I was shaking my head, as she talked.
“No, I can’t. They waited too long. When that baby girl came into the world, my entire outlook changed. It was so easy for them to walk away from us. Who says they won’t do it again?” I roared, startling Grace.
She cried for a minute, but calmed when I bounced her seat. Quietly, I continued, “It was bad enough they did it to me, but to do it to you when you’d already lost everyone. That’s too much for me. I couldn’t bear it if they did it to Grace.”
“I know. I thought that myself. But I’m still asking you to,” Hannah said grimly. My eyes dart to her, shocked. I never thought she’d be the one to offer forgiveness.
My words were curt when I said, “And if it were your parents? Would you feel the same?”
“No, I wouldn’t. But I also know they wouldn’t come and ask to see her. But if they did, I’d hope you could see forgiveness where I couldn’t,” she told me, unwavering. I felt a flush of shame at her words. I knew her parents would never actually make an effort, and I was ashamed that I’d used that against her.
I sat back on the couch next to her, and she twisted toward me. Her voice was soft when she said, “I’m asking you to think about it. It’s not easy, but I don’t want the anger. Not for Grace.”
I nodded my head dazedly. She’d given me a lot to consider. She patted my leg, as she got up to go make dinner. I looked at Grace sleeping, and my heart clenched. I’d battle any enemy, lay down my life for her, but could I forgive my family for her?
A week later I dialed the number and heard, “Ford? Sweetie? Can you forgive me?”
“Hi, Mom.”
I heard quiet sobs on the line and then, “It’s good to hear your voice. I didn’t think I would.”
“Hannah convinced me,” I replied, shortly. I felt guilty as soon as I did it. Talking to my mom wasn’t supposed to be this way. I sighed and ran my hand over my face at the silence. “We were wondering if you’d like to join us at the park on Saturday. Hannah’s packing a picnic. You can meet Grace.”
“Grace? A girl?” my mom whispered, and even I could hear the joy in her voice. I closed my eyes, as I realized this had been difficult for them as well. They were keeping our secret from Colt as much as we were. I felt the tension loosen in my chest, and the words came easier.
“Yep, she was born on January sixth. Six and a half pounds, twenty inches.” I’d found out quickly everyone wanted to know how big a baby was when it was born, and my mother was no exception.
“Your birthday!” she cried, surprised. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” she continued, her voice quiet. I knew she was sorry, but we couldn’t go back. I attempted to lighten the tone.
“You didn’t miss much. It was a quick match with screaming, the finale being a good catch by the doctor,” I joked, trying to gloss over how pivotal that day was to me. My mom laughed softly at my attempt, saying, “A good receiver made all the difference.”
“Yep.”
“We’ll be there on Saturday,” Mom promised me. I didn’t say it, but the thought ran through my mind that she’d better be, because there wouldn’t be another chance.
“So why am I here?” Olivia asked on Saturday, playing with Grace, as Hannah set out the picnic stuff. She was wearing ballet flats and pants that were cut off at the knee. I believed it might be the first time I’d seen her dressed in casual clothes.
“Comic relief,” I deadpanned. Olivia shot me a dirty look, as I hauled baby stuff to the picnic table.
“Whose idea was it to have a picnic with an infant?” I muttered, looking at the massive amounts of stuff we needed to bring the baby outside.
“Mine,” Olivia said, with a shit eating grin. “Hannah said neutral ground would be best. And my namesake needs vitamin D,” she cooed to Grace, as Hannah bit back a grin.
“You know she was not really your namesake, right? Her middle name just happens to be the same as your first name,” I said, snarkily.
“But she was given my name intentionally, and that’s all that matters,” Olivia said, eyeing me narrowly.
I saw her nose twitch, as she said, “I think she needs her daddy to change her.” She held Grace out to me, and I crossed my arms over my chest, pulling the shirt tight.
“I’ve heard of your ability to change diapers. Go ahead.” I said, with a shit eating grin of my own on my face.
“Was that a challenge?” Olivia asked, glaring at me. I widened my eyes and smiled, “If that’s how you want to take it, Aunt Livie.” Hannah was standing by the table, grinning as she looked between us.
“Ok,” she said, taking a deep breath. She grabbed the changing pad, diaper, and wipes, laying them all on the blanket on the grass.
“We’re going to show your daddy, aren’t we, Gracie?” she said to Grace, as she got ready. Hannah was holding her hand in front of her mouth, hiding the grin, as we watched Olivia. She had never changed a poopy diaper before, and I was so glad I was here to witness it.
As she undid the diaper, I saw her start to gag. A laugh escaped me, and she shot me a look that should have put me six feet under.
“We’ve got this. Just change your name to Stinker,” Olivia told Grace, as Hannah attempted to choke back her own laugh.
As she pulled the diaper away and saw the mess, Olivia looked horrified. Then the smell hit her fully. She gagged again, choking, as she shouted, “Oh my God, what do they feed you, Gracie?”
I was laughing so hard, tears were coming down my face, and Hannah was bent over the picnic table at her own laughter.
“Oh my God, there’s so much of it. How? I need wipes. I need more wipes,” Olivia babbled, trying to wipe Grace’s bottom. She was smearing shit everywhere, piling dirty wipes into a mountain.
Grace was blowing bubbles, as Olivia continued to wipe, finally getting it all. She slid a new diaper underneath her and then grabbed the baby powder. She squirted so much, there was a mushroom cloud of baby powder, causing her to wave her hands and cough.
My stomach hurt from laughing so hard at this point. She got the fresh diaper on Grace and gingerly picked up the dirty diaper and wipes like they’re a ticking bomb. She shoved the mess into a plastic bag Hannah handed her, still chuckling.
Olivia tossed the bag into the nearby trashcan, an easy three pointer. She picked up Grace and turned toward us.
“Easy as can be,” she said haughtily, and Hannah and I lost it again. Olivia had a dusting of baby powder covering her face and the navy shirt she was wearing. She looked like a ghost; her normal perpetual tan hidden under white powder.
“Do I want to know?” she asked, her face stony. Hannah controlled herself enough to said, “You’ve got a little powder.” That started me off again, and Olivia handed Grace to Hannah before pulling out a mirror.
As Olivia looked in the mirror she said, “I think the baby won.” We started laughing again, and even Olivia smiled, as she cleaned her face with a baby wipe.
The rest of the afternoon went by smoothly. It was awkward at first, with my parents, but Grace quickly became the center of attention.
My dad came over to me and apologized. It was going to take some time for us to form a relationship. We didn’t really know each other, and that was partially my fault. I didn’t talk to my dad about my own dreams, and he never realized I didn’t want to be a lawyer.
We avoided mentioning Colt. It was the elephant in the room, but no one wanted to risk the newfound peace we had.
I texted Colt, letting him know I was talking to our parents again. A part of me wanted to feel like he was with us. The weight of our lie was getting heavier, but I was selfish, because I knew that once he knew, even this small contact would be gone.
He replied with a ‘thumbs up’ and a ‘Told ya’ and I laughed at his response. Hannah came over to see what I was laughing about, and I showed her. She smiled and said, “Classic Colt.”
I glanced over and saw Olivia texting on her phone and asked Hannah, “What about Olivia and .…
”
“Nope,” she said, before I even finished. “We are not in the matchmaking business.”
“But—”
“She’d eat him alive.”
“True.”
Hannah
Chapter Sixteen
The next few months raced by, and we still haven’t told Colt. He didn’t know about Grace, or me and Ford. It was the only cloud hanging over our lives at this point.
We moved into the house next to Joe’s. His kids came and helped us move and even unpacked. That first weekend was a whirlwind, but by time it was over, everything had found its place.
May came, and graduation was around the corner. Grace was growing by leaps and bounds and already holding her head up and starting to sit up.
Colt texted Ford that he was coming home for the summer, and we knew it was time.
“I’m scared,” Ford said, looking down at his phone. He made plans for Colt to come by our house when he got back for the summer. He told Colt that he moved into the house, because it was convenient. Our life together had become a set of half-truths when it came to Colt.
We decided it was probably better for Ford to tell Colt. We didn’t want him to be confronted with the idea of us, first thing.
I was humming, as I folded laundry at the table. Grace was in a Johnny Jump Up in the doorway. I’d submitted my finals the day before. Now I was waiting for graduation. Ford insisted I walk at graduation, saying it was a well-deserved victory. I pretended it didn’t interest me at all, but I admitted to myself that I wanted to be able to show pictures of my graduation to Grace one day.
We developed a routine with Martha, so I could continue to work, and she watched Grace three days a week. I took Grace to work with me the other two days. It was Olivia’s suggestion, and I told her it was crazy. There was no way the owner of the apartment complex would allow me to bring my baby to work. It was too much of a distraction. Olivia looked puzzled for a minute before starting to laugh.
“You don’t know?” she asked me.
“Know what?” I returned, puzzled.
“My dad owns all of these apartments! Why do you think I work here?” Olivia finally said, still laughing. My mouth dropped open at her revelation. I never really stopped to wonder why Olivia worked there, but she also lived in one of the nicer apartment lofts they developed for rich singles. It made sense, once she told me. So I compromised by bringing Grace for two days. Of course, Olivia spent the time playing with Grace and not working, but it was fine with me.
I’d finished putting the towels away, when I heard the doorbell. It was odd, because I wasn’t expecting anyone, and everyone we knew came to the backdoor anyway.
I walked over and pulled the door open, my greeting dying in my mouth when I saw him.
His dark hair was longer, and he was filled out more. I didn’t know if it was age or working out more with the football team. The smile on his face turned to one of puzzlement, as he saw me. I was sure I was the last person he expected to see answer Ford’s door. A sigh escaped me, because this was not going to go as planned. All I could hope for was that I didn’t screw it up so bad that Colt never forgave his brother.
“Colt. It’s been a while. Why don’t you come in?” I told him, stepping away from the door.
“Hannah, what are you doing here? I didn’t realize you hung out with Ford,” he told me, surprise evident in his voice, as he walked in. “I got in a day early, and this was my first stop. I was hoping to surprise him. See if he’d let me crash with him, instead of the parents.”
“It’s a long story. We should probably sit down,” I told him, my voice steady. I’d gone over this conversation in my head a million times over the past year. I winced when I realized it had been a year—such a long time to keep a secret like this.
I took him into the kitchen. I figured iced tea and cookies were needed for this conversation. He froze when he saw Grace gently bobbing in the doorway. I could only imagine what he was thinking. She was the spitting image of Ford.
“Her name’s Grace. She’s four months old,” I replied, to his unanswered question.
“You’re babysitting? Ford never said he had a baby.” Colt’s words were uncertain.
I wouldn’t leave him hanging, so I told him, “It’s my daughter. You need to sit down. I’ll explain everything.”
He fell into the chair more then sat, as I slid a glass in front of him. I set the cookies on the plate and sat across from him.
“I found out I was pregnant right before you graduated. She’s yours,” I told him baldly. I figured the time for sugarcoating the truth was long past us. The shocked look on his face was painful, but I pressed on.
“It’s an odd quirk that she happens to look like Ford. I think she looks more like your mom, but the baby pictures don’t lie either. I didn’t tell you, because I planned to give her up for adoption. I wanted you to go to Alabama and pursue your dream.” I took a deep breath at this point, since I was rambling.
The look of betrayal on his face was a knife to my heart. “My parents threw me out when they found out about the pregnancy. I lived in my car for a few weeks before I told Ford. I moved in with him then. We agreed to not tell you.”
“Why? How could you? I would have been here for you,” Colt interrupted, his words agonized.
“I know you would have stayed. You wouldn’t have gone to Alabama. And Colt, I’m sorry, but we didn’t have the kind of love that could support a brand new family.” I got that out before he interrupted me again.
“I had a right to know! To make that choice,” he shouted.
“You did. And I took that from you. I thought I’d give her up, and I didn’t want to put you through that,” I said, pausing for breath. “I made the most selfish, unselfish choice I could make.”
He was just looking at me shaking his head. I saw the tears glistening in his eyes. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, and there was no way I could make this better. I kept going, trying to finish it quickly now.
“I fell in love with Ford. We decided to keep the baby. We made the decision to wait to tell you, until after she was born. We didn’t want to mess up your first college season.”
Colt sat back in his chair at this, a rough sigh escaping him. I looked at the glasses on the table, sweating already in the light shining in from the window.
“We didn’t know how to tell you. Ford didn’t want to lose you, so we put it off. Until now. Ford planned to tell you when you came over. You’re just early,” I finished, a rueful smile twisting my face.
Colt sat there, silent. I almost wished he’d say something, anything to let me know what he was thinking.
I went over to Grace and took her out of the jump up. She was just now big enough for it. She seemed to enjoy being able to see everyone, but couldn’t stay in there long without getting tired.
“My parents know?” he finally asked.
“Yes, they found out when Ford was arrested for statutory rape. My parents doing,” I admitted. “They promised me they’d keep the secret. We had the best intentions,” I said regretfully.
“Yeah, best intentions. My girlfriend, brother and parents all lied to me for a year. Don’t tell me I have a daughter, because they don’t want me to give up my dream,” he bit out. “Do I have it about right? You all made the decision about what was best for me, without asking me.” His voice increased in volume, as he told me this.
Grace whimpered at the noise, and I rocked her. I never took my eyes off him. I deserved this. He was in pain, betrayed because of me, and the least I could do was endure his words.
“Did it ever occur to any of you that maybe being a father would be more important to me than playing football?” he roared, breathing heavily, as he stood up.
“Truthfully, no,” I told him quietly. I looked him in the eye and I said, “I wouldn’t change my decision. Did I make the right decision? I don’t know. I thought I did at the time. Do you agree? Probably not. But I still wouldn’t
change it.”
“How could you?” he whispered, walking toward the door.
“Colt.” He paused and looked back at me. “I’m sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am.” I looked down at Grace and back up at him. I could tell his eyes followed mine, but he pointedly didn’t look down at her again. “I wanted you to have your dream. One day, I hope you forgive me.” He didn’t look back, as he walked out of the door, and I felt the tears slip down my cheeks.
The Anderson Brothers Complete Series Page 20
