‘Yes, of course it’s all right with me,’ he said, still tight-faced. ‘On one condition, though.’
‘And what is that?’
‘That you bring it round personally on Christmas morning...if it won’t interfere with the other plans you’ve made. She’ll be disappointed that you’re not coming to stay, and it will make up for it a little if she sees you on the day.’
‘You are trying to make me feel guilty, aren’t you?’ she said tonelessly. ‘But, yes, I’ll do that if you want me to.’
‘It would appear that what I want doesn’t come into it,’ he replied with a similar lack of emotion, ‘and as we’ve just about exhausted the topic, I’ll be on my way.’
Reaching into the car for his briefcase, he pointed himself towards the hospital buildings, leaving her to make what she would of that.
* * *
So Annabel still thought he wasn’t ready to move on, Aaron thought sombrely as he prepared to meet the day. He’d sent Eloise’s clothes to various charities long ago, except for the dress which Lucy had begged him to keep so that she could use it for dressing up. And now Annabel was of the opinion that he had a morbid obsession with it.
He’d been hoping she wouldn’t change her mind about Christmas, but her attitude ever since that day had made him think there was little chance of it, and she had proved him right.
Insisting that she bring Lucy’s present personally on Christmas Day had been an attempt to coax her back into his family circle. Whether he would be able to persuade her to stay when she came was something he would have to wait to find out.
His mother had heard part of the story of the dress from Lucy and she’d said gently, ‘It really is time to move on, Aaron.’
He’d made no reply, just nodded and thought sombrely that chance would be a fine thing. If ever there was a woman who wasn’t falling over herself to get him to the altar, it was the hazel-eyed doctor who thought he was still mourning his wife.
He wished he knew more about her. She’d told him of her loveless childhood and that was all. When he was with her he was always conscious of melancholy within and sensed that it came from a much more recent source. But what that source was he had yet to find out.
* * *
It was a Saturday morning and Annabel was looking for inspiration in the town’s biggest toy store when a voice said from behind, ‘So we meet again.’
When she swivelled round Richard Clements was there, smiling his confident smile and observing her appreciatively. She smiled back, unimpressed. Annabel had no illusions about this man. He wasn’t bowled over by her charms. Aaron’s friend was the kind of man who would make the plainest of women feel attractive without too much effort on his part. But it was still nice to see a face she recognised amongst those of the jostling crowds.
‘Shopping for the family?’ he questioned.
‘Not exactly,’ she told him, with the realisation that if he had discussed her with Aaron, the man she loved had told him little about her. ‘This is new to me. I’m looking for something for Lucy.’
He laughed.
‘Me, too. So it’s a case of well met. We can compare notes and make sure that we don’t both get her the same thing. Then maybe you’d care to join me for a coffee.’
Annabel nodded. He wasn’t her type but he was company of sorts and was putting himself out to be pleasant, and by the time they’d made their choices, queued up and paid for them, a quiet coffee somewhere would be most acceptable.
‘And so what have you got planned for Christmas,’ Richard asked as they seated themselves in a nearby bistro with their packages. Annabel had bought Lucy a doll dressed as a fairy, hoping that Aaron wouldn’t see anything significant in it, and the five-year-old would be receiving ice skates from Richard.
‘Not a lot,’ she told him evasively. ‘I’m looking forward to a rest. Paediatric surgery takes its toll.’
‘Hmm, I can imagine,’ he agreed, sizing her up at the same time. ‘Did you know that Aaron has been offered a job in Canada?’
‘And is he going to take it?’ she asked weakly.
‘I don’t know. I think he should go. Make a fresh start. Blow away the cobwebs.’
‘But what about Lucy and his mother?’
‘Well, obviously they would go, too.’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Would you miss him?’
Was he kidding? She would miss all three of them, but Aaron most of all.
‘Yes. I would. We work well together.’
‘I wasn’t meaning workwise.’
‘I see. Yes, I would miss his friendship.’
‘So you’re not in line for the next Mrs Lewis?’
‘That is for me to know and you to find out,’ she said coolly, irritated by his questions.
‘Sure,’ he said smoothly, ‘but Aaron is a great guy. I wouldn’t want him to be given the run-around.’
Run-around! she thought angrily. That was good!
‘I’m afraid that you’ve lost me,’ she said, the chill in her voice increasing. ‘Aaron is quite capable of fighting his own battles, I would imagine.’ She got to her feet. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I must be off. I have a busy day ahead.’ And before he could reply she was threading her way amongst the tables and chairs of the bistro and out into the crowds once more.
Busy day ahead! Annabel thought grimly as she drove back to the flat. Who was she trying to fool? And who had given Richard the right to question her about her private life? Certainly not her, or Aaron if the present state of affairs was anything to go by. He’d given up on her. She was sure of it.
But whatever dismal thoughts her meeting with Richard had conjured up, the news that Aaron might be going to live abroad stood out like the dark shadow of doom.
She hadn’t known about the job offer, which wasn’t surprising as they weren’t communicating any more, but now that she did know she couldn’t think of anything else. Surely Aaron wouldn’t take his mother and Lucy to live in another land where they would know no one? On the other hand, they might view the prospect as something new and exciting.
* * *
‘I met Annabel when I was out shopping this morning,’ Richard told Aaron when he called round that afternoon. ‘We were both shopping for Lucy.’
He had Aaron’s attention immediately.
‘You met Annabel?’
‘Sure did.’
‘And what did she have to say?’
Richard shrugged.
‘Not a lot, but most of it was to the point.’
‘Meaning?’
‘I asked her if she was expecting to be the next Mrs Lewis and she froze on me.’
‘Well, thanks for that!’ Aaron exclaimed angrily. ‘No wonder the chill set in. How could you ask such a personal question?’
‘I did have your interests at heart.’
‘It doesn’t sound like it. The next time you’re concerned about my interests, consult me first, will you? I’ve given Annabel cause to think I won’t ever marry again, so she wouldn’t be likely to take well to that line of questioning.’
‘And are you sorry that you did?’
Aaron’s mouth was tender.
‘Yes, of course I am. You’ve seen her, haven’t you? She’s clever, beautiful, wonderful with children and straight as a die.’
‘So why not do something about it?’
‘I intend to, but your interference won’t have helped. Annabel is the last person to be asking if she has hopes of marrying me. I can assure you that she has no plans for getting me to the altar. She is her own person and makes no pretence about it.’
‘I thought from the way you speak of her that it was an accepted thing between the two of you that wedding bells might soon be ringing,’ Richard said apologetically.
‘Well, you were wrong,’ Aaron told him. ‘If your love life is thriving, mine isn’t.’
‘Yes, but I keep my affairs light. My life is a drifting sort of thing. With my job it wouldn’t be easy to put do
wn roots. But you are different, Aaron. And I may as well tell you, I have something else to confess.’
Aaron groaned. ‘What is it?’
‘I let slip about the Canada job.’
‘And what did Annabel have to say about that?’
‘Once again, not much.’
‘I can imagine. You are the limit! I would rather have told her myself.’
‘So are you considering it?’
‘Maybe. Maybe not.’
‘I think you should go. Get out of the rut you’re in.’
‘Do you really? I hardly think that bringing up my daughter, being there for my mother and holding down a demanding job is being in a rut.’
‘Maybe not. But it doesn’t fill that empty space in the bed each night, does it?’
‘No. It doesn’t. But unless it’s Annabel who’s going to be lying next to me, I’m not interested.’
‘She’s nothing like Eloise.’
‘She doesn’t have to be.’ Aaron told him exasperatedly. ‘I don’t want a clone of my first wife. If I did, Lucy’s school teacher would fit the bill.’
His friend was smiling again.
‘Lucky you, having so many women in your life.’
‘One, to be exact,’ Aaron pointed out drily, ‘and Annabel is now only on the fringe of it.’
* * *
On Monday morning Annabel asked Charles Drury, ‘Did you know that Aaron has been offered a job in Canada, sir?’
The elderly consultant nodded. ‘Yes. He mentioned it last thing on Friday night just as we were leaving.’
‘Do you think he will take it?’
‘It’s a good opportunity. He would be perfect for it. But whether he’ll go, I don’t know,’ he told her. ‘Personally I’m not in favour of the ‘‘brain drain’’. We need all the doctors we can get in this country. We’re overpopulated and understaffed.’
She’d discussed the possibility of Aaron moving with two people so far, Annabel thought as she went on her way, neither of them being the man himself, and really there was only he who could put her mind at rest...or shatter her dreams even more than they were already.
She decided that the thing to do was contrive a moment when they were in casual conversation and drop in a mention of the job offer. That way she might get to know his feelings on the matter without making an issue of it.
But there were no sightings of Aaron until just before midday, when his voice came from behind her as she was examining a small boy who had been admitted with a concussion from a blow to the head in the school playground.
‘This child is from Lucy’s school,’ he said. ‘Nicola is outside and most distressed about the accident.’
‘Yes. I’m sure she must be,’ she replied as they moved away from the bed. ‘You can tell her we will be monitoring the child and unless any complications develop he will be allowed home as soon as we’re happy about his condition.’ And then added, unable to help herself. ‘Is she the only teacher at that school? Or is it that she likes the hospital atmosphere?’
He pursed his lips. ‘I think we both know that she is a caring teacher, and we are both aware that she is bent on getting to know me. Does that answer your question?’
‘Maybe. But I have another one that I’d like an answer to,’ she told him, knowing it was not going to be a moment when she could slip it into casual conversation. But she was going to ask it nevertheless.
‘Yes?’
‘I believe you’ve had a job offer from Canada.’
‘Correct. Richard told you, didn’t he?’
She nodded. ‘Are you going to take it?’
There was nothing casual about that either, but she didn’t care. She had to know.
‘I’ve no idea. It only came up at the end of last week and there is a lot to consider before I make a decision.’
‘Such as?’
She was cringing inwardly. It sounded more like the Spanish Inquisition she was putting him through than friendly curiosity.
He was observing her levelly and she met his glance with defiance.
‘I know it’s none of my business, but it will affect me from the job point of view if I have to get used to a new Head of Paediatrics.’
She was playing down her devastation at the implications of it by making out it was only the job she was concerned about, when the prospect of life without him was unbearable.
It was having the desired effect. Instead of telling Annabel that it all depended on her what he did with the rest of his life, Aaron said flatly, ‘It would rest with how my mother felt about moving abroad. I can’t leave her alone back here. I wasn’t the only one who lost their loved ones that day in Cornwall. Mum would be desolate without us. As for Lucy, she’s young enough to adapt to a new way of life without much trouble.’ And then there’s you, he wanted to tell her. More than anything there’s you!
But he didn’t because she was shrugging her shoulders and saying blandly, ‘Yes, there are others to consider beside yourself, and don’t be too sure that Lucy will settle in just like that. She’s happy where she is. Children don’t react well to change. It affects their feeling of security. That’s my opinion anyway.’
Aaron’s dark brows were drawn together as he said with dry sarcasm, ‘And I suppose you would know, having had children of your own.’
As soon as the words were out he regretted them. It was a hurtful thing to have said. She worked with them, associated herself with them, even though she’d never been a parent.
But she was taking it all so calmly that he’d wanted to hit back, because he was miserable to the very fibres of his being at the gap that was widening between them with every second.
She’d turned away. Aaron had opened the wound again, she thought achingly. The mention of her childlessness had been like the pain of a knife thrust and she couldn’t bear it any more.
‘I lost a child shortly before I came to work here. I miscarried at four and a half months,’ she said flatly, and watched his face stretch.
It was a bald statement of fact with no tears. She didn’t want pity, just respect, and there wouldn’t be much of that around if ever Aaron heard the full story.
‘Ah! So that’s the reason for your melancholy,’ he said in slow surprise. ‘Were you married, or was it an affair?’
‘It was an affair that I felt could lead to marriage. But it fizzled out when I became pregnant.’
‘You’re saying that he left you to cope on your own?’ he exclaimed incredulously.
‘I wish I could have been there for you,’ he said sombrely. ‘Do you remember me asking if you’d been ill when we first met? You were skin and bone and so pale I wondered what was wrong. Well, now I know, and it explains some of the things that have puzzled me, though not all of them. How badly did you want a child, Annabel?’
‘More than anything on earth.’
It was choking him to ask, but he had to. ‘And the father. Who was he?’
She swallowed hard. ‘Another paediatric surgeon. An American.’
‘Where is he now?’
‘Gone back to the States.’
‘Are you in touch?’
‘No. I’ve never spoken to him since the day I told him I was pregnant.’
What did you expect? Aaron was asking himself as his questions came pouring forth. A virgin? It would be too presumptuous to think that Annabel hadn’t had some encounters with men.
‘Did you love him?’
She shook her head. ‘I thought I did, but those sorts of feelings soon disappeared when I saw how he felt about the baby.’
The fact that the man in question was already married had been the main reason for his lack of enthusiasm, but the words would stick in her throat if she tired to tell Aaron that.
They’d moved into the corridor while they’d been speaking and from there into a small garden beside the wards. And now as they faced each other amongst the dead leaves and bare branches of winter, there was a new warmth springing up between them.
> She’d told him, Annabel was thinking, and Aaron hadn’t condemned her. But, then, he wouldn’t because he didn’t know the full facts. He’d been upset and concerned for her and it was like balm to her heart.
It didn’t mean that things had changed in his life, but hers had certainly perked up. She touched him gently on the cheek.
‘What?’ he asked as his arms went round her.
‘For being kind and not judging me.’
‘No woman who is left to bring a child into the world on her own should be judged,’ he said softly as he held her close. ‘Nature is a fast mover when the sperm and the fertilised egg connect. But giving birth and bringing up a child is a lifetime commitment and is the hardest thing any woman is asked to do. Any man as well for that matter, but he doesn’t have to suffer the birth pains.’
‘A miscarriage isn’t a bundle of laughs either,’ she told him looking up into his dark gaze.
‘What happened?’
‘Nothing very unusual. I’d been called to Theatre in a hurry and was speeding along a hospital corridor that was still wet from cleaning. Down I went onto the hard tiles. Shortly afterwards I started bleeding and then everything went haywire.’
Aaron bent his head to hers and this time he planted a butterfly kiss on her mouth. As her lips parted at the contact urgency gripped him. He let out a groan. Why did they have to be on hospital premises? He wanted to take hold of this woman. Make love to her...if he hadn’t forgotten how.
‘What is it?’ she asked, aware of his arousal.
‘I want to make love to you, but it’s hardly the place, is it?’
She laughed and Aaron found himself joining in.
‘Hardly. Can you see the headlines, DOCTORS CAUGHT IN FLAGRANTE IN HOSPITAL GROUNDS.’
‘So what are we going to do about it?’ he asked with his voice deepening.
‘Nothing,’ she told him, reverting back to seriousness.
‘Are you afraid that I might give you a child? Because I wouldn’t, you know. I would never be so irresponsible. There is nothing more wonderful than a wanted pregnancy.’
He wasn’t to know that having his child would be heaven on earth, she thought. But not if it meant another pregnancy where the father-to-be had his own agenda, and that was how it would be with Aaron. In his heart he still belonged to Eloise.
The Surgeon's Family Wish Page 9
