Chapter Fifteen
Joe stopped me, as I was getting ready to make a delivery and then head home. He had a serious look on his face, as I headed over to him.
“How’ve y’all been doing in the apartment?” he asked, gruffly. The question didn’t seem like reason enough to delay me, so I figured he must have something on his mind.
“Tight,” I told him honestly. “We’re thinking about moving to a two bedroom. When it was me and Hannah, it was fine, but man, babies come with a lot of stuff.”
“You don’t say?” he replied, wryly, as we chuckled. He knew when Grace or any of his grandkids came over they were accompanied by a mountain of stuff.
“You thought about getting a house?” he continued.
“We considered it, but we don’t have the money for a down payment. Hannah has college coming soon. We’ll need to consider daycare. Doesn’t seem possible at this point,” I told him, as I fiddled with a carving knife. “Hannah misses having a yard.”
“I understand that. Kids need space to run around,” Joe said knowingly.
“Run off their energy,” he continued with a quiet laugh. I smiled at that. We weren’t there yet, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before Grace was running around.
“You see that house right there?” he asked me, pointing at the house next to his. Joe’s house was on the corner, in an old subdivision with large lots. He’d built the woodshop in the back of his house, and it actually butted up against the yard of the house he was pointing to.
“Yes, sir,” I answered, a question in my voice.
“Martha and I own that house,” Joe stated, and I found myself curious. I hadn’t known that, and I wondered why they’d bought it. “We bought it years ago. I considered expanding the shop, maybe even using the house as a store for the furniture. It never really came about. None of my kids were interested, and I didn’t have a reason to expand.”
“So what do you do with the house?” I asked, seeing possibilities. I’d mentioned to Joe about increasing the workshop, so we could work on bigger pieces.
“Rent it. But the latest tenants are moving.” He looked over at me, a relaxed smile on his face. “It seems like I know a young family that needs a bit more space. The commute would be mighty short for the both of you. Baylor’s only a couple blocks away.”
All the air left me in a rush, and I leaned back against the truck. This was a game changer. We’d never thought living this close could be a possibility. The neighborhood was more than we could afford.
“Martha sure would love to have that baby so close,” Joe continued, a toothpick hanging from the corner of his mouth. He’d quit smoking years ago he told me, but picked up chewing on toothpicks instead. He figured they wouldn’t kill him as fast.
“You don’t need to sell me on it,” I laughed, practically giddy. “I need to talk to Hannah, but if we can work it out, Joe, this would be a dream come true,” I told him, shaking my head in disbelief. “We could expand the shop. Hannah would be close to school.”
“It’d be nice having family close,” I said, getting choked up. I’d never claimed Joe and Martha as family, but they were.
Joe clapped me on the back, giving me a tight nod. “Proud to be family. Martha will be glad to hear it,” I nodded back to him, unable to talk around the tightness in my throat. “Consider it done. You move in April 1st. And Martha’s gonna talk about keeping Grace, while Hannah goes to school. She can’t wait to get her hands on that baby,” Joe informed me, as I nodded my head. He’d taken me by surprise. Their generosity was unbelievable.
“You’ve done so much for us already,” I told him, unable to articulate how grateful I was to have them in our lives. They’d stepped in when our own families had turned away from us. They’d never commented on the choices we’d made, just supported us.
“Son, I can’t imagine a more deserving family. You’ve brought joy to us. I was happy I got the chance to teach you and pass on what I’ve built. Our kids are grown and following their own dreams. It’s nice to have young’uns around,” Joe said, clearing his own throat.
I nodded my head again, feeling like a bobble head, but it seemed to be the only response I could make at the moment. We stood in silence a few more minutes; looking toward the house my family would create a future in, thanks to the man next to me.
“Ah, well. Time to head in. I could use a cup of coffee,” Joe finally muttered.
“I need to get this delivery done. Head home and tell Hannah,” I answered back. Joe walked toward the house, whistling, as I hopped in the truck. I bowed my head for a second, saying a quick thank you.
I grabbed a pizza on the way home. It had become our symbol of celebration. As I walked in the door, I heard Grace wailing. I knew immediately it was her pissed off, inconsolable cry.
Eyes wide, I walked into the living room, where Hannah was walking around with Grace.
Hannah shouts over the cries, “She has an ear infection. I picked up her prescription, but it hasn’t helped yet.”
“You want me to take her for a while? Grab some dinner,” I shouted back, gesturing to the pizza box in my hand.
“Thank you!” Hannah cried, shoving Grace in my arms.
My heart clenched when I looked at her, her face beet red, tears on her cheeks, as she screamed. I ran my hand over her head, and I felt the heat from her fever.
Hannah set the pizza on the bar and leaned over, rubbing her hands over her head. I knew she had to be done. I’d only been home a few minutes, and the crying was shredding me.
I went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me, to try and give Hannah some relief from the cries. I sat on the toilet, cradling Grace on my forearms and used my thumbs to rub underneath her ears.
After what seemed like hours, she finally calmed down and fell asleep. I didn’t know if she had cried herself into exhaustion, or the medicine had finally kicked in, but the silence was deafening. The bathroom door creaked open, and Hannah peeked in, a plate of pizza in her hand.
“Trade you?” she mouthed, unwilling to make a sound, in case the crying started again.
I nodded slowly, easing myself up. Hannah set the plate down and took Grace. She whimpered slightly and we froze, holding our breath, but she stayed asleep. I closed my eyes in relief and grabbed my pizza.
Hannah sat in the glider, while I fell onto the sofa. I devoured the pizza. I’d been starving when I got home, but Grace had taken precedent. I needed to tell Hannah what Joe had told me, but there was no way I was going to break the silence.
After an hour or so, the crying started again. It went on all night. We alternated holding her and giving her medicine. When there were breaks in the crying we tried to sleep.
I jerked awake to another bout of crying. I looked at the alarm and it was a little after 4:00 a.m. I got up from the bed, looking for Hannah. I found her in the bathroom with Grace, both of them crying. Hannah was sobbing as hard as Grace, and I was terrified Grace was worse.
“Do we need to go to the emergency room?” I asked, my heart pounding.
“No,” Hannah managed to say through the sobs. I rested my hand on Grace. She was warm, but not burning with fever.
“What’s wrong?” I begged her to tell me. I felt helpless in the face of their tears.
“I’m a terrible mom.” she hiccupped. “She won’t stop crying. I didn’t realize she was sick at first. I can’t make her better.” She wailed between gasps, as she tried to stop crying.
“You took her to the doctor. You gave her the medicine. And you haven’t put her down. You’re a great mom,” I reassured her, kneeling on the cold bathroom floor in nothing but boxers. Hannah had one of my t-shirts on, and I knew she was probably cold.
“Let's get in the bed,” I said, tugging her up. She nodded blankly. I sat her on the edge of the bed, and grabbed a blanket to pull around her shoulders.
“This is hard. This is so freaking hard,” she said, her gaze focused on the wall.
“Yeah it is,�
�� I agreed, sitting down next to her with a sigh.
“I don’t know if I can do this. People said I ruined your life and mine, because we kept her. Sometimes I wonder if real adults would do a better job … if I’m good enough,” she whispered brokenly, and I barely caught the words over Grace’s crying. But Hannah’s words chilled me. She was the best mom I knew. She adored Grace and I couldn’t imagine a life without either of them.
I faced her and said, “You are Grace’s mom. There’s no one on the planet that could do a better job. This was a bump on our road, not the end of it.” I kissed her cheek and pulled her up from the bed.
I steered her into the living room, still holding a whimpering Grace. I pulled the chair around to face the window and sat down, pulling Hannah into my lap. I held them both in my arms and pointed out the window saying, “That way is east. It’s always darkest before the dawn, but I promise that you will never have to go through the dark alone. I will always be here to watch the sunrise with you.”
She leaned back against me—silent—the only sound Grace’s alternating cries and whimpers. The dark slowly lightens to gray, as we sat there, until an edge of orange peeked above the trees. As we watched the sun come over the trees, Grace finally stopped crying and slipped into sleep.
Hannah took a deep breath and hooked her pinky with mine whispering, “All of my sunrises belong to you.”
She curled up in my lap, tucking her head into my neck, and I felt her warm breath against my neck. Her weight was warm and heavy in my arms, completely relaxed in sleep. Our arms wrapped together holding the lighter weight of our daughter. I couldn’t close my eyes, even though they burned from the sleepless night. I watched over them as they slept, humbled by their love.
A few hours later, Grace woke up crying, hungry this time, though. We moved into the kitchen, as Hannah fed Grace, and I fried eggs.
“So I didn’t get a chance to tell you last night,” I started, kind of nervous now. It dawned on me, while I was watching them sleep, that I hadn’t gotten her opinion on moving next to Martha and Joe. I thought she’d be happy, but I was nervous about bringing it up after the night we’d had.
“Um, Joe offered to let us rent the house next to his,” I blurted out, completely botching how I wanted to tell her. I’d wanted to lay everything out and explain what Joe told me, and instead I’d fumbled it like an NFL quarterback during playoffs.
“Joe owns the house next to his?” Hannah asked, looking extremely confused. “And he wants us to live there?”
“Let me start over,” I replied. I explained the conversation I’d had with Joe, leaving out the part where I’d implicitly agreed we would be moving. I wasn’t a moron. When I finished, she was staring at me with her mouth open.
“Are you serious?” she finally exclaimed, excitement dancing across her face.
“Yep.”
“Oh my goodness! You told him yes, right?” she shouted, startling Grace who gave a quick cry.
“Yeah, we’re moving in April first,” I admitted, glad she was happy about it.
A second later, she was hugging me, Grace squished between us. I hugged her back, relief coursing through me. I was afraid of how she’d react to moving and the changes.
“Do you want to see the house?” I inquired politely.
“Oh yeah, that would be good,” she replied, laughing. “This is so exciting!”
“You don’t mind that we haven’t seen the house or anything?” I questioned, amazed at her quick acceptance of a new home, sight unseen.
“Nope, we can make it work. It’s an adventure. Plus, it’s in a great location. You’re at work, and I can walk to school. Don’t they say location is everything in real estate?” she chattered excitedly. “I can’t believe they offered it to us. It’s a dream come true. We’re going to need to start packing.”
She grabbed a notebook and started making notes, leaving me standing there shocked. I should have known by then that she rolled with the punches, but I couldn’t help being amazed. I finally shook it off and turned back to making breakfast.
A few days later I came home to see Hannah sitting on the couch looking pensive. She was so lost in thought; it took her a minute to realize I was standing there.
I dropped down on the couch next to her, stretching my legs out. I still had sawdust clinging to my jeans, but she looked like she wanted to talk.
She reached over and grabbed my hand, rubbing her thumb over a gash on my knuckle. She raised her eyebrow at me, and I answered, “Caught it on a board unloading the truck.” She gave a nod, her soft hand nestled in my rougher one. She always wanted to know about my scrapes and bruises. I hadn’t figured out why, other than it was a way of knowing about my day.
We sat quietly, Grace snoozing in her sleep and play, while I waited for Hannah to tell me what was on her mind.
“I went to the doctor for my checkup. She gave me a prescription for birth control, which I can take while nursing. I dropped it off at the pharmacy,” she finally said quietly. I gave a quiet hum of acknowledgment.
We hadn’t discussed sex yet. We’d had an understanding before Grace was born that we’d wait. Now that Grace was here and the doctor had cleared us for sex, we needed to talk about it. The first few weeks of her life had overwhelmed us both.
Taking care of Grace and letting Hannah heal, I didn’t felt a desire to push for sex, even now that it was okay. I wanted to reassure Hannah of that.
I leaned forward, my thumb going to brush her cheek when I heard her say, “I saw your mom.” My hand curled into a fist and fell to my lap. I was sure she could hear my jaw pop, I clenched it so hard.
“Did she say anything to you? Was she rude?” I gritted out, angry at the mere possibility that my mother would attack Hannah and the baby.
“No, she wasn’t,” Hannah replied, softly.
“Well, that’s good,” I said, exhaling.
“She wanted to see Grace,” Hannah continued.
I shot up from the couch, rounding on her, “What?”
Hannah gave a soft sigh, closing her eyes. “I had Grace with me. The blanket was covering her from the cold. She saw the carrier and looked stunned. I guess she didn’t realize.” She paused to take a breath. “She caught us in the parking lot. She apologized, and said she’d made a mistake. Said she shouldn’t have cut you out of her life, because you’d made choices that were different from the ones she wanted. She wanted to know if she could see the baby and us.”
“So, what? She sees a grandbaby and now all is forgiven? She can come waltzing back in our lives after rejecting us? What, so she can see the baby … the baby that she doesn’t even know if it’s a boy or girl? And what about Dad? Him too?” I ranted, pacing in front of the couch, keeping my voice low, so I didn’t wake Grace.
Hannah followed me with her eyes, her face tired.
“I don’t know. She shocked me. I put Grace in the car. I didn’t let your mom see her. I didn’t tell her anything about Grace. I admitted I was angry. I told her I’d talk to you, but she shouldn’t anticipate a call,” Hannah told me in a monotone.
I gave her a quick glance. She seemed out of sorts, but I guess running into my mother would do that.
I told her, “Good. That’s what she deserves.” I tried to sound convincing, but a part of me was happy at the thought that she wanted to reconcile. I’d given up hope, as the months had gone by with no contact. Colt kept assuring me they would come around, but I hadn’t been as certain.
I was still angry at their treatment of Hannah, though. Anger and elation warred inside of me with Hannah’s words. “Are you okay? It must have been hard seeing my mom like that.”
“I don’t know. I was angry with her. I feel bitter, I think. I don’t want her to see her granddaughter. She hurt us,” she said, looking up at me. I dropped down onto my haunches, so I could look her in the eye.
“That’s understandable. She rejected us. I don’t know if I can ever forgive her for that. Not so much me, but what sh
e did to you,” I told her, reaching for her hands.
“But I think that’s what I need you to do,” she whispered, her voice aching. I could see the tears swimming in her eyes.
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“I think I need you to forgive her. I think we need to,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I was so angry when I came home. Angry and bitter and resentful. I don’t want to be those things. Your mom and dad made a bad choice. Maybe they thought it was right at the time, but they lost something with the choice they made and your mom wants it back. I can’t fault her for that.”
“She lost us, I replied, hotly. “By her own decision. We tried to explain.”
Hannah held up a hand, “I agree, but now we need to make a decision.” I released the breath I was holding, settling back on my heels, and let Hannah continue. “Maybe you’ll say it’s turning the other cheek or taking the high road, but I’ve been sitting here all afternoon stewing about this. And the conclusion I came to is, I don’t want to be angry. I was disappointed at their choices, but I also don’t want to be them. Grace deserves to have grandparents in her life that love her. Colt will find out eventually, and I don’t want there to be a divide with your parents when he does.”
The Anderson Brothers Complete Series Page 19
