A hand swatted at my leg, jarring me out of bliss. I turned onto my back, lazy, graceful. Was that Shiny? I could not see him. My plan had failed, then, and we would both die when we struck the ground. He would come back to life. I would not.
I reached up, offering my hands to him. He caught them this time, fumbling once, then drawing me close and wrapping his arms around me. I relaxed against his warm solidity, lulled by the rushing wind. Good. I would not die alone.
Because my ear was against his chest, I felt him stiffen and heard his harsh gasp. His heart thudded hard once, against my cheek. Then-
Light.
By the Three, so bright! All around me. I shut my eyes and still saw Shiny's form blazing before me, thinning the darkness of my vision. I could feel it against my skin, like the pressure of sunbeams. We streaked toward the earth like things I had imagined but would never see with my own eyes. Like a comet. Like a falling star.
Our descent slowed. The wind's roar grew softer, gentler. Something had reversed gravity's pull. Were we flying now? Floating. How far had we fallen, how much farther to go? How long before the sun was gone, and-
Shiny cried out. His light vanished, snuffed all at once, and with it went the force that had kept us afloat. We fell again, helpless now, with nothing left to stop us.
I felt no fear.
But Shiny was doing something. Twisting, panting with effort or perhaps the aftermath of his magic. I felt us turn in the air-
And then we hit the ground.
15
"A Prayer to Dubious Gods" (watercolor)
SOMEONE WAS SCREAMING. High, thin, incessant. Irritating. I was trying to sleep, damn it. I turned over, hoping to orient my ears away from the sound.
The instant I moved my head, nausea struck with stunning speed and force. I had enough time to open my mouth and drag in a loud, wheezing breath before the heaves came. I vomited a thin stream of bile, but nothing more. I must not have eaten for some time.
My stomach seemed determined to dry heave nevertheless, regardless of my lungs' need for air. I fought the urge, my eyes watering and head pounding and ears ringing, until at last I managed to draw in a quick half breath. That helped. The heaving slowed; I breathed more. At last the clenching in my gut ceased-though only for the moment. I could still feel the muscles there trembling, ready to resume their onslaught.
Finally able to think, I lifted my head, trying to figure out where I was and what had happened. The ringing in my ears-which I had mistaken for screaming-was loud and incessant, maddening. The last thing I recalled was… I frowned, though this made the pain worse. Falling. Yes. I had leapt from a window of the House of the Risen Sun, determined to escape or die trying. Shiny had caught me, and-
I caught my breath. Shiny.
Beneath me.
I scrambled off him, or tried to. The instant I moved my right arm, I screamed, which touched off another spate of stomach heaves. I fought through the pain and the retching, dragging myself off him with my left arm, which was still sore from infection and whatever the Lights had inserted to draw my blood. Still, the pain in that arm was nothing compared to the agony in my right, and the clenching of my belly, and the shooting pains in my ribs, and the roiling grinding hell of my head. For a few moments I could do nothing but lie where I was, whimpering and helpless with misery.
At last the pain faded enough for me to function. When I finally struggled to a half-upright position, I tried again to assess my surroundings. My right arm would not work at all. I reached out with my left. "Shiny?"
He was there. Alive, breathing. I brushed his eyes, which were open. They blinked, the lashes tickling my fingertips. I wondered if he had decided to stop speaking to me again.
That was when I realized my knees and the hip I sat on were soaking wet. Confused, I felt the ground. Brick cobbles, greasy and thick with dirt. Cold dampness that grew warmer, closer to Shiny's body. As warm as-
Dearest gods.
He was alive. His magic had saved us-not completely, but enough to soften our fall. Enough that when he had turned us in the air, orienting so that he would hit the ground first, we had both survived. But if I was this injured…
My fingers found the back of his head, and I gasped, jerking my hand back. Gods, gods, gods.
Where the hells were we? How long had we been lying here? Did I dare call for help? I looked around, listened. The air felt cool and misty with deep night. Fat drops of water touched my skin now and again with the intermittent gentleness that was rain in Shadow. I could hear it, a light drizzle all around us, but in the immediate vicinity, I heard nothing, no one. I could smell a great deal, though-garbage and fermented urine and rusting metal. Another alley? No, the space around us felt more open. Wherever we were, it was isolated; if anyone had seen us land, sheer curiosity should've brought them to find us.
Shiny had begun to gasp irregularly. I put my hand on his bare chest-he had removed his shirt in the House-and almost drew it back, repelled by the unnatural flatness of his torso. Yet his heart still beat steadily, in contrast to the bubbling, jerky breaths that he was struggling to draw in. At this rate, his natural death might take an agonizingly long time.
I had to kill him.
Panic gripped me, though that might have been queasiness, too. I knew it was foolish. It wasn't as though he would stay dead, and when he returned to life, he would be whole. It was, as Lil had concluded, the easiest way to "heal" him. It wouldn't even be the first time I'd done it.
But it was one thing to kill in the heat of anger. Doing it in cold-blooded calculation was a whole other matter.
I wasn't even certain I could kill him. My right arm was useless, dislocated or broken, though thankfully it seemed to be going numb. Everything else hurt. I might've survived the fall better than him, but that didn't make me whole. At the very least, I would need two working arms to break his neck.
All at once it hit me: I was lost in some part of Shadow, helpless, with a companion as good as dead. It was only a matter of time before the Lights came looking. They knew Shiny, at least, would come back to life. I was sick, injured, weak. Terrified. And, damn it all, blind.
"Why the hells is everything so hard with you?" I demanded of Shiny, blinking away tears of frustration. "Hurry up and die!"
Something rattled nearby.
I gasped, my heart leaping in my chest. Frustration forgotten, I pushed myself to my knees and listened hard. It had come from my right, somewhere above me, a quick metal sound. Water falling on exposed pipe, maybe. Or someone searching for us, reacting to the sound of my voice.
On my hands and knees, I quickly felt around me. A few feet to my left I found wood, old and splintery. A barrel, its binding rings rusty, one side staved in. Above it another, and then something that felt like a wide, flat piece of roof-shingle planking, leaning against the barrels. Jammed against it, a rotted-out crate.
I was in a junkyard. The only junkyard anywhere near the Tree was Shustocks, in Wesha, where all the area's smiths and carters dumped their useless materials and carriageworks.
The roof planking formed a kind of lean-to against the barrels, with a narrow space underneath. As carefully as I could, I pushed the planking farther back, praying there was nothing balanced against it that would fall and give us away-or crush us. Nothing happened, so I felt around more, finally crawling under the planking to inspect the space.
Just enough room.
I backed out and got to my feet, and nearly fell again as another retching spasm took me. The pain in my head was truly awful, worse than it had ever been. I must've hit my head in the fall-not enough to break it, but certainly enough to rattle things around inside.
Another sound from the same direction, something thumping against wood. Then silence.
Panting my way through the pain, I stumbled back to Shiny's body. Hooking my good hand into his pants, I leaned back with my hips and pushed with my legs and whimpered through my teeth as I dragged him back, inch by inch. It took ever
ything I had to get him into the little hiding space, and he did not fit well. His feet stuck out. I crawled in beside him, panting, and listened, hoping the rain would wash away Shiny's blood quickly.
Shiny groaned suddenly and I jumped, glaring at him in consternation. The dragging must have injured him even further. No choice now; if I didn't kill him, he would give us away.
Swallowing hard, I did as he had done to me in the House of the Risen Sun. I pressed my hand over his mouth, pinching his nose shut with my fingers.
For five breaths-I counted my own-it seemed to work. His chest rose, fell. Stilled. And then he bucked upward, fighting me. I tried to hold on, but he was too strong, even damaged as he was, jostling me loose. As soon as I let go, he sucked in air again, louder than before. Demons, he's going to get us both killed!
Demons. I flexed my hand, remembering.
There was plenty of blood to use as paint, at least. I reached under his neck and got a generous handful. My hand shook as I put it on his chest, gingerly. Before, I had imagined that I was painting, and then I had believed the painting real. Slowly I moved my hand, smoothing the blood in a wide circle on his skin. I would make another hole, like the one I had used to kill Shiny before, like the one that had pierced Dateh's Empty. Not a circle drawn with blood-paint. A hole.
His chest rose and fell beneath my hand, belying this. I scowled and lifted my hand so that I couldn't feel him breathe.
A hole. Through flesh and bone, like a grave dug in soft earth, edges neatly cut by an unseen shovel blade. Perfectly circular.
A hole.
My hand appeared. I saw it hovering in the darkness, fingers splayed, trembling with effort.
A hole.
Compared to the sickening throb already in my head, what arced through my eyes was almost pleasant. Either I was getting used to it or I was already in so much pain that it didn't matter. But I noticed when Shiny stopped breathing.
My heart pounding, I lowered my hand to where his chest should have been. I felt nothing at first; then my hand drifted a little to the side. Meat and bone, cut neatly as if with a knife. I snatched my hand back, my gorge rising again all on its own.
"How peculiar!" cried a bright voice, right behind me.
I nearly screamed. Would have done it if my chest hadn't hurt. I did whirl and jump and scramble back, jarring my arm something fierce.
The creature that crouched at Shiny's feet was not human. It had a human structure, more or less, but it was impossibly squat, nearly as wide as it was tall-and it wasn't very tall. Maybe the size of a child, if that child had broad, yokelike shoulders and long arms rippling with muscle. The creature's face was not that of a child, either, though it was cheeky, with huge round eyes. It had a receding hairline, and its gaze was both ancient and half feral.
But I could see it, and that meant it was a godling-the ugliest one I had yet seen.
"H-hello," I said when my heart had stopped jumping around. "I'm sorry. You startled me."
It-he-smiled at me, a quick flash of teeth. Those were not human, either; he had no canines. Just perfectly flat squares, straight across on top and bottom.
"Didn't mean to," he said. "Didn't think you'd see me. Most don't." He leaned close, squinting at my face. "Huh. So you're that girl. The one with the eyes."
I nodded, accepting that bizarre designation. Godlings gossipped like fishermen; enough of them had encountered me that word must've spread. "And you are?"
"Dump."
"Pardon?"
"Dump. That's a neat trick you did." He jerked his chin toward Shiny. "Always wanted to pop a hole or two in him myself! What're you doing with him?"
"It's a long story." I sighed, suddenly weary. If only I dared rest. Maybe…"Um. Lord D-Dump." I felt very foolish saying that. "I'm in a lot of trouble here. Please, will you help me?"
Dump cocked his head, like a puzzled dog. Despite this, the look in his eyes was quite shrewd. "You? Depends. Him? No way."
I nodded slowly. Mortals constantly asked godlings for favors; a lot of godlings were prickly about it. And this one didn't like Shiny. I would have to tread carefully, or he might leave before I could explain about his missing siblings. "First, can you tell if anyone else is around? I heard something before."
"That was me. Coming to see what had dropped into my place. Lots of people get tossed out and end up here, but never from so high up." He gave me a wry look. "Thought you'd be messier."
"Your place?" A junkyard was not my idea of a home, but godlings had no need of the material comforts we mortals liked. "Oh. Sorry."
Dump shrugged. "Not like you could help it. Won't be mine much longer, anyway." He gestured upward, and I remembered the blackened sun. The Nightlord's warning.
"You're going to leave?" I asked.
"Got no choice, do I? Not stupid enough to stick around when Naha's this pissed. Just glad he hasn't cursed us, too." He sighed, looking unhappy. "All the mortals, though… They're marked-everybody who was in the city at the time Role and the others died. Even if they leave, they still see the black sun. I tried to send some of my kids down south to one of the coast towns, and they just came back. Said they wanted to be with me when…" He shook his head. "Kill 'em all, guilty and innocent alike. He and Itempas never were all that damn different."
I lowered my head and sighed, weary in more than body. Had it even done any good, escaping the Lights? Would it make any difference if I found a way to expose them? Would the Nightlord destroy the city anyway, for sheer spite?
Dump shifted from foot to foot, abruptly looking uncomfortable. "Can't help you, though."
"What?"
"Someone wants you. Him, too. Can't help either of you."
All at once I understood. "You're the Lord of Discards," I said. I could not help smiling. I'd grown up on tales of him, though I'd never known his true name. They'd been favorites of my childhood. He was another trickster figure, humorous, appearing prominently in stories of runaway children and lost treasures. Once something was thrown away, unwanted, or forgotten, it belonged to him.
He grinned back at me with those unnervingly flat teeth. "Yeah." Then his smile faded. "But you ain't thrown away. Someone wants you bad." He took a step back as if my very presence pained him, grimacing in distaste. "You're gonna have to go. I'll send you somewhere, if you can't walk-"
"I know about the missing godlings," I blurted. "I know who's been killing them."
Dump stiffened all at once, his massive fists clenching. "Who?"
"A cult of crazy mortals. Up there." I pointed back toward the Tree. "There's one of them, a scrivener who…" I hesitated, suddenly aware of the danger of naming Dateh a demon. If the gods knew there were still demons in the world…
No. I no longer cared what happened to me. Let them kill me, as long as they dealt with Madding's killers, too.
But before I could say the words, Dump suddenly caught his breath and whirled away from me, his image flaring brighter as he summoned his magic. There was a scream in the distance, and then I heard small feet come pelting around a pile of rubbish, scrabbling once as they trotted along what sounded like a loose board.
"Dump!" a young girl cried. "People in the yard! Rexy told 'em to get the hells out and they hit him! He's bleedin'!"
Abruptly I was jostled as Dump shoved the girl into the little alcove with me and Shiny. "Stay there," he commanded. "I'll go take care of 'em."
I squirmed around the girl. There wasn't much room for her, but she was small. I pushed at her; she was all lanky bones and ragged clothes. "Lord Dump, be careful! The scrivener I told you about, his magic-"
Dump made a sound of annoyance and vanished.
"Damn it!" I pounded my good fist into Shiny's unresponsive leg. If Dateh was among the Lights who had come looking for me, or if they had another arrowhead made from demons' blood…
"Hey," said the girl, annoyed. "Shove the dead guy, not me."
Dead, dead, uselessly dead. I couldn't say he hadn't warned me, though; t
his was why he'd wanted me stronger before we attempted the escape. So that I could leave him behind? For a moment, the possibility turned in my thoughts. If the Lights didn't find him, Shiny would return to life and make his own way in the city, however he'd done it before meeting me. If they did find him… Well, perhaps he would slow them down enough for me to escape.
Even as I thought it, though, I knew I couldn't do it. As much as I wanted to hate Shiny for his self-absorption and his temper and his miserable personality, he had loved Madding, too. For that alone, he deserved some loyalty.
In the meantime, I needed help. I couldn't count on Dump returning. I had no way to reach mortal aid. If I could summon another godling to help, or better still…
My first thought was so repellent that I actually had trouble considering it. I forced myself to do so, anyhow, because Shiny had said it himself: there was one god who would want to deal with his children's killers. Yet I also knew from my people's history that Lord Nahadoth would not stop there. He might decide to wipe out the Lights by wiping out the entire city of Shadow, or perhaps the whole world. He was already angry, and we were nothing to him-worse than nothing. His betrayers and tormentors. It would probably please him to see us all die.
The Gray Lady, then. She had been mortal and still showed some concern for mortalkind. Yet how could I reach her? I wasn't a pilgrim, though I had exploited them for years. To pray to a god-to get a god's attention-one had to thoroughly understand that god's nature. I didn't even know the Lady's real name. The same went for nearly all of the godlings I could think of, including Lady Nemmer. I didn't know enough about any of them.
Then an idea came to me. I swallowed, my hands suddenly clammy. There was one godling whose nature was simple enough, terrible enough, that any mortal could summon her. Though the Maelstrom knew I didn't want to.
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