Fight for You

by Charisse Spiers

  Reese walks up to me to do the same. "When are you going to battle me, Walley?"

  Reese is the only fighter that knows my real name and he knows not to use it unless we're outside of this place. He understands the need for privacy. "You're a heavyweight, Savoy. You wouldn't want to get embarrassed by losing to a medium weight."

  "You keep saying that shit, but you can't back it up. Come on. One time. It's just practice." Reese is a good fighter. I've seen him in the ring. I'm not scared, but in the ring it takes hatred to be the best. You can't bring personal shit in the ring or you'll end up with a loss under your belt. He's a friend. I'm just choosing to keep the two separate.

  I'm about to bust his balls again when I'm interrupted. "No, Reese, you're going to have to wait your turn. Right now he's mine."

  I turn in the direction of Alyvia's voice. The gym is vacant except for the two of us, now three. "Did you finally change your mind, Alyvia? Is Reese here not doing his job?"

  I always joke with her. It has never once changed. She always takes my shit and gives it right back to me. This time, though, she stalks toward me with no smile or smirk found anywhere on her face.

  I push off the wall I'm leaning against, now worried something happened to her. I walk toward her and meet her halfway. "Are you okay?"

  She pushes her hands into my chest, shoving me. "You fucking promised, Hayes. What the hell? I thought we were friends. If you wanted to fuck her that bad you could've at least not made a promise. I sit around and watch you fuck countless women, never saying a word, because that's your thing. It doesn't affect me who you choose to stick your dick in, but this does. I thought I meant more to you than that. Are you that fucking selfish that you couldn't leave the one person I asked you to alone?"

  She pushes me again. My jaw steels. The anger is starting to build. Fuck. My vision is starting to become blurry. I jolt my head to the side, cracking my neck. It's time to lock down the monster. I try to breathe. "Reese, give us a minute."

  "I don't know, dude, you need to calm down."

  I look at him and begin shaking my hands trying to calm down. "I said give us a minute."

  He looks at Alyvia. "Are you good?"

  I look back at her and stare into her eyes, clamping my teeth together. I remain silent, trying to get my spike of anger under control before the memories emerge. If that happens the monster begins breaking free from the cage. "Yeah, Reese, he won't hurt me. This is between me and him."

  I never look at him, but I know he takes a hint from the footsteps fading in the background. I take a step toward her. "You going to come at me like that, Alyvia?"

  "You. Fucking. Promised. There are plenty of cheap whores for you to fuck without toying with someone important to me. I've never interfered with your personal life until her. It's nothing to me, but with her there are reasons!" She is screaming. Honestly, I've never seen her this mad.

  "It takes two people to have sex, Alyvia. She's a grown ass woman. No one forced her. What are the two of you doing discussing my personal affairs anyway, huh? Did she feel the need to run and tell you?" I'm furious. I'm private with everything I do. I thought we had an agreement. All girls do is gossip.

  She has tears coming from her eyes. What the hell? Why is she crying? I didn't even know she had it in her. "No, Haddox. She didn't say a damn word. She lied to me, which is something she's never done. She didn't have to tell me. If the two of you are going to do something behind my back you could at least not be so fucking obvious about it."

  My anger drops with her tears. "Why are you crying? It was consensual. You act like I raped her."

  She shakes her head as if I'm missing the huge elephant in the room. "Do you really not get it or are you that self-absorbed that you don't notice?"

  "You're starting to piss me off, Alyvia. Why don't you just spit it out already. If you want to accuse me then do it, but don't sit here and beat around the bush."

  "I'm saying you're going to strip her bare."

  Is it just a man thing or does that not make any sense? Call me crazy, but I don't even have a clue as to why she's really even that upset. "Why don't you explain that in a way I can understand, because I have no idea why you're so pissed."

  "What are your intentions with her, Haddox? I had reasons for asking you not to touch her. She's not just someone you fuck a few times and leave her standing in your rearview mirror. She's better than that. You haven't laid with her, trying to comfort her while she bawls her eyes out because that stupid prick continues to rape her emotionally. She is beautiful. She is worth being someone's everything. I can't control every unimportant man she lays with, but when it's one I know will strip her of everything she has left of herself I can and I will, because that's what friends do. I'm telling you to leave her the fuck alone. I'm not kidding."

  I don't do well with being told what to do. I certainly don't like being compared to some lame excuse for a man. I'm not even going to stop on the spot inside me that is bothered by Piper crying. That's not my business and it most definitely isn't my problem. What I am going to take notice is that I'm not ready to stop, and until Piper says stop, no damn person is going to have an opinion on the matter.

  "Alyvia Layne, you're one of my two best friends and I don't want this to come between a friendship that is important to me, but you're getting brave. Everything was laid out prior to us having sex. She's grown. If she wants to continue what we have then that's our business and no one else's. Furthermore, I don't fucking appreciate you comparing me to a low life. I may be a piece of shit in some aspects of life, but I'm not when it comes to women. You should know better. I would never toy with her emotions. I'm above that."

  She takes another step and lowers her tone, in more of a face off. "I'm going to ask you something and this time I want you to think before you answer. Do you have any intention on taking her on a date? A real date in public. The kind where you're proud to show her off on your arm because you feel like the luckiest man alive. If your only plans are to use her to get off from time to time then you're no better than he is. I'm not being a bitch it's a cold hard fact. She already has one person stealing from her bit by bit, draining her. She doesn't need two. If you don't plan on being different from everyone else that's used and abused her, then bow out; if not for you or me, then for her. She barely has anything left. Don't strip her bare, Haddox."

  Without another word or giving me time to defend myself, she turns and walks in the direction she came, leaving me standing here alone. I lace my fingers on top of my head and watch her walk away. I'm never wrong...until now. I know Alyvia is right. I start to remember how Piper looked the morning after I met her. She was all splotchy and red-eyed like she had been crying. I think back on that conversation we had about an old friend paying her a visit that didn't go well.

  Fuck!

  With my hands still wrapped I turn and punch the concrete wall beside me. I rest my palms against the wall and drop my head between my shoulders, staring at the floor. She's not like the women I usually occupy my time with. Those women are used to my lifestyle and likes. It's more of a business transaction of sorts: a win for me, and a win for them, because they enjoy the opposite side of that lifestyle. It's a need for them just like it's a need for me. That's precisely the reason I partake in certain activities to meet said women instead of randomly. I need women that know what they're getting into. I need a sexual experience with absolutely no emotions tied to it.

  Piper and I have a good sexual chemistry. It's the only time I've enjoyed sex outside of dark and twisted ways. I like sex with her. I don't want to stop, but I can't give her that shit. I wouldn't know how to please a woman emotionally if I was even interested. I can't date. I don't even know how. I have too much bad history than to try and date someone. No one needs to risk being drug into that kind of baggage. That's the reason I don't date.

  The decision is there without me having to make it. I will just have to go through my week and tell her this weekend that we can't see e
ach other anymore. I won't do that to either of us. It will do nothing but complicate things. "You alright?"

  I push off the wall and look at Reese behind me. "Yeah, just got a reality check is all. Come on, let's go. You're helping me with defense class tonight. I may need something to keep my head clear. You want to battle, now is your chance."

  He smirks at me. "You're on, Walley."

  I can feel the monster toying with me inside, tempting me to let him out. He's spreading his nasty claws through my veins, trying to take control of my body as he's done a few times before. I'm getting an itch that can't be scratched unless you feed it what it wants. The problem is feeding it only pushes me further into eternal damnation. I've always been strong enough to hold him inside the cell I've created. If he ever breaks free, there is no stopping him.

  The door jolts open and the hallway light beams in the small, black room. I can hear the stumbling of footsteps before something grabs my hair, jerking me into a sitting position. "What'd I tell you about running off, you little shit? You're worthless; you know that? It's all because of you, so I'm going to make your life a living hell."

  He pulls me off the bed by my hair. I almost fall on my knees, but balance my footing. It hurts, but I've learned not to talk back. He likes it. It makes the pain worse. "I'm sorry, Dad. I just wanted to see outside. I didn't mean to make you mad."

  That smell I've become familiar with over the past couple of weeks is present. I don't know what it is I just know it comes out of a glass bottle.

  He pulls me through the house, never loosening his hold. "That's because you're a waste of air. Nothing you do is right. You're a genetic mishap, a mistake. I should have made her take care of it when she saw those two pink lines. Maybe then I wouldn't be stuck in this dump of a town. You ruined everything. You'll always be a fuck up. I'm not the only one that knows it. I'm just the one that is stuck with you. You ran her off. It's your fault. What do you have to say for yourself?"

  Tears are running down my small cheeks. I miss her. I don't know what I did, but he keeps telling me it's my fault, so I must have done something. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Is she coming back?"

  I should know better than to bring her up, but I keep thinking he'll have answers. It's been a month since Mom tucked me in that night and disappeared while we were sleeping. "Why would she want to come back? No one wants you. Don't you think you should be punished?"

  He pushes me face first onto his mattress as I run into the side of the bed. I know what's coming. It's the same thing every night. I can hear his leather belt as he forces it through the loops in one swift motion. "Yes, Sir."

  "Drop your pants. Whether you're seven or seventeen you're going to learn to quit being a fuck up if I have to beat you 'til you're black and blue. This is only the beginning."

  I can't stop the shaking. My slender fingers tremble as I push my pajama bottoms and superhero underwear down my short legs. Mom gave them to me on my birthday. She said they would make me strong and able to withstand anything, so I wear them in hopes it won't hurt as much with them present.

  Once they fall to my ankles I hear the command. "Bend over."

  I do as I'm told and wait for the first lick. It comes, but not as hard as it will be, striking my backside. My eyes fill with tears at the pain spreading. I’m trying my hardest not to scream. Once the first one is over they come in a repetition three seconds apart. As his arm loosens up, the hits get harder. My face is soaked. I can taste the beginning of blood from biting my tongue with each strike. Sounds of slaps against my skin from the leather burn into my seven-year-old mind, never to be forgotten.

  The only way to endure the fire burning along the surface of my skin with each hit is to remember my mom singing to me at night when she tucked me in, because tomorrow I won't be able to sit down.

  I accidentally whimper as the belt comes in contact with my skin, the hardest one yet. He laughs and does it harder like my pain is a motivation for him. A metal flavor floods my mouth and red drops land on the back of my hand. I close my mouth to avoid getting any blood on the bed, prolonging the end.

  "I hate you!" He screams and the final hit sends me to my knees. I can't catch my breath. I feel like someone stole it from me.

  I jerk forward as my eyes open, almost falling off the bed. My heart is working overtime in my chest, trying to calm down. The adrenaline is increasing with each beat of my heart. I'm covered in sweat, drenching my body from head to toe, leaving a moisture residue on the sheets beneath me. The nightmares are back. I should have known that was short lived.

  I look around the room, but I can't see anything except the lights of the city on the other side of my window. The digital numbers on my clock tell me it's barely after midnight. They're starting early tonight. I didn't even get a full two hours behind me.

  I stand and walk to the window, bracing my hands on each side, staring out at the city. Getting a full night's sleep was peaceful. I look over at the chair in the corner, serving as a resting place for her overnight bag. Her face flashes through my mind, focusing on those brown eyes I can't forget. Something about her chases the dreams away. She's like a real life dream catcher. I have no idea what's special about her or why they dissipate when she's near, but I want to test the theory to see if it's just a coincidence.

  The thought of going back to sleep in that bed so soon after witnessing a place I wish I could bury forever keeps me from being tired. No matter what Alyvia says I can't let Piper go yet. I need to know why things are changing when she's involved. I may regret this, but sometimes you have to be able to adjust your perspective in order to figure out how the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

  Now that I’ve experienced sleep with no nightmares, it's clear that I have to bend my rules yet again. I just hope for my sake and hers that I don't break. The adrenaline is becoming too much. It needs a way to release and I need sleep. I push off the window and walk to the bathroom toward the shower. Looks like it's going to be a sleep over at Piper's. Sleepovers are something I've never done until her.

  ***

  I feel like a creeper standing in front of her door in the middle of the night. I might as well brush it off, because I sure as hell am not turning around and going back across town.

  I reach into my pocket and pull out my key ring, scanning each key until I find the one with an A scratched in the metal. When I find it, I insert it into the lock and turn until the doorknob and the deadbolt are unlocked. This is an invasion on so many levels. It's a good thing I don't have that voice screaming inside my head that normal people have, telling me that this is wrong.

  I turn the knob and push open the door, revealing the dark apartment on the other side. I enter and quietly close it behind me, locking it back. The wall fragrance plugged in the outlet is omitting a small light. I look forward to see that Piper's bedroom door is shut. I remove my shoes and leave them on the floor beside the door.

  I walk across the room on the balls of my feet, avoiding contact between my heels and the hardwood floor. The door is shut but not locked. I grant myself entry into her room and lock the door as quietly as possible. I've never been in her room at night. She has a matching night-light to the one I've already seen, but the smell is different. I'm going to assume she doesn't like total darkness.

  The light is close enough to add a glow, making Piper visible in the middle of her bed. She's lying on her side underneath the comforter, cuddled up to a body pillow. I'm about to be that pillow. It's getting replaced. I stand at the foot of the bed and grab the back collar of my shirt, pulling it over my head until I'm holding my shirt in the fist of my hand. I drop it and then unbutton my jeans, pushing them to the floor. I step out, now in only my briefs and socks.

  I reach down and slide my socks off one by one, leaving them lying over my pile of clothes. I place one knee on the bed and lift myself until I'm completely on top of it, now straddling the outline of her legs. I start to crawl up her body. "Haddox."

  I freeze at
the sound of my name, waiting for her to freak out, and preparing myself. She snuggles into her pillow and doesn't make another sound. Now I'm curious. I'm completely being a stalker right now. The only way to bypass labels while partaking in weird behavior is to do it proudly and uninhibited. I remain still, waiting for anything else to hint as to what she's dreaming about. "Make me forget. You always make me forget - the only one. Take the pain away. Please."

  That smirk that was present: gone. She's talking so low and on the verge of a mumble that I'm almost questioning if I heard her correctly. I feel like I'm spinning, like I'm on a merry go round and I can't get off. Something shifts inside me. I want to take away her pain. I want to fucking kill the person that hurt her. In this moment I know that I can't walk away from her right now.

  I continue to crawl up her body, trying to calm the dizziness that I'm experiencing. This anger that I'm feeling is a foreign kind. My mood is constantly dipping in the general genre, but the sub-genre over a woman is foreign. I don't know how to sort through it. I look down at her side profile. She appeals to me in a whole new light. She's fucking beautiful.

  I grab the edge of the comforter and sheet, pulling it down the length of her body, altering my position to get it under me. She's lying in an oversized tee shirt and panties. She's a much harder sleeper than I thought. I don't know if I should be thankful she hasn't woken up or concerned for future occurrences. When I'm beneath the bedding I pull the pillow from her grasp, causing her to stir.

  She turns her head, her eyelids flickering as she tries to focus. When she catches first sight of me she jumps, but then grumbles in a sleepy tone. "Haddox? What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

  I press my index finger against her lips, silencing her. "You can ask questions later, beautiful. I've never needed anything other than food and water, but I kind of need you right now."

  I reach down and grab the bottom hem of her large tee shirt, hinting for her to sit up. She gets it and lifts off the bed, raising her arms as I pull it up her body, removing it. She lays back down and spreads her legs for me. I can feel the heat emanating from between them and it actually comforts me. Nothing has ever been comforting to me, but this is becoming a familiar place.