chafferer (1382) a vendor who enjoys talking while making a sale
mangonize (Tudor–Stuart) to sell men or boys for slaves
bend-down plaza (Jamaican English) a row of roadside pedlars, specializing in items that are hard to get in shops, because of import restrictions
amster (Australian slang 1941) one who works outside a carnival, sideshow, strip club etc. touting the pleasures inside and pulling in the customers
click (1748) to stand at a shop-door and invite customers in
jaw-work! (mid 18C) a cry used in fairs by the sellers of nuts
WIDOWS AND ORPHANS
These guys know the price of everything, and its value too, and they’ve plenty of lingo to describe what they’re trying to get rid of…
zhing-zhong (Zimbabwean slang) merchandise made in Asia; cheaply made, inexpensive or substandard goods
halo model a super-product which enhances an entire brand
orphan (second-hand motor trade jargon) any discontinued model of a car
widow’s piano inferior instruments sold as bargains (from an advertisement announcing that a widow lady is compelled to sell her piano, for which she will take half price)
… how they do it…
deaconing (US slang 1866) the practice of packing food so that the finest specimens are visible
shillaber (North American slang 1913) someone posing as an enthusiastic or successful customer to encourage other buyers
trotting (auction jargon) the tactic whereby a dealer’s ring will force an outsider up to an unrealistically high bid, at which point they will drop out and leave their rival with a large bill
bovrilise (1901) to condense an advertisement to essentials
… and those to whom they’re pitching their spiel…
nose picker a salesman’s derogatory description of a potential client who cannot make up their mind and has no power of decision-making within the firm
twack (Newfoundland 1937) a shopper who looks at goods, inquires about prices but buys nothing
grey panthers (US slang) assertive and/or exigent elderly consumers
THE READIES
At the end of it there’s one glorious commodity that makes it all worthwhile:
stadge (Lancashire and Cheshire) the date of issue stamped upon coins
mule (industry jargon) a coin or note which has two mismatched sides
drink-link (UK students’ slang 2000) a cash dispenser
squiddish (Northumberland) the twentieth part of a farthing
chapmoney (Shropshire) money which the seller gives back to the buyer for luck
wergeld (1214) money paid by the killer’s family by way of compensation to free the offender from further punishment
fornale (1478) to spend one’s money before it has been earned
LILIES OF THE FIELD
Although for some fortunate people, such vulgar considerations really don’t figure:
oofy (1896) rich
slippage (US slang 2005) the percentage of people who get a cheque and forget to cash it
set the Thames on fire (UK late 18C) to make a great success in life
stalko (1802) a man who has nothing to do and no fortune to support him but who styles himself as a squire
WORD JOURNEYS
robot (20C from Czech) servitude, forced labour
cattle (13C) property, wealth; then (16C) moveable property; then livestock
up the spout (UK slang b1894) from the spout (lift) used in pawnbrokers’ shops; when items were handed over in return for money they were sent ‘up the spout’ to the storeroom where they stayed until their owner could afford to redeem them
customer (14C) a customs house officer; then (16C) someone the customs officer had to deal with
BULK AND FILE
Crime and punishment
He that helpeth an evill man,
hurteth him that is good
(1597)
The line between making money by sheer hard work and from more dubious practices has always been thin:
vigerage (underworld slang 1935) a loan shark’s 20 per cent weekly interest
flim-flam (underworld slang 1881) the various dodges by which a thief, in changing money, obtains more than he gives from tradesmen and bank-tellers
mocteroof (costermongers’ jargon 1860) to doctor damaged fruit or vegetables
striping the lot (North American slang) the painting of the parking lot at a new shopping mall with extra-wide spacing for the positioning of cars (this gives the impression of the mall attracting more customers than it really does, and when business picks up, the spaces can be repainted somewhat narrower)
quomodocunquize (1652) to make money by any means possible
MY DEAR FELLOW!
Other ways of getting booty out of people may be more extreme:
gagging (c.1825) persuading a stranger that he is an old acquaintance and then borrowing money from him
bull trap (Australia 1930s) a villain who impersonates a policeman and preys on couples in lovers’ lanes, extorting money from those who should not be there
queer plungers (underworld slang 1785) crooks who threw themselves into the water and pretended to be drowning, before being taken by accomplices to one of the Humane Society houses for the recovery of drowned persons, where they were rewarded with a guinea each for rescuing the bogus victim
jibber the kibber (Cornwall 1781) a wrecker’s tactic of fixing a lantern round the neck of a horse which at night appeared like a ship’s light. The ships bearing toward it ran aground, and were plundered by the locals
NOT QUITE MY COLOUR
Even the most upright of us may not be totally straight all the time:
wardrobing (US slang) buying an item and then returning it after wearing it
bilker (1717) a person who gives a cabman less than his fare and, when remonstrated with, gives a false name and address
manoeuvring the apostles (b.1811) robbing Peter to pay Paul (i.e. borrowing from one man to pay another)
oyster (underworld slang 1920) a society woman employed to wear stolen jewellery in the hope that she will receive an offer from a fence, and will, because of her social position, remain unsuspected by the police
PANHANDLER
Just because you’ve been reduced to begging, it doesn’t mean that you’re dishonest. Having said that, some bums have always known that cheating pays:
dommerers (1567) men who pretended to be deaf and dumb
cleymes (b.1811) artificial sores, made by beggars to excite charity
scaldrum dodge (mid 19C) the practice of deliberately burning the body with a mixture of acids and gunpowder to simulate scars and wounds to soften the hearts of those from whom one begs
whip-jacks (1562) vagabonds who pretended to be shipwrecked sailors
aurium (16C) a wandering beggar posing as some kind of priest
CUTPURSE
Others, fitter and more fleet of foot, make better boodle by being proactive:
maltooling (b.1861) the picking of pockets in omnibuses
bulk and file (1698) two pickpockets operating together (the bulk jostles the party that is to be robbed and the file steals the treasure)
reef (c.1860) to draw up a dress-pocket until a purse is within reach of the fingers
pappy (underworld slang 1910) an elderly man whose clothes and pockets are baggy (the ideal victim for a pickpocket)
SLEIGHT OF HAND
As in many another career paths, the professional pilferer, too, likes to develop his expert knowledge:
feeder-prigger (late 18C) a thief specializing in silver spoons
badger (US mid 19C) a rogue who specializes in robbing clients who are visiting a brothel
efter (underworld slang 1846) a thief who robs theatre patrons during a show
tinny-hunter (late 18C) a thief who robs people whose homes are burning down, while pretending to give assistance
vamper (mid 19C) a thief who deliberately starts fights be
tween others in order to rob them in the confusion
tosher (b.1859) one who steals copper from the bottom of ships moored in the Thames
ΑRTFUL DODGERS
Other tricks of the trade definitely make a crook’s life easier and more productive:
trigging the jigger (early 19C) placing a small piece of paper (trig) in the front door keyhole of a house that is presumed to be uninhabited; if the paper is still there a day later, the robber can believe that the house is empty and can be broken into safely
treacle-man (late 19C) a good-looking man who works as a decoy for burglars by charming the housemaid while the gang slip in unnoticed
snudge (underworld slang 1665) a thief who hides himself under a bed in order to rob the house
little snakesman (1781) a little boy who gets into a house through the sink-hole, and then opens the door for his accomplices
DOLPHINS AND TURTLES
Underworld slang, old and new, covers a whole range of dodgy activity, from the relatively harmless to the downright evil:
shoulder surf (UK current slang) to use a pair of binoculars to read the PIN of people using cash dispensers
slaughter (1950s) an immediate dumping ground for recently stolen property, before it is shared out or hidden more permanently and securely
turn turtle (early 19C) to flip a carriage upside-down
airmail (US prison jargon 1950s) concrete, bricks and so on hurled down from rooftops onto patrol cars responding to a call
rifling (underworld slang 1885) plundering dead bodies in the river (especially the Thames) and turning them adrift again
make one’s bones (New York slang 1969) to kill a person as a requirement for membership in a criminal gang
OLD BILL
One gang who know more about all this than most are society’s upholders of the law, who have a few tricks of their own up their sleeves:
flash roll (police jargon) a wad of money which is never actually used, but is flashed ostentatiously around to convince a criminal, e.g. a drug dealer, that one wishes to make a purchase, at which point an arrest will be made
Kojak with a Kodak (US 1970s) a policeman manning a radar speed trap
mule kick (US slang 2005) the act of standing with one’s back to the front door and kicking the door in
attitude-adjuster (US black slang) a club; a police officer’s stick
to get a fanner (Hobo slang) to be hit on the soles while sleeping on a park bench and moved on by the police
ghetto bird (US slang) a police helicopter
wiggle seat (US police jargon) a special lie detector that can be fitted to a chair and which will measure the bodily reactions of a suspect to various crucial questions
BAD APPLES
Upstanding members of society can only hope that their local rozzers are worthy of the power entrusted in them:
mumping (UK slang 1970) the acceptance by the police of small gifts or bribes from tradespeople
swim in golden grease (UK slang 17C) to receive many bribes
banana (UK street slang 1990s) a corrupt police officer (initially of the Special Patrol Group because they were, allegedly, yellow, bent and hanging around in bunches)
shoo-fly (US slang 1877) a policeman, usually in plain clothes, whose job is to watch and report on other police officers
accommodation collar (US police jargon) an arrest only made to raise the officer’s arrest record and thus improve his standing in the hierarchy
JUST DESERTS
There are some who would prefer that criminals were treated with the summary justice of yesteryear; without faffing around with all that tedious business of innocent until proved guilty:
alfet (c.1000) a vat of boiling water into which the accused plunged his arm in lieu of a trial
keelhaul (1626) to punish in the seamen’s way, by dragging the criminal under water on one side of the ship and up again on the other
ride the stang (UK b.1828) to be carried on a pole through the town on men’s shoulders and pelted with refuse for the amusement of a hooting crowd (a derisive punishment for a breach of decorum or morality, especially on the part of a married man)
corsned (Anglo-Saxon law c.1000) a trial by ordeal that required a suspect to eat a piece of barley bread and cheese to test his innocence (if guilty, it was believed the bread would cause convulsions and choking)
whiffler (underworld slang 1859) a fellow who cries out in pain
PETTIFOGGERS
Undoubtedly the intervention of the legal profession does complicate matters, and sometimes completely unnecessarily:
kilburn (police jargon) the official police notebook that is produced in court (rhyming slang: Kilburn Priory for diary)
gunner (US slang 2004) a law student who always needs to volunteer an answer to show off how smart they are
ambulance-chaser (underworld slang 1897) a lawyer who attends scenes of accidents and hospitals to get business from the injured or bereaved, who are not in a position to resist
dock asthma (police and prison jargon 1950s) gasps of (usually feigned) surprise and disbelief by prisoners in the dock
boot-eater (1880) a juror who would rather ‘eat his boots’ than find a person guilty
PORRIDGE
A spell inside should be enough to make anyone think twice about reoffending:
oubliette (Scott: Ivanhoe 1819) a dungeon whose only entrance is in the ceiling
dry bath (1933) a search of a prisoner who has been stripped naked
broken arse (New Zealand) a prisoner who has sided with the authorities and thus ranked the lowest in the inmate hierarchy
carpy (1940s) locked away in one’s cell at night (from Latin tag carpe diem for ‘seize the day’)
to polish the King’s iron with one’s eyebrows (underworld slang 1785) to look longingly out of prison windows
Although not necessarily so:
gate fever (UK slang 2007) terror at the prospect of release from prison
phoenix (underworld slang 1925) one who enters the world after long imprisonment
boomerang (US slang) to return to prison almost immediately on finishing the last sentence
CLEAN SHIRT
Career criminals have always had to make calculations about the possible punishment they may have to endure, leading to a wide range of names for different prison sentences. Here’s a selection:
thirteen clean shirts (late 19C) three months’ imprisonment (at the rate of one shirt a week)
magazine (US 1920s) a six month jail sentence (the time it would take to read one if one could barely read)
the clock (Australian slang 1950) twelve months’ imprisonment (from the hours on a clock face)
pontoon (UK prison jargon 1950) a twenty-one month jail sentence (from the card-game in which a score of twenty-one is the optimum hand)
rouf (UK back slang* 1851) a four year sentence
taxi (US slang 1930) between five and fifteen years’ imprisonment (from the fares in cents displayed in New York taxis)
neves (UK back slang* 1901) a seven year sentence
work under the armpits (early 19C) to confine one’s criminality to such activities that would be classed as petty larceny (bringing a maximum sentence of seven years’ transportation rather than hanging)
working above the armpits (early 19C) to commit crimes that could lead to one’s execution
WORD JOURNEYS
to pay on the nail (1596) from a practice in medieval markets where instant justice was dealt to those who reneged on agreements or cheated their customers. Eventually it was decided that accounts be settled at counters (short pillars known as nails) in the open market place and in front of witnesses. Payments were placed on these counters for everyone to see that all was correct
not enough room to swing a cat (1771) refers to the whip used on board ships for dealing out punishment (the whip started as a cat-of-three-tails but became a cat-of-nine-tails by the end of the seventeenth century; this method of punis
hment continued until 1875)
nipper (16C) a thief, person who nipped or pinched; then (19C) a costermonger’s boy attendant
villain (14C from Latin via Old French) a worker on a country estate (in feudal terms the lord was the great landowner, and under him were a host of tenants called villains; the notion of wickedness and worthlessness is simply the effect of aristocratic pride and exclusivity)
BUNTING TIME
Matters of love
After your fling,
watch for the sting
(1917)
The beginning of love is often physical. In hiphop male attractiveness is described as pimp-juice and its female counterpart as milkshake, contemporary versions of a long tradition:
bobbant (Wiltshire) of a girl: forward, romping
featous (mid 14C) of a man: handsome, good looking
clipsome (1816) eminently embraceable
DISCO JUDGES
women have long known just how critical others can be of their looks, whether they be English country folk or American teenagers:
sinful-ordinary (Wiltshire) plain to the last degree in looks
bridlegged (Cheshire) a farmer’s contemptuous description of a woman as having legs not strong enough to work on the farm
sphinx (US black teen slang) a woman who is beautiful from the neck up
Medusa (US black teen slang) a woman who is beautiful from the neck down
The Wonder of Whiffling Page 8
