Jolly Foul Play: A Murder Most Unladylike Mystery

by Robin Stevens

  ‘But why?’ I asked.

  ‘New secret,’ said Daisy. She was standing by the doorway, I saw, fully dressed, hair brushed and cheeks clear of pillow creases. ‘It came out last night, after you were asleep. Rose is a thief.’

  The twins Rose and Jose Pritchett are in the other dorm with Clementine and Sophie Croke-Finchley. They are blonde, with round ordinary faces and a slow way of speaking in rhythm with each other. Daisy would say they were not interesting, although now that I write this, I see that my opinion of them was one of Daisy’s that I had taken on without considering it. What I ought to have learned from this term is that Daisy should not always be believed. I ought to have been watching the twins as much as anyone else.

  ‘She’s been pinching things from the shrimps,’ Kitty went on as Daisy stood back, arms folded, and watched me clamber out of bed and shove my feet into my slippers, her lip very slightly curled. ‘At least, that’s what the secret said. Jose covered it up for her. But last week Rose went into Matron’s office and stole her brooch. You know, that annoyingly pretty one.’

  I remembered Matron crashing all over House the week before, hunting fruitlessly for the brooch. The world seemed to spin again, and set itself down in yet another new place. Was nothing I had thought really true? I remembered how pale Rose had looked, and knew I ought to have seen what that might mean.

  ‘But then a secret was left in Matron’s office late last night, saying that Rose was to blame. So Matron went straight into the other dorm, and found the brooch. She was going to call Rose’s father this morning, only when we woke up, Rose was already gone!’

  ‘She won’t get far,’ said Daisy dismissively. ‘She’ll have gone on foot through Oakeshott Woods, so she’ll be fearfully tired and dirty by now. No motorcars will pick her up, and the first grown-up who sees her will report her to the police station. She’ll be back here in disgrace by lunch time.’

  ‘But she’s missing!’ I said. ‘Anything might have happened to her!’

  ‘Don’t be dramatic,’ said Daisy. ‘Nothing has. You’ll see.’

  ‘That’s an idiotic thing to say,’ I snapped, before I could stop myself. Daisy and I glared at each other. Once again, it was war between us.

  ‘Oh, do come on and let’s go see what’s going on!’ said Kitty hurriedly.

  We all rushed out of the dorm. It was mad in the corridors. All the shrimps were running about almost at will, forming into little groups, whispering and then moving on. Binny and her group of friends came striding past, Binny looking almost insufferably smug.

  ‘I knew it was her,’ said Binny. ‘I knew Rose was the thief. I said so last week, when my pen went missing. Didn’t I?’

  Martha Grey nodded encouragingly.

  ‘Oh, you did not,’ said Kitty. ‘Stop making things up, you insufferable liar.’

  ‘I did!’ cried Binny. ‘See here, I know plenty of things. More than you do. You think you’re so grown up, but you’re only a year older than I am.’

  ‘Which means you ought to listen to me, and be polite!’ said Kitty. ‘If you had known anything, you would have said. You’re rotten at keeping secrets.’

  ‘Hah!’ said Binny. ‘That’s what you think. You’ll see. Come on, everyone. Let’s leave these idiots to their own devices.’

  And she swanned away. Kitty had gone red.

  ‘Little sisters are dreadful,’ said Daisy, as though she was not one herself.

  It is funny how public the English are about disliking their families, even when it is not really true. Love is a secret to them, hate, far less so.

  9

  When we peered through the door of the other dorm, we saw Jose Pritchett sobbing, and Sophie Croke-Finchley comforting her. There was Rose’s bed, neat and un-slept-in, her chest of drawers half open and her school bag missing. So she really was gone. Then Clementine caught sight of us and simply slammed the door in our faces. It made me feel briefly more kindly towards Clementine. At least she had some sense of dorm pride.

  The breakfast bell rang, and we all streamed downstairs. The front door of House slammed shut as we clattered down, and I saw a brief flash of hats and three prefect scarves through the front windows. As we went into breakfast, only Florence and Enid were in the Dining Room, and once we had all taken our places, Florence stood up, motioning for quiet. She looked tired and cross.

  ‘You lot,’ she said as Enid hovered behind her, her ever-present History revision books clutched in her hand. ‘Listen up. An idiotic fourth former has gone missing. Rose Pritchett. You all know her, don’t you? Just nod, don’t speak! Stop snickering, Freebody Minor. All right, she’s gone, and she left some time in the night. The police have been called, and the other prefects are out looking for her until they get here, but you lucky things still have Enid and me to watch over you. Now, if any of you know anything about Rose, where she might have gone, and why, you need to speak up now. If you don’t, and we find out you knew anything once she’s back, you’ll be in really horrible trouble. Isn’t that right, Enid?’

  Enid nodded and glared about the room.

  ‘So speak up now! No, no crying. Stop that!’

  ‘But what if she’s dead as well?’ wailed the little first-form shrimp Charlotte.

  ‘She isn’t, and if you keep saying she is, I shall strike you,’ snapped Florence. ‘Now, we’ll give you two minutes to come up here and confess. All right?’

  Of course, no one did. We all sat quite still, and I saw that we were not frightened any more, or at least not simply afraid. It was a sort of silent rebellion. We would not listen to the Five any more.

  But I was thinking. The police were on their way, and that meant Inspector Priestley. He had helped us before with two of our cases, and I knew that if anyone would believe us about Elizabeth, it was him. This was an excellent chance. And it was a chance to do something else as well. If the Five were distracted looking for Rose, we would never have a better opportunity to search their dorm.

  We all joined up in groups as we walked down to school, older girls talking to younger in the most mixed-up way. Everyone was properly mutinous about the Five at last. There was a camaraderie between the younger years that I had never seen before.

  ‘If they were proper prefects, Rose would never have run away!’

  ‘If they’d been proper prefects, Elizabeth wouldn’t have died!’

  There was a pause as everyone thought about this, and an unspoken moment when everyone agreed that perhaps it was not altogether a bad thing. I felt rather a pang. After I had heard what Florence had said, I felt I understood Elizabeth rather better. She had been cruel because she had not known how to be kind, because all she knew how to do was manipulate and push. Perhaps she had thought that the Five were her friends. Perhaps that was why she had threatened to expose them when they told her they would not work for her any longer. Had she had time to be shocked when one of them crept up behind her and brought the hockey stick down on her head?

  I shook my head, and brought myself back to the conversation.

  ‘I heard they had something to do with Elizabeth’s death!’

  ‘They helped Jones do it!’

  ‘No, they did it! All of them!’

  ‘That isn’t true!’ Kitty said to the third former who had spoken. We were all of us rather nervous, I could tell, about the fact that the Five were at last being mentioned as suspects. If the murderer realized that she was suspected, might she not also discover that we were looking into the case? Then it would not just be the mysterious secret-spreader who was in danger.

  ‘It is!’ said the third former – she was one of the Marys, Marion. ‘The Five, they’re all liars. Lettice didn’t even go to finishing school this summer!’

  ‘Of course Lettice went to finishing school,’ said Kitty, who could still not get used to all this impudence from the younger years. ‘We all know it.’

  ‘That’s what everyone says, but she can’t have done,’ said Marion. ‘Not really. You see, my cousin�
��s friend Margery, whose father is the Austrian ambassador, went to the same school, the one in Lausanne, and they both came with Mummy to take me to tea last Exeat. Margery was being an absolute bore about her time there, so I asked her about Lettice and she didn’t know who I meant!’

  Daisy kept on walking quite calmly, but I could see the set of her shoulders change. I could feel the breath become short in my chest. Was this a clue to our last secret?

  ‘I expect she just forgot,’ said Daisy.

  ‘Or didn’t notice her,’ said Lavinia. ‘What? It’s possible, isn’t it?’

  Marion shook her head. ‘No. I asked twice; she certainly wasn’t there. Margery remembers everyone’s name, and she didn’t know Lettice. She wasn’t there.’

  ‘But where was she?’ gasped Beanie.

  ‘Shh, Beanie,’ said Daisy smoothly. ‘D’you know, Marion, I wonder whether Lettice has been lying to us about which school it was she went to. I heard that her father might be having money trouble. Perhaps he scrimped, and she was too embarrassed to say anything about it?’

  ‘Ooh!’ gasped Marion. ‘Do you really think so?’ And she went rushing away to where the other two Marys were walking.

  We turned to Daisy. She rolled her eyes. ‘I had to say something to make her go away,’ she said. But I knew why she had said it – to put Marion off the scent. What Marion had said was important. If Lettice had not been at finishing school this summer, where had she been, and why?

  10

  School that morning felt strange. We ought to have had double Science with Miss Runcible, but she had been called into the search for Rose, so we were put into Art with the fifth form instead. The new Art mistress, Miss Morris, put an arrangement of fading autumn branches in front of us, their gold leaves drooping off onto the wooden desk and a soft, ageing smell coming from them, and we all drew in silence.

  I sketched away rather discontentedly, going round and round the outlines of my leaves until they were fat and black and out of proportion, and then I was cross at myself for ruining my drawing. I am not an artist, but all the same I do not like to destroy things. My stomach hurt. What if that was what I had done to Daisy? What if I had destroyed our friendship for ever?

  At bunbreak (gingernuts), rumours were everywhere. The Five really were being blamed for Elizabeth’s death now. The five of us huddled together, Daisy and I carefully keeping Beanie between us, for the day was cold and our pinafores and jumpers thin, and breathed on our hands while we ate and talked about the case. But we seemed to be going round in circles, and everything felt miserable. I wondered if the police had arrived yet, and whether Rose had been found.

  When we arrived back at House for lunch, I saw a new letter poking out of my pigeonhole in the hallway.

  I snatched it up, cheeks heating, and turned to see Kitty, Beanie and Lavinia all watching me. Daisy had turned away, and was whispering with a fifth former.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ I said, louder than I needed to.

  ‘It’s lunch time,’ said Lavinia as the lunch gong went. ‘Honestly, sometimes you all wear me out. Can’t anything be simple?’

  I had a sudden longing ache. Why couldn’t anything be simple any more? Why did everything have to be difficult, now we were older?

  We were walking through the doorway into the Dining Room when the little third former Martha Grey half blocked our way. She was nibbling on her hair nervously and blinking, and I could see that something was upsetting her. As Kitty stepped forward she shrank back. ‘I—’ she said. ‘I … er … Binny—’

  ‘Oh, spit it out!’ said Kitty. ‘What has that little toad done now?’

  ‘Oh!’ said Martha with a gasp. ‘It – it’s nothing. I think the new bracelet she’s wearing isn’t hers. She says it is, but—’

  ‘New bracelet!’ raged Kitty. ‘Why, that’s mine! How dare she!’ And she rushed into the Dining Room, on the hunt for her sister.

  ‘Was that really what you wanted to say?’ I asked Martha.

  ‘Yes,’ she said hurriedly. ‘I have to go sit down.’

  I almost went after her, but I was thinking about my letter. I wanted to know what Alexander thought of the case. So I did not press her.

  11

  As we were eating (Kitty clipping her bracelet back on under her jumper sleeve in triumph), Beanie nudged me.

  ‘Have you heard?’ she whispered. ‘Kitty and Daisy are going to search the Five’s dorm! Betsy North’s providing the distraction.’

  ‘They are?’ I asked, putting down my fork. I had been thinking of exactly that, but to hear that Daisy was going to do it without me—!

  ‘Oh,’ said Beanie. ‘They – we – I mean, we all are. Lavinia and I are coming too. And you, of course.’ Then she blushed.

  I could tell that Beanie was lying, or at least, that she was trying to cover up the truth. Daisy had wanted to leave me out. That was why I was only hearing of it now.

  ‘I’m coming too,’ I said, and I looked up to where Daisy was sitting. Her nose was wrinkled, and she gave me a very cool stare. I stared back. The Hazel of a year ago might have begged for forgiveness, but I would not.

  The prefects on duty had changed. Florence and Enid had gone out to join the hunt for Rose, and Lettice and Margaret were in their place. Lettice trembled with nerves, and looked quite exhausted, and Margaret was scowling and distracted. I had heard that the police were here now, and searching, but that they still wanted everyone they could helping them. I wondered if Inspector Priestley would come to House, if he was wondering about where we were. But perhaps he would not think of us, if he believed he was simply investigating a runaway child? He had no reason to know that there was a body behind it all.

  Pudding plates were cleared away (apple crumble and custard), and Betsy’s distraction began. I saw Daisy nod at her, and Betsy nod at her year – and then they all went quite wild. They began shrieking at each other like monkeys, chasing about the Dining Room in breach of the rules, and Margaret and Lettice could not cope.

  ‘Stop that!’ Lettice screamed, and Margaret put her hands up to her face in distress. They did not even notice the five of us slipping out of the room.

  As we crept up the stairs (avoiding the creaks), Daisy turned to us. ‘There are rather a lot of us,’ she hissed, ‘so we must be extra careful.’

  ‘Isn’t it a good thing, though?’ I whispered back, as shouts echoed below us. ‘We can each take a sleeping area. There are five of us, and five of them. The search will be over quicker.’

  ‘Yes, thank you, Hazel,’ said Daisy, and we glared at each other. I hated it. We were so far apart, and it hurt so much.

  We climbed another flight of stairs, and another one (as I have said, the Five’s dorm is right at the top of House). It felt quite wrong to be so high. It is drummed into us all that you cannot go up to the top of House unless you are a Big Girl.

  But finally, there at the end of the dim corridor was the door to the Five’s dorm.

  ‘Golly!’ whispered Beanie. ‘Are we really going to do it?’

  ‘Of course!’ snapped Daisy. ‘And quickly. We’ve got to be in and out by the end of lunch break!’

  And she pushed open the door with all her usual confidence.

  12

  It felt very odd, being in the Five’s dorm – not only because it was theirs, but because it was so similar to ours. Their five beds were laid out just as ours were, and they each had their little chest of drawers and tuck boxes under their beds, just as we did. The only difference was that their furniture was all rather newer (the Big Girls get things first, and then, as they become older and more worn-down, they are brought down to the younger girls’ dorms), and there were more personal touches allowed in their areas: a patterned throw on Una’s bed, a little glass ornament on Lettice’s chest.

  ‘Split up,’ hissed Daisy. ‘One bed each. Lavinia, you take Margaret. Kitty, take Una. Beanie, Lettice. I’ll take Florence. Oh, and Hazel, I suppose you can have Enid. Remember, you are looking f
or evidence of their secrets, and also for any indication that one of them is the murderer. A bloody glove, or a burned scarf, any small thing may give us the crucial clue.’

  I felt the sting of being the afterthought. I did not look at Daisy. I only made myself think how interesting it was that she was giving herself Florence now. Did that mean her suspicions had moved on?

  ‘I don’t like this!’ whispered Beanie. ‘What if they come in and find us?’

  ‘Enid, Una and Florence are out searching, and Margaret and Lettice are distracted. And if you’re still worried, you must just hurry and not get caught,’ said Daisy. ‘Come on, then!’

  I moved over to Enid’s bed. I was looking for stolen test papers, I reminded myself. For proof that Enid was a cheat.

  Enid’s chest of drawers was tidy, the clothes neatly folded. I lifted them all up carefully, but there was nothing hidden beneath them.

  ‘Got something,’ said Lavinia gruffly from beside me. ‘Under Margaret’s mattress. It’s all ripped, but I think it used to be a letter. It’s signed A. That must be Astrid. Ugh, it’s all goopy and romantic. They really do like each other.’

  ‘Ooh, I’ve got something as well!’ cried Beanie. ‘Here – it’s a diary! Oh no, it isn’t. How funny, it’s a sort of log book. She’s recording … oh dear, she’s recording her weight, and what she eats every day. It starts in July this year, and at the beginning it says “At the request of Doctor Forel of Prangins Psychiatric Hospital, I am writing this record …” Oh, this isn’t very nice. I don’t want to read it any more.’

  So it really was true! Lettice had spent her summer in a hospital, not a finishing school. If it was discovered that her head was not well, she would never find a husband at all – and I knew that was all she hoped for.

  I moved on to Enid’s tuck box. I had a wormish feeling in my stomach. Going through suspects’ things is never very nice, but this felt particularly awful. These were secrets that the Five were desperate to hide, that one of them had killed someone for. And we were pawing at them, pulling them out into the open. It felt wrong.