Eternal Mourning

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “I remember,” she said.

  “It was bad this time, baby,” he whispered. He’d never called her baby before, and she knew the endearment meant that something more than bad had happened. Something he was trying to ease into. “Whatever Avery saw, it all came to this. You weren’t going to make it unless we did something to save you, and no amount of my Healing would have worked.” She knew that must have hurt him to reveal, as he hated feeling weak. Yet he’d said his Healing hadn’t worked.

  So what had?

  Something inside her warmed, uncurling as it had curled within her earlier.

  “Walker, how am I here if you couldn’t Heal me?”

  “We had to change you. To bite you.” Her world froze before it thawed just as quickly when she looked at the worry in his gaze. “I know the plan was for you to change eventually, and even before this, we were rushing into all these decisions, but if we didn’t do what we did when we did it, I would have lost you.”

  Aimee let out a long breath and looked down at her hands, trying to focus on what to say. Was that what the warmth was? Her wolf? She only had a vague idea of what it meant to be changed into a shifter. It hadn’t been something in her world before the Unveiling, and even after she’d found out that one of her best friends was a wolf, she hadn’t thought about the process of someone changing from human to shifter. Dawn had been born a wolf, and even then, Aimee didn’t know the details of when the shifting started or even what it actually meant to have an animal inside her.

  Maybe once it actually hit her, she’d freak out. She’d ask for the details of how it had been done and why she had no scars on her hands from when she’d cut herself in the kitchen, or why that burn she’d gotten at the diner a couple of years ago was now gone.

  She’d ask about what all of this new mythology meant and perhaps who she could be if the old Aimee were no longer part of her anymore. But, first, she needed to look into Walker’s eyes and tell him this wasn’t on him.

  This wasn’t his fault.

  She couldn’t blame him for what had happened to her, even if she wasn’t sure she was herself anymore at all.

  “I’m a wolf now?” she asked. Because who was she without these answers? Though why she was going through an existential crisis as she sat on a hospital bed in Walker’s arms, she didn’t know.

  A pained look crossed Walker’s face, and she frowned, the action hurting her head for some reason. Everything was so new, so fresh, that things like new facial expressions hurt just a little.

  “I’m not dominant enough to change someone into a wolf. You need to be an Alpha or at a power one or two steps right below that in the hierarchy. If we’d been alone, I don’t know if I would have been fast enough to get you back to the den and to Ryder or Mitchell or Gideon. I wouldn’t have been enough.”

  There was something she should have said to soothe him then since that was what she did, alleviate others’ worries because it helped her breathe, but she couldn’t think of it.

  “I’m confused.” She took a deep breath and rubbed her temple, vaguely aware that all those aches and pains she’d had before were now gone. Was that the wolf? Or was she able to ignore her curse now?

  “Audrey had to change you, Aimee. And she’s…she’s not a wolf. None of us knew they even existed, but there are other things out in the world beyond wolves and witches. You won’t shift into a wolf. You’ll be a Talon, but you won’t be a wolf like I am.”

  The kitten purred.

  Was that important, or was she still dreaming?

  And why did that kitten keep coming to her mind?

  Her breath came in rapid pants, and she tried to understand what was going on. “What…what does Audrey change into?” What will I turn into?

  Walker cupped her face with both hands. “She’s a lion. And soon, you’ll shift into a lioness, as well.” He let out a rough chuckle. “Hell, Aimee, I never thought this would be a conversation I’d ever have. But you’re going to be okay. Between Audrey changing you, and us getting you back in time to Heal what we could, you’re going to be okay. The cat will do the rest.”

  Aimee blinked a few times, her mind trying to catch up with Walker’s words even as she tried to figure out if she actually felt any differently than she had before she was on that field with Walker.

  “I…I think I’m going to be…not sick…but I think I’m dizzy.” Not the most eloquent thing to say, nor was it something that made sense because while she was dizzy, she also knew there wasn’t anything Walker could do about it.

  Proving that she was so far out of her depth regarding everything non-human, Walker frowned before rubbing his thumbs over her temples.

  “I can feel your slight headache, and I think that has more to do with all this information being tossed at you at once than from you hitting your head. But let me take care of it for you.”

  Her chest warmed as what she now knew were bonds flared between them, and soon, her headache was gone, and she was staring into Walker’s eyes.

  “It doesn’t hurt you when you do that?” she asked, worried. “You don’t need to take in my pain or anything in order to Heal?”

  He shook his head. “Only in rare instances does that happen, and it’s usually because of magic, not because of an actual injury.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for taking care of my headache because you didn’t want to see me in pain, and thank you for saving my life.” She let out a breath. “And…I guess I need to find Audrey and thank her, as well. A lion? Like an actual lion?”

  Of all the things she’d have thought might come into her life one day, turning into a lion was never one of them. Honestly, the only dream she’d ever had for her future was to actually have one. This was so far out of her sphere that it was almost comical.

  Walker’s lips quirked into a smile, and she couldn’t help but think that he looked so much less weary when he smiled. She loved the way he looked with any expression on his face, but him smiling was her favorite. Or maybe it was that dark look in his eyes right before he entered her.

  She sucked in a breath at that thought, and Walker’s eyes went dark as soon as the thoughts entered her mind. For some reason, she could scent a warm, almost cinnamon-like smell in the air, and she sucked in a breath at how…turned on that made her.

  “Good to know you still want me,” he whispered, kissing her lips gently.

  She blushed. “You can tell just by my face?”

  “And I can scent it, but then again, I suppose you can now, too.” He kissed her again before letting out a sigh and pulling back. “That will have to wait though because we have a few things to talk about, and I don’t want to get distracted with how much I want you.”

  Hell, this would take a lot of getting used to, but first, she needed to get the rest of the story from him because she honestly had no idea what she was doing.

  “Okay,” she said after a moment, clearing her throat.

  “I had this whole thing planned out where I was going to tell you our history and then walk you into what you could expect and then even take you home so you could sleep in your bed. Now, I’m thinking that I’ll have to go into professor mode and bore the hell out of you when you probably had questions for me.”

  She couldn’t help but smile at him, he was so damned caring, and he wanted to do the best for others. No wonder the Pack ran him ragged most days, even when they didn’t realize they were doing it. Walker couldn’t say no to helping others—even her—and now that she was his, she knew that it would be a part of her duty as his mate to ensure that he took care of himself, as well.

  “Why don’t you go through your list and I’ll ask questions as we go along? Because I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone right now, and facts would probably help me.” She’d been a waitress without any plans for the future not too long ago. Now, she was in such a new situation that going though things on a checklist would probably center her. Or scare the hell out of her. Either way, the more facts she
had, the better. Right?

  “Okay, then. Here we go. So, what do you know about where shifters come from?” he asked, settling in next to her so they were still facing each other but able to touch. She needed his touch, and had a feeling he felt the same.

  “Let’s go with the idea that I know nothing.” Because that wasn’t far from the truth.

  “Once, before there were cities and tools beyond spears and rocks, there was a hunter. The first hunter. He killed a wolf on a hunt but did it out of rage, or perhaps it was something else that rode him. Regardless, it wasn’t hunger that drove him at the time of the kill. The hunter would have eventually used the wolf to feed his family, perhaps, but in the heat of the moment, he let the hunt overtake him. The moon goddess saw this and stepped into the mortal realm, angered that the human would do that to a wolf. In punishment, she forced the soul of the wolf into the man and made them one. Two souls. One body. Two shapes. The man became the first shifter, and in turn, he changed two more men into wolves.” He paused. “One day, I’ll explain how those men and the first hunter are related to the Talons, but that’s a lot of information for right now.”

  Confused but wanting to hear the end of the story, she nodded. “Okay.”

  “From there came the Packs and the hierarchies we have. We aren’t forced to change under the moonlight, but when the moon calls, we do tend to change and run as a Pack. Any children that come from a mating will be wolves, though those children won’t be able to change until they are two or three. Fallon being the exception since she’s the future Alpha and changed way early.” Walker cleared his throat. “Wolves have heightened senses, are fast, require a lot of food in order to maintain their energy, and are fiercely loyal even when it takes more…finesse to handle our tempers. We’re all of those things and more.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers before sitting back up so he could meet her gaze. “I honestly have no idea about cat shifters. I’ve only really seen Audrey change twice, and I wasn’t paying attention to the process either time. I don’t know their history, or what we will need to do so you can bond with your inner cat and find a way to be. But like I said, we’ll learn.”

  “Can you ask Audrey?” She wasn’t sure how she felt about the fact that she’d once again be the odd one out when it came to those around her. She’d always been the off one in her group of friends—or at least that’s how she’d felt. She hadn’t known Dawn felt the same way until recently.

  A pained look crossed Walker’s face, and she stiffened. “We can’t get ahold of Audrey at the moment, and her having more contact with us could be bad for her anyway.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He let out a sigh. “I can explain more later, but know that she’s the Beta of the Aspen Pack, and the Alpha, her Alpha, doesn’t get along with us. To the point where we think he was the one who sent the witch after Parker.” At her widened eyes, he nodded. “The Aspens have greater numbers than we do, and they’re stronger than us because they haven’t had to fight demons or other Packs—or themselves—in the past century like we have—or like the Redwoods have. Blade made sure that no one outside his Pack knew of the existence of other shifters. So much so that we only just learned about it, and not all the Pack knows.” He squeezed her hand, and she tilted her head to study him.

  “Does this mean I have to hide what I am? Or, I guess, what I will be?” She would if she had to in order to keep Walker and his family safe, but she wasn’t sure if that was even possible.

  He shook his head and kissed her softly. That made something inside her perk up, and she had a feeling it was the kitten that wasn’t a kitten. This would take some getting used to.

  “There will be no hiding what you are, I don’t think. Not within the Pack. We’re going to do our best to keep the fact that you’re any type of shifter away from the humans, though.”

  “You aren’t allowed to change humans, I remember that.” She sat up straighter and squeezed his arm. “Are you going to get in trouble? Is Audrey?”

  He shook his head. “As long as we keep the truth of what you are away from Blade, Audrey should be okay.”

  She knew there was more to it and hated that she’d put the other woman in this position. Audrey risked so much for her, and there was nothing Aimee could do. Yet.

  “As for the humans? If they find out, no…not even then. You’re my mate, and it’s the loophole they allowed. And we’re only listening to their rules to avoid conflict and because it hasn’t come up. We don’t change humans often without them being mated in anyway. If and when that time comes, we will do what’s best for the Pack, human rules or not. But what we really need to hide from them is what you are. The world doesn’t know about anything outside of shifters, and they don’t know much about us either. We need to keep it that way.”

  “This isn’t going to be easy,” she said. “But I don’t want to be the reason the Pack is hurting. I never did. If it weren’t for my curse, I wouldn’t have needed to put Audrey or you in danger at all. I hate this.”

  She froze after the last words had left her mouth, and she stared at the way Walker’s eyes widened when she said it.

  “The curse…” she whispered. “It’s…it’s different.” She didn’t know how she knew, but there was something altered about the way she felt other than this new warmth growing inside her that nudged her as if petting and then curling up into a ball. She wasn’t as weak as she had been before, and she had a feeling it wasn’t because of what she’d become, but rather what was now gone.

  “It’s gone, Aimee.” He kissed her hard, his eyes shiny. The stark emotion on his face made her fall that much more for him. If he weren’t careful, she’d love him with every ounce of her being.

  “How? What? When?” She couldn’t seem to get her thoughts in order, and she was rambling.

  “When we brought you back to the clinic, Leah and I were finally able to see the curse.” His body shuddered, and she shifted over so she could wrap her arms around him. Her inner warmth—her cat—nudged her, and she could feel his wolf butt against him. It was as if their connection was now multi-layered, and this touch alone centered them both.

  He swallowed hard, and she could feel it even though she couldn’t see his face. “We knew if we didn’t use our strengths to break the curse when your body was in flux and the magic stronger than ever, we might never get another chance. In doing so, the curse is gone, and you’re going to be okay. But that doesn’t mean it’s over.”

  She pulled away and looked at him, his eyes gold. Would her eyes do the same one day? “I can’t believe it.”

  She’d spent so long knowing her time was limited, that no matter how many doctors she went to, the bruises would be worse and her energy would deplete to almost nothing. Then she’d met Walker, and he’d figured it out.

  “We’re going to find out who did this to you, and Leah already has some clues for us. We’re going to get to the bottom of this, Aimee, and when we do, we’re going to figure out why.”

  She cupped his face. “Thank you,” she said softly. “Thank you for giving me…time. And you. Thank you for giving me you.”

  “Always,” he whispered against her mouth. “Always, Aimee.”

  Everything had once again shifted so far off its axis it barely resembled what it used to be, but she wasn’t the weak one any longer. She could fight, and she would.

  She wasn’t the one to pity, the one to watch out for because she could fall and never return.

  And when everything in her mind and soul finally settled down, she’d figure out what to do with all of that, because in the end, she wasn’t the same Aimee she had been even a day ago.

  Once again, she’d have to figure out this new Aimee.

  But this time, she wouldn’t be alone.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Walker knew his world had changed the day he met Aimee on that field in front of the Central den, but he hadn’t known the breadth of it until he stood beside her, surrounded by wolves as
she rolled her shoulders back and proved that her inner strength was far superior to anything she might have thought she possessed.

  He hadn’t known that his world would change with each and every breath and decision that they made.

  He should have, though, especially knowing the moon goddess and how everything recently seemed beyond significant. He should have.

  The problem he was having now, however, wasn’t something he could handle with growling or even fierce looks.

  His mate was a cat surrounded by wolves in a Pack where most had never met a cat shifter. He wasn’t sure what they would do if they were left to their own curiosities. As it was, Walker didn’t know what aspects of her cat would show up in Aimee as some of his wolf ended up in his own personality. He was afraid those in the Pack who were already fearful or on edge with everything that had gone on in the past couple of years might do something they would regret.

  Aimee slid her hand into his and frowned up at him. He cleared his throat and did his best to look like he wasn’t stressed out with so many wolves staring at them as they walked through the middle of the den, but from the look on her face, he wasn’t doing a good job of it.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked and stopped in the middle of the path on their way from his place to Gideon’s. They had been summoned for a family meal and a small Pack meeting to discuss the thousand things going on around them—things that included Aimee. He and Aimee hadn’t actually had a discussion about what their future would be beyond the fact that they were both relieved they would actually have one. He knew they needed to talk about the details like where she would live, what she would do within the Pack walls, or if they needed to be outside of them for her to be comfortable. The only real problem was that, since he was the Healer, he needed to live and work inside the den. If he and Aimee were mates, they had to do it together.

  Creating a bond and making decisions that would change their lives forever had gotten in the way of talking about the small things that would make their lives together. And now he was so far inside his head, he was missing the big picture—something he’d done in the past worrying about everything he couldn’t fix, couldn’t Heal.