Reckless

by Lori Bell

  When she was wheeled away on a stretcher, her eyes were closed. It was then that Edie finally was able to breathe. Tate rushed her outside of that facility, brushing off and ignoring anyone who attempted to approach them as they walked swiftly through those corridors and finally reached the exit. An alarm sounded as Tate pushed open the door without punching in a code, something that he once remembered his mother mentioning. The outside air was cool and they both felt relieved to be in it. They stood in the middle of the vacant parking lot, near Tate’s truck.

  “I know she will now dwell on this as being my fault, because I let her go on believing it was hers,” Edie began speaking, quietly, with her arms crossed as she stood under the dark sky with him. She had chill bumps on her bare arms from the night air, or possibly from the intensity rushing through her body still. That scene inside of there had been a nightmare. No matter how much Edie loathed her sister, this obviously pained her.

  “I know you must feel shocked, or even somewhat deceived in all of this,” Edie told him, trying to see his face in the dark, to read his emotions. “I’ve gone through many stages of blame over this. It was her fault. It was my fault. It was our mother’s fault for never having a backbone. It was our father’s fault for not watching the road, and keeping us all safe. The truth is it was a tragedy. An accident out of our control.”

  “I don’t think Syd will ever see it that way,” Tate spoke, carefully. Finally, he understood.

  “That’s why I asked you to come here with me. No one has ever truly seen it. I’ve been viewed as the forward bitch, and she as the innocent introvert. She’s mentally ill, Tate. She’ll never see anything in a healthy way. Her jealously for me turn-ed into crazy hate. Her positive feelings for you turned into obsession. Distancing myself from Sydney has been the only way for me to survive. She feeds off of dwelling on unhealthy feelings. Now, do you see why I cannot have her in my life?”

  Tate sighed. “There was so much more to you than I ever realized.”

  “So much that I didn’t want you to see,” she told him, realizing how impossible it could be now for them find their way back to each other. If that’s what they both even wanted anymore.

  “You’re a complicated woman,” he said, and Edie was not sure if he believed that was a positive thing. Was she someone he wanted in his life anymore? He was a good ole boy, a straight arrow. Not perfect, but close, in her eyes. And here she was, wanting to fit seamlessly into his life with her imperfections and all. Edie almost felt foolish for believing in them after so much had come full circle tonight. She had proven that her sister was crazy. And Edie had also shown Tate her greatest imperfection. She was incapable of love.

  “I don’t know what to say to that,” she admitted, looking down at the ground in the pitch dark. There was only one pole light, high above them right now, and she could see Tate’s face from its illumination when she looked up again.

  “You caught my eye from the first moment I saw you,” Tate began. “Your beauty is striking. But, there’s more. Underneath it all, beneath what every woman envies and every man wants, you are a wounded soul. You’ve experience more hurt than anyone should ever have to go through, as a child and as an adult who continued to paint over the pain. You don’t have to do that with me anymore. E, I know you, the real you.” Tate regretted the times he judged her now more than ever. “And I also know I do not want to spend another second of my life without you in it.”

  Maybe because it was dark, or perhaps it was how she just knew she could finally be real with him. Whatever the case, Edie had allowed the tears to be free. “You don’t have to be afraid to feel anymore,” Tate said, reaching for her. He gently placed the palm of his hand on the side of her cheek and it was now wet with tears.

  “I know,” she said, through those tears. “You’ve taught me that. I get it now.”

  Tate reached for her hand and pulled her toward him. He held her close underneath the stars in the sky. He wanted to promise to protect her for the rest of their lives. He wanted to kiss her until they were both breathless. But, he knew what she needed right now was simply the comfort of being in his arms, and the reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

  Chapter 29

  Her room was dark, her roommate was sleeping. She was always sleeping. The medical staff had thought Sydney, too, would sleep off her drugs. But she was already awake and out of bed. Medication never did affect her much. Dosages had to be doubled or even tripled to take effect.

  She stepped over to the window and looked out. Five stories up. The only two people under that pole lamp in the middle of the parking lot immediately caught her eye. Tate was holding Edie. Loving Edie. Moving on with his life without her. We were supposed to be together…

  And that was the very last thought Sydney had before she opened the window. It had bars on it to keep her and her roommate from doing anything foolish. Only those bars weren’t securely intact anymore. Sydney had stolen a razor blade from the bathroom several months ago. After numerous evaluations, the trained professionals there had believed Sydney would never hurt herself, nor ever attempt to escape.

  She had nothing else to do, day in and day out. She would sit by the window to get some fresh air, she had told the staff, time and again. But, really, she had been slowly chipping away at the wood on the window sill that had kept those bars safely in place. This was an old building. Some of its wood was rotting internally. Sydney’s mission had taken time and patience, but she had managed to work loose two of those bars at the base of the window. The wood crumbled and then broke away as she now pulled hard on both of those bars until they were free and in her hands. She then placed them at her feet on the floor.

  She lifted her legs up there first, swung them over what was left of the wood window sill, and then dangled them out into the night air. The sight of those two. Together. That was the last thing Sydney saw before she jumped out of that fifth story window.

  *

  Mrs. Ryman was sound asleep in her bedroom, lying on her side of the queen-size bed she shared with her husband for forty-eight years. She always drifted off to sleep, hoping to see him in her dreams. Especially since she shared the encounter with him on the other side. She believed there was a hereafter, and when it was her time, she would be ready. Missing her husband still consumed her, but she was trying. Focusing on Sydney for all of those weeks had helped, but now Tate had told her to stay away from her. And she believed he was right. That girl did not want to be helped.

  In her dream, Mrs. Ryman could see clearly herself inside of their market. Tommy Kampwerth was stocking shelves in aisle three again. Everywhere she turned, there was someone else she recognized. Old friends, family members. Some already deceased, some not. She was certain her husband would be around the next corner. This was one of those dreams where she felt awake, and almost in control of the next vision in her mind.

  Tate and Edie were walking hand-in-hand. Mary Lou had not remembered a time when she had ever witnessed them being that close and touching. They looked happy, so she in turn felt happiness for them.

  The next thing she knew, she had somehow transitioned from walking through the aisles of her store, back to the register near aisle three. Back to where this dream started, she comprehended. And then she looked up at the cashier, waiting for her.

  “Sydney…” Mary Lou spoke in a motherly tone. She still thought so much of this girl, despite the demons she struggled to overcome.

  “Mrs. Ryman, you look beautiful, my friend,” Sydney had said to her with one of the most sincere smiles she had ever worn. “Just know… I am all right.”

  “You are?” Mrs. Ryman asked her, feeling hopeful.

  “There’s serenity. There’s harmony. I am finally all right,” Sydney repeated, and Mrs. Ryman opened her eyes. She laid very still in her bed, vividly remembering her dream. And wondering the deeper meaning of it.

  *

  It was hours later before Tate was able to get Edie away from that tragic scene.
The paramedics, the administration and staff, and the police detectives all had wanted a piece of her time. There were offered words of sympathy, and questions – one after another. Tate and Edie were told this apparently had been a long time coming, a plan of Sydney’s, as evidence of the destroyed wood that held the bars in place had been discovered in her room on the fifth floor of that old building.

  When Tate brought Edie home, she was completely silent. He let her have that time. She had spoken enough about seeing her sister jump to her death. The sun was dawning as they walked together into the mudroom. Edie took slow, short steps in there. It had been a long time since she had felt like she was home. She stopped and sat down on the top step.

  “Hey, that’s my spot…” Tate quietly teased her.

  “I’ve missed it. All of this. Seeing you sit here. Coming home to this house.” She smiled softly, and her eyes were red and swollen from crying hysterically on the ground next to her sister’s broken body. Tate could not get that image out of his mind. But, now, he wanted to focus on Edie wanting to be back there. Back home. With him.

  “I’m happy to hear that. So unbelievably happy,” Tate sat down close beside her, and put an arm around her. “But I’m terribly sad, too,” he added. “It didn’t have to end this way. She didn’t have to–”

  “I feel like I gave her the final push,” Edie interrupted. “She was barely hanging on, and I shoved her off of the edge.”

  “Sometimes people do not want to be saved,” Tate spoke calmly. He was not going to allow Edie to self destruct over something her sister decided to do a long time ago, all those months back when she was locked up because of her own insane choices. “I think you were her excuse all along. Don’t let her bring you down, don’t let her sink you into that quicksand. You’re bigger than that. A stronger soul than she ever was.”

  “Do you think she went straight to the fires of hell?” Edie asked, fearing that for her sister.

  “No,” Tate answered, feeling steadfast in what he believed. “I think there was so much good in her. I saw it. My mother saw it. Those loyal customers at Ry’s did as well. And, I know, you also may have caught a glimpse of good once upon a time.”

  Edie looked down at their feet on the step below from where they sat. Tate turned to her then, and gently placed his fingers underneath her chin that was now quivering. He made her look eye-to-eye with him at this moment. “Say what it is that you are feeling. It’s okay. You are safe with me now.”

  She almost could not see him through the tears that flooded her eyes. “I…” she began, and then choked on a sob. “I…loved her.” Despite everything.

  Tate never expected to hear those words from Edie. He could have cried with her at that moment, but he chose to be strong and fold her up in his arms while she sobbed. There was no greater pain than knowing sometimes it was too late to fix things.

  *

  They showered, and drank two cups of coffee. Edie didn’t have any extra clothes there, so she had slipped into a pair of Tate’s drawstring red gym shorts and wore a white t-shirt that he said was too small for him. Her wet hair was past her shoulders, and halfway down her back. She, for once in her life, had not cared how she looked. She was only focused on how she felt. And she answered Tate when he asked again.

  “Defeated,” she said, honestly. “I always tried to succeed at staying one step ahead of her. Well, she won last night.”

  “You really think so?” Tate asked her, sitting at the kitchen table with her, bare-chested and barefoot in a pair of jeans. The curls in his hair were also still wet from the shower. “She just couldn’t do it anymore, E. Her biggest battle was within herself. It’s okay to say she did what she felt she had to do to escape that, that feeling which we know overwhelmed her and forced her to become someone crazy and evil at times. We have to understand where she was coming from. She deserves that now. She’s gone. Let’s hope she will find peace.”

  “What you just said makes absolute sense. I need to wrap my mind around that and hold it there. I owe Syd that. I owe myself the peace that I will get … if I forgive her.” Edie words were so sincere she even surprised herself.

  “I’m really proud of you right now,” Tate spoke softly to her as he leaned in and stole a light kiss on her lips. The gesture was over so quickly that Edie ached. For more.

  “I don’t know if I deserve that,” she told him. “I know there was a time when I was not worthy of your love either.” Tate shook his head, but Edie kept talking to him. “I wanted you in my life. I wanted to share this house with you. Your bed, our bed, was a place I’ve never felt so wanted, adored, appreciated, worshipped, and loved. Never before has anyone ever loved me the way you have. And here I was, this woman

  you were giving your heart to…and I couldn’t even say it.” Tate listened raptly. He wanted this, waited for this, more than she would ever know. “I felt it though,” Edie forced back her tears to be able to speak clearly to him. She wanted Tate Ryman to hear every single word.

  “I love you.”

  She stood up and sat back down again on his lap. He held her close and he wore a smile that lit up his entire face, while he whispered, “I’ve always known.” And then she kissed him first. She initiated a kiss that sent them both reeling back into their passion that had never simmered down.

  Chapter 30

  They pried their bodies apart, right there in the kitchen where they had made passionate love countless times. He wanted her. She wanted him. But, first, they knew where they needed to be.

  They laughed at how ridiculous she felt wearing his clothes, but she had put a bra back on to wear underneath his white t-shirt. What would his mother think otherwise? Because that was where they were going. The terrible news would travel fast in their small town. And both Tate and Edie were worried about how she was going to handle it.

  Of all places. Of all things she could be doing. Mrs. Ryman was seated at her kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee. Tate led the way in front of Edie, and he glanced back at her, knowing what she would be thinking. “Hi Ma,” he said, as Mrs. Ryman felt pure joy to see them together. She could only hope for what this meant.

  “Tate, honey, I wish you had called if you were bringing company.” She ran her fingers through her bedhead and tightened her robe across her chest.

  “Ma, it’s Edie. It’s okay.” He wanted to say she’s like family and would be family one day because as soon as he got her back home later, he was going to take that ring out of his dresser drawer and out of that little black box it had been stored in for far too long. And ask her to be his wife. To spend the rest of forever with him. Loving him. She loved him!

  Edie sat down at the far end of the table, partly because she wanted to hide her oversized men’s clothing, and otherwise because this was Tate’s place. She was only there to offer moral support.

  Tate sat in a chair closer to his mother. “Have you seen the news or read the paper yet today?”

  “No, but you only ask me that when something bad has happened. Tell me. I’m a big girl,” his mother spoke, and Edie felt like saying yes but even the biggest, most courageous human beings still felt pain. And this was going to hurt.

  “Edie and I went to see Syd last night,” Tate revealed.

  “Oh,” Mrs. Ryman sighed pleasantly. “I am so relieved to hear that.” She focused on Edie. “There is good in that girl. You will see it, too,” she told Edie directly, and Tate was quick to interrupt.

  “Ma,” he caught her attention. “It didn’t go well. Sydney has been toxic in Edie’s life for a very long time. They’ve both made mistakes, but their relationship just wasn’t meant to be. Edie knows that and I know it now. We have to tell you something. Something happened as we were leaving.”

  “My sister,” Edie began to speak. She did feel like it was her place now, to tell her. Edie’s hands were trembling, folded on the tabletop. “She’s gone. She took her own life.”

  Mrs. Ryman gasped and tears sprung to her eyes. She could
see the pain, so evident on Edie’s pale face and in her red eyes. This girl had no one left in this world – in a life sometimes filled with too much pain and loneliness. She had covered up her emotions so well. Too well. It was time she knew what it felt like to truly be loved again. Tate had already come through. Now it was his mother’s turn.

  Mrs. Ryman stood up from her end of the table and walked barefoot in her pale pink robe. Edie sat up straight to her full height when she reached her side. “I’m so sorry,” she

  spoke, and Edie nodded. Was it okay to say thank you? She and Sydney had been lost to each other for half of their lives. Could she really accept sympathy for that loss now?

  “I had a dream last night,” Mrs. Ryman spoke, and in no uncertain terms she now realized the message, the meaning behind that dream. “I was at our market…and Sydney was there. She was our cashier again. She told me, and I remember her words so clearly, “There’s serenity. There’s harmony. I am finally all right. Just know I am all right.” I woke up from that dream, trying to decipher it. I now know what it meant.”

  Edie sat there, taking in every word. She not only believed this, she felt a wave of peace wash over her. Mrs. Ryman had given her that. They embraced, like two close friends, or a mother and daughter would.

  Tate sat there, witnessing another close moment between the two women he loved most in this world. And he knew this was just the beginning of their happiness – and their love.

  ABOUT

  THE

  AUTHOR

  Yes, this was a crazy plot. No, there was not one particular moment of inspiration in my own life for this story. But I do, after 41 years, have the experience and knowledge of relationships. What makes them flourish? What causes them to fail? And how do we know when to stop trying, or try harder?