V.S.O.P.: A Very Special Love Story

by Danielle Marcus

  Renee

  Cirrhosis of the liver? How could I be developing something I couldn’t even spell? Here I was thinking that I had drank a little too much and maybe had alcohol poisoning, but they tried telling me I was on a path of killing myself. I’m not trying to die! And furthermore, I’m not that bad of a drunk… or was I?

  When Wayne took me to the hospital the other night, the doctors ran a few tests. My stomach was hurting so bad because my liver was inflamed and my enzymes were up. I had experienced that before and had brushed it off. But, now they’re saying that the liquor is starting to cause scarring and I needed to stop drinking all together before I end up in a casket.

  True enough I had been drinking almost every day for the past twenty plus years. But, I had seen plenty of drunks walking around the hood, pissy drunk for years with no consequence.

  I always get the short end of the stick, I should be used to it by now. I’m sitting here in my room, sober as hell, and sick as a dog. Without the alcohol in my system it seemed as if all my problems had multiplied by ten. The drinking had only made them disappear momentarily but now they were definitely back.

  I did have a promising life ahead of me at one point. I was a 3.8 G.P.A student with intentions of graduating from college with a bachelor’s in nursing. I wasn’t always a failure. Tears started to stream down my face at just the thought of how much of a wreck my life had become.

  I’m forty years old and I’ve never held a job a day in my life, I depend on my daughter to survive, and I basically have nothing going for myself. I have to get myself together and get over all of these hurdles. I need something to ease the blow.

  See, this is why I need to drink! My body is feigning for just one taste. Coming off this binge and into my reality is the worst! But, I have no choice but to do it. I can’t die. If I did, who would be here for Diamond? I am all that my daughter has and she is all that I have. I can’t take the weak route and leave her.

  I pulled the covers over my head and curled up tight, crying like a baby. I’ve gotten over the stage of asking God why. Now, I just ask for the strength to deal with it. He won’t put more on me than I could bare right?

  I don’t know, with the way that I’m feeling I’m starting to question that. It doesn’t make any sense to me how much that I’ve endured with the rape, the teen-pregnancy as a result of the rape, the alcohol addiction, then to top it all off both of my parents passed away.

  I was starting to feel so broken and alone right now. I was trying to let my tears soothe my pain but it wasn’t working. Lord, I need some type of relief!

  My phone began to ring. It was Diamond. I allowed the call to go straight to voicemail. I didn’t want to talk to or see anyone. I needed time to myself to do some real soul searching.

  I had drifted off to sleep and by the time I had awakened it was after nine o’clock. My whole body was weak and feigning for some liquor. I jumped up and ran to the store to buy me a bottle of Henny and a 24oz Sprite to chase it. Fuck this.

  I was now sitting at my kitchen table, staring at it. My mouth was watering. I wanted to take a sip so bad. I was worse than a crack addict thirsting for his next fix.

  Just one sip wouldn’t hurt. I didn’t have cirrhosis just yet, right? My liver was just a little inflamed. That little voice in my head was trying to make up every excuse in the world to take another drink. But, I thought about my baby and hauled ass back to my bed and curled back up in my sheets. If I made it through the night I would have one full day sober down and hopefully it would get easier with each passing day.

  Diamond

  I’ve been going through a lot lately. So much that I have totally been neglecting my mother. I tried calling several times but she didn’t answer. Knowing her, she was probably in someone’s club turned up to the max! I made a mental note to go and check on her tomorrow morning.

  For the most part, I loved having a cool mother that I could kick it with like a best friend. It was just that sometimes I didn’t need her to be my friend, I needed a mother. Right now was one of those times.

  I needed some motherly encouragement, but she was nowhere to be found. I shook my head, pulling out my phone and dialing up my best friend, Kita. She had my back through whatever and I had hers. Blood couldn’t make us closer.

  “What’s up heffa’.” Kita answered, I could hear the wind from her window in the background and the sound of Rich Homie’s “Walk Through”, so I knew that she was in the car driving.

  “Where you going?” I wondered out loud, putting the ear buds to my Bluetooth into my ear, and plopping down onto the bed.

  “Girl, about to go over to Jujuan’s house. Me and Armond got into it and I’m sick of his nagging ass.” Kita retorted.

  I let out a light giggle and shook my head at my best friend. I knew that her and Armond had their ups and downs, but overall he was a good man that actually worshipped the ground that Kita walked on. I was rooting for Armond so I didn’t feel Kita needed to be cheating on him.

  “Poor Armond. You better be careful.” I warned, knowing that it was like I was talking to a brick wall. Kita was so bullheaded. She was going to do what she wanted to do regardless.

  Kita sucked her teeth. “Armond is not going nowhere! Trust me. Now what’s up girl? What are you doing?” She changed the subject and I left it at that.

  “Nothing, sitting here stressing. But you sound like you’re in a good mood, so I’m going to let you go.” Kita was always my shoulder to cry on and I didn’t want to drag her into my shit tonight.

  I heard her suck her teeth. “Now you know that I don’t mind! I’d kick ol’ boy to the side and be at your doorsteps if you need me to BFF.”

  I swear I love my best friend. I smiled. “No you’re okay. I’m just going to call and bug G’s ass. Have fun BFF.” I ended the conversation feeling as if I was back at square one.

  I had it all, but for some reason I couldn’t shake this feeling of depression. I covered it well, but, knowing that I had no one to fall back on if I failed was overwhelming sometimes. I didn’t want to always be the strong one. I had been paddling my own canoe for so long and even though I had Grandma Terry, then Trae, there was only so much that they could do.

  Growing up, my family wasn’t a stranger to government cheese and Focus Hope canned meat. Renee wasn’t much of a mother, my daddy was a John Doe, and like I said Grandma Terry was struggling herself so she did her best.

  I was always a hustler. My Granny used to go buy all types of little hugs juices, quarter chips, cookies, and penny candies, and I opened up a candy store. When I turned 13 I got a job at McDonald’s, and by 19 I met my ex, Trae.

  Trae was like a breath of fresh air to me. I was used to struggling and he came along with his fat pockets, and expensive cars. He wined and dined me giving me an experience that I’ve never had.

  I was never a gold digger, but I felt so safe being with him. I knew that if anything ever was to happen, I had him to fall back on. But, one day he just up and disappeared and I can’t lie, I was still feeling some type of way about it.

  True enough, when Grandma Terry passed away she left me a hefty insurance policy. I invested it well, but, what if I decided that I didn’t want to be responsible anymore? What if I lost it all?

  I’d be up shit’s creek without a paddle! That was why I was so skeptical about my new boo, G. He was a petty hustler from my mother’s hood. But, it was something in him that was so special, and I saw it. He had so much drive and ambition, and he also treated me like I was the best thing to ever happen to him.

  I was really starting to fall for G, and it scared the hell out of me. Where is Renee at? I wondered out loud, dialing her up again only to receive the same results. Huuuuuuhh! I guess I have to put my big girl panties on and take everything in like a woman. I’ve been doing so for so long and there’s no point in stopping now.

  Diesel

  After thinking about it for a minute, I finally made that move back to my city. Detroit that is!
I had my agent book me a flight and hopped on the first thing smoking to the city. I’ve been back for a couple of days now and I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until I got here. Everyone is showing me so much love too.

  That was expected though. I was the man before I left and I’m still that guy. As I cruised down Jefferson Ave in my 2014 Bentley Coupe, with my Versace frames covering my eyes from the sun, I took in my surroundings. Jefferson wasn’t that packed, but, I knew that in a few hours it would be bumper to bumper with nightlife traffic. I decided that I was going to step out for the night. I ran into an old friend that owned a club on Plymouth Ave. and he invited me to come chill. I needed to wind down with a few drinks and kick it.

  I was staying at the Marriott inside of the Renaissance Center until I got settled in. I had a condo out in Southfield, but that wasn’t even an option for me. My homeboy and his old lady were renting it out, plus it held too many painful memories that I wasn’t trying to rekindle.

  I had a realtor/personal assistant looking into a crib for me in the outskirts of the city. Maybe Novi, or Bloomfield Hills somewhere. She was also looking into finding me a building to open up my new record label.

  I was a bit on edge about starting fresh, but, I’m a natural hustler. If nobody else could get the job done, I could. I had a few potential clients lined up, and a few concert promoters on deck.

  When I walked into the execs office and turned in my walking papers, they tried to put up a fight, but I killed that quick. Tiana was the one who really gave me a hard time, though. She broke down on me and it had me feeling bad.

  I ended up promising her that she could come up here to Detroit to spend a couple of days with me. I don’t know why I was even playing with that girl like that. I guess I was feeling her just a little bit.

  I let out a sigh, as I pulled into the valet drive through and got ready to valet the car. It was only five o’clock in the afternoon and I was about to go lay down before I hit the streets.

  As I sat there waiting for a valet driver to come and park my car, my phone began to ring. I was beginning to hate this damned thing. It stayed ringing off the hook. Everyone was starting to find out that I was back, and everyone was hitting me up.

  I looked at the caller ID, it was my homeboy, Gotti. Me and dude were like brothers before I left and there still wasn’t any love lost. We’d been through a lot in the duration of our friendship, so it was always nice to hear from him.

  “What it do my guy!” I answered with a smirk.

  “Shit, word around town is you’re back in the city. Come have a shot with ya’ mans!” He shot back, sounding as if he already had a jumpstart on the shots.

  Honestly, I wanted to tell him that I would catch up with him some other time. But, Gotti was my pot’nah, so I decided to go see what he was talking about.

  As I was about to respond, I heard a tap on the window. I looked to my left, out of the window, to see a mid-aged foreign cat dressed in a burgundy valet get up standing there with his arms folded, looking all annoyed. I almost got pissed off.

  I had to wait for a good five minutes before he came out, so he could wait. I pressed the phone back to my ear. “Yea, I’m about to chang-”

  Man, he had a nerve to beat on the window this time. I stopped mid-sentence and turned to him, giving my coldest ice-grill.

  He threw his hands in the air, and started to talk junk. I swung my door open with the quickness and screamed on him. “If you don’t get yo’ punk ass on somewhere, it’s gone be some problems!”

  Ol’ boy got to yapping in some language that I didn’t understand. I knew that he was talking mad shit by his hand gestures, and I snapped. I hopped out of the car and jumped at him. He hauled ass like his life depended on it and all I could do was laugh.

  I was usually the calm and collected one, but the hood in me could come out real quick. I didn’t play when it came to feeling disrespected, and I would have knocked that mufucka’s block off if he had of kept it up.

  I hopped back in my ride , and focused back on my conversation. I heard Gotti laughing threw the phone. “I know you not up there starting problems. You need me to come through and make some noise?” He may have been laughing, but, I knew he was as serious as a heart attack. Gotti was a stone-cold killer. I knew that if I gave it the go, he would light up this hotel and that valet driver like fireworks on the fourth of July.

  “Nah, I’m good. I’m about to stop through. Are you still over there on Boston?”

  “You know it. We having a little get together. I got some bad ones for you over here too.”

  I had to shake my head. “Look at you. Chiquita gone tap that ass!” I chuckled. Gotti’s wife was a feisty one. She didn’t take much shit.

  “You got me fucked up! I wear the pants around this ma’fucka! And besides, she out of town with her people.” Gotti shot, and we both cracked up with laughter.

  “Yea, that’s what I thought. But, I’m on my way.” I ended the conversation, pulling off. I looked through my rearview mirror and saw that same scary ass valet driver hovering over the door watching me. I decided that after tonight I would be putting the pressure on the realtor to find me a place, because I wasn’t trying to catch a body over no bull.

  Renee

  I’m a fuck up. I know that’s what people think of me. I can’t stay sober, even to save my life. Yep, I just dusted off a whole half pint of Hennessy. I promise that I was only going to take one shot and that would be it. But, messing around with Danetta and Niecy’s ass, we ended up getting wasted!

  I couldn’t take it anymore. It seemed like everything was coming at me at once, and I was so sick. I just wanted to feel better. Then it didn’t help that my girls came over with drinks on deck, and plans to turn up for the night.

  “Did you hear me Renee? What happened with Wayne the other night?” Niecy asked, with a sneaky grin on her face.

  I rolled my eyes at her ass. “Nothing at all! He took me to the doctor, brought me home and that was it. I told you, I can’t mess with no old ass man.”

  Danetta sucked her teeth with a huff. “You need to stop playing. Wayne will take care of you! I know you are tired of always having to call Diamond.”

  I straight gave Danetta the side-eye. She was speaking on something she had no business speaking on. Danetta and Niecy were my girls, but they didn’t know my story. They didn’t know what all that I’ve been through. So I let her slide with that comment.

  The only people that ever knew what happened to me were my parents. Well, I ended up slipping and telling Diamond last night when she stopped by to check on me. I didn’t mean to but I had to get it off some type of way. My mother was the one who usually consoled me. She was my rock, my shoulder, and now she was gone so I just needed somebody to talk to.

  My mother is the one that forced me to have Diamond. She was heavy into the church and religion. Her philosophy was that God never made mistakes, and that he gave me Diamond for a reason.

  I now saw the reason, and just thinking about her made me feel some type of way. I got up and poured my cup into the sink, excusing myself, heading to the bathroom. I promised myself and my daughter that I was going to get it together, and I had to do it.

  I ran the cold water over my face, and looked at myself in the mirror. All I wanted was a normal life. All I ever wanted was a fair shot. As much as I didn’t trust men, I even wanted love and a real family someday. I wondered if it was too late for that as I looked at myself in the mirror.

  A knock at the door, interrupted my deep thoughts, followed by Niecy’s voice. “Are you ready Renee?” She yelled, saving me from having an emotional breakdown. Just a few seconds longer alone to my thoughts and I would have been an emotional wreck.

  “Yea, here I come. Give me a second.” I blinked back the tears, standing up straight. My eyes were glossy, and even I could see the pain written all over my face, but I did my best to cover it, as I walked out of the bathroom. I was going to have fun tonight, tomorrow would be a
new day to start fresh and get my life in order.

  Diesel

  I can’t lie, this little get together at Gotti’s house is live. He wasn’t playing when he said that he had some bad ones waiting for me. I had one sitting to my right, she was brownskin with a fat ass. The one to my left was a redbone with a pretty face.

  We were all laughing, joking, and kicking it. I could tell that baby girl to my right wanted me to come on to her so bad. She laughed super hard at everything I said, and she kept giving me that ‘come fuck me’ eye.

  I didn’t have time for no bitches. Knocking down any and everybody was getting old. I was on a mission to chase this money, until some woman magically appeared and grabbed my attention enough to keep it. I doubt that would happen and I was cool with it.

  “So what you gone do now that you’re back in the city? I know you not trying to get back into the game are you?” Gotti asked, taking a sip from his Heineken. We were sitting in his backyard around an expensive glass table chopping it up, while all types of exotic women roamed the yard, scantily dressed in their little bikinis. There were a couple of other men there, but for the most part, we were surrounded by women.

  I didn’t have to think about what Gotti had just asked me. I even gave him the screw face before answering. “Hell naw! That shit is for the birds. I’m a grown ass man, what I look like hugging the block?” I shot, noticing that my glass of liquor was empty. I turned toward, the girl to the right, figuring that I would give her a little bit of the attention that she was thirsting for.

  I smiled lifting my cup towards her. “Aigh baby, can you go fix me another drink?” I held my glare, giving her body the once over. Her perfect skin glistening against the sunlight was definitely a site to see.

  She eagerly stood up, and her friend did too. “Anything for you sexy.” She returned my smile, biting on her bottom lip. She took my glass out of my hand and walked off, switching her hips.