I Never Expected You

by Stefanie Jenkins

  I sit by the phone all night waiting for a call, text, just something letting me know she’s okay, but it never comes.

  Me: I miss you.

  Me: Why won’t you call me? Just let me know you’re okay.

  Me: We can get through this together, Dani.

  Summertime used to be my favorite time of the year: no school, beach trips with the family, and spending all hours in Dani and Zach’s pool. This summer, it’s not my favorite. It’s my first summer without both my brother and best friend. My time by myself here before heading off to college in the fall is just a reminder of all I have lost.

  Zach decided to stay at the apartment in Philly. He’s taking a few classes over the summer and working as well. I talk to him just about every day. It’s nice to be close with a Jacobs still, even if he’s not the one I would rather turn to. We both have suffered the same loss, a sibling and a best friend. I may have said goodbye to my brother permanently, but Zach has no idea where his sister even is.

  Is she even okay? Is she ever coming home?

  We have no answers, just that her mom received a vague text that she was alive and not to worry. But telling someone not to worry, especially when they have no information, is like telling someone not to look down while on the edge of a cliff.

  Today is the big Fourth of July cookout at the Jacobses’ house, although I guess it’s not that big anymore—it’s just them and us. Mr. Adam decided not to extend the massive invitation to the neighbors and coworkers and their family who were typically invited in hopes of avoiding questions to both of our families.

  There’s honestly not much else to do here besides work on my tan, so that’s what I’m going to do. Zach had texted earlier that he was bringing a friend home with him: his new roommate, Kyler. All I know about him is that they met this past semester and they hit it off great. He was looking for a new place to live, and Zach had an open room. Zach and I had talked about it one night; he was worried about someone else moving in there, but I know he was lonely even if he didn’t want to admit it. From what Zach has shared about him, he seems like a cool guy.

  I’m sitting in a lounge chair, lost in the memories of playing chicken in the pool with my brother, Dani, and Zach. Oh, if this pool could talk. Between the pool and the front porch swing, I’m not which would have the better stories. I laugh at the thought.

  “What’s so funny over there?”

  I turn to see Zach standing there in board shorts, a black wifebeater tank, and a hat worn backward.

  “Yeah, I saw you out of the corner of my eye, and your face alone made me laugh.”

  I stand, not caring that I’m only in a bikini, and walk toward Zach to hug him.

  “You’re a bitch. You know that right, Hails?” He lets out a loud laugh.

  “Yep, I’d be worried about my personality if you didn’t think that. It might mean I’ve lost my touch.” I wink and smile at Zach before noticing the guy standing behind him.

  This must be Kyler. Tall, dark-haired, and very handsome.

  I push Zach to the side. “Didn’t your mother teach you any manners, asshole?” I direct my attention to the stranger. “Hi, I’m Haylee. Maybe you should have your head examined for being friends with this guy.” I tilt my head in Zach’s direction and extend my hand to Kyler.

  “Hey, I’m Kyler. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  I frown at his words and give Zach the evil eye.

  Zach throws his head back in laughter and puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. “All good things, of course, Hails. All good things.”

  His laughter continues, and it’s almost as if I’ve channeled my brother from wherever he is because I find the perfect opportunity where Zach isn’t paying attention and push him into the pool. Emmett was always notorious for pushing folks into the pool. It was usually Dani, but I think he would only use that as an excuse to touch her. Gross!

  Kyler and I are both laughing by the time Zach emerges from the water and starts to chase me around the pool to give me a wet hug or possibly to drag me into the pool with him.

  “Really? What are you guys, ten? No running by the pool,” my dad yells which make us laugh harder.

  I stop in front of Zach and put my hand out. “Okay, okay, how ’bout a truce?”

  He looks down at my hand as if contemplating it, and I instantly regret being vulnerable in front of him. With that damn Jacobs smirk, he reaches down, then throws me over his shoulder and sprints to the pool.

  “Zach! Put me down. Zachary Brian Jacobs, put me down now!”

  Of course, Zach does not listen and jumps right in with me in tow.

  Later that evening, with full bellies, the three of us lounge in the pool chairs, waiting for the fireworks to start over the river. I wonder where Dani is and if she’s doing the same thing. I wonder if wherever Emmett is now, he can see fireworks. Is that weird to think?

  “Hey, why don’t you come to Philly for the weekend and hang out? It’ll be good to get away from here, I’m sure. You can stay in my room, and I’ll sleep on the couch. Ky and I can even show you around.”

  “No, I don’t want to be anywhere near your bed.” I make a face. “I’d rather be in the small percentage of women who haven’t seen you naked, thank you very much!”

  Zach holds up a finger to speak, but I quickly interrupt him.

  “And no, taking baths as kids doesn’t count.”

  Kyler lets out a deep belly laugh. “Damn, I like her. She’s hilarious. I’m going to look forward to having you around in the fall.”

  “I’m serious. Think about it, okay?” Zach asks, the playfulness in his voice gone.

  I give him a forced smile, knowing he won’t drop the subject otherwise, but in all honesty, I’m not sure I can handle being in that apartment. I hope I made the right call going to UPenn in the fall. How am I supposed to go to school there—the same place Emmett spent the last of his days—if I can’t even visit, surrounded by the ghost of my brother?

  “Hey, Dani, it’s me. Well, I’m all packed up and getting ready to head to college. I don’t know where you are, but I wish you were here.”

  I don’t even know why I bothered calling for the millionth time this morning. Dani hasn’t returned any of my calls or texts all summer—why start now? I guess a part of me hoped that when I had arrived on campus here at the University of Pennsylvania, I would see her. That she had changed her mind about school and would be joining me. I imagine the surprise on her face when she sees me here and not on the other side of the country.

  I am alone in the dorm room unpacking when I hear a knock at the door. I look around the room as if I would find the answer as to who’s on the other side. Maybe my parents had forgotten something or my roommate, Cami, left her key when she went to the cafeteria earlier. I’m not prepared though when I open the door to see Zach leaning against the doorframe.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey back. What are you doing here?”

  How did he know this was my dorm or that I was here?

  “I go to school here; don’t you remember?” His face lights up with that wicked Jacobs smirk.

  I narrow my eyes at him and let out a loud sigh. “No shit. I meant, what are you doing here in my dorm room?”

  “Technically, I’m not in your dorm room because you haven’t invited me in.” He shrugs, still smirking.

  Ugh, what is it about the Jacobs kids that scream smart-ass? My best friend’s smart-ass comments are one of the many things I miss about her.

  He raises his eyebrows at me, making a clicking noise with his mouth while waiting for an invitation to come in.

  I step aside and extend my arm. “Please, Zach, do come in.”

  He tips his imaginary hat. “Why thank you, Hails.”

  Stepping past me into the room, he looks around.

  “Nice place you got here. Can’t say I’m sad to have not done the whole dorm life thing though.”

  I take a seat on my bed, and
Zach grabs the chair from my desk, dragging it close to where I sit. He does the typical guy thing, flipping it around before straddling it, and leans his arms on the back. He looks back to where my roommate’s stuff is all sprawled out over her bed.

  “So, have you met your roommate yet?”

  Really? Did he come here to talk about my roommate? It’s been a long, emotional day. I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I think if I weren’t so exhausted, his small talk wouldn’t bother me.

  I tilt my head, trying to figure him out. “Why are you here?”

  Avoiding my question, he asks one right back. “Why didn’t you call me for help? Your dad called me as they were leaving campus, asking if I would check in on you. I didn’t even know you were here already.”

  Great! My dad called him and asked him to check on me. So what is this, a pity visit? He doesn’t need to step into the role as big brother—I already have… Fuck! I feel like the room is beginning to close, and I quickly stand up from the bed and walk toward the window.

  Zach must see it written all over my face. He starts to rise quickly from the chair, however his foot gets stuck because as soon as he’s standing straight up, ready to take a step, he’s tumbling to the ground, taking the chair along with him.

  I turn around at the commotion and instantly burst out laughing when my eyes meet his. Quickly, Zach joins in on my laughter, and before I know it, I’m sitting next to him on the floor. He’s fine; embarrassed, if anything, that his super-suave personality is flawed. He obviously has his sister’s grace. His eyes meet mine, and I stop laughing when I remember why I had gotten up in the first place.

  “Is it okay to laugh?” I ask him without taking my eyes away from his.

  I bite my lip nervously. I was looking forward to this whole experience, but today has been nothing but a hot mess of emotion. I spent most of the day imagining my brother helping me move into my dorm, thinking how cool it would be if we were at the same school, but then remember that had he still been alive, I would be on the other side of the country.

  Zach scoots closer to me on the floor and wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest. “Yeah, Hails, you know I think laughter is a must. If I don’t laugh, I get angry. And to be honest, I’m tired of being angry. My anger pretty much cost us the security deposit.”

  I jerk back, looking at him with furrowed brows. What the fuck is he talking about?

  As if he can sense my confusion, he continues. “One night, right after all of Em’s shit was taken back to your parents’ house, I got drunk, by myself, and got so mad that he wasn’t there drinking with me that I punched a hole in the wall. I messed up my hand a bit, but at least nothing was broken.”

  “Except for maybe the wall,” I add.

  “Smart-ass,” he mutters under his breath. His grip tightens a little around my body. “He would want us to laugh. Fuck, he loved to laugh.”

  Silence consumes the room as I wipe the tears away from my cheek.

  Zach leans his head against mine. “You wanna go and get a pizza or something? Then we can come back and I can help you unpack. Not because anyone asked me, but because I want to, Hails. We’re friends—that’s what we do. We look out for each other. You’re kind of all I got.”

  I don’t give myself time to overthink things. “You know what? I’d like that. I’m sorry for not letting you know I was here.”

  Zach stands first and extends his hand to me. “Don’t worry about it. You can make it up to me by paying for the pizza.”

  I take it, and he pulls me up to my feet with a little more force, causing me to fall into his arms. We are standing just a few feet away when the dorm room door swings open, revealing my roommate.

  “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”

  I let out a giggle. “Don’t worry, Cami; you weren’t. Zach Jacobs, meet Cameron Byram. Cameron, meet Zach Jacobs.”

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “You too. You can call me Cami. Only my parents call me Cameron, and it’s usually when I’ve pissed them off.” As Cami takes Zach’s hand, I see her eyeing him up and down.

  Oh boy, here we go again. The last thing I need is him getting involved with my roommate.

  Rolling my eyes, I turn to grab my bag. “We’re headed to get some pizza. We’ll be back later to finish unpacking.”

  “See ya later. Nice to meet you, Zach.”

  “You too. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

  As Zach and I walk out the door and it closes behind us, I turn to him. “Don’t even think about it, Jacobs!”

  He smirks and lets out a loud laugh.

  “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Hanks.” He emphasizes my last name as he says it.

  “I’m serious. Don’t try to sleep with Cami, okay? Don’t make this situation awkward for me. Just keep it in your pants!”

  His face goes serious for a second as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. “I think I can keep it in my pants for you.”

  He lets out another laugh as I push his arm off my shoulders and mutter “asshole” under my breath. I know he heard me; the sound of his laugh grows louder as we make our way down the hallway.

  Zach: Ready for your first college party?

  Me: You do realize I’ve been to a college party before, right?

  Zach: Touché. Yeah but not as a college student. I’m gonna give you the full college experience.

  Me: *eye roll emoji*

  Zach: Whatever. Meet us at the apartment, and we can head over from there.

  I stare at the last text message Zach sent, and my palms begin to sweat and my heart instantly beats harder. Meet at the apartment. Those four words flip my stomach. I knew attending college here, it was most likely that I wouldn’t be able to avoid the apartment the whole time, but I did well for at least the first week of college.

  I think about canceling altogether or seeing if I can just meet him and Kyler at the party.

  “You know, if you keep frowning like that, you’re just going to get premature wrinkles,” Cami instructs while browsing her closet for something to wear tonight.

  I snicker. “Ha. I’m sure I have enough premature wrinkles without frowning.”

  Since losing my brother, I feel like I’ve aged at least ten years if not more. What’s a few more wrinkles?

  There’s a dip in the bed as Cami plops down next to me.

  She slaps my thigh. “What’s on your mind, girlfriend?”

  “It’s…it’s…” I try to find the words for how I’m feeling. “It’s just that this will be the first time I’m at the apartment since my brother…” I look down at my hands, unable to finish that sentence.

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” She wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me into her.

  I’d told her about Emmett and everything our second night living together over cheap wine and Chinese takeout. Talk about really opening up to someone quickly. She had seen the framed photo of him and me and had asked if he was my boyfriend. Super gag moment—you know, since we look so much alike and all. I guess I’m used to living in a small town and everyone knowing we were related.

  “Just tell him to meet you here.”

  I shake my head. “No, I need to do this. I can do this. I chose to come here, knowing that I couldn’t avoid it forever. I guess deep down I had just hoped to avoid it a little longer.”

  She twists her mouth as if she is planning something. “I know just what you need.”

  She eyes me up, and why do I instantly feel worried over the look she is giving to my outfit choice? Cami jumps up from the bed and struts back over to the closet where she continues looking for an outfit.

  “You sure you don’t wanna come out with us? It might be fun.” Having Cami there with me would give me an easy escape if I needed one.

  “As much as I would love to hang out with Hottie McHotterson and that sex-on-a-stick roommate of his, I have a date.” A smile spreads across her face, and I’m
not sure if it’s because she’s excited for her date or if it’s at the thought of how attractive she finds Zach and Kyler.

  I internally roll my eyes as I remember her drooling over both of them at our door the other day to go to dinner.

  “Of course you get a date the very first week of college.”

  “Don’t hate. Don’t hate.” Cami fusses over a few more hangers. “A-ha!” She pulls out a black tube top with a slight dipped V to front.

  “Ooh, that will be hot, your date is going to be excited to rip that off.”

  “Oh, no. This, my dear, isn’t for me. I’ve already got my outfit, and for the record, no, I don’t plan on keeping it on long.”

  Wow, she is the female version of Zach.

  “This is for you.” She holds the top out in front of me.

  “Hell no. I can’t wear that.”

  “You can, and you will. Pair it with that jean skirt I saw in your dresser. You need to bust out of your comfort zone. Escape reality a little bit.”

  Little does she realize if I met the boys at the apartment, I would definitely be out of my comfort zone.

  Before I know it, I’m dressed in the outfit Cami had picked out and am standing outside Zach and Kyler’s apartment. My brother’s apartment. My phone vibrates.

  Zach: Running late. Just got out of the shower. Door’s open.

  I stand in front of the door and tell myself over and over that I can do it. I reach for the doorknob, take a deep breath, and turn it. Standing in the front hallway, I look around the apartment. The last time I was here, I was with Dani, my dad, Adam, and Zach, cleaning out my brother’s room. The wall that used to hold my brother’s Baltimore Ravens flag is now empty. I look to the end table that used to house the photo of me and him that currently resides on my dresser in my dorm room.