting under his inspection.

  “Nope,” I said, hoping I sounded casual. “Just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  “I don’t think any of us did,” Daniel agreed, stifling a yawn.

  Kyle was still staring at me but I turned to my desk and started shuffling papers, blatantly ignoring him.

  I wasn’t ready to talk about what happened between Sarra and I. I barely understood what had happened. I knew that I was panicked when I woke up. Terrified that I had ruined our friendship by pushing it over the limit.

  But she’d seemed to understand that it was a release. Had accepted that I wasn’t promising anything more.

  So why did I feel like shit about it?

  Because I wanted it to be more. I wanted to go home to her every night. Wanted to hold her and tell her I loved her. Wanted to talk about our days over dinner, then make love all night. I wanted everything with her.

  But she deserved so much better. She deserved a man who was guaranteed to actually come home to her every night. I couldn’t give up my job. And I wouldn’t put her in a position to lose everything because I was a selfish prick.

  My head was a mess, and my heart was worse. I liked to think I was a good man. But a good man wouldn’t have used his best friend the way I’d used Sarra last night. She could claim to be okay with it…but I wasn’t.

  Chapter Six

  ~ Sarra ~

  The whole damn day had been a waste. I couldn’t believe that after all these years, Todd could still drive me to such distraction.

  Of course, he took my virginity, so that was a little different than just watching him play with my class or wash his truck in wet t-shirt.

  But still. It hadn’t meant anything. I knew it while it was happening, I knew it when he was trying to explain it away over coffee, and I knew it now while I was fitfully trying to sleep alone in my bed.

  None of this was fair. To him or to me. For a minute I’d wondered if I was taking advantage of him while we were making love. But then I realized that this was a mutual decision. We’d needed the catharsis of a physical release. And we trusted each other with that need. That was all it was.

  The sound of the front door banging closed downstairs made me jump. I sat up, pulling the covers over my chest and looking around for a weapon. Logically I knew it was Todd, but I couldn’t help remembering that there was an arsonist loose in town.

  My heart was hammering in my chest and I couldn’t hold back the squeak of panic that escaped when my bedroom door swung open.

  “You asshole!” I yelled, throwing a box of tissues at Todd as he stumbled inside. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

  “M’sorry,” he said, his words a little slurred.

  “Are you drunk?” I narrowed my gaze at him.

  “I think I might be,” he admitted, walking across the room and dropping into the chair by my bed. “I walked here. Don’t yell.”

  “I’m not going to yell,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But I thought all of you stopped drinking.”

  “We stopped drinking around Daniel,” he clarified. “Solidarity and all that.”

  I swung my legs out of bed and sat on the edge, taking in the disheveled sight of him. His eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed again. I knew he’d been crying. And the smell of whiskey emanated pungently from him.

  How bad had that fire really been? I knew he’d glossed over the worst of it. But I’d never seen him like this.

  “Todd,” I whispered. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

  “I don’t want to lose you,” he said, his gaze firmly trained on the carpet. “I’m so fucked, Sarra.”

  “You’re not going to lose me,” I promised him.

  “I’ve ruined everything. My life. Your life. Our lives.” He let out a shaky laugh. “We should have a life by now.”

  “Stop talking,” I insisted. “You’re drunk and you’re going to stay something you’ll regret tomorrow.”

  “Regret.” He looked up at me, a small, sad smile on his lips. “You want to talk to me about my regrets, Sarra?”

  “Not especially,” I said, unable to keep the anger out of my voice. “I’d like you to go sleep this off.”

  “You’re right,” he agreed. He stood up, kicked off his shoes and pulled off his shirt.

  “Not here!” I yelled.

  “But I’m tired,” he whined.

  “I’m tired, too,” I muttered. “Todd. You’re kind of killing me here.”

  He stepped off his socks as he walked around the bed, then dropped onto the mattress, bouncing both of us from the force of it.

  “I love you,” he said, rolling onto his side to look at me. “Always have. I’m an idiot.”

  “You certainly are,” I agreed. I pulled a blanket off the end of the bed and covered him with it before getting back under my own comforter. “Stay on your side.”

  Soft snores sounded through the room before I even got the lamp turned off. I blew out a heavy sigh and flopped down against the pillow, staring toward the window and trying to ignore how nice it was to have his warmth next to me.

  Even if it smelled like a distillery.

  ****

  I made sure I was downstairs with coffee brewed before Todd woke up. He was throwing me for a loop right now and I didn’t know whether to make lifelong demands of him or punch him in a delicate part of his anatomy.

  How did everything get so complicated so fast?

  My body stiffened at the sound of him creeping down the hall. When the front door squeaked as it opened, anger flooded my body.

  “Don’t you dare slink out of here Todd Montgomery!” I called out. “Get your deadbeat ass in here right now!”

  The door closed again and a moment later he walked into the kitchen. I took in his stooped shoulders and squinted eyes and knew he had a hangover.

  Good.

  “Good morning!” I said loudly. “Coffee?”

  “Sarra,” he hissed, pinching his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Please.”

  “Please what?” I asked, making sure to keep my volume up. I banged a few pots around for good measure as well.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, dropping into his seat at the table.

  “For what, exactly?” I slammed his mug onto the table in front of him, sloshing coffee onto the surface from the force of it. “For stumbling into my bed in the middle of the night? For attempting to run out of here just now? Of all your many, many faults, I never would have imagined you a coward.”

  “Me either,” he admitted.

  “You can’t go into work like that,” I said, finally lowering my tone as I sat across from him. “Daniel will be there.”

  His cousin Daniel was a recovering alcoholic, and most of the men in the family had given up drinking in support of his efforts. It was noble, even if Daniel insisted it wasn’t necessary.

  But it was important to the men, and if Todd walked into that office, everyone would know that he
’d fallen into a bottle the night before. And Daniel might be the only man big enough to forgive him for it.

  “I know,” he agreed. “I was just going to go home.”

  “Are you sure you should be alone right now?” I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “What was this even about? That last fire?”

  “No.” He let out a humorless laugh. “No, that was bad. But that’s not my biggest problem right now.”

  He looked pointedly at me, and realization dawned on me.

  This was about me. Was he that sorry he’d found solace in me? I stood up quickly, walking over to the sink so he wouldn’t see the tears pooling in my eyes.

  My God, did he really have that little faith in me? Or did I not mean as much to him as I’d always thought?

  I hung my head, blinking rapidly to dry my eyes as I washed dishes as an excuse to even be over here. With deep breathing, I was able to keep my shoulders from shaking and giving myself away.

  Strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back against his chest. I leaned into him as wetness poured down my cheeks. Damn it. And damn him.

  “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered. “And I’m fucking up everything. I’m like poison right now. And the worst part is, I don’t know how to stop.”

  “I don’t know what you want from me,” I admitted.

  “Neither do I,” he said. “You know that I love you. And you know why I can’t be with you.”

  “I know why you think you can’t be with me,” I corrected him, pulling away from his embrace. “Let’s not pretend I’ve ever agreed with that excuse.”

  “It’s not an excuse,” he insisted.

  “Really?” I glared at him, my anger rising again and pushing the tears away. “Are you under the impression that I wouldn’t be devastated now if something happened to you? Do you really believe that after all this time, I’m going magically find someone in this town to replace you in my heart? You are it for me, Todd. Just you. Whether we’re best friends, married or never speak again after today. You are my forever.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” he begged. “You have to find someone else. Someone who deserves you. Someone who can make you happy. I’ll never be that guy for you.”

  “Then maybe you should stop crawling into my bed in the middle of the night,” I shot back. “I understood the other night, Todd. I did. I wasn’t going to ask you for anything more. I haven’t in a long fucking time. But last night was all you. Then you come in here and tell me you love me, then remind me why I can’t have you. Why are you doing this to me?”

  “I don’t know!” he yelled, wincing immediately. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. You’re it for me, too. But the only thing I am completely sure of, is that I can’t risk your future. I won’t be responsible for destroying your life.”

  “Then I think you should go,” I said.

  He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to argue, then snapped it shut. Shaking his head sadly, he pushed past me and walked out the front door.

  I sank to the floor, leaning against the counter and began to cry. We’d had fights before. A lifetime of friendship is bound to have ups and downs. But that just seemed so final. One day it might seem like it was for the best, but right then…I was pretty sure my life was over.

  Chapter Seven

  ~ Todd ~

  “You should hydrate,” Kyle said, tossing me a water before sitting across from me on the sofa.

  “How did you know?” I asked, prying it open and drinking half the bottle in one swallow.

  “Sarra called me.” Kyle shrugged. “Asked me to check on you. And to keep Daniel away from you for a while.”

  I nodded, staring at the bottle in my hand. “Did she say anything else?”

  “No,” Kyle said slowly. “What else would she have told me”

  I shook my head. Nothing, of course. There was no reason for her to tell my brother we’d slept together. That I’d stumbled into her bedroom drunk as a skunk because I was sad and didn’t know where else to go. That I was a giant asshole.

  “What is up with you lately?” Kyle asked, reaching out and knocking my feet off the coffee table.

  I looked up at him, wondering how much to tell him. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what was going on in my own head. I didn’t know how to explain any of it to him. And the fact that I’d lost my virginity at twenty-seven years old to the woman I’d been pushing away for half my life honestly wasn’t something I needed to be sharing with ayone.

  “Did something happen between you and Sarra?” Kyle finally asked. “She sounded like she’d been crying.”

  “I made a really big mistake,” I admitted. “And I can’t fix it.”

  “Talk to your big brother,” Kyle said, leaning back and patting his thighs like he was inviting me to sit in his lap. “Tell me all about it.”

  “I slept with her.”

  “You what!” He jumped to his feet and glared down at me. “Why would you go and do a thing like that?”

  “It was kind of an accident,” I admitted.

  “Oh. Really? You just tripped and fell into her?” He shook his head, anger clear on his face. “I’m assuming by the current situation that this wasn’t a joyous occasion that will lead to the two of you finally getting married and stopping whatever this nonsense has been the last ten years.”

  “Look, none of this is really your business—”

  “Fuck that!” Kyle roared. “I have watched you two kill yourselves for way too long. I’ve told you all along that your view of the situation is completely wrong. You’re a moron. And now you’ve led that poor girl on—”

  “Hey!” I cut him back off. “It wasn’t the sleeping together that was an issue! We talked through that. We were good.”

  “Until?” he pushed.

  “Until I stumbled into her house, drunk, in the middle of the night last night then vomited a bunch of hurtful shit at her this morning.” I bit my lip and turned away from him, not wanting him to see the shame on my face.

  “Fix it,” he demanded.

  “I can’t just fix it, Kyle.” I scrubbed my hand over my mouth and stood, not wanting to continue being looked down on by my brother. “You don’t understand. None of you understand.”

  “Hey, he was my dad, too!” Kyle reminded me pointedly. “I lost everything right along with you.”

  “Yeah? Well I don’t see you knocking down anyone’s door, rushing Viv to the alter, do I?” I barked.

  “That is completely different and you know it,” he argued. “Vivien and I haven’t been in love since we were kids. We barely know each other. And I’m not running to her bed one night, then running away from her the next.”

  He wasn’t wrong, which pissed me off. I hated when he was right.

  “Are you under the impression that I don’t know I’m the asshole here?” I asked him, throwing my hands up in frustration. “I know what I’ve done. Her broken heart is like blood on my hands, okay. I know!”

  “What are you going to do about it?” he asked, finally lowering his voice.

  “I don’t know what I can do,” I said sadly. “She kicked me out.”

  “Well no shit,” he said, reaching out and slapping me upside the head. “I’d have lost all respect for her if she hadn’t.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed. He was right. She should’ve actually done worse. “I love her.”

  “I know. But I’m not the one you should be telling.”

  Our phones beeped and we dug them out of our pockets.

  “Shit!” Kyle yelled, already running for the door.

  The Mill was on fire.

  Chapter Eight

  ~ Sarra ~

  I was sitting on my porch, having my own private pity party, when the sirens started. At first it was just a couple, the familiar blaring of the town firetruck and Kyle’s police cruiser. But within ten minutes, more joined in, and soon there was a crowd gathering on the street, all of us trying to figure out the source of all
the noise.

  Then I noticed smoke beginning to billow above the tree lines. Black and thick, but there wasn’t any way to tell where it was coming from. I knew the guys would be busy, so I couldn’t call anyone from Rescue. I was holding my phone in my hand, wanting to know what was going on but unable to think of who I could call, when it rang and startled me hard enough that I almost dropped into the gravel.

  “Sascha!” I said. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s the Mill,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “The guys have called in everyone from the neighboring towns to come help. But it’s awful.”

  My heart clenched. Hundreds of people worked in that mill. Even on a Saturday there would be tons of workers.

  And Todd would be there, fighting what looked to be a massive blaze.

  “What can I do?” I asked immediately, forcing myself to stay calm. There were always things that needed to be done in times like this, and I couldn’t stand in my front yard crying, worrying about Todd. That wasn’t going to help anyone.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “They’re trying to keep people from flooding the area.”

  “How many volunteers do you think are down there?” I asked.

  “Dozens, maybe more,” she answered.

  “Okay, well those men are going to need food and water. They’ll probably need medical supplies. Start making calls, pick level-headed women if you can. I’ll meet you down there.”

  “Sounds good,” she said.

  “Have you heard anything about…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “Kyle called me to let me know what was going on. He said the family was safe. That’s all I know.” She blew out a sigh. “They’ll be okay. This is what they do.”

  “I know,” I lied. “See you soon.”

  We hung up and I jumped into action. I ran across the street to my neighbor Becky and asked her to get with the rest of the neighborhood to bring me water, portable snacks like protein bars, whatever anyone could spare. She took off like a shot while I opened the garage and started pulling things from my stockpile and dumping them into the back of my truck.

  Within half an hour we had collected tons of provisions. I thanked everyone as they finished loading up and promised to send any news I could, then I took off for the mill.