A Soul For Chaos (The Soulbearer Trilogy)

by Crista McHugh

  “Someone’s in a bad mood tonight.”

  She adjusted her skirts and sent what she hoped was her most scathing look to him. “That makes two of us.”

  The Mage Secundus sat next to her and tapped her hand. “So, tell me my dear, have you had any formal training with magic?”

  “Only what Dev’s taught me.”

  Dev didn’t elaborate, preferring to eat his meal in silence.

  “And what has he managed to teach you?” the Mage Secundus continued, ignoring Dev’s sullen behavior.

  She started listing the spells she knew, the Mage Secundus nodding with each one. “Dev tells me this is the place where all the mages in Gravaria are trained.”

  “Well, this is where they all get their start. When a child demonstrates magical ability, they are brought here for testing. Then, based on the results, they are assigned to a course of study.” He chewed on a bite of meat before adding, “I’ve arranged for you to have your testing tomorrow.”

  Her shoulders jerked back. “I’m to be tested? Dev, why didn’t you warn about this?”

  “It wouldn’t have done any good,” he replied with a shrug. “They want to test your potential, not what you already know.”

  “Precisely.” The Mage Secundus took a long drink from his wine goblet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “And the Mage Sextus has volunteered to carry out your testing tomorrow morning.”

  Arden fought back a groan, especially when she noticed the other woman smirking across the table. Somehow, she didn’t think she’d receive the same sort of testing the others experienced.

  Loku hummed with pleasure. “Should we plan a little surprise for her?”

  As tempting as it was, she wouldn’t put it past the Mage Sextus to retaliate in some fashion. The woman was the sixth most powerful mage in Gravaria, and even with the power of a god behind her, Arden didn’t want to cross her unless she knew she would come out on top. “Let’s wait and see what she does first.”

  Loku sighed. “You’re no fun. He’s been rubbing off on your too much.”

  She knew he was talking about Dev. She dared another peek at him and noticed his mood had changed. Gone was the thin line of his mouth and the firm set of his jaw. He talked to the mage next him with more animation than she’d ever witnessed. It was like she was seeing a different side to him, one that was comfortable and at home with the others in this room.

  He turned to her, his smile widening. “Is everything alright?”

  The transformation left her speechless. Where had this Dev been hiding all along? She managed to nod her head.

  His hand rubbed her thigh under the table, sending a bolt of heat straight to her lower stomach. “Then enjoy the meal, Arden.”

  Sweet Lady Moon, did Dev just change personalities with Kell? Dev had stared at her enough times with lust in his eyes for her to know he was attracted to her, but he’d never done a thing to act on it. But now, his hand remained warm and solid on her thigh, making her wish she didn’t have the thick fabric of her skirt between them. Her mind strayed to the base desire that he’d touch other parts of her body.

  She shook herself out of it. This was Dev, after all. The man who’d never let himself neglect his duty. The man who’d told her that nothing could ever happen between them because she would be a distraction.

  Yet his hand started massaging her thigh, slowly working up from her knee toward her hip. Her skin flushed, and she stilled, not sure how to react to him. Part of her wanted to yank his hand off before she embarrassed herself by releasing the moan building in her throat. The other part of her wanted to enjoy the sensations he awoke in her body, to indulge in them as long as she could.

  She dared to meet his eyes once again, and her breath hitched. His pupils were wide and filled with desire as he stared at her, an unspoken plea she’d seen plenty of times before with Kell. But she also noticed the two blotches of color in his cheeks, the glaze in his eyes and the mild slurring of his words. She released her breath. This was all too familiar to a girl who grew up in an inn that served more ale than food.

  Dev was drunk.

  She glanced at his still full wine glass. “That cordial must have been more potent that I realized.”

  “Yes, so it seems,” Loku said. “Perhaps you had best get him back to your room before he ravishes you in front of the entire Mage’s Council.”

  That was the last thing she needed, especially when she had to face the Mage Sextus in the morning. She covered Dev’s hand with her own and pulled him closer to her. “I think we need to retire for the evening.”

  A slow, easy grin spread across his lips. “I think that’s a good idea.”

  She murmured an excuse to the Mage Secundus, saying she was tired from her travels, and rose from the table. Dev followed, his hand resting along the small of her back and moving dangerously lower once they left the dining room. She darted to the side and caught it in her own hand.

  “Dev, which way do we need to go?” she asked, hoping the task would distract him long enough to get him to his bed.

  “This way.” He turned down a hallway, stumbling every few steps.

  Worry bloomed inside her chest. She’d never dreamed she’d ever see Dev drunk. He always wanted to be in control, to not let anything distract him from his duty. His slip alarmed her, especially after his warning when they entered the dining room this evening. Then guilt replaced her worry. What if he was drunk because he drank her cordial?

  Something nagged at the back of her mind as she steadied Dev and kept him from falling against the wall. None of the others who drank the cordials seemed to be affected like he was. “Loku, do you think someone could have tampered with our cordials?”

  “It’s possible. Selgian cordial is strong, but not that strong,” he said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

  Something she needed to remember to speak to Dev and maybe even the Mage Primus about tomorrow. In the meantime, she raised a shield around her and Dev. If someone tampered with their drinks, they were probably hoping to catch them with their guard down. If she’d just done what he’d told her to do, then she might have been the one stumbling around under the watchful eye of her protector.

  As soon as they entered her chambers, she cast a ward around the room. Dev crashed on the bed, laughing at something.

  Cinder came up to her and whimpered, his amber eyes full of worry.

  She scratched the back of his head. “You and me both.”

  Dev’s laughter had died by the time she reached the bed. She removed his boots and started the hunt for all his concealed weapons, removing the two knives from his sleeves and the dagger sheathed inside his jerkin. “Are there any I’m missing?”

  Dev shook his head and slowly sat up, his eyes wide. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you look tonight?”

  Under different circumstances, she might have treasured that compliment. But tonight, she knew it was the cordial talking. “You need to sleep this off.”

  She tried to push him back on the mattress, but he caught her and brought her down with him, rolling on top of her. His fingers laced through hers, pinning her hands to the bed. “No, what I need is you.”

  His lips came down hers before she had time to protest. They teased and coaxed, pleading with her to open her mouth to him. And when she relented, his kiss deepened.

  Arden forgot to breathe. For months, she’d wondered what it would be like to kiss Dev. For months, she’d pushed that desire aside, thinking the day would never come. Now that it had happened, something stirred deep within her. She kissed him back, matching his hunger with her own. The sweetness of the cordial lingered on his lips, but it tasted more intoxicating there than it ever could have been in the glass. The clean scent of evergreens and snow enveloped her as she sucked in a deep breath.

  He released her hands to explore her curves. The warmth of his touch burned through her dress and fanned her desire into a raging inferno. Her body rose to meet his, blurring the boundaries
between them. She’d never experienced anything this intense, this powerful, in Kell’s arms. This is what passion felt like. This is what her body craved. This is what her heart had longed for.

  “Of course, Dev has to be drunk before he dares to kiss you.”

  Leave it to Loku to ruin the moment. Unfortunately, he was right. As much as she wanted to continue, she broke away and pushed him off her. “Dev, you’re not thinking clearly.”

  “I think it’s very clear what I want.” He lunged for her again, but she jumped off the bed and backed away.

  “If there is ever going to be anything between us, I want it to come from something other than too much Selgian cordial.” She retreated to her room. Cinder stood between her and Dev with his teeth bared, silently warning her protector to stay away. Once the ward was cast, she slid down along the door and hugged her knees to her chest.

  It was never supposed to be this way. Dev was supposed to realize how much he wanted her and was supposed to kiss her softly, not drag her into bed in a fit of drunken lust. A renegade tear trickled down her cheek. If it took an abundance of potent liquor to make Dev want her, was there any hope for them?

  Loku wrapped his invisible arms around her. “It’s not what you think, Arden. He just needed to let his guard down to realize how much he cares for you.”

  “Or make me realize what a big mistake almost happened.” She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and willed her eyes to stop watering. “Face it, Loku, there will never be anything between us.”

  “I seriously doubt that. Just be patient, my little Soulbearer. He’ll come to his senses eventually.”

  Or maybe he never would.

  A deep ache formed in her chest, and her body trembled with silent sobs. No matter how much she cared for Kell, it would never compare to her love for Dev. Tonight, she’d been given a taste of something she could never have. Her heart belonged to the one man intent on breaking it, and there was nothing she could do to change it.

  Chapter 20

  In Dev’s dreams, Arden’s fingers dug into his back as she kissed him. The taste of her desire was so potent, it made him drunk with lust. Her hips rolled under him. The sweetness of her lips was tempered by the saltiness of her skin. Her moans encouraged him to explore the soft curves of her body, first with his hands and then with his mouth.

  By Jussip, she’s going to be my undoing.

  He tore himself away from the temptress in his dreams and snapped his eyes open to reveal an empty bed. Sunlight streamed from the window, indicating it was almost midday. He sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his face. He’d had dreams about Arden, but never this real, this intense. The only time it came close to that was the one night Loku manipulated his dreams.

  He rose slowly, his groin protesting the lack of physical satisfaction he craved, and limped toward Arden’s door. “We’re going to be late for your testing.”

  The door cracked open. “Are you feeling better this morning?”

  You mean besides an aching head and a raging hard-on? “I suppose.”

  “That Selgian cordial must have been strong because you—” She stopped midsentence, and his stomach dropped.

  What if it hadn’t been a dream?

  Then he noticed her red-rimmed eyes, and the memories slammed into him with chilling clarity. He’d let his guard down. He’d pulled her into his bed and kissed her like he’d always wanted. And she’d kissed him back like she welcomed his touch. Then everything became a blur. She pushed him away, accusing him of being drunk before disappearing.

  Drunk didn’t explain his behavior, nor excuse it.

  He reached out to comfort her, but then thought better of it. After last night, he doubted she’d ever wanted him to touch her again. “I’m sorry, Arden.”

  She met his gaze, her mouth opening and closing as though she was trying to decide the best way to answer. Pain clouded her eyes. “You didn’t know better. Besides, it’s not like this is the first time a drunk man tried to take advantage—” She caught herself again, but the damage had been done.

  Guilt cooled his desire faster than a plunge in a cold bath. “I’m no better than them, I suppose.”

  “No, Dev, it’s not that. It’s just…” She brushed past him, cursing under her breath. “Can we just forget about last night and move on. As you said, I’m already late for my testing.”

  Not the answer he was hoping for, but better than some of the alternatives. “I’ll take you to the Mage Sextus, then.”

  She avoided his gaze as they crossed the Conclave with Cinder only a few steps behind. The lack of conversation let the tirade in his mind take center stage. How could I have been so stupid? Here I am, hoping to find a way to win her back, and I end up forcing myself on her. It’ll be a wonder if she ever lets me near her again.

  He cast another glance at her puffy eyelids. And maybe it’s better this way. For as much as she seemed to enjoy him at first, she’d obviously spent some time crying afterwards. She already resented him from keeping information from her. Had his actions last night shattered the remaining trust between them?

  “Dev, darling, I was wondering when you’d bring the Soulbearer to me,” Raggia, the Mage Sextus, said as he entered her chambers. His skin crawled as she brushed a kiss on his cheek. “Had a hard time waking her up, I suppose.”

  “No, Raggia, I was the one who overslept.” He closed the door and stood behind Arden, adding some extra distance between him and the always overly friendly Mage Sextus. “Let’s get the testing started.”

  “Very well.” Her grin fell, and her face hardened as she turned to Arden. “In order to fairly assess your abilities, Soulbearer, I need to contain Loku.”

  Arden’s shoulders squared. “Are you accusing me of relying on him to cheat?”

  “You’ve become quite comfortable channeling his powers from what I’ve been told.”

  “The few times I’ve done it were in dire situations. I know the consequences of asking him for help, and I won’t be using his powers for something like this.”

  He’d seen Arden being stubborn plenty of times before, but there was a different edge to her today. She looked ready to punch Raggia. Time to intervene. “Arden is quite capable of using magic on her own, as I’ve witnessed numerous times in my training of her so far.”

  “I still won’t have the taint of Loku in my chambers.” Raggia’s face turned an unflattering shade of red. “I refuse to conduct her testing if he’s not contained.”

  “And I refuse to be tested by someone who is already accusing me of cheating before we even begin.”

  The fireplace behind Raggia roared to life, and Dev sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. It was the Imperial throne room all over again. He stepped between the two women and pushed Arden back into a corner. “You need to learn to control your temper, or you’re going to end up in those chains.”

  Arden closed her eyes, and the tension eased from her body. “I refuse to contain Loku. He’s done nothing wrong, and I would rather have him able to help me if we’re attacked. Remember what happened last time we contained him.”

  Too well. They both ended up in a dungeon. “I see your reasoning, but in order to honestly test your powers, we need no interference from Loku.” He said it more to the chaos god then her, and the halo in her eyes flashed in response.

  “Fine. Loku and I have reached an arrangement.” The halo dimmed until it was almost invisible. “He’s retreated to the very far corners of my consciousness.”

  Dev turned to Raggia. “Is that acceptable to you?”

  She tapped her nails on a book. “I suppose, but the moment I sense any taint of chaos, I’ll end the testing.”

  “Sounds fair to me.” He led Arden to the chair across Raggia’s desk. “Let’s begin the testing.”

  Raggia leaned in closer than necessary, her breasts brushing against his arm. “And that means no interference from you, either, Dev.”

  The Mage Sextus had borne a grudge against Arden f
rom the moment they met, but he hoped her unrequited infatuation wouldn’t cause her to harm Arden. “If I see the Soulbearer threatened in any way, I will intervene.”

  “But you know as well I do that I need to test how she’ll react in certain situations.”

  He resisted the urge to cast a shield around Arden. Whatever Raggia had planned, it was going to be more strenuous than the normal battery of tests.

  The Mage Sextus sat down at her desk and unrolled a scroll. “You’ve already shown me your ability to start a fire. Rudimentary spell, of course.” She wrote something down on the parchment. “Now let’s begin the real test.”

  One by one, Raggia presented Arden with an increasingly difficult series of tasks to perform, from levitation of progressively heavier objects to churning up a windstorm. With each task, Arden grew paler, and fatigue hampered her movements, but she nodded every time she was asked if she wanted to continue.

  Admiration bloomed inside his chest as he watched her. Most students would’ve given up by now, but Arden seemed determined to prove herself. However, he knew the consequences of over-extending her magic and worried she might push herself too far, leaving her unable to defend herself if her attacker managed to break through the protective spells of the Conclave.

  The current task involved extracting water from a plant. Arden stared at it, her brows drawn together in concentration, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Sweat dripped down the side of her face. She gripped the edge of the desk, leaning toward the plant in the center of it. He was just about to call it off when the leaves started to shrivel. Beads of water formed along the main stem and flowed up to a pool that formed over the plant.

  His jaw dropped. This was a spell even beyond his abilities, and yet Arden was doing it without any instruction. He’d always known her powers ran deep, but he never believed they were as strong as she now demonstrated. He searched her eyes for the telltale sign of Loku’s assistance, seeing nothing.

  “Very impressive,” a man said from the doorway.