Surviving High School

by Doty, M.

  “I won’t lose another daughter!” he shouted, his voice beginning to shake again. “I won’t. Don’t you get it? She lied to us, Em. She stayed out with that boy, and look what happened. I can’t lose you the same way.”

  For the first time since Sara’s funeral, Emily could see tears in his eyes.

  “Dad, we all miss Sara,” said Emily, fighting to keep her own voice steady. “But what happened to her was an accident. And I’m sorry if you can’t accept it, but that’s how it happened. It was no one’s fault. But it’s not an excuse to ruin my life, too. I’m out, Dad. I’m done with it. The training, the diet, the swimming. All of it.”

  “Fine,” he said, turning away. “You’ve made your choice, Em. Just don’t expect to come crawling back to me, asking me to be your coach, when you realize what you’ve thrown away.”

  He left the room, and Emily and her mother sat quietly at the table as they heard him stomping up the stairs.

  “Mom,” said Emily, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  But before she could say another word, her mother had come over and was hugging her close, just as she had when Emily was younger.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” her mom said. “You know how your father can be. He’s like you, entirely stubborn. But give him a day or two, and he’ll see the light.” She stroked Emily’s hair and kissed the top of her head. “Now tell me, who’s this boy who’s taking you to the dance?”

  The next morning, as Emily spied on him from behind a nearby classroom, Ben Kale walked slowly down the hall. The usual bounce had gone out of his step, and his perpetual smile had been replaced with a blank stare. As he got to his locker, he found Spencer waiting for him.

  “Dude,” said Spencer. “Dude! You’ll never guess who I’m taking to homecoming.”

  Homecoming. The very word made Ben cringe.

  “Who?”

  “Lindsay, man! Apparently she’s been mad crushing on me all year! She’s into my bod, naturally. I just wish I’d known sooner, you know? Then I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on Dominique.”

  “Yeah,” said Ben distractedly. “Sure.”

  “I know, I know! I mean, I think maybe Lindsay started liking me so much because I was just going after Dom and ignoring her, right? Girls are totally like that. I can’t believe it. I totally gamed her without even meaning to!”

  Spencer raised his hand for a high five, but Ben ignored it, opening his locker. When he did, a bouquet of roses fell out and landed at his feet. Ben knelt down to pick them up.

  “Is there a note?” asked Spencer. “Who are they from?”

  “Who do you think?” asked Emily, stepping out from the doorway of the classroom.

  “You broke into my locker?” asked Ben, smiling.

  “Compared to swimming a fifty-meter backstroke in under twenty-nine seconds, breaking into your locker was easy.”

  “Spence, give us a minute,” said Ben.

  “Sure thing,” Spencer said with a wink.

  As Spencer took off down the hall, he shot them a double thumbs-up.

  “Thanks for the roses,” said Ben. “They’re pretty—and unexpected.”

  “My mom helped me pick them out.”

  “How nice of her.”

  “So, I heard this rumor that your terrible ex-girlfriend may have dumped you, and that now you don’t have a homecoming date.”

  Ben shrugged. “You know how rumors are. Truth is, she’s not as bad as everyone says. In fact, I might still kind of like her.”

  “So if she were, hypothetically, to ask you to the dance—”

  “Hypothetically?”

  In answer, she leaned forward and kissed him, pressing him up against his locker. She hadn’t planned to. But it was something she had to do. Clearly Ben hadn’t prepared, either. His lips were tight at first, and his face was scratchy with two-day-old stubble. After a second, though, his lips relaxed and turned soft against hers, and she could feel him there, entirely present, his whole essence concentrated in his mouth against hers.

  “Emily,” he said, “I—I thought you wanted to wait for, you know, the right moment.”

  She smiled. “I did.”

  “So then—we’re going to the dance?”

  She leaned in once again and kissed him softly. “You’ve got yourself a date.”

  Emily and Ben weren’t the only couple to get together just in time for homecoming. In the locker room after school that day, Samantha stopped by the bench where Emily was changing and told her she was going to the dance with Nick Brown.

  “Just as friends,” she added. “He told me that the two of you got a chance to talk about a few things the other day. That’s good. I figure it’s senior year. Time to let go of some old grudges. Of course, you’re just a freshman. I guess you’re three years ahead of the game.”

  “That’s sweet,” said Emily. “I’m happy for you guys.”

  “Cool. Anyway, I’d better get changed. Hey, aren’t you usually already in your swimsuit by now? What gives?”

  “I’m not on such a tight schedule anymore. It’s time for me to start changing with the rest of you.”

  “Cool,” said Samantha, opening her locker. “Well, I’ll see you out in the pool.”

  For the first time in weeks, Emily’s arms and legs didn’t ache as she swam. She’d gotten to bed early the night before, after talking things out with her mom, and instead of tossing and turning as she worried about her messed-up life, she’d gone to sleep the moment her head touched the pillow. She’d woken up this morning feeling lucid and rested for the first time since she’d started her late-night dates with Ben.

  As she swam up and down the length of the pool, she realized that for the first time in a long time, she was actually enjoying it.

  When she got home that night, Emily walked into her room to find her computer on her desk, just as if it had never left. Sitting next to it was a brand-new phone.

  “I, uh, may have taken my frustrations out on your old one,” said her dad. “Sorry about that.”

  “You’re apologizing for giving me a new phone?”

  He rubbed the small bald spot at the back of his head and looked at his shoes.

  “Look, Em. Your mother and I have been talking, and I guess you could say—I guess you could say I overreacted. Don’t get me wrong, it kills me seeing you give up on our dream like this. Really kills me. But it has to be our dream. It’s like your mom said. I can’t relive my swimming days through you.”

  “So, we’re okay?”

  He walked toward her and gave her an awkward one-arm hug. It was a start.

  “I should probably hit the hay,” he said. “But you—you go to sleep when you want. Not after midnight or anything, but it doesn’t have to be ten thirty anymore. We can be—flexible.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Oh, I, uh, almost forgot,” he said. He brought his left arm around from behind his back to reveal that it was draped with shimmering blue fabric: her dress.

  A surge of happiness filled Emily’s chest, and a smile broke out on her face.

  “I thought you would have torn it to shreds,” she said.

  “I wanted to. Your mother practically pried it out of my hands.” He hesitated for a moment, then added, “I have to confess, I’m still hoping you’ll be wearing a swimsuit instead of this on the day in question.”

  Emily shook her head and didn’t say a word.

  “No permanent damage done, I hope.”

  He handed her the dress, and she examined it closely, looking for ripped fabric, but no, the dress was fine. Not even so much as a loose thread.

  “’Night, kiddo,” he said, and left, closing the door behind him.

  Later that night, a few minutes after eleven o’clock, Emily booted up her computer and found Kimi online. They still hadn’t spoken since their argument outside the cafeteria.

  EmilyK14: Hey…

  ChEnigma22: You’re up late.

  EmilyK14: Yeah. Things
have kind of changed around here.

  EmilyK14: And I’ve changed.

  EmilyK14: And I’m sorry.

  EmilyK14: I was a bad friend. I put myself first. I didn’t listen when you tried to tell me what was going on with you.

  EmilyK14: But I really miss you now.… And I promise, promise, promise to do better if you’ll be my best friend again.

  ChEnigma22: Aw, Em.

  ChEnigma22: All you had to say was “sorry.” (But I DO appreciate the groveling!) Of course we’re still best friends!

  ChEnigma22: And… I guess I’m just in a forgiving mood today. Since I got a new homecoming date!

  EmilyK14: No way! Who?

  ChEnigma22: Well…

  ChEnigma22: Don’t laugh. Or at least don’t type lol if you do. But…

  ChEnigma22: Remember Kevin Delucca?

  EmilyK14: You’re kidding, right? Isn’t he best friends with Amir? The one who forwarded your rating sheets to the whole school?

  ChEnigma22: I know, I know… But then he sent me this really nice e-mail about how bad he felt, and how Amir felt really bad, too.

  ChEnigma22: And then they even hacked that Facebook group about me and changed it to 50 Reasons Why Kimi Chen Is Actually Pretty Cool. And he’d noticed I’d written “actually kind of cute” in the pro column of his spreadsheet.

  EmilyK14: You did?!

  ChEnigma22: There’s no accounting for taste I guess… He was one of my lowest-rated suitors…

  ChEnigma22: But we just hung out at the mall yesterday and he turned out to be pretty cool. I guess sometimes the numbers lie.

  EmilyK14: So in that case… homecoming double date?! I’m sure I can get Ben to go for it.

  ChEnigma22: OMG! You and Ben are back together! Em! Congrats!

  ChEnigma22: And a double date sounds perfect. I can’t wait!

  The day before homecoming, Mr. McBride asked Emily to stay after class. That usually wasn’t a good sign, but this time a hint of a smile on her teacher’s face let Emily know she didn’t need to dread this conversation.

  “I’m afraid I have some alarming news for you,” Mr. McBride announced as Emily approached his desk after the bell rang. Unlike most days, he actually looked up from an essay he’d begun grading. “Your most recent test has thrown off my entire grading curve, thus forcing me to award it an A-plus instead of my usual maximum grade of a simple A.”

  “I’m—sorry?” Emily had studied extra hard, and it certainly made things easier that she wasn’t falling asleep on top of her test sheet.

  “As am I!” said Mr. McBride. “Should this trend continue, my reputation as the school’s harshest grader may be at stake.”

  He handed her the test.

  “I’ve been informed through certain faculty back channels that you have ‘found’ your textbook. I trust you’ll take better care of it this time?”

  “Believe me, I will,” said Emily.

  Mr. McBride returned to grading the essay.

  “That will be all, Ms. Kessler.”

  Emily backed out of the room, unable to contain her smile.

  On the afternoon of homecoming, Kimi came over so that she and Emily could get ready together. Kimi had found a bottle of nail polish that perfectly matched Emily’s dress, and they painted her fingernails for the first time. As her nails were drying, Emily wiggled her fingers happily and watched as Kimi painted her own toenails bright red.

  They were about to move on to their hair when Emily’s dad walked in. He was dressed in his gray game-day suit and wore his lucky coach’s whistle—the one he reserved for state and national meets—around his neck.

  “I just wanted to say good-bye,” he said. “Have fun at the dance. We’ll sure miss you at the tournament. Without you around, Dominique won’t have much competition.”

  A little pang of guilt struck at Emily. There was a part of her that wanted to go with him. But the part of her that wanted to see Ben all dressed up, to sway with him on the dance floor and kiss him again, was stronger.

  “Thanks for understanding,” she said, giving her dad a hug, and when she drew back, she saw that a bit of blue nail polish had somehow ended up on his cheek. She smiled.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing,” she said. “Good luck at Junior Nationals.”

  “You’re skipping a meet?” Kimi asked as he left.

  “Right,” said Emily. “To go to the dance.”

  “You really have changed, Em,” said Kimi. “I like it.” She picked up a massive can of hair spray and a curling iron. “Now it’s time to get pretty.”

  Ben couldn’t stop staring. The blue dress flowed around Emily’s body like water, so that she almost seemed to be swimming instead of walking. For the first time, she felt as graceful on land as she did in the pool. Trying not to stare at her body, Ben took one of Emily’s long brown curls in his fingers and bounced it playfully in the air.

  “Hey!” said Kimi. “That took, like, an hour to get right. Don’t go messing it up in the first ten minutes. You’ll have plenty of time for that later.”

  The three of them, along with Kevin Delucca, who was wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a tuxedo on it, much to Kimi’s embarrassment, all sat in Ben’s car as they drove to the dance.

  Ben still couldn’t take his eyes off Emily.

  “Shouldn’t you be, you know, watching the road?” asked Kimi.

  “I thought you were supposed to be the one freaking out about my driving, Emily,” said Ben, finally looking forward again.

  Emily considered that for a second. “I guess I just—forgot.”

  In truth, she was too entranced by Ben to think about anything else. In place of the pink seventies-style suit he’d threatened over the last few days to wear, he’d worn a simple black one with a white shirt and a blue tie that almost perfectly matched her dress. She suspected that Kimi might have tipped him off. Best of all, he smelled like he had that day he’d first run into her in the cafeteria and called her Yogurt—like vanilla and cookies.

  “What’s that cologne?” she finally broke down and asked.

  “It’s not cologne,” he said. “It’s the artificial flavor they use to make Mrs. Jenkins Holiday Cookies. Just one of the fringe benefits of having a workaholic scientist for a father. Technically, his job is to design custom scents and flavors for mass-produced food.”

  Emily smiled. Apparently she still had a lot to learn about Ben.

  Inside the Twin Branches gym, where homecoming was always held, the four of them headed straight for the dance floor and joined a small circle from Ben’s crowd, including Zach and Hannah, Spencer and Lindsay, and Hector and Amanda. A fast song with a driving bass rattled the windows and hurt Emily’s ears.

  “Good to see you!” Hannah shouted over the music. “I’m so glad you and Ben are back together.”

  In the meantime, Lindsay was looking at Kimi, horrified. It didn’t take Emily too long to see why: They were wearing the same dress.

  “This can’t be happening,” said Lindsay. “I—I’m dressed just like the Realtor.”

  “And I’d have to say she’s pulling it off better,” said Kevin, smiling at Kimi. She gave his hand a thankful squeeze as Lindsay ran for the girls’ room.

  Heading back from the snack table by herself a few minutes later, Emily spotted Samantha and Nick talking in the corner. As she passed them, Samantha giggled at something, and Emily smiled. It was the first time she’d heard Samantha laugh.

  Away from the circle on the dance floor, Kevin and Kimi were now talking with Amir and an incredibly tall, black-haired girl who was pronouncing all of her o’s as ooo. As she walked by them, Emily overheard her say, “Of course we have homecoming back in Canada!” Emily shook her head in disbelief. So Amir really did have a hot Canadian girlfriend.

  Nearby, Cameron Clark stood alone. Seeing Emily, he walked over and looked down at her, his eyes staring deep into hers.

  “Where’s your date?” he asked, and she pointed out Ben in the cente
r of the dance floor, talking loudly to Spencer over the music.

  “Where’s yours?”

  He shrugged.

  “I came alone. Figured I might meet someone here at the dance. Maybe you’d like to—”

  He put a hand on her shoulder, and his touch was like fire on her skin—in a good way, but Ben was waiting. Emily felt the sudden need to shake Cameron off—to push him away.

  “I—I better get back to my date,” she said, retreating from him, and he nodded.

  “Of course.”

  She walked away quickly, wondering what had just happened between them. She hoped Ben hadn’t noticed. After a few worried minutes, though, she decided to put it out of her mind. Whatever she felt toward Cameron Clark, she’d worry about it some other day.

  Today was about concentrating on the good things. A few months ago, she might have been haunted by the knowledge that this would have been Sara’s senior-year homecoming, but it seemed okay now, as if her ghost was finally at rest.

  Lost in the music, Emily was slow-dancing with Ben near Kimi and Kevin, when he said, “You know, I’m really glad you made me come. The music is good, my friends all came, and I’m here with the prettiest girl at school. If you had told me a couple of months ago that I’d be here, I would have laughed. Now I never want to leave.”

  “You know, I’ve heard that the winter formal’s coming up,” said Emily. “And then prom after that.”

  “Very interesting,” said Ben. “I guess I’ll have to keep my grades up. You’re sure you’re not just a secret agent sent here by my dad to make sure I get into a good college, right?”

  “What do you think?”

  She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. It felt so natural now. How had she ever lived without it?

  “Looks like Dominique decided not to show,” he said as the next song started. “Good thing—honestly, I was a little worried there would be some drama between the two of you.”

  Emily hadn’t said a word to Ben about Junior Nationals. Better just to let him enjoy the dance with her instead of letting him know what she’d given up. Mentioning it would only have been selfish.