Hunter (Broken Bad Boys 1): A New Adult Bad Boy Romance

by Heart,Skylar

  “Yes.” Her voice betrays that she more than likes being so near me.

  “And kissing me?” I’m constantly trying to find her boundaries, even when they’re a bit blurry. The fact that it’s dark here and people don’t really pay attention to us must help, because I’m saying and asking things that I normally never would.

  She looks up at me. “Yes.” A shy smile curls around her lips. Then she comes up higher and puts her lips to mine carefully. They’re just little pecks, but my body heats up like crazy and my body reacts to her strongly. Then she pulls back, her eyes guarded.

  “What’s wrong?” I reach out, putting my hand against her cheek, she leans against it.

  “This is scary. I’ve never…” She shakes slightly, and then sits away from me. “I don’t know if I can do this.” She rubs her arms and pulls them tight against herself.

  My stomach rumbles and I eye her bag. “I think it’s time to eat something.” I don’t think that we’ll know what is going on until we have this talk somewhere else, instead of this little cocoon of darkness.

  “Okay.” She doesn’t look very excited to eat something. She’s been off lately about eating. It’s not that she ever gets really excited, but now… I don’t know, it seems different.

  “You eat now. I’ll grab something when we meet up with Lola and Hanna.”

  That makes her sit up straight. She nods as she pulls something out of her bag. The emotional and carefree girl has gone. This is the girl I see every day in class, the mask is back. “Okay.” She opens a bar and looks at it before she takes a bite, then looks up at me. “You want one? Mum gave me enough to last for days.” She holds one out to me.

  “What are they?” I’ve seen her eat them before, but usually I don’t dare to ask.

  “Protein bars. They’re easier because I don’t have to choose or anything like that.”

  I nod as I take it. I guess that makes sense. I open the bar and am greeted with what basically looks like a candy bar, just denser. “Flavor?”

  “Nougat with peanut. It’s the best of the batch.”

  “Interesting.” I take a bite and like I thought, it tastes a lot like a candy bar, just not as sweet. We eat in silence. Mine is gone pretty quickly, but Lizzy takes a long while. I try to stay patient, but I feel like she’s just stretching the time as long as possible.

  Lizzy’s phone buzzes and she looks up, taking her phone from her pocket. She shrugs. “They’re wondering where we are. Apparently it’s been an hour and a half.”

  “Ah, maybe we should get going then. Are you ready?” I stand up, stretching, making sure that my clothes are still as they should be.

  When Lizzy stands up next to me, she’s apparently done with the bar and holds out her hand for my wrapper. As she walks off to throw them away, I grab her bag and put it on again. I follow her and she startles as she finds me right behind her.

  Then she flashes me a smile that doesn’t quite reaches her eyes. “Can I get the water bottle?” She waits as I search for it in the bag. There are so many things in here, notebooks, pens, pencils, all sorts of bits and bobs.

  I hand her the bottle and watch as she drinks half of it down in one go. Damn.

  Then she holds it out so I can put it back in. “Are you gonna carry that?”

  “Yeah. Doesn’t seem fair to let you carry all that, when I can do it for you, right?” I pull the bag up higher. It’s not heavy, but it looks huge on Lizzy.

  “I guess… Just…” She frowns.

  I reach out, touching her cheek, hoping to comfort her just a little. She tenses under my touch, but then relaxes. Good, at least she’ll still let me touch her, even though I know that as soon as we’re out here, it will all be over again. “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything weird, okay?”

  She nods, but the worry in her eyes doesn’t go away. And I think I’ll have to learn to live with that for now. I think that we’re both on unknown territory and it’s kinda scary. I know I want her, even though I shouldn’t. I’m not the right guy for her, I can’t give her what she needs. Safety, protection, stability.

  I run my hand over her arm right as we walk out the door of the exhibit. One last touch before we have to go back to being as we were before, if we even can.

  Lola has been eyeing me all afternoon, her eyes on me every time she thinks I won’t notice. And the same with Lizzy. I’m pretty sure she figured out that something happened. I’m not gonna share though, I don’t want to. It’s been hard to not just grab Lizzy’s hand every time I walk next to her, but I’m able to keep to myself.

  “Hunter, can you walk with me to the ticket machine?” Lola tugs on my arm as we’re on our way back to the car. “You two go find the car, okay?” She walks in front of me and as soon as we’re out of Lizzy’s and Hanna’s sight, she stops and turns to me. “Something happened between you two.”

  “Is that a question or a statement?” I don’t deny it, there would be no use.

  “I’ve known you both longer than today. Something definitely happened, and I don’t know if it’s good or bad.” She turns to the machine and pays for the ticket. “Is there something I need to know?”

  “No.” There isn’t anything going on, so there is nothing that Lola needs to know, right?

  “Okay.” She shrugs and looks at me. “Did you at least have fun today?”

  “Definitely. It’s been a while since I came here, it’s good to see it again. I’ve got some ideas that I can work on.”

  Lola grins. “Of course, because that is what always goes on in your head. ‘How can I make a drawing or installation out of this?’”

  “Not true.” Well, it kinda is.

  “Definitely true. Remember that time we went to the theater with our class, and the only thing you talked about on the way back was how you’d make some installation based on the movie?” Lola starts walking back to the car.

  “I wasn’t the only one. Blaze too.” I know I should have kept my mouth shut, because Lola’s face clouds over. I’m doing great with the Benton twins today… Me and my big mouth, saying the wrong things at the wrong times.

  “Yeah, him too.” She frowns and I keep quiet, because I know that look. I know what is ghosting behind her eyes and I don’t want to get caught up in it.

  When we come in view of the car, Lola plasters on a smile and I feel like crap again. This is not how friends should act around each other. At the same time… maybe some friendships just have too many secrets to be really functional.

  When we’re halfway back to the city, my phone buzzes. I check it, a message from Lizzy. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that.’

  I glance at her, but she keeps looking out the window, frowning. ‘Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.’ I’m not even sure she’ll believe me.

  My phone buzzes again. ‘I freaked out on you. There was no reason to freak out. I’m just’ The message ends there, but as I’m about to send a message back, the rest of the message come in. ‘Crazy.’ Crazy? That sounds more like something someone tells you, not something you think about yourself.

  ‘You’re not crazy. You’re awesome.’ I nearly take the last bit of the message off, but I send it before I can chicken out. She needs to hear this, she needs to know that there is nothing wrong with her.

  A sound makes me look up, and on the other side of the back seat, Lizzy is crying, sobbing. What?! What did I do now? I was being nice, and this is how she reacts?

  I glance at the rear view mirror, looking right into Lola’s furious eyes. Damn.

  “Lizzy, here.” Hanna hands her some tissues while also glaring at me. Great, now I’m the bad guy.

  I’m not sure what to do, how to comfort her, but I also don’t know what I did wrong. How I got her into this state in the first place. So many things happened today and I guess that maybe it’s all a bit too much. I stay silent until everyone is focused back on getting home. Lola and Hanna are chatting away again, while from time to time shooting me angry glances
.

  From the corner of my eyes, I see Lizzy reach out to me, just one hand, carefully moving my way. I take her hand, holding it as she weaves her fingers through mine. This on-off is driving me crazy, but I still can’t help but want to help her, want to comfort her, want to hold her. She looks my way, her make-up streaked down her cheeks.

  I hold out my hand, and Lizzy hands me one of the tissues. I reach out and wipe at her cheeks, trying to get the black stains off. I don’t like to make her cry, I hate making her cry.

  “Hunter, you want me to drop you off at your parents’?” Lola asks as she’s only a couple minutes’ drive from the riding school.

  “Yeah, thanks.” I usually eat here during the weekend anyway. And I feel like I could use some calm time at the riding school instead of going back to my studio.

  “Okay.” Lola signals to turn and drives onto the driveway, the gravel going everywhere, as we reach the house. She turns the car off and turns to me. “See you soon?”

  “Yeah.” I look at Lizzy and Hanna, Hanna’s still frowning at me but what hurts more is the look in Lizzy’s eyes. She doesn’t want me to leave, and I don’t want to either. I squeeze her hand one last time before I let go and get out. Right now, I can’t. I don’t know how to reply to her.

  I step back as Lola turns the car back on and drives off. I watch as the car turns back onto the road into the city and disappears from view.

  I turn to the house, and as I’m about to open the door, I get a message. ‘You’re awesome too. And you looked like a rock star today.’ I can’t help but smile at Lizzy’s message. Well, I guess I didn’t totally break her…

  Around me the horses make their usual nightly sounds, their breathing, their moving. It’s all so familiar to me and I make my way to the hayloft by sound and touch only. It’s my favorite spot to be when I need some time to myself.

  When I came home, I arrived right as my parents were having dinner, which was great. I put on a happy face the whole time, and then again during doing the dishes, and for most of the evening. But my parents are in bed now and I’ve finally got some time to myself.

  The hay pokes me through my clothes, and I’ll have to wash them tomorrow because they’re gonna smell. I don’t care much about that tonight though. There is nothing as relaxing as being up here in the warmth, surrounded by the smells of my childhood.

  I put my phone next to me on a beam so I won’t lose it in the hay. That may have happened in the past… As I put the phone down, the screen lights up and the phone buzzes. I pick the phone up again and open the message. It’s from Lizzy, a drawing of the bearded dragon from this afternoon. It’s scary how well she did the details, as she didn’t take any pictures and I’m pretty sure that she also didn’t search for an image online. I’ve seen her memory at work before, but this is quite genius, especially since we were kind of distracted at that time.

  My body heats up at the memory of her body against mine, the way she wrapped my arm around her. The way she trusted me implicitly, even though she was scared. The corset and the skirt made her look so amazing. From the moment she stepped out that door, I wanted her. I wanted to touch her, to hold her. I thought that even with everything that we went through together, nothing would make me want her more. But after today, I want her more than anything.

  I reach down, suppressing a moan as I try to make myself more comfortable in my jeans. Why did I wear such a tight pair? Well, I know why… To try and impress Lizzy, which totally worked. I swallow hard as I can’t help touching myself. The way she touched me, the way she looked at me.

  I open my jeans further and push my hand in, wrapping around myself. My breath hitches before I get it back under control.

  The memories are enough to get me going fast. Her hands on my skin, the feeling of having her in my arms, her eyes raking over my body. Her careful lips on mine as she grew emboldened and demanded more attention. The way she ground against me, probably not even realizing what she was doing. She looked so sensual, so sexual.

  I close my eyes, conjuring new images, her hands on me, her lips around me. The face she’ll make as I make her come, the sounds she’ll make as I show her the greatest pleasure she’s ever known.

  I come hard and fast, the world going sideways for a moment. Dammit, I’m not fifteen any more, how can a girl make me come like this?

  I blindly reach up and find the small box I’ve stashed there years ago. I flip the box open and something falls out, but I’m looking for the tissues. My hand falls on the pack and I rip a tissue out, cleaning myself up. When I finally open my eyes, I see the silver packet that also fell out of the box and my stomach churns. Guilt floods over me, hitting me so hard that I’m not even sure that it had ever left. A condom. This used to be Tessa’s and my favorite spot to sneak off to when we stayed the night at my parents’. We’ve… done quite a couple of things here…

  I can barely breathe. I feel like such an asshole as I lie here, thinking of someone else in the spot I used to share with Tessa.

  The tears start falling and I’ve got no control to stop them again. I can’t do this, I can’t keep doing this.

  Not only am I the wrong guy for Lizzy, I can’t forget about Tessa, because when I do, I do stupid things that make everything even more insane. When I’m around Lizzy, I forget about Tessa, but I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve to forget about Tessa. It’s my fault that she’s gone.

  Chapter 17

  Lizzy

  I roll over in bed, curled under the blanket as I grab my phone. Nothing, no reply to my drawing of the bearded dragon. Hmm. Normally Hunter replies to messages within a few hours. Maybe he was asleep already. I shrug as I put the phone away and curl back under the blanket.

  “Lizzy,” Mum calls from downstairs.

  “Yeah?” I don’t want to get out of bed yet.

  “Don’t forget that you’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Will that interfere with your classes?” Oh, now she’s worried about that.

  I hate the monthly check-in with the doctor, but at least it’s a local doctor so I don’t have to travel far and I can just go to class after that. “It’s fine, I don’t have classes on Monday morning anyway.”

  “Okay. See you inside.” And I hear her walk out the door.

  Fuck, I’d totally forgotten about the appointment. Not because it’ll clash with a class, but I’ve not been very good lately. I swallow hard. There isn’t a scale around here where I can check my weight, so I don’t even know if and how much I’ve lost.

  No, I know that I’ve lost weight, I’ve been bad enough for that to happen. And with the trip to the zoo yesterday and the walking I did this week, that’s gotta add up… Fuck.

  I sit up and search around the room. I should have a measuring tape around here somewhere. I find it hidden behind some clothes in a drawer, then go over to my laptop and open a hidden file. I measure my neck, my ribs, my waist, my hips and my upper thighs and put all the numbers into the file. My heart sinks as I look at the result. Even though I can’t actually weigh myself, this is pretty good at estimating my weight too, and right now it’s telling me that I’ve probably lost two pounds, maybe more, over the past two weeks… Crap.

  My heart starts beating like crazy and I’m getting lightheaded. How the hell am I going to solve this? I can’t lose any weight, I can’t have that. I slowly sit down, trying to stop myself from hyperventilating. I can’t pass out now, I can’t get people get worried about me even more.

  There is knocking on my door.

  “Yes?”

  “Lizzy?” Lola is standing outside, not coming in until I tell her it’s okay.

  I look around. If I scramble now to hide all this, she’ll know, but if she sees this… She can’t see this. “I’m sorry, not now.”

  “Are you okay? You sound out of breath.”

  “I’m fine.” I have to be.

  “Okay… Just wanted to see if you wanted to go for a walk.”

  Go for a walk? I’m not sure that
’s a good idea today… Not if I don’t want to have lost even more weight tomorrow. “No, thanks. I’m staying in, doing homework.”

  “Okay. See you later.” Her footsteps go down the stairs again and then I hear the door open and close.

  Damn. Okay. First, put all this away. I carefully stand up, not wanting to go all woozy. I save the file and hide it away again, then hide the tape in a new spot. They can’t know I have these. But now I need to get something to eat, because not eating anything in the morning is going to make people suspicious.

  I go down the stairs and make some breakfast, adding extra muesli. Every little bit is going to help now. I force it down my throat. I need to eat this, I need to eat more. I need the extra fifty to a hundred calories of the extra muesli right now.

  There was one promise that I made when my parents forced me to come home. I could recover at home, but only if I didn’t lose any weight. My weight was only allowed to go up until I reached a healthy weight again. I’m not there yet, but now I’m even further down again.

  Fuck. I totally did this myself, and that while other things seem to be going so much better. Damn.

  “How can you do this?” Mum’s tears make the bad feeling in my stomach even worse. “How can you keep doing this?”

  The doctor looks at me with pity in his eyes. I’m not sure it’s because of my results, or because of the way my mum reacts. I didn’t lose two pounds, I lost four. I tried my best yesterday, eating about five hundred more calories than I’m supposed to, but it didn’t help. Even drinking extra water this morning didn’t help. The damage had already been done and I hadn’t even realized it.

  “This can’t keep going like this.” Mum looks at me. “You know what we discussed.”

  “This is not a relapse.” My voice pitches. It’s not. “Everything is just a little crazy with starting classes and everything.” They can’t send me to a clinic, not now. I don’t want to have to do that again. I’m not that sick.