Oh my, it seems Fiona brought the big guns out tonight. “Wow, don’t hold back on my account. First of all, did you stop by a bar for a shot or seven of vodka on your way here? Second, you seem to have forgotten that one of the guys you tried to set me up with was eighteen years old – his voice hadn’t even changed yet. Enough said.”
Ready for her rebuttal I thrust a hand out and intercepted it. “But, as it so happens, dear Fiona, Annette is setting me up on a date with someone this week. He fits all of your criteria and he even has a child of his own. I didn’t specifically ask if he has a real live penis but I’m assuming that’s a given. I’m expecting his call and, barring a disastrous initial phone call, I plan to accept. So there!”
She beamed back at me and I couldn’t help but be a little happy that I’d put a smile on her face. “Well, if it can’t be hot construction dude, I guess we can give this other guy a chance at snack time. Now, where’s the wine?”
***
My phone buzzed with a text.
Nate: I got an in at Hops and can skip the line. Just name the night. By the way, when did that place become such a madhouse? It’s still just a burger joint, right?
Laney: I know! Ever since it got listed as “Best Burger” on some list you can’t get in anymore.
Nate: I noticed that still wasn’t a yes on the date?
Laney: I’ve got Charlotte’s phone number for you.
Nate: I don’t want to go out with Charlotte. I want to go out with you. Besides, dating married women requires too much effort and I’m not big on subterfuge.
Laney: Smartass. I meant I had her number for the apology you owe her. I haven’t forgotten.
Nate: Neither have I. Now, about this date…
Laney: I’ve got Rocco so it’s not that easy.
Nate: You’ve also got Gavin and I am his boss after all. I can be lenient if he needs to come in late…
Laney: Exactly! None of that. I don’t think we should get involved.
Nate: You think too much.
That was Tuesday and I chose not to reengage or I’d get myself in trouble. That same night I got the call I’d been expecting from Annette’s guy, Alex. He seemed nice enough on the phone, although we did have the expected awkward moments one gets when speaking to a complete stranger and trying to organize a date. We settled fairly quickly on Thursday evening and I have to say I was somewhat relieved to get off the phone. I forgot how stressful dating was – why do people do this to themselves?
***
Thursday arrived before I was ready for it and it was officially date night. The only problem was that the date wasn’t with the guy I actually wanted, no matter what the logical part of my brain said. Nate had continued to text me since Tuesday and I couldn’t help but be charmed by him. Dammit!
Determined to get me fired up for the date, Fiona showed up early in the evening with a slew of dresses and heels. Since she and I were nowhere in the neighborhood of the same size my look of confusion must have been evident.
“So I stopped at a couple boutiques. Suck it!”
I would try to argue with her but there was no stopping Fiona and her credit card. So I let her spend the next hour doing my hair and makeup and dressing me up like a Barbie, except one with actual human dimensions. She spent the majority of the time alternating between reveling in her own genius and filling me in on useless gossip that was both totally frivolous and completely entertaining. As only a best friend would do, she’d offered to babysit Rocco during my date. I would have asked Gavin, but I was starting to feel like I was taking advantage of him a bit and I knew he had his, well, drinking or whatever to do in the evenings. Truthfully, I had no idea what he was up to these days.
“This is definitely the one.” Fiona stood back and admired her work, finger to her lips.
I looked down at the form fitting pink dress. It was sleeveless with wide straps – because, come on, there was no way on earth I could forego a bra – and a pencil skirt that ended just above the knee. Running down the center of the dress was a pretty little vertical ruffle of sorts. I tugged lightly at the ruffle. “You don’t think this is too much?”
“It adds interest and draws the eye vertically – very slimming,” She said.
I was all for slimming, but still. “You don’t think I look a bit like…a vagina?”
She gasped just as the doorbell rang. “Shoes!” she shouted.
Oh well, too late. I shoved on the torture devices she threw at me and headed out to the living room. I paused as I noted for the umpteenth time this week that the cockeyed board in the hallway floor lay flat where it had once caused countless stubbed toes as if that had been its sole purpose on this earth. Nate had fixed it on Saturday and dammit if I didn’t think of him every time I walked down the hall. Sigh. I forced thoughts of Nate aside and entered the living room where Gavin sat on the couch.
“Doorbell,” he said oh-so-helpfully. Then he looked me up and down. “That's a lot of pink. No offense, but you kind of look like a–”
“You must be Alex!” Fiona opened the front door with a flourish.
I knew it! Crap! Too late now.
Alex stepped inside. Annette hadn’t lied – he was super cute. Short-ish blond hair spiked up in artful disarray and a thin nose held a pair of cool hipster glasses with black frames. He was taller than me in my heels so that was good and he had great cheekbones, but no scruff, I noticed. Oh well. He wore a gray short sleeved button down and black pants. Skinny pants. Huh. How did I feel about that?
Fiona swept to the side like the little hostess she is. She motioned to herself. “I’m Fiona, the best friend. That’s Gavin, the brother.” She spared Gavin the slightest gesture and then motioned to me as if presenting Alex to the queen. “And this…is Laney.” Jesus, was she going to curtsey next?
Alex’s face broke into a smile. “Wow, Laney, you look beautiful. I love pink.”
Cough. Shut up, Gavin!
“Thanks. You look nice too.” Didn't they have those pants in your size? I guess I’d figured out my feelings about the pants after all.
God, stop being a bitch, Laney!
He really did have a great smile – nice, even white teeth. But no dimple. Well that’s okay, not everyone can have an awesome dimple.
Come on, give him a chance!
Fiona looked at me and seemed to be attempting to communicate the same command. Let’s do this! “Well, have fun, kids!” she chirped and ushered us out the door.
The drive to the restaurant went as expected for a first date – some overly long silences and some talking over each other in an attempt to ease the awkwardness. Just normal first date stuff.
“I thought we'd try out this new sushi place,” Alex said.
“Oh, okay.” A bit of a risk for a first date, wasn’t it? Not everybody likes sushi. Shut up! You like sushi just fine. “Sounds great!”
We arrived at the restaurant and he opened my door for me. Gotta love a guy with manners. He kept his hand on the small of my back all the way to our table which, while not prompting the flight of any butterflies, was nice.
After we were comfortably seated and had a chance to look over the menu, we placed our orders with the waitress. I stuck to the basics with California rolls, tuna and the like, but Alex went full out experimental. I couldn’t pronounce most of what he ordered and I was a bit scared to witness him eating it. Eek.
“So Annette says you and Rocco just bought your house? That's great. Isn't house hunting fun?” he said with a smirk. Sarcasm, I like it.
“Yeah, it comes in only a close second to doing my taxes on my list of favorite activities. But now that it’s done I love it.” I relaxed and sipped my water.
“I had to get a new place last year too. I thought my daughter, Allison, would have a hard time adjusting. Her mom stayed in our old place, you know, and we share custody.”
I nodded understandingly.
“But Allison's been an angel – handling the divorce like a champ. Couldn't as
k for a better kid.”
That’s sweet, I thought. I needed to give this guy a chance. “Wow that's great for you. I've heard that can be really hard so it sounds like you lucked out.” I smiled at him. “There’s not even a divorce involved in my move and I think Rocco is going to need therapy to get over it,” I joked.
“No luck about it. Allison's just the perfect kid.” Deadpan.
Whoa, back it up there, mister. Isn't there some unwritten rule that you can't call your own kid perfect out loud unless you’re using deep sarcasm? Before I had to think of a response our waitress came with our food and the hot sake we’d ordered. I think some of Alex’s meal was still alive.
He picked up his chopsticks. “So what do you like to do for fun, Laney?”
“Oh, you know, work and take care of my kid mostly. That’s when I’m not flying off in my private jet to Aruba, of course.” I popped a California roll in my mouth. Yum.
Alex shook his head and swallowed his bite. “You’ve got to make time for yourself. You should take up running. It's great cardio.”
Was he calling me fat? “Running and I don't really mix.” You can only get hit in the face with your own boobs so many times before you have to call it a day. “I like hiking, though, but it's hard to take a five year old. Rocco’s ready to turn around thirty steps in,” I tried to joke again.
“Allison loves hiking. We also do a lot of biking together.”
I’m sure she does. And I’m sure your bike shorts are even tighter than your pants. “That sounds like fun for you guys.” My appetite was quickly fading. I took a large sip of my sake instead.
“It is. She’s really advanced for her age.” He took a bite of what looked like a tentacle.
Of course she is. This date was officially over. Why did he need to date me when he had the perfect girl at home? “Well if I can get Rocco to sleep in his own bed by the time he's ten I'll count it as a win on my end,” I ground out as I searched in vain for our waitress.
Completely misinterpreting my mood, he continued, “My ex and I employed a nurturing concept called the ‘family bed’. Allison sleeps with me to this day.”
Aaaand there’s that. I was beginning to understand the cause of his divorce – and also the reason Allison was an only child.
“You should embrace Rocco’s desire for closeness,” he persisted.
I downed the rest of my sake.
Check, please.
***
“So it didn't go great?” Fiona asked, looking disappointed.
I don’t know what gave it away, my scowl or my complete deflation onto the couch, vagina dress splayed around me. I was surprised to see Gavin on the recliner, leaning back in the same jeans and t-shirt he’d had on when I’d left. I thought he’d be three sheets to the wind by now at Jake’s.
“Obviously,” he contributed. “That guy was a douchecanoe.”
I couldn’t rally myself to protest. “Is it judgy of me to find it creepy that he prefers sleeping in the same bed as his seven year old?”
Fiona’s expression crumpled with revulsion while Gavin’s remained steady. “Dating that twatwaffle could only end in a smartphone full of dick pics. Consider it a bullet dodged and move on.”
“Eww” Fiona and I simultaneously pronounced.
Chapter Eleven
Well, This Is Awkward
Nate
I hadn’t given up. Several days of flirty texting but no date accepted, I still had my ace in the hole with a tentative Saturday plan to resume work on her house.
Nate: Krispy Kreme again or should I go for Granny’s?
Laney: Oooh. Tough choice. Surprise me.
And just like that I had my confirmed invitation to come over tomorrow. It was Friday afternoon and I had to swing by my parents’ house to get my dad’s signature on a few documents. I hadn’t seen him in about a week so I was looking forward to checking out his progress in person. My mom had told me over the phone that he was making her nuts trying to be too active and he was chomping at the bit to start driving again. That sounded about right.
She was also still on her kick to find him a hobby. Bailey had brought over a few jigsaw puzzles earlier in the week, as requested by our mom, and that had apparently not gone over well. Some words had been exchanged about nursing homes and bingo, and an alternative – and quite creative – suggestion was made as to where to put the puzzles. Bailey’s visit had not lasted long.
When I arrived I let myself in the front door and was surprised to see that Bailey was back as well. Clearly a glutton for punishment.
“I thought you had an appointment this afternoon.” I said.
“Canceled,” she replied, chugging a coffee from Starbucks like it was her life’s blood.
“Does Mom know you brought caffeine in the house?”
“I distracted her when I came in the door so I got away with it.”
“How’d you do that?!” I had continued to get the pat down each time I’d entered the house.
“There he is!” exclaimed my mother, entering the hallway and consuming me in a giant hug. “My Nathan.”
Looking over my mom’s shoulder at Bailey I spotted my conniving little sister’s shit-eating grin instantly. She just shrugged her shoulders and mouthed, “Sucks to be you.” I flipped her off immediately.
I was way too familiar with this look from Bailey. It was the same one she got each time she finagled her way out of trouble by throwing me under the bus. I’d spent many nights as a teenager, grounded in my room, plotting revenge on Bailey for just this kind of shit. It didn’t matter that I actually had been smoking weed behind the garage or sneaking out my bedroom window to go out late – it was the principle of the thing. I’d been pretty successful with a few of my revenge strategies, the best one being the time I got the whole school to call her “Sabrina” for most of her freshman year. It was short for “Sabrina the Teenage Bitch” and the best part was that it could be used in front of teachers – it pissed Bailey off in the worst way. Ah, good times.
But that was then – this was now, and she would pay – as soon as I found out what the hell she’d done this time.
“Hi Mom,” I said a bit warily, returning her hug with a tad less enthusiasm.
She released me momentarily and took my face in her hands. “So handsome.”
Oh shit. This was worse than I thought.
“Now, tell me all about her. I can’t wait to meet her! Bailey said she has a son. That’s just wonderful! I miss being around kids.”
Jesus H. Macy.
Skewering Bailey with my best “you are fucking dead” glare, I stopped her in her tracks as she’d been attempting to slink away.
“Let’s go have a drink in the kitchen and you can tell me all about her and her little boy,” my mother cooed.
Trying desperately to get out of this conversation I asked, “Where’s Dad? I really need him to sign some papers for me.”
She waved me off and ushered both Bailey and me toward the table. “He’s in the shower. He’ll be down in a bit and then you two can take care of that. Sit.”
With little other choice I sat and mentally planned my sister’s very painful death. Do they still have the rack? No, that’s too good for her.
Cups of decaf all around and the inquisition began. “Bailey said you met her at work? Is she Catholic? I’ll bet she’s Irish, isn’t she? Oh, no matter – I’m sure she’s wonderful either way.” Her eyes passed between me and my sister.
At this point Bailey jumped in and tried to save herself. “That’s just what Mark said. I don’t really know much about it except for what he told me.”
That bastard. Mark was too nosy for his own good and I should have known he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He had seen Laney at the Old Oak Ridge site, though, so there had been no avoiding talking about her. Every guy there had been talking about her for a week, much to Gavin’s annoyance. Which only made the guys talk more shit, of course.
“Okay, slow down, Mom. I just
met this girl and we haven’t even gone out on a date so hold off on the wedding plans, please.”
“But you’ve been spending time with her, right? That sounds to me like dating. What’s she like? I’m sure she’s really pretty, isn’t she?”
“Her name is Laney. She’s beautiful.” I couldn’t help it – it just came out.
Bailey shot me a surprised glance, totally unused to me saying word one about a woman. Why did I feel like I was shooting myself in the foot?
“I knew it.” Our mother smiled. “And how old is her son?”
“He’s five, I think. His name is Rocco.”
“Awww,” came the two female voices simultaneously.
Jesus.
“I know!” My mother straightened up suddenly. “You should invite them over for Sunday dinner! Then we can all meet them. And it would be a great distraction for your father.”
Before I could protest that nothing of the sort would be happening, Bailey cut in, “Not this again, Mom. A girlfriend or a potential grandkid is not going to keep Dad from going back to work. You’ve got to stop with this hobby thing too. You saw how he reacted to the puzzles. What’s it going to be next, synchronized swimming?”
Bailey looked to me with a sudden smirk. “We’ll have to add that to the list, Nate – can you imagine?” She started to snicker before she realized that she’d just fucked us both. Have I mentioned what an utter pain in the ass my sister is?
Our mother’s good mood evaporated instantly and the air turned thick. Her hands gripped her coffee cup so tightly her knuckles turned white. “So, you two think this is all a big joke,” she said with a quiet intensity we’d never heard before. “You just wait until you see the person you love more than anything lying on the ground afraid and in pain. Then you see how funny it is to wrack your brain trying to think of any and every thing in your power you can do to keep them with you – to not lose them. Laugh all you want but if puzzles or grandkids or goddamned synchronized swimming will keep your father with me for one more second you better believe I’ll pull out all the stops. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get your dad’s medicines ready for him.”
The Fix (Carolina Connections #1) Page 9
