Fight for You

by Charisse Spiers

  As soon as it's out of my mouth, I instantly regret it. Hearing and saying those words causes a massacre in my heart. His palms are resting flat on the wall beside me. "Then show me," he says and closes in on me, pressing his lips to mine. In this moment all is forgotten. Everything he's done to me, gone. All I want is to bask in the time I have with him, because I know as soon as it's over it will vanish. Then, I will be left to pick up the pieces all over again.

  His lips twist and mingle against mine, waiting for me to initiate further approval. He may be a lot of things, but forcing me he's never done. He doesn't have to wait long before I thread my fingers through the back of his hair and leave everything in the past. Nothing matters in this moment except the two of us. He slides his tongue between my lips, crashing the moist muscle against mine. He runs his hand down my body until his hand cups the back of my thigh, pulling it up to wrap around his waist.

  I can feel the head of his dick pressed against my panty-covered pussy. It feels fucking amazing. One thing we always did right was sex, at least compared to everyone else that there has ever been. He grabs the bottom hem of my dress and pulls it up my body, quickly removing it and throwing it over his shoulder. I'm standing in a black lace bra and matching thong. "Fuck, yeah. You always did have a beautiful body."

  I thrive on his praise. It fuels me to continue. The pace in his kiss picks up, rough and fast, the way he likes it. I know he's turned on if I end up with puffy, pink lips and a sore vagina. He groans and picks up my other thigh, lifting me. The only support I have is my back resting against my wall. He rubs me against his dick and turns toward the bed, tossing me down on my back. I can see the lust in his eyes. It always was enough to have me drenched by the time we got to the fucking part. It makes a woman feel sexy.

  He grabs one ankle, pulling it up to his shoulder. Finding the zipper on the inside of my knee, he lowers it slowly, revealing my leg inch by inch until he can remove it from my foot. Next comes the opposite leg. I just want him to touch me there. I need him to touch me there. He hooks the lace in his hands and pulls my thong down my long, slender legs, removing them completely.

  He stares at me and I swear his dick hardens another half inch. Placing a knee on the bed, it dips with his weight. He crawls until he's directly over me. "I've been dreaming of this for months. We're good together, Piper." He hooks my bra strap in his finger and pulls it down my arm, baring my breast to him, followed by the other side until my bra is around my midsection. "Tonight, I'm going to show you just how much."

  When he says things like that a tiny piece of hope flutters in my stomach, hope that maybe he's grown up and has realized what he's been missing. He places his mouth around my nipple, circling his tongue over the pebbled center. He sucks hard, and releases with a pop. The cold air blowing over the wetness from his saliva causes them to harden even more. He trails his fingers down my side, over my thigh, and between my legs. He dips his middle finger inside, pulling it out slowly. "This pussy has always been mine, hasn't it, Piper?"

  I open my legs wider, wanting more. Reflexively, I arch my back. He shoves it back inside, driving me wild, because he knows it isn't enough. He pulls it back out and stops. "Yes, it has." I wish for once I could tell him no, tell him I enjoy fucking another man more than him, but it would be a lie. When I say it he slams two fingers inside. It feels damn amazing.

  He frees them from my body and places a hand on each knee, pushing my legs apart as far as they will go. He bends forward and extends his tongue, touching it to my pussy. With one swipe he tastes all the way up my center, hardening the tip as it hits my clit, causing me to moan out. "Cole, please, just fuck me already."

  "Not yet. I want you screaming for me." He flicks his tongue a few times over my clit, making me want to come already, because I'm in a state of nirvana. He runs it back down my folds until he reaches my opening, shoving his tongue inside. My eyes roll back in my head. I reach down and grab his hair in my fist, pulling as hard as I can.

  "Cole, I'm begging you to fuck me." I whine. He sits up, licking his lips.

  "You still on birth control, Piper? I want you bare-skinned, like old times. I swear I don't fuck bare with any other girl; only you." I nod automatically. I've been on birth control since right after I lost my virginity to him.

  I look him in the eyes. I can always tell when he's lying to me. He can't look directly at me when he is and he bites his nails. Things like this are also what keep me in a state of confusion. Why would he want to do something like that if he didn't want me? "Do you let anyone else fuck you bare, Piper?"

  I shake my head. "Can I fuck you bare? I don't want anything in the way." I know I should say no. I would give anything to be strong enough to tell him no, but I can't. He makes me weak in areas I'm always strong. I'm sexually active. I try to be classy about it and I'm always safe, but I enjoy sex. It's the one thing that allows me to escape from thoughts of Cole. It numbs the pain to know that I'm making someone else feel good and vice versa. Call me a whore if you want, but it is what it is. Everything or everyone in our lives has an impact on who we become. I haven't been in a relationship with anyone since Cole. Maybe if he would quit being so wishy-washy with me I could, but that's wishful thinking.

  "Okay," I say, and he gets a boyish grin that makes my heart plummet to my stomach. He aligns his body on top of mine and kisses me. He wraps one hand in my hair and the other around his shaft, guiding it inside me until he's buried to the hilt. He moves at a slow rhythm a few times, lubricating his dick. I can sense the stroke change coming. He likes it hard and fast. That's just how he is. Sometimes he waits until I get off and sometimes he doesn't.

  I've never gotten off inside with Cole, only clitoral. Actually, it's a fact that I've never gotten off by point of G-spot with anyone. I think my G-spot took a permanent vacation, because I've tried. Each time he pulls out he slams back inside as deep as he can go, but not deep enough for his liking.

  He pulls out and flips me over, grabbing me by the hips and pulling me up on all fours. He clenches onto me by my hips and buries himself back inside. It feels so good with him inside me. He pounds into me hard and fast, never letting up. "Fuck, I'm not far."

  He reaches around my body until his index finger pushes through my folds, resting against my clit. He rubs downward, bringing wetness back with him. He begins rubbing back and forth over my clit in a swift motion. I can feel an orgasm building. He cups my breast in the opposite hand, rubbing his thumb over my nipple. The mixture of sensations is enough to push me over the edge. He continues to slam against me at the same time. He’s the perfect multi-tasker. "Are you about to come, Piper?"

  "Yes," I breathe out. "Don't stop." He speeds up yet again and I can't take it anymore.

  I tense around his dick as I allow my orgasm to consume me. "Fuck, I love it when you squeeze my dick." He pulls out into his hand as he always does, releasing himself into his fist. Once finished, he stands from the bed and walks to the bathroom to clean himself off.

  As soon as he leaves the room I start to feel guilty; always the first step. Tomorrow I'll feel like shit. I scoot off the bed and walk to my dresser. I pull open my pajama drawer and pull out a pair of shorts and a tank. I step into a fresh pair of underwear and dress for bed. Cole walks out of the bathroom in a pair of boxers as I reach the side of the bed and crawl in, before burying myself under the covers. "Will you be staying?"

  The moment between us becomes awkward. "Of course, angel." I feel like I could cry right now, but I have to hold it together. He turns out the light and walks a few strides until he's at the bed. He crawls to the center and comes to lie beside me. Placing his arm over my midsection, he pulls me toward his chest. I close my eyes when his raspy voice breaks through the silence. "I really do love you, Piper. Never forget that."

  My eyes fill to the brim, on the brink of a meltdown. "I know," I say… because the tone in his voice is the one I hear every time this happens. It's goodbye until next time. Come daybreak he'll be gone an
d I'll be left in agony for a few days until I can pull myself together once again. Sleep comes easily. It always does when I have something weighing heavily on my mind. My lids feel like cinder blocks as they close, taking me into a deep slumber.

  The light sound of the front door wakes me up. I look over at the bedside clock. It's only five in the morning. I turn to verify what I heard. Cole's gone. He couldn't even wait until we were both awake and face me like a man. The absence of him sends a coldness radiating throughout my body that scares me. My chest hurts. I can feel the tears coming, but I can't stop them. I was a fool to think I was getting over him, because I was just getting by.

  I'm trying to cry quietly, but it's getting harder with every shortened breath. I hear my door open and shut, but I don't move. The small offset of weight tells me who it is. She gets behind me and wraps her arm around me, trying to comfort me. She starts to whisper outside my ear. "He's an asshole and he doesn't deserve you. You're so much better than anything he could ever offer you. One day, you're going to find the one that takes all your heartache away, the one that will forever capture your heart and admire it for the beautiful gem that it is. Don't let him steal your spirit."

  Alyvia is one of those people that you're lucky to find, like a good luck charm or a penny facing heads up. She's the kind of friend that just appears out of nowhere and sticks with you for life, not one of those people that will stab you in the back or use you, but a true friend. She knows about Cole, because a girls' night in with a few too many glasses of wine always brings him to the surface and she's a good listener. We haven't known each other that long, but I feel like I've known her forever. "It hurts." I cry. "Why can't he just leave me alone? It would hurt so much less than this. Why doesn't he want me? All of me..."

  "Because he's one of those guys that thrives on seeing you in love with him, at his every beck and call. He wants the best of both worlds. One day, when he's ready to settle down, he'll come back and finally want you the way you want him, but you know what," she asks into the darkness of my room. "When that day comes someone else will have already found you and treated you like the gold that you are, stealing your heart permanently. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the day is coming. Heed the warning. I've seen it before. You're a beautiful person, Piper. It's only a matter of time before you're someone's only."

  I wish I could listen to her and know that she's right, but I can't take that risk. If I ever get past this I never want to feel it again. I have been building a wall around my heart for years. The only person that can still break through is Cole, but I'm working on strengthening it against him. I just need more sleep. I don't want to think. I just want to escape from it all. "You're a good friend, Alyvia, but I don't see that happening."

  "No one ever does, babe. It's usually when you don't that it comes at you like a freight train." Those are the last words that pass through my thoughts before I succumb to the world of dreams, the place that is escapable when it gets too bad. Unfortunately, reality isn't like that.

  ***

  I awaken to the beam of light shining through my window. I roll over to an empty bed, reminding me of last night’s events. I breathe deeply, trying to keep from crying again. I should be used to this by now, but I'm not. I sit up, combing my fingers through my dark hair. Swinging my long legs over the edge of my bed, I stand. I begin looking for my phone when I remember that I laid my purse on the table by the door. I grab my pink sweatshirt off the chair of my desk and pull it over my head to cover my chilled body. One thing Alyvia and I have in common is that we keep it cold in the apartment.

  I walk into the edge of my bathroom to grab a hair tie from my counter when I see Cole's white tee shirt on the floor. I grab it in a rage and shove it into the trashcan. Maybe I just need to go sit at a coffee shop and sketch. A latte sounds heavenly right now. Drawing always relieves frustration and I have a portfolio due by the end of the year.

  We have to come up with a full clothing line as fifty percent of our overall grade by the year's end. Stage one is sketch and design, in which will consist of the first semester and the second half is to create, bringing the sketches to life. We have one week in between at Christmas to choose and fit our models. We are required to have a male and female with a split line to show we can appeal to both audiences since statistically men shop almost as much as women in some cases.

  I flip my hair over and pull my hair together in my fist on top of my head, securing the pile with a hair tie in a loose ball. Turning on the water at the sink, I fill my cupped hands with warm water and splash it over my face, before lathering it with face wash and rinsing it clean. I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth as I watch myself in the mirror. I feel filthy. I just want to rid myself of him. I cringe and walk over to the shower, turning on the hot water.

  We'll be going out tonight I'm sure, so there is no need to wash my hair right now, but I need to cleanse my body from the remnants that he left behind. Waiting on the water to heat, I rinse my mouth and discard my clothing. I step into the shower from the back to avoid getting my hair wet. I stand under the water, as hot as I can stand, the temperature reddening my skin.

  I grab my loofa and body wash, squirting a large amount of soap on the sponge, and begin spreading it over my body. Last night replays in my mind, bringing tears to my eyes again. I begin scrubbing my skin as hard as I can to remove the grime that I feel. When am I going to stop letting him do this to me? My misery is entirely my fault. I will not let myself cry again. I refuse. I'm letting him win every time I do.

  I finish bathing and shut off the water, opening the curtain and grabbing the clean towel hanging on the bar. Drying off completely, I step out and walk to my dresser. I grab a pair of ankle cropped yoga pants and a tunic. It's Saturday. There is no reason to dress up until I get ready to go out. Coffee shops and sketching are made to enjoy in comfort. I look in my mirror to see that I look a complete mess. My eyes are red and puffy, my cheeks are flushed and swollen, and my skin tone is splotchy.

  I try to fix myself by smearing a small amount of tinted moisturizer over my face and brushing mascara on my eyelashes. I don't look my best, but I look better. I slide on my flip-flops and walk to my desk, opening the satchel sitting in the chair. I fill it with my pencils and sketchbooks, close it, and place the strap over my head to rest on my shoulder, now hanging across my body.

  I make my way to my bedroom door, open it, and walk into the living room. I don't see Alyvia, but I can hear her hair dryer in her bedroom. I wonder if I should tell her I'm leaving or if I should just text her once I go. Spotting my clutch on the table, I open it and dig out my cellphone. My battery is almost dead, but I find myself glancing to see if I have any missed calls or texts from Cole. I’m not surprised when I notice I don't, as usual.

  I feel completely pathetic, but I don't know how to fix it. I learned a long time ago not to contact him. That never ends well and leaves me even more heartbroken than if I had left him alone. I remove my wallet from my clutch and throw both items in my bag along with Alyvia's charger that is plugged into the wall. A knock sounds at the door and my heart begins to race. Could it be? Breathe, Piper, breathe.

  My hands are shaking. Maybe this time is different. I grab the door handle and turn, opening the door. I was definitely not expecting who I see on the other side. I don't know whether to be disappointed or excited. I'm not sure who the buff guy is, but I'm assuming it's Alyvia's whatever he is, Reese. Alongside him is Haddox. Suddenly I feel nervous. Why do I feel nervous? I need to casually get out of here, making a smooth exit. "Hey, Alyvia is drying her hair. You both are free to wait in the living room. I was just leaving. You must be Reese," I state questioningly, looking at the buff guy while trying to keep my eyes off of Haddox.

  I step aside to let them enter. Buff guy smirks. "That would be me. Has she been talking about me?" Awkward. Reese enters, but Haddox stays outside. I'm going to try not to evaluate why.

  I have to give Alyvia some credit. The guy is hot. H
e has short, chocolate brown hair that is not much longer than shaved in the back and fades into a longer length on top but remains short in front, I would assume for gelling purposes, with light green eyes. He is twice the size of Haddox though. He must be a body builder or something. I'm not really sure, because Alyvia has never exaggerated and I've never asked. Suddenly, I feel like a horrible friend. Here she is comforting me in my problems and I haven't asked anything about her love life.

  "She's mentioned you a time or two in conversation." I rest one hand on the strap of my bag, standing awkwardly as he stops inside the door. "Well, it was nice to meet you, Reese. I guess I'll see you guys another time."

  He glances at Haddox and back at me. "Sure thing." I look at Haddox briefly. He's standing in jeans and a bright red polo. The brand emblem is baby blue, a color that matches his eyes. He has his hands in his jean pockets, appearing nothing short of delicious. Damn, he looks sexy. I pass by him quickly, heading for the elevator.

  "Piper, wait." I stop at the sound of that amazing dominating voice, but I don't turn around. "You up for some company," he asks.

  I turn as he walks closer to me. No, no I'm not. I will never get anything done being in any amount of close proximity to someone that looks like he does. "Actually, I was headed to get a coffee and sketch. It's something I have to have concentration for."

  He stops in front of me, barely leaving a space between us. This is definitely invading personal space. He scans my body as if he's undressing me with his eyes. "I'm okay just watching. Besides, I only agreed to come thinking you'd be here. Do I look like the kind of guy that pulls third wheel? So, what do you say?"

  "And if I say no?"

  "I'll just continue until I convince you," he says in a monotone voice. I should have known. He doesn't appear to be the kind of guy that backs down easily.