* * *
As she lay waiting for sleep to come Annabel’s thoughts were a mixture of happiness and dismay. The thought of spending Christmas with Aaron and his family was wonderful but she’d let him jump to the wrong conclusion. She’d taken the easy way out again, which wasn’t in keeping with her normal behaviour.
Deceit was foreign to her nature. It was one of the reasons why she’d been so horrified to discover she’d been sleeping with someone else’s husband, albeit unknowingly. But she accepted that, although Randy had deceived her, she wasn’t without blame.
She’d told herself countless times that she should have checked on his background more thoroughly, and even more shamingly had asked herself if she had been guilty of using the man to get the child.
Now she’d met the love of her life and hadn’t the courage to tell him that she’d misled him. That the ache inside her was for a child that she’d lost, not wishful thinking.
* * *
As Annabel walked the short distance from the flat to the hospital the next morning she was barely aware of winter’s nip. Her mind was full of the Christmas to come and, having decided in her heart searchings of the previous night that she wasn’t going to spoil it by telling Aaron about past indiscretions until it was over, she had a spring in her step that might not have been there otherwise.
A four-year-old boy with a serious congenital heart problem was first on the list for surgery. Charles Drury, who specialised in paediatric cardiology, was to operate, with herself to assist, and as they prepared for the operation Annabel felt that if ever there was an example of teamwork, this was it.
The child had been brought to the hospital’s notice by a paediatrician working in the district who had been looking into a possible case of child neglect. When Aaron had seen him alarm bells had rung.
His mother had explained that he was often blue around the lips, fingernails and toes after even the smallest amount of exertion. He also spent a lot of time in a squatting position with his knees hunched up to his chest.
Aaron had passed him on to Charles Drury who had arranged an echocardiogram and tetralogy of Fallot had been diagnosed, a condition combining four heart defects—displacement of the aorta, narrowing of the pulmonary valve, a hole in the ventricular septum and thickening of the wall of the right ventricle.
These abnormalities meant that the blood pumped to the rest of the body from the heart was insufficiently oxygenated, hence the blueness of the child’s extremities. It was a serious condition and if not corrected would drastically reduce his life span.
There was a risk. There always was in serious heart defects in small children. But if anyone could correct the defects in the child’s heart, Charles Drury could, and she would be there beside him.
It was over and the boy was in Intensive Care when she went to tell his parents that he’d come through the operation safely. She found his father pacing uncomfortably up and down the small anteroom where they had been waiting, while the mother was breast-feeding a new baby, with a toddler clinging to her skirts. Both of them were anxious to know when they could see him.
‘You can see him now,’ Annabel told them. ‘But only for a moment. Your little boy will be in Intensive Care to begin with, then once we are satisfied with his condition he’ll be put on the ward.’
* * *
At midday Annabel went for a quick bite. Aaron was in front of her in the queue in the staff restaurant.
Surprisingly he had Lucy with him, and when the little girl saw her she tugged at his sleeve and said, ‘Annabel is behind us, Daddy.’
He swung round and as their glances met asked, ‘Would you care to join us?’
‘I’d love to,’ she told him with a smile for Lucy.
When the three of them were seated Annabel asked, ‘So, to what do we owe the pleasure of Lucy’s company?’
‘My mother is staying with an old friend overnight and when Lucy woke up with a sore throat this morning I didn’t fancy sending her to school. I was expecting to leave her with the housekeeper who comes in daily but she rang in to say she’d had a family bereavement, so I had to bring her with me. She’s been helping my secretary, haven’t you?’
‘And what about the sore throat?’ Annabel asked. ‘Is it any better?’
‘Not much,’ Lucy told her, and Aaron laughed.
‘I think this young lady is enjoying bad health. She doesn’t want to be bundled off to school for the afternoon.’
‘It’s not the ideal place for her, though, is it, if she’s got a throat infection?’ Annabel said. ‘A hospital full of sick children.’
‘Maybe not,’ he agreed drily, ‘but under the circumstances have you any other suggestions?’
‘I might have.’
‘Such as?’
‘I’ve finished for the day. The two operations I had planned for this afternoon have been cancelled. The parents of the first child rang in this morning to say that he’d got a heavy cold and the second, a young girl due for a tonsillectomy, has moved house of all things without the family letting us know, and can’t be contacted.’
‘So?’
‘I’ll take Lucy back to your place and look after her until you’ve finished here.’
If Aaron had any doubts about the suggestion his daughter hadn’t. Lucy clapped her hands and cried, ‘Yes, please, Annabel. Can we play at doctors and patients?’
‘We’ll do whatever you like if your daddy says it’s all right.’
‘Yes, of course,’ he agreed, ‘but are you sure you want to spend the afternoon being bandaged from head to foot? I have no doubt about which of you will be the doctor.’
‘I’ll put up with it,’ she said with a smile. ‘Just as long as I don’t have to take a dose of castor oil.’
‘Or have an enema,’ he remarked.
As their shared laughter washed over her Lucy asked, ‘What is one of those?’
* * *
As Annabel put the key in the lock of the front door of Aaron’s house it was a peculiar feeling. She was a stranger entering another woman’s home. A home from which she was long gone. And beside her was Eloise’s daughter, the enchanting Lucy.
It was a sensation that she hadn’t experienced on her two previous visits, but on those occasions both Aaron and his mother had been present. Today it was different. She felt as if the house had been waiting for her, waiting for her to make her mark, but wasn’t sure what was expected of her.
Did Eloise, wherever she might be, know that she was in love with her husband? she wondered. And if she did, did she approve? Would she be willing to allow Lucy into her safekeeping if ever Aaron told her he loved her as much as she loved him?
Without any such kind of thoughts plaguing her mind her small charge suggested, ‘Shall we dress up, Annabel? If you don’t want to play doctors and patients, we could be fairies. I have a fairy dress that Grandma bought me for my birthday and there’s a dress of Mummy’s in the wardrobe that you could wear. Daddy let’s me play with it because it’s all bright and shiny.’
‘I don’t think so,’ she said quickly. ‘You can dress up for me, but I don’t think your daddy would want me to touch what belonged to Mummy.’
‘He won’t mind.’ Lucy persisted, lip trembling. ‘Please, Annabel. Can’t we be fairies for just a little while?’
Annabel looked at her in consternation. The last thing she wanted was for Aaron to find out that his daughter had been in tears while in her care. He wasn’t due home for at least a couple of hours. Maybe there would be no harm as long as the garment was back in the wardrobe before that time.
‘All right,’ she agreed reluctantly, ‘but only for a short time, Lucy. Where is the dress?’
‘I’ll show you,’ she said, smiling now that her wish had been granted. Taking Annabel’s hand, she led her up a wide staircase into the master bedroom. ‘In there,’ she said, pointing to a fitted wardrobe.
It was an evening dress of ivory silk with a beaded bodice and a full, flowing ski
rt. When Annabel tried it on the top half hung on her and the skirt was far too short, both factors a reminder that its owner had been more rounded and less tall than herself.
There was the faint smell of perfume lingering on the expensive fabric and she shivered. Was its owner watching her in the dress, indignant and helpless to protest? She felt as if any moment Eloise would appear and demand she take it off.
Lucy, meanwhile, unaware of Annabel’s unease, was floating from room to room, waving her wand and enjoying herself immensely, when the door opened and Aaron was there, his face a study in amazed outrage and disbelief.
‘What on earth is going on?’ he demanded.
‘We were playing at fairies,’ she said hesitantly, as the bright colour stained her cheeks. ‘Anything to keep Lucy happy.’
‘Anything appears to be a good description,’ he said in the same grim tone. ‘Much as I love my daughter, I don’t let her have all her own way.’
‘Maybe. But what is someone like me to do when she is in tears? Let her become upset?’ she protested. ‘I want to get to know Lucy. She’s a delightful child and I’d like us to be friends. It would have been a poor beginning if we didn’t get on the first time we were alone together.’
He didn’t comment. Instead, he told her stiffly, ‘I came home to pick up some paperwork that I’d forgotten. How do you expect me to feel?’
‘I’m sorry,’ she croaked. ‘I didn’t mean to offend you. Lucy was upset when I refused to dress up for her, and rather than see her in tears I agreed. She said that you let her play with the dress so I thought it would be all right. I know it was taking liberties but the last thing I would ever want is to upset you, Aaron.’
‘Yes, I do let Lucy play with the dress,’ he admitted stonily, ‘when she wants to feel near to Eloise...but really! The last thing I expected was to find you wearing it.’
In her dismay Annabel threw decorum to the winds. She undid the zip with frantic fingers and let the dress fall to the floor. When she stood before him in her underslip she didn’t care that Aaron was seeing her undressed. All she wanted was to be free of the embarrassment.
Almost before he could take in the vision before him, she was reaching frantically for the skirt and blouse she’d been wearing previously and throwing them on as if he’d caught her naked.
He turned away, saying flatly, ‘I have to get back. Are you free to stay with Lucy for a little while longer?’
She was calming down.
‘Yes, if you’re prepared to trust me.’
‘You said that,’ he reminded her in the same downbeat tone of voice, and departed.
* * *
Driving back to the hospital, Aaron was furious with himself. He’d just made a big song and dance about finding Annabel wearing the old evening dress that had belonged to Eloise.
She’d not been wearing it out of nosiness or insensitivity, but to please his child, and he’d read her the Riot Act. Anyone would have thought he’d caught her stealing the family heirlooms, such as they were, when instead she’d merely allowed Lucy to cajole her into something she hadn’t wanted to do.
She’d given up her afternoon to do him a favour and he’d behaved as if she’d desecrated the memory of his dead wife, when instead she’d been looking after the living in the form of his daughter.
His annoyance had come from a source that Annabel was not aware of. He wanted his relationship with her to be separate in every way from the life he’d had with Eloise. If he’d wanted a clone of her he might have looked in the direction of Lucy’s teacher, but he didn’t.
He wanted the cool loner, with the hazel eyes, dark brown hair and slender coltish body, who once again was doing him a favour. All he’d done for her had been to act like a man who was still bound by the chains of the past.
His mouth twisted as he thought that after his outburst Annabel probably thought that he had no intention of ever replacing Eloise. And he’d put himself in a position where she wasn’t likely to believe him if he told her the truth.
CHAPTER SIX
WHEN he’d gone Annabel didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Yet knew she could do neither. Lucy was standing on one leg, waving her fairy wand limply and asking, ‘Why was Daddy angry, Annabel? I play with the dress all the time.’
That may be true, Annabel thought wryly, but I don’t. I overstepped the mark and now am back to where I was before Aaron entrusted me with his daughter. And if nothing else has come out of those embarrassing moments up in the bedroom, one thing is clear. Aaron hasn’t let go of Eloise. I must have been insane to ever think he might turn in my direction.
But Lucy was waiting for an answer.
‘He wasn’t angry with you, Lucy,’ she said with gentle reassurance. ‘I think he was just a bit surprised when he saw me in your mother’s dress.’
It was putting it mildly, but she didn’t want Lucy to be upset by the incident, especially as it had been her idea.
For the rest of the afternoon they reverted to the original plan of doctors and patients, and when Annabel heard Aaron’s car pull up outside some time later she was, as he’d prophesied, covered in bandages. She left Lucy playing in her room and went downstairs to meet Aaron.
‘How’s it gone, then?’ he asked, as if their earlier confrontation had never been.
‘Fine,’ she said coolly, relieving herself of the bandages almost as quickly as she’d discarded the dress. She wanted to be off, back at the flat where she could think.
‘I was unreasonable earlier,’ he said flatly when she was ready to go. ‘You took me by surprise.’
‘Yes, I’m sure I did, and I’m sorry. You did me a favour, though, in spite of flying off the handle.’
He knew what was coming.
‘You’ve made it very clear that, no matter what your mother or anyone else thinks, you’re not ready to remarry. I doubt that you ever will be.’
And as she made to leave she thought that if she stayed away from the child, which might be the sensible thing to do, there would be no doing the same with the father.
There was no way she could avoid Aaron. Not at Barnaby’s anyway. But she could tell him that she’d had second thoughts about Christmas. He would get the message and who was to say he wouldn’t be glad of a get-out after today’s fiasco?
Every time she thought about him finding her in his wife’s dress she cringed. Maybe she had been too eager to placate Lucy. Aaron had been quick to point out that she wasn’t allowed all her own way.
But she was such a sweet child...and she didn’t have a mother. No matter how kind and loving her grandmother was, the child must feel it when she saw her friends with their mothers. The only person who could do something about that was her father, and after today the prospects didn’t look good.
* * *
As she’d already decided, avoiding Aaron wasn’t going to be easy while on duty, but she was going to give it a good try. Her face burned every time she thought about what a figure she must have cut in the dress with its too short skirt and too big bodice. And what he’d thought when she’d stripped to her underslip in her desperation to get it off, she didn’t want to contemplate.
For any woman, undressing for the first time in front of the love of her life would be a special moment, but not for her...the queen of catastrophe. They’d had the bedroom scene all right, but it had been far from how she’d imagined it would be.
So it was a brief nod when they met on the wards or on the hospital corridors and if conversation was necessary regarding one of their small patients it was kept to the minimum.
To keep her mind occupied in her free time Annabel continued with her house-hunting, but it was with little enthusiasm and she knew why. She’d allowed herself to think that one day she would live with Aaron in the big, red-brick house that she so admired. Having come in from the cold at last, she’d thought that maybe, somehow, one day she would be part of a loving family for the first time in her life.
Now she was having to adjust and i
t was a painful process that was diminishing her desire to find a place of her own. She didn’t want to be alone any more, she wanted to be with him. But it seemed that Aaron was content to live with his memories. It was as she’d thought all along. He just felt sorry for her.
* * *
As the shops, theatres, and restaurants were caught up in pre-Christmas fever Annabel wandered aimlessly around, hoping that it might wash off on her. But painfully clear in her mind was the moment when she’d told Aaron that she’d changed her plans and wouldn’t be spending Christmas with him and his family. And after that there was little chance of her feeling in festive mood.
They’d spied each other in the hospital car park on a crisp winter morning and as he’d observed her doubtfully she’d taken a deep breath and gone to him.
‘I won’t be joining you for Christmas, Aaron,’ she’d told him without preamble. ‘I’ve made other plans.’
He’d sighed. ‘What took you so long? I’ve been expecting to hear that ever since I found you in the dress. You say you have other plans. What are they? Christmas dinner for one in that dreadful flat?’
‘That’s my business.’
His face looked bleached in the light of a pale sun, but she told herself she wasn’t going to weaken. She was a past mistress at bringing misery upon herself, and falling in love with Aaron was just another example of her poor judgement. Better this way than any more heartache. A clean break always healed more quickly than a compound fracture.
‘I told you I was sorry,’ he said, tight-lipped, ‘but you’re using what happened as a way out. It’s given you an excuse not to join us. You’re happy in your misery, aren’t you, Annabel? That way you’re safe.’
‘That is good, coming from you!’ she flung back at him. ‘I thought we might have something, you and I, but you’re the one who can’t, or won’t, let go of the past. Sometimes it takes an outsider like me to point out the obvious.’
His face darkened and she thought bleakly that between them they were only making things worse, so on a lighter note she said, ‘We shouldn’t let our differences affect Lucy. I’d like to buy her something for Christmas, if that’s all right with you.’
The Surgeon's Family Wish Page 8
