Nothing To Lose

by Jenna Byrnes

  Bailey lay in bed thinking. She sorted through everything in her mind and tried to figure out why she felt so lousy. She wasn’t sorry Marc was gone, she’d asked him to leave today, anyway. She didn’t like his being angry, but it really didn’t matter that much.

  She didn’t like the fact that Doug talked to Marc—whatever he’d said had caused the whole problem. He never admitted everything he told Marc, but Bailey decided it didn’t matter. What did matter was that Doug didn’t trust her. That was troubling.

  Bailey realised the other thing that had nagged at her all night—Marc had reminded her that at some point she’d return to Chicago. She hadn’t thought about that. She’d spent all her time thinking about Doug and what she wanted to do to Doug and what she wanted Doug to do to her. But she’d never thought about leaving him.

  She had a condo in Chicago that she absolutely loved. Her position at the magazine was every writer’s dream job. With creative control and lots of travel, Bailey felt she got paid extremely well to do something she loved. But she hadn’t spent much time thinking about work or her condo. Good thing she didn’t have a cat—he would have starved to death by now. Her plants were surely dead. She simply hadn’t thought about them.

  She sat up and realised perhaps she didn’t care about those things as much as she thought she had. She looked around—when had this place started to feel like ‘home’? She knew when it was, when Sarah, Doug and Mandy came into her life. Oh lord! She flopped back down and covered her face with her pillow. She had so much to figure out.

  She slept off and on most of the day. A couple of times she spotted Doug passing by outside and felt bad that he was working when they were supposed to be doing something much more enjoyable. But she couldn’t face him yet.

  When the sun went down, she saw his shadow in her doorframe.

  “You about done pouting?”

  “Screw you,” she muttered.

  He chuckled. “Apparently not.”

  “You didn’t trust me,” she said petulantly.

  “I’ve been thinking about that, and you’re right. I was a heel, a cad and a total asshole. A true jerk. I’m sorry. I should have had more faith in you, but I was completely freaked out by the situation and I started drinking, which didn’t help. I’m really sorry, Bailey.”

  “I am too,” she looked at him. “But I’m going to need a little time to sort through this. I hope you can understand that.”

  “What’s to sort?” His voice oozed irritation.

  She shot him a peevish look right back. “The relationship I was in for several months just ended. Please don’t pressure me, I need some time.”

  “Pressure you?” he gripped the doorframe tightly. “We weren’t talking about me pressuring you before, when we made love. I thought it was quite mutual.”

  “It was. But maybe we rushed things. I need to get my mind wrapped around all these new developments…”

  “You think too much.” He slapped the wall. “You’re gonna think everything to god-damned-death.”

  “Oh back off,” she spouted at him. “Now you’re sounding like Marc. If my plans don’t involve you getting laid, they must be bad plans.”

  His eyes flashed and he took a step back. “I’m going to leave before I say something I’ll regret—like the fact that you’re acting like a total bitch. Whoops—hope I don’t regret that.”

  She frowned and watched him walk down the hall. The sound of the front door slamming caused her to cringe. She didn’t know why she was being so bitchy with Doug again—no, she did know why, but didn’t want to face the truth.

  She was going back to Chicago soon and Doug would stay here. She couldn’t have a relationship with him. They’d had some fun—a hell of a lot of fun—but she needed to end things before either one of them got hurt.

  Chapter Six

  Doug drove home in an angry mood. His plans for a romantic weekend had been shot to hell and now Bailey was furious with him. He could usually divert her anger with one of several tricks—yanking her shorts down and burying his face between her legs came to mind—but this time was different. She seemed more sad and hurt than angry. He hated that.

  Sarah and Mandy arrived at the house the same time he did. He didn’t feel like talking, but they were bubbly and happy to see him.

  “How was your weekend?” Sarah unloaded her suitcase from the car.

  “I’ve had better.” Doug took it from her. “Hey, Squirt.” He took Mandy’s bag from her hand and they headed inside.

  “So did Bailey’s boyfriend stay over?” the girl asked dreamily.

  “Mandy!” Sarah snapped at her and looked at Doug.

  He made a face. “I wouldn’t know.” After setting their bags down, he went to the fridge and pulled out a beer.

  “Why don’t you go unpack?” Sarah asked her daughter.

  Mandy rolled her eyes before lifting her suitcase and trudging down the hall.

  Sarah poured herself a glass of iced tea and sat at the table. “So, did Bailey’s boyfriend stay over?”

  Doug dropped into the chair next to her. “Son-of-a-bitch.”

  Smiling over the top of her glass, Sarah said, “Why does it upset you so?”

  He looked at her. “You know.”

  “Yeah, I do. You’ve been keeping some pretty late hours, and I didn’t think you were painting after dark.”

  “Sorry to keep it from you. But we weren’t sure where it was going.”

  “Where is it going?”

  He scoffed. “Right in the crapper. The lawyer showed up, they had a fight and apparently broke up, and now she’s mooning over him.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s not talking to me. I sort of made things worse.”

  “What did you do?” Sarah almost screeched at him.

  Doug felt his face redden and as he spoke, he peeled the label from his beer bottle nervously. “I went over there early this morning and started pulling shingles. I guess I woke him up and we had a little chat.”

  “Oh, Doug!” She shook her head. “You should have stayed out of it and let Bailey handle things.”

  “That’s what she told me.”

  “And now she isn’t speaking to you?”

  “She was pretty pissed,” he admitted.

  “I’ll call her.”

  Doug smiled at his sister hopefully. “Put in a good word for me?”

  “You bet.” She stood up and ruffled his hair. “I’ll tell Bailey you don’t mean to be a jerk, but it just happens sometimes.”

  “Thank you,” Doug replied, knowing Sarah was teasing but thinking no truer words were ever spoken.

  Bailey was nibbling on a sandwich when the phone rang. “Hello?” she answered cautiously.

  “Hi there,” Sarah said pleasantly. “So how was the weekend?”

  “I’ve had better.”

  Chuckling, Sarah told her, “Funny, my brother said the same thing. Apparently his weekend did not go according to plan.”

  “Did he tell you that?” Bailey was surprised.

  “Not in so many words. But I’ve known Doug for a long, long time, and sometimes I can almost read his mind. He was pretty upset tonight.”

  “So was I. Frankly, Doug just made things worse.”

  “He said that, too. So, did the lawyer mention why he popped in for a visit this weekend?”

  “Is this to report back to Doug, or for your information?”

  “Whatever you prefer. I won’t say anything if that’s what you want.”

  “All right then.” Bailey hesitated. “He lost the case he’s been trying for over a week. He came here to let me comfort him.”

  Sarah snorted. “Comfort being a euphemism?”

  “Oh yeah. I asked him where he was when I needed actual comfort, when my mom died…” She didn’t realise she was crying, but her tears poured out.

  “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. He was a jerk, wasn’t he? You can do so much better.”
>
  Bailey sniffled. “I don’t know. I’m not sure what I want or need anymore. I think I’ve changed since I’ve been here.”

  “I think you have too. But breaking up isn’t easy, even if you’re the one who wanted to do it. Your life is different all of a sudden, you need time to adjust.”

  “I told Doug that and he got angry. He says I’m thinking too much, but I’m just so confused.”

  “I’ll talk to him.”

  “No! Please don’t tell him everything I told you.”

  “Okay, okay,” Sarah agreed. “But you need to talk to him.”

  “Not yet,” Bailey sighed, more confused than ever.

  Doug was frustrated, angry at Bailey and pissed at himself because Bailey was angry at him. He was in his loft working on another beer when Sarah knocked later that night.

  “Hey little brother,” she rubbed his back as she walked in. “I’ve just been getting filled in on the details—sounds like it was a heck of a weekend.”

  “That’s putting it mildly. On the bright side, I got most of the shingles off. I worked like a madman all day.”

  “Quite noisily, I’m guessing.”

  “Maybe.” He gave her a look. “So how much did she tell you?”

  “Some, and she asked me not to tell you that we talked. Unfortunately, she and I never pinkie-swore with real blood that we’d always watch out for each other. So I’m going to have to tell you what she said.”

  He listened as Sarah told him.

  “You should be proud of her," his sister added. "She asked the guy where he’d been when she needed real comfort. He wasn’t here for her when her mom died.”

  “She said that?”

  “Yep. She was going to say more but she was crying pretty heavily by then.”

  He winced again. “She was crying?”

  Sarah nodded. “A lot.”

  He looked down. “I wish I could talk to her about this.”

  “It appears that you both want the same thing.”

  He looked at her. “What did she say?”

  “Mainly that she needs some time. Things are changing for her and she’s trying to figure it all out.”

  “She’s spending all her time thinking about that lawyer leaving,” he said contemptuously.

  Sarah smiled. “No, she’s not. Did you realise that she broke up with him? It was late, so she suggested he spend the night in Missy’s room. He was leaving this morning, anyway.”

  “Oh shit!” Doug slapped his forehead. “Why didn’t I stay out of it?”

  “That’s what she’s thinking about. She thinks you didn’t trust her. We talked about it some—she’s coming around. She’s thinking about you, anyway, and not him. That’s a good sign.”

  Doug leaned back in his chair. “So what should I do? I’m begging ya here, my way has failed miserably.”

  “Give her a little more time. But stop fighting with her, for Pete’s sake! Don’t let her push you away.”

  “She’s stubborn.”

  “You knew that the first time you met her.”

  “Yes I did. Okay, she needs time. I’ll back off, finish shingling the house and get ready to start painting the inside.”

  “It’ll be awfully close quarters when you’re in there.” Sarah grinned.

  Doug stood. He leaned down and gave his sister a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. I think I’ll be able to sleep now. Good night, Sarah.”

  “Good night, baby brother.” She stood and gave him a quick hug before walking out.

  Doug slept in Monday and didn’t go to Bailey’s house until nine a.m. It was an unspoken peace offering and he hoped she noticed and appreciated it. He dropped Mandy off and went straight up to the roof where he worked all day without so much as a glimpse of Bailey. He didn’t need to see her. Her image was burned in his mind. Long dark hair spilled over her shoulders on the bed above him as she rode his cock. Her full, round titties bobbed in the air, begging to be kneaded and sucked. Envisioning her caused his prick to harden and he shifted it in his jeans.

  He recalled bending her over in the shower and fucking her tight ass. They’d both enjoyed that position—he ached merely remembering it. When the hammer flew by his thumb in a movement too close for comfort, he drew his attention back to the job at hand. He had work to do. He promised Bailey time, and by god, he was going to give it to her.

  After three full days on the roof, he was finally completing the shingling. He’d made a deal with himself to leave Bailey alone until the roof was done, and tonight he intended to talk with her.

  Sarah brought pizza and ice cream to celebrate the exterior of the house being done, and they gathered in Bailey’s kitchen.

  “The house looks lovely,” Sarah told Doug. “I think you did a fantastic job.”

  “Glad somebody thinks so.” Doug glanced from her to Bailey.

  “It’s great,” Bailey said. “I hope the realtor likes it.”

  He stared at her. “What do we care if she likes it or not?”

  She shrugged. “It might help sell the place. I don’t know, I’ve never sold a house before.”

  The room got quiet and Mandy finally said, “You’re still selling it?”

  “Of course,” Bailey looked at her. “That’s been the plan all along.”

  Tears filled the girl’s eyes as she said, “I thought maybe you’d changed your mind.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie,” Bailey started to comfort her but Mandy ran into the bathroom. She turned to Sarah. “I’m sorry. I thought she understood.”

  Sarah wiped at the corner of her eye. “It’s okay. I guess we just got comfortable with things as they are.” She sniffed and tried to dry her tears. “Gee, if you had another bathroom I might run into it.”

  Doug pushed himself back from the table and stood up. “Might as well make it unanimous.” He paced around the kitchen a moment and then checked to be sure Mandy was still out of earshot. “After everything that’s happened, you’re still planning on leaving?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” she asked defiantly. “Chicago is my home.” She glanced around. “This is—well, it’s never been home. I need to get back to the real world.”

  “Where you belong?” He echoed the words Marc spoke to him.

  “Yes,” she replied, still defiant.

  “And you really think you belong there?” He crossed his arms. “I thought you said you’ve changed.”

  Bailey looked at Sarah, who blushed and shrugged a little. “Sorry…”

  “It’s all right.” Bailey waved her off. “I know you two talk a lot. I just don’t know what’s going to happen. If I have to deal with one more decision right now, I might burst. Maybe if I take one day at a time, things will eventually work out.”

  Doug paced the room angrily. “Wouldn’t want you to take one step out of your comfort zone, that’s for sure. Just stay in there where life’s nice and easy.”

  She stood up. “What do you know about my life?” She motioned around. “This is playing house. This is a fairy tale. This is not my life.”

  “I guess we’re all seeing that now,” he said, and to Sarah, “I’m not hungry anymore. Excuse me.” He walked out the back door.

  “Doug!” Sarah called after him, but he kept walking. “Oh, my.” She looked at Bailey.

  “I am so sick of this!” Bailey wailed. “I just want to go home.” She sat back down in her chair.

  “Is that what you really want?” Sarah asked quietly. “Or is that what seems easiest?”

  “It definitely seems easiest. This place fills me with turmoil.”

  Sarah stood. “Wonder why that is? I’m going to go get Mandy. We need to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry,” Bailey pouted.

  “I don’t care.” She left and returned with her daughter. “Now everybody sit down. This is ridiculous.”

  They ate quietly and Mandy finally said, “Did Uncle Doug leave?”

  “Yes,” her mother replied.

  “Do we have to wait for
him to eat the ice cream?”

  “Go ahead,” Sarah chuckled. “He leaves, he loses out.” She looked at Bailey. “That’s the way life works sometimes.”

  Bailey didn’t speak but looked at her plate and sighed. She was wrong when she thought she needed to end things before either of them got hurt—it was too late for that.

  She didn’t see anyone the next day, phoning Sarah and explaining she needed to be alone. She spent her time brooding and looking through the last of her mother’s things. For what felt like the millionth time in a matter of weeks, she wished she could talk to her mom. It still felt strange knowing she couldn’t anymore.

  But Bailey knew her mother, and wondered if she was able to speak with her, what advice would she receive? Melissa evidently liked Doug, would she ever have tried to fix him up with her daughter? Probably not, Bailey decided, because Doug and Bailey lived in two different worlds. Her mother might have thought Doug could do better than a snotty, stuck-up magazine editor.

  She didn’t feel like that person anymore. Maybe it was because she didn’t want to be that person anymore. Bailey wished she knew who she wanted to be.

  She went for a run but even that didn’t clear her head. After a quick shower and a few bites of dinner, she talked to Sarah one more time that evening and assured her she was fine, just trying to sort everything out.

  It was a quiet night, warm and peaceful as the sun slowly set in the west. Bailey walked around the house outside, admiring the job Doug had done on the exterior. She strolled back to the garage and saw he had stacked the leftover paint cans on a shelf, and the roofing trash was all cleaned up. Leaning against the garage door, she sighed.

  It was painful standing here at the site where they first made love. She recalled the feel of her bare skin pressed against the rough workbench. Doug’s strong hands touched her everywhere, his warm mouth did the same. It had been an exquisite encounter, one she’d remember as long as she lived. It was her choice to break things off with Doug, but thinking about him made her feel sad and very lonely.

  She wandered back into the house and stopped in the bathroom to brush her teeth.