The Rock Star's Girls

by Tasha Taylor

  Leah frowned. Was she wrong? Was it really as bad as the memory she’d held tight for so long? She placed the flowers in the vase and put a hand on the marble headstone, closing her eyes, her father’s face clear in her mind.

  “Your mum said I’d find you here.”

  Leah’s eyes flew open, her heart in her throat. It had only been three days since she’d seen him but it felt like an eternity. He looked tired.

  Nathan was standing just feet from her, watching her closely. “You ran away. Again.”

  “I came home.” Leah replied, evenly. “You ran away too.”

  “I wasn’t running away. I know how the press work, Leah. If I wasn’t there, they’d soon get tired of hanging around.”

  “They were still there when we left on Sunday. A neighbor let us borrow their car, but I still had to sneak us out the back way and climb across three gardens to get there. No, they didn’t get tired of hanging around.” Her voice was matter of fact.

  Nathan stepped closer, his fists clenched.

  “You don’t seem bothered by it. You told me that if I messed up, if the press found out, you’d take Pippa and you’d disappear, that I wouldn’t find you. I didn’t have to look very hard.”

  “I thought I’d make it easy for you this time round. I hope you got a refund from your private detective.”

  “Justin organized it all.”

  “Of course, he did.”

  “Ah, always Justin.” Nathan threw his hands in the air in frustration.

  “Yes, it is always Justin. He told you not to marry me, because it would end your career. Then he apparently organizes a private detective who cannot find me. Calling a helicopter for you.” Leah gave a falsely bright smile, her voice bordering on the hysterical. “And we’ve got him to thank for inadvertently staging this whole production, using you as an IOU in a card game. Wouldn’t surprise me if he’s the one that told the papers where you were.”

  Nathan shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve changed so much, Leah. You inspired me with your strong beliefs. You wanted to be married before you had children, and yet you’re a single mum. You used to believe in family, but you don’t tell me I have a daughter or worse, don’t tell Pippa who her father is. You hated the press with a vengeance because of what you went through, and here you are, telling the whole story to the tabloids.”

  Leah was staring at him open-mouthed. She started to move but he grabbed her arm.

  “You are not running away this time. You’ve got to stay and face the consequences.”

  “You’ve got things so wrong. I didn’t talk to the press. But I’ve got things wrong too, but that doesn’t mean we’re ever going to make it right. Whatever’s happened in the past, we’ve dealt with it and gotten on with our lives, but Pippa is just a child. That’s the biggest consequence I have to deal with, we have to deal with.”

  “What have we got wrong? How exactly is making a child together wrong? Is that why you left, because you thought I didn’t want a child?”

  “No, that’s not why I left. I found out I was pregnant and came home to tell you. I was so excited, we were going to be a family. Just the three of us. That was so right. But then I found you with that woman.” Leah winced at the memory.

  “There was no other woman, I’ve told you before. You must have banged your head really bad when you fell. I was never unfaithful to you.”

  “We’ll have to agree to disagree, then, like adults.” Leah gave a teary smile, the memory still painful. “Shall we talk about Pippa?”

  “No, let’s talk about us.” Nathan pulled her gently towards him, cradling her face in his hands.

  Leah cast her gaze at the floor. There was hope in his eyes and she couldn’t bear to see it.

  “The only us I can think about is me and my daughter. I had no choice but to be a single mum. I couldn’t stay with you then and I can’t be with you now. I won’t let Pippa be second best to anyone or anything.”

  “Second best to what? I would give her, and you, the best of everything. You could have whatever you wanted.”

  “Except the best of you. There will always be someone or something else that will come first. Justin, the record company, your fans. I know now that it goes with the territory. You can’t do what you do without any of the others. Pippa deserves better than that, so do I.”

  “I’ll give it all up, if that’s what it takes to make you happy. I don’t need to do it anymore. Let us be a family,” Nathan whispered.

  Tears threatened to spill, sparkling on her lashes and Leah looked into his eyes, into his soul.

  “We can’t be a family, but you and Pippa can be. I thought I could pretend that we were just a normal family, like when we went to the zoo, or you and Pip went down the road to the chip shop. We were safe in my little bubble I created, my home. But that was just make-believe. Now the bubble’s burst and it’s too much.”

  “I love you. I love Pippa.”

  “Don’t. Pippa adores you and I will always love you, you’re the father of my child, but that’s all. That’s got to be enough.” Leah’s throat hurt with the effort of holding back the unshed tears. “Just be the best father you can. You’ll be great.” A wobbly smile touched her lips and she pressed them to his, just for second.

  “Is this what you want?” Nathan asked, wiping away a teardrop from Leah’s cheek.

  “I want, doesn’t always get, my Dad used to say. You might need that one with Pippa once she figures out just how much a rock star earns!” Leah let out a sob, which turned into a giggle.

  “Come on, let’s go and practice my parenting skills,” Nathan put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing. “We will get it right.”

  ***

  Nearly there, thought Leah.

  The last six weeks had been emotional. She and Nathan had worked out a schedule for him to have Pippa. The first night she’d ever spent away from her daughter was one of the hardest things she’d ever done in her life. Luckily, she’d been staying with her mother whilst she waited for her house to sell in Newcastle and they’d had a girlie night, just the two of them.

  It had been difficult to leave the place she’d called home and the people she’d called family for the last seven years. Leah talked to Louise and Joe all the time by phone and they supported her choice. Taking Pippa out of her school had been an easy decision, especially after they discovered it was Mrs. Halligan who called the papers with the ‘exclusive’. Nathan’s editor friend hadn’t been able to get a hold of Nathan at the time to tell him but had decided not to run with it. The teacher had sold her story to another paper that had no issue with publishing.

  Pippa had adapted so well to the new routine, it was like she’d been born to it. So far, she’d travelled with Nathan to several European cities, stayed at his homes in London and Scotland and was just back from a week’s holiday in America. Nathan had asked Leah to come with them, everywhere they went, but she’d turned him down. She’d told him it was time for him and Pippa, to build a relationship, but really it was that she was scared that it would be so, so right.

  Pulling up outside of a country house, where Nathan was on location shooting his new music video, Leah felt a frisson of excitement. As well as she had once known Nathan, she’d never been involved with his professional life and to come to a film set was exciting. She got to see her baby girl for the first time in a week and she got to see Nathan doing what he was so good at.

  A production assistant greeted her warmly in the grand foyer, providing her with badge identifying her as a guest, showing her the way upstairs to the ballroom where an elaborate set had been created.

  The ballroom had floor to ceiling doors onto a balcony, overlooking the beautiful grounds. Shimmering silver voile panels covered the doors, extending up to the ceiling. The doors were closed against the late autumn winds that had already blown the leaves from the trees along the avenue to the house. Nathan was seated in the center of the biggest leather sofa Leah had ever seen, chatting easily to peopl
e as a make-up artist arranged his hair just so.

  Leah could see Pippa in a corner of the room, playing with a little puppy. She hoped that Nathan hadn’t indulged their daughter’s desire for every baby animal she came across.

  “Everybody ready?” A man called from behind a camera and the people around Nathan moved away. “Nathan, we’ll go from the top of the second verse.”

  Pippa noticed her mum and stood up excitedly, lifting the puppy for her to see. Leah smiled at her and put a finger to her lips, and pointed to the man behind the camera.

  Leah turned her attention back to Nathan. He was leaning back on the settee, his shirt undone, showing his muscular chest, tanned, Leah assumed, from the week in the States. She was only about six feet from him, behind a lighting rig. He couldn’t see her, which suited Leah fine, because she could drink him in, her guilty pleasure. Whilst her head told her it was better for them to be apart, her body was not inclined to agree, if her quickened pulse was anything to go by.

  “Sound?” The director called.

  “Sound ready.”

  “Camera?”

  “Camera ready.”

  “Take two, cue music and action.” The director pointed to Nathan, who waited for his cue.

  Leah saw Nathan begin to sing and then a woman, dressed in skin tight leather walked seductively into shot, round to the back of the settee and stood behind Nathan. She bent forward, resting her hands on Nathan’s shoulders, long manicured fingers sliding down to his bare chest, stroking the smooth skin. Leah’s stomach clenched at the sight. She felt nauseous, not wanting to watch but unable to turn away. It was happening again, just like the day she found out she was pregnant. Leah knew she should breathe but her throat constricted, making it difficult to pull air into her lungs.

  It’s just a video shoot, it’s just make-believe. Her vision blurred slightly, the bright lights and loud music disorienting her and she swayed slightly, grabbing the rig to steady herself. The motion caught Nathan’s eye and he stood abruptly causing the director to shout, “Cut!”

  Nathan was at her side in seconds.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “The woman in our apartment…” Nathan leaned closer to her as she whispered. “What woman? You’re not making sense, darling.”

  She began to shake. He tried to pull her into his arms, but she resisted, her hands pressing against his chest.

  “Nathan, what did I trip over? What was it that made me fall?” Leah looked up into his face, desperate to hear it from him.

  “Wires, trailing cables. I’m not sure. Why?” Nathan frowned.

  “Why were there cables and wires on the floor?”

  Nathan met her gaze, felt her fingers stroking his skin, urging him towards something.

  “My first video. I was filming my first video in our apartment. The woman…” Nathan didn’t finish as Leah pressed her mouth to his.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered softly. Tears of relief, of regret and of sadness fell, mingling with their kiss. “I didn’t know, Nathan, I didn’t know.”

  “Baby, it’s okay,” Nathan held her tight, and they stood in silence for minutes.

  “Are you okay, Mum?” Pippa’s voice broke the moment and Leah became aware of the growing noise of the video set.

  The director was barking orders, Nathan’s assistants were hovering round asking questions, and a publicist wanted Nathan’s attention, along with a score of other people.

  “I’m fine, Pippa.” Leah let go of Nathan and pulled her daughter to her.

  “Leah?”

  Leah looked at the father of her child with a patient smile. “It’s okay.” She squeezed his hand.

  “Shall we let Daddy get on with his work, Pip?”

  “Don’t leave, not like this,” Nathan begged softly. Leah’s heart felt like it was being squeezed.

  “I’m not leaving, not this time. I’m just taking our daughter home.” Leah looked at Pippa. “We’ve nearly got it right, Nathan, nearly.”

  Epilogue

  Leah sat in the dark and watched Nathan sing, just him and his guitar. She wanted to close her eyes and let his voice wash over her, fill her, make her whole. Without him, she was empty and if this was the nearest she could come to having him in her heart, inside her, then it would have to do. But was it enough?

  He didn’t know she was there, why should he? Things were strained enough between them, only seeing each other when it was his turn to have Pippa. God knows those times were few and far between and Leah wondered if she could ever admit how precious those moments were.

  Leah hadn’t seen Nathan perform live in years and despite his fame and the fact they were in a stadium holding 10,000 fans, the intimacy was undeniable. The spotlight remained on him; there was no fuss, no fanfare. Just a man and his voice. Just the man she loved. Just Nathan.

  Leah’s eyes filled with tears for all that should have been and was never going to be. Nathan said he’d give it all up for her and Pippa, if it would make her happy. She told him that he might give it up, but would the fame give him up. Surely he’d resent her, when all of her love wasn’t enough. How could she compete with the adulation that filled the stadium, followed him wherever he went?

  Nathan finished his acoustic set to cheers from the crowd that threatened to lift the roof.

  “Encore, encore,” the crowd chanted.

  More, please. More. Leah wanted to scream at the top of her voice. Don’t let the night end there. I need you, Nathan.

  Leah watched Nathan pick up his guitar and sit down on a stool. As he strummed out the chords of one of his biggest hits, a song called What If, the crowd exploded. Nathan spoke quietly as he played the opening notes. “This song has only ever been for one person. She disappeared from my life a long time ago and this was my way of reaching out to her. I haven’t sung it for a while but it’s still for her, always for her.”

  The fans roared and with a wry smile, Nathan began to sing.

  "What if I’d never known you and never been your friend,

  Who knows how it might have happened or how it might end,

  What if you’d never trusted me with your pain, your joys and fears,

  Who knows if we’d be who we are if we hadn’t shared those tears."

  Leah had a memory of Nathan crooning the words to her as she lay in her hospital bed, medical machines beeping a soft percussion.

  "What if we’d never laughed the way we’ve always done,

  Who knows if I’d have told my dreams to another one,

  What if we couldn’t be apart and still remain so close,

  Who knows whose love in the world I would value most."

  Leah remembered the soft pressure of his hands on hers, willing her to be all right, his lips pressed to hers. His words came to life. “Don’t leave me, Lee, I need you. I love you, baby. Come back to me.”

  Leah felt herself moving as Nathan sang, moving onto the stage. Tears filled her eyes and she wasn’t sure she knew where she was going in the darkness. She just knew that she had to make it right. She reached him as he sang.

  "What if we’d never been there when the other one was down,

  Who knows if all these miles between us would matter to us now,

  What if I never took the time to say that I love you,

  Who knows if we would still be lovers ... I do."

  The crowd finished off the song, as Leah stepped into the circle of his arms. She had to make this move, to prove she loved him just as he was. How lucky was she that this man was hers, the father of her child and the love of her life? Leah kissed Nathan with as much love and passion as she was able, like it was the first time, for all time. She was this rock star’s girl.

 

 

 
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