A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

by James Joyce

  The oblong skull beneath did not turn to meet this shaft of thought and yet the shaft came back to its bowstring; for he saw in a moment the student's whey-pale face.

  — That thought is not mine, he said to himself quickly. It came from the comic Irishman in the bench behind. Patience. Can you Say with certitude by whom the soul of your race was bartered and its elect betrayed — by the questioner or by the mocker? Patience. Remember Epictetus. It is probably in his character to ask such a question at such a moment in such a tone and to pronounce the word science as a monosyllable.

  The droning voice of the professor continued to wind itself slowly round and round the coils it spoke of, doubling, trebling, quadrupling its somnolent energy as the coil multiplied its ohms of resistance.

  Moynihan's voice called from behind in echo to a distant bell:

  — Closing time, gents!

  The entrance hall was crowded and loud with talk. On a table near the door were two photographs in frames and between them a long roll of paper bearing an irregular tail of signatures. MacCann went briskly to and fro among the students, talking rapidly, answering rebuffs and leading one after another to the table. In the inner hall the dean of studies stood talking to a young professor, stroking his chin gravely and nodding his head.

  Stephen, checked by the crowd at the door, halted irresolutely. From under the wide falling leaf of a soft hat Cranly's dark eyes were watching him.

  — Have you signed? Stephen asked.

  Cranly closed his long thin-lipped mouth, communed with himself an instant and answered:

  — Ego habeo.

  — What is it for?

  — Quod?

  — What is it for?

  Cranly turned his pale face to Stephen and said blandly and bitterly:

  — Per pax universalis.

  — Stephen pointed to the Tsar's photograph and said:

  — He has the face of a besotted Christ.

  The scorn and anger in his voice brought Cranly's eyes back from a calm survey of the walls of the hall.

  — Are you annoyed? he asked.

  — No, answered Stephen.

  — Are you in bad humour?

  — No.

  — Credo ut vos sanguinarius mendax estis, said Cranly, quia facies vostra monstrat ut vos in damno malo humore estis.

  Moynihan, on his way to the table, said in Stephen's ear:

  — MacCann is in tiptop form. Ready to shed the last drop. Brand new world. No stimulants and votes for the bitches.

  Stephen smiled at the manner of this confidence and, when Moynihan had passed, turned again to meet Cranly's eyes.

  — Perhaps you can tell me, he said, why he pours his soul so freely into my ear. Can you?

  A dull scowl appeared on Cranly's forehead. He stared at the table where Moynihan had bent to write his name on the roll, and then said flatly:

  — A sugar!

  — Quis est in malo humore, said Stephen, ego aut vos?

  Cranly did not take up the taunt. He brooded sourly on his judgement and repeated with the same flat force:

  — A flaming bloody sugar, that's what he is!

  It was his epitaph for all dead friendships and Stephen wondered whether it would ever be spoken in the same tone over his memory. The heavy lumpish phrase sank slowly out of hearing like a stone through a quagmire. Stephen saw it sink as he had seen many another, feeling its heaviness depress his heart. Cranly's speech, unlike that of Davin, had neither rare phrases of Elizabethan English nor quaintly turned versions of Irish idioms. Its drawl was an echo of the quays of Dublin given back by a bleak decaying seaport, its energy an echo of the sacred eloquence of Dublin given back flatly by a Wicklow pulpit.

  The heavy scowl faded from Cranly's face as MacCann marched briskly towards them from the other side of the hall.

  — Here you are! said MacCann cheerily.

  — Here I am! said Stephen.

  — Late as usual. Can you not combine the progressive tendency with a respect for punctuality?

  — That question is out of order, said Stephen. Next business.

  His smiling eyes were fixed on a silver-wrapped tablet of milk chocolate which peeped out of the propagandist's breast-pocket. A little ring of listeners closed round to hear the war of wits. A lean student with olive skin and lank black hair thrust his face between the two, glancing from one to the other at each phrase and seeming to try to catch each flying phrase in his open moist mouth. Cranly took a small grey handball from his pocket and began to examine it closely, turning it over and over.

  — Next business? said MacCann. Hom!

  He gave a loud cough of laughter, smiled broadly and tugged twice at the straw-coloured goatee which hung from his blunt chin.

  — The next business is to sign the testimonial.

  — Will you pay me anything if I sign? asked Stephen.

  — I thought you were an idealist, said MacCann.

  The gipsy-like student looked about him and addressed the onlookers in an indistinct bleating voice.

  — By hell, that's a queer notion. I consider that notion to be a mercenary notion.

  His voice faded into silence. No heed was paid to his words. He turned his olive face, equine in expression, towards Stephen, inviting him to speak again.

  MacCann began to speak with fluent energy of the Tsar's rescript, of Stead, of general disarmament arbitration in cases of international disputes, of the signs of the times, of the new humanity and the new gospel of life which would make it the business of the community to secure as cheaply as possible the greatest possible happiness of the greatest possible number.

  The gipsy student responded to the close of the period by crying:

  — Three cheers for universal brotherhood!

  — Go on, Temple, said a stout ruddy student near him. I'll stand you a pint after.

  — I'm a believer in universal brotherhood, said Temple, glancing about him out of his dark oval eyes. Marx is only a bloody cod.

  Cranly gripped his arm tightly to check his tongue, smiling uneasily, and repeated:

  — Easy, easy, easy!

  Temple struggled to free his arm but continued, his mouth flecked by a thin foam:

  — Socialism was founded by an Irishman and the first man in Europe who preached the freedom of thought was Collins. Two hundred years ago. He denounced priestcraft, the philosopher of Middlesex. Three cheers for John Anthony Collins!

  A thin voice from the verge of the ring replied:

  — Pip! pip!

  Moynihan murmured beside Stephen's ear:

  — And what about John Anthony's poor little sister:

  Lottie Collins lost her drawers;

  Won't you kindly lend her yours?

  Stephen laughed and Moynihan, pleased with the result, murmured again:

  — We'll have five bob each way on John Anthony Collins.

  — I am waiting for your answer, said MacCann briefly.

  — The affair doesn't interest me in the least, said Stephen wearily. You know that well. Why do you make a scene about it?

  — Good! said MacCann, smacking his lips. You are a reactionary, then?

  — Do you think you impress me, Stephen asked, when you flourish your wooden sword?

  — Metaphors! said MacCann bluntly. Come to facts.

  Stephen blushed and turned aside. MacCann stood his ground and said with hostile humour:

  — Minor poets, I suppose, are above such trivial questions as the question of universal peace.

  Cranly raised his head and held the handball between the two students by way of a peace-offering, saying:

  — Pax super totum sanguinarium globum.

  Stephen, moving away the bystanders, jerked his shoulder angrily in the direction of the Tsar's image, saying:

  — Keep your icon. If we must have a Jesus let us have a legitimate Jesus.

  — By hell, that's a good one! said the gipsy student to those about him, that's a fine expression. I like that expression imme
nsely.

  He gulped down the spittle in his throat as if he were gulping down the phrase and, fumbling at the peak of his tweed cap, turned to Stephen, saying:

  — Excuse me, sir, what do you mean by that expression you uttered just now?

  Feeling himself jostled by the students near him, he said to them:

  — I am curious to know now what he meant by that expression.

  He turned again to Stephen and said in a whisper:

  — Do you believe in Jesus? I believe in man. Of course, I don't know if you believe in man. I admire you, sir. I admire the mind of man independent of all religions. Is that your opinion about the mind of Jesus?

  — Go on, Temple, said the stout ruddy student, returning, as was his wont, to his first idea, that pint is waiting for you.

  — He thinks I'm an imbecile, Temple explained to Stephen, because I'm a believer in the power of mind.

  Cranly linked his arms into those of Stephen and his admirer and said:

  — Nos ad manum ballum jocabimus.

  Stephen, in the act of being led away, caught sight of MacCann's flushed blunt-featured face.

  — My signature is of no account, he said politely. You are right to go your way. Leave me to go mine.

  — Dedalus, said MacCann crisply, I believe you're a good fellow but you have yet to learn the dignity of altruism and the responsibility of the human individual.

  A voice said:

  — Intellectual crankery is better out of this movement than in it.

  Stephen, recognizing the harsh tone of MacAlister's voice did not turn in the direction of the voice. Cranly pushed solemnly through the throng of students, linking Stephen and Temple like a celebrant attended by his ministers on his way to the altar.

  Temple bent eagerly across Cranly's breast and said:

  — Did you hear MacAlister what he said? That youth is jealous of you. Did you see that? I bet Cranly didn't see that. By hell, I saw that at once.

  As they crossed the inner hall, the dean of studies was in the act of escaping from the student with whom he had been conversing. He stood at the foot of the staircase, a foot on the lowest step, his threadbare soutane gathered about him for the ascent with womanish care, nodding his head often and repeating:

  — Not a doubt of it, Mr Hackett! Very fine! Not a doubt of it!

  In the middle of the hall the prefect of the college sodality was speaking earnestly, in a soft querulous voice, with a boarder. As he spoke he wrinkled a little his freckled brow and bit, between his phrases, at a tiny bone pencil.

  — I hope the matric men will all come. The first arts' men are pretty sure. Second arts, too. We must make sure of the newcomers.

  Temple bent again across Cranly, as they were passing through the doorway, and said in a swift whisper:

  — Do you know that he is a married man? he was a married man before they converted him. He has a wife and children somewhere. By hell, I think that's the queerest notion I ever heard! Eh?

  His whisper trailed off into sly cackling laughter. The moment they were through the doorway Cranly seized him rudely by the neck and shook him, saying:

  — You flaming floundering fool! I'll take my dying bible there isn't a bigger bloody ape, do you know, than you in the whole flaming bloody world!

  Temple wriggled in his grip, laughing still with sly content, while Cranly repeated flatly at every rude shake:

  — A flaming flaring bloody idiot!

  They crossed the weedy garden together. The president, wrapped in a heavy loose cloak, was coming towards them along one of the walks, reading his office. At the end of the walk he halted before turning and raised his eyes. The students saluted, Temple fumbling as before at the peak of his cap. They walked forward in silence. As they neared the alley Stephen could hear the thuds of the players' hands and the wet smacks of the ball and Davin's voice crying out excitedly at each stroke.

  The three students halted round the box on which Davin sat to follow the game. Temple, after a few moments, sidled across to Stephen and said:

  — Excuse me, I wanted to ask you, do you believe that Jean-Jacques Rousseau was a sincere man?

  Stephen laughed outright. Cranly, picking up the broken stave of a cask from the grass at his feet, turned swiftly and said sternly:

  — Temple, I declare to the living God if you say another word, do you know, to anybody on any subject, I'll kill you super spottum.

  — He was like you, I fancy, said Stephen, an emotional man.

  — Blast him, curse him! said Cranly broadly. Don't talk to him at all. Sure, you might as well be talking, do you know, to a flaming chamber-pot as talking to Temple. Go home, Temple. For God's sake, go home.

  — I don't care a damn about you, Cranly, answered Temple, moving out of reach of the uplifted stave and pointing at Stephen. He's the only man I see in this institution that has an individual mind.

  — Institution! Individual! cried Cranly. Go home, blast you, for you're a hopeless bloody man.

  — I'm an emotional man, said Temple. That's quite rightly expressed. And I'm proud that I'm an emotionalist.

  He sidled out of the alley, smiling slyly. Cranly watched him with a blank expressionless face.

  — Look at him! he said. Did you ever see such a go-by-the-wall?

  His phrase was greeted by a strange laugh from a student who lounged against the wall, his peaked cap down on his eyes. The laugh, pitched in a high key and coming from a So muscular frame, seemed like the whinny of an elephant. The student's body shook all over and, to ease his mirth, he rubbed both his hands delightedly over his groins.

  — Lynch is awake, said Cranly.

  Lynch, for answer, straightened himself and thrust forward his chest.

  — Lynch puts out his chest, said Stephen, as a criticism of life.

  Lynch smote himself sonorously on the chest and said:

  — Who has anything to say about my girth?

  Cranly took him at the word and the two began to tussle. When their faces had flushed with the struggle they drew apart, panting. Stephen bent down towards Davin who, intent on the game, had paid no heed to the talk of the others.

  — And how is my little tame goose? he asked. Did he sign, too?

  David nodded and said:

  — And you, Stevie?

  Stephen shook his head.

  — You're a terrible man, Stevie, said Davin, taking the short pipe from his mouth, always alone.

  — Now that you have signed the petition for universal peace, said Stephen, I suppose you will burn that little copybook I saw in your room.

  As Davin did not answer, Stephen began to quote:

  — Long pace, fianna! Right incline, fianna! Fianna, by numbers, salute, one, two!

  — That's a different question, said Davin. I'm an Irish nationalist, first and foremost. But that's you all out. You're a born sneerer, Stevie.

  — When you make the next rebellion with hurleysticks, said Stephen, and want the indispensable informer, tell me. I can find you a few in this college.

  — I can't understand you, said Davin. One time I hear you talk against English literature. Now you talk against the Irish informers. What with your name and your ideas — Are you Irish at all?

  — Come with me now to the office of arms and I will show you the tree of my family, said Stephen.

  — Then be one of us, said Davin. Why don't you learn Irish? Why did you drop out of the league class after the first lesson?

  — You know one reason why, answered Stephen.

  Davin toss his head and laughed.

  — Oh, come now, he said. Is it on account of that certain young lady and Father Moran? But that's all in your own mind, Stevie. They were only talking and laughing.

  Stephen paused and laid a friendly hand upon Davin's shoulder.

  — Do you remember, he said, when we knew each other first? The first morning we met you asked me to show you the way to the matriculation class, putting a very strong stress on the first sylla
ble. You remember? Then you used to address the jesuits as father, you remember? I ask myself about you: Is he a innocent as his speech?

  — I'm a simple person, said Davin. You know that. When you told me that night in Harcourt Street those things about your private life, honest to God, Stevie, I was not able to eat my dinner. I was quite bad. I was awake a long time that night. Why did you tell me those things?

  — Thanks, said Stephen. You mean I am a monster.

  — No, said Davin. But I wish you had not told me.

  A tide began to surge beneath the calm surface of Stephen's friendliness.

  — This race and this country and this life produced me, he said I shall express myself as I am.

  — Try to be one of us, repeated Davin. In heart you are an Irish man but your pride is too powerful.

  — My ancestors threw off their language and took another Stephen said. They allowed a handful of foreigners to subject them. Do you fancy I am going to pay in my own life and person debts they made? What for?

  — For our freedom, said Davin.

  — No honourable and sincere man, said Stephen, has given up to you his life and his youth and his affections from the days of Tone to those of Parnell, but you sold him to the enemy or failed him in need or reviled him and left him for another. And you invite me to be one of you. I'd see you damned first.

  — They died for their ideals, Stevie, said Davin. Our day will come yet, believe me.

  Stephen, following his own thought, was silent for an instant.

  — The soul is born, he said vaguely, first in those moments I told you of. It has a slow and dark birth, more mysterious than the birth of the body. When the soul of a man is born in this country there are nets flung at it to hold it back from flight. You talk to me of nationality, language, religion. I shall try to fly by those nets.

  Davin knocked the ashes from his pipe.

  — Too deep for me, Stevie, he said. But a man's country comes first. Ireland first, Stevie. You can be a poet or a mystic after.

  — Do you know what Ireland is? asked Stephen with cold violence. Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow.