Alien Tango

by Gini Koch

  “No, just about half of them.”

  “Where are the others, then?”

  He scanned the room. “Not in there.”

  “Hope they’re not dead like Karl Smith and the cleaning lady.”

  “Why are you doing this?” Alfred asked. His voice was calm. I noted all the humans had an AC next to them. It occurred to me that Security was, as always in my short experience here, lax.

  “Brian, before today, did you know an A-C could run at hyperspeed?”

  “Not really. I knew they were faster than us, just like they’re stronger, but not what all they could really do.”

  “You think they don’t know our abilities, Kitty?” Gower asked me.

  “I’m confident. The loons in Arizona thought we could read minds, but hyperspeed was never discussed, and they don’t know about empathic abilities since they didn’t guard against it.”

  “Turco was with us when we were in quarantine.” Brian sounded worried. “Did we say anything that would give us away?”

  “No idea. The three of us were rather deeply involved with ACE, and so was Michael.”

  “I promise you Jeff and Christopher were paying more attention to what was going on with Kitty than anything else,” Gower added.

  “So was James, not that we can talk to him.” My brain kicked. I dug my phone out from my purse.

  I could hear Reader’s phone ringing. “You wanna let me answer that?” he asked. He was so cool, he didn’t sound worried at all.

  “Why should we?” Taft asked.

  “There are some of them missing,” Turco replied. “Let’s round them up.” He reached into Reader’s inner jacket pocket and pulled out his phone, opening it just in time. He put it to Reader’s mouth, and a gun to Reader’s head. The way the phone was held I knew Turco and Taft were able to hear whatever was going to be said.

  “Hello?”

  “Jamie, baby, how goes it, lover?” Reader jerked, grinned, then pulled it together, all in the space of about two seconds.

  “Hey, um, pretty great. I miss you a lot, babe.” Turco nudged him. “Can’t wait to get together. Have you ditched the jerk yet?”

  “Working on it, hon, working on it. Trying to get him distracted, but you know how he never lets me do anything. I had to sneak into the bathroom to call you. So, where’re you at, babycakes?”

  “Tell your girlfriend we want them to meet you at Security,” Turco whispered.

  “I’m at Security, honey. Very secured and all.”

  “Oooh, alone?”

  “No, I wish.”

  “Bummer. I was hoping to tie you up, in a chair, with your hands behind your back and then do terrible things to you.” This wasn’t so much true as an exact description of what I was seeing.

  Taft made a gagging sound. Reader grinned. “Look, great as that sounds, and, believe me, it sounds like something I could get used to immediately, I think I need you, Jack, Peter, and Carlton to come here. Need some help with some, uh, prisoners.”

  “Where’s Security?” I watched to see if anyone was moving toward us, but they all seemed stationary.

  Reader looked up at Turco and shrugged. “Tell them you’ll have someone meet them wherever they’re at,” Turco whispered.

  “I don’t really know, kind of lost and confused. You know I’ve never been here before. I’ll send someone to fetch you. Where’re you at?”

  I looked at Gower. He gave me the universal “fake it” sign. Brian shook his head. “Tell him you’re at the break room.”

  “We’re in the break room. I was parched. The water here is like glass, it’s delicious. And you know, they have lots of things you can’t find at home. I’m so hungry I could eat a raw chicken whole.”

  “Um, oh, yeah?” I could tell by his voice that this clue wasn’t giving Reader anything to work with. “Well, when we can get out of here, I’ll take you to dinner.”

  “You’re so much more in tune with me than Jack the Jerk. By the way, I want to go to dinner someplace where they sell regional specialties, like jerked chicken, fried alligator, and hush puppies. You know how I love fried foods.”

  “Oh! Yeah? Yeah, but, uh, I don’t know how you think we’re going to get out of here any time soon, babe.”

  “Well, if we can’t get out, maybe we can find someone who can bring it in. Soon, since I’m really starving. And, if not, I’ll have Peter and Carlton put their mind spell onto whoever tries to stop us. I’m ready to take over, aren’t you?”

  “So ready.” Turco shoved the gun into Reader’s head. “Babe, I’m sending those guys for you now. Sit tight, okay? Like you always do when I ask.”

  “You know I can’t help but follow your orders to the letter, babycakes.”

  “It’s why I love you, sugartits.” Scary situation or not, I almost lost it and laughed.

  “See you soon, my walrus-boy.” We hung up, and I saw Turco motion to a couple of the Security creeps. They were going out the side opposite where we were.

  “Sugartits?” Gower asked me. “Walrus-boy?”

  “Don’t. I can barely control the inner hyena right now.”

  “I get sugartits,” Gower admitted. “But walrus-boy?”

  Brian blushed. “Rumor has it the walrus has the second largest . . . you know . . . of all mammals.”

  Gower looked at me and started to grin. “Don’t start, Paul, or we’ll all lose it.” Despite the situation, I was close to losing it anyway. The only saving grace was that Martini wasn’t here.

  Turco was talking to Reader again. “You and your girlfriend are sick and twisted, ‘walrus-boy.’ Typical alien scum.”

  “He thinks James is an alien?” Gower asked.

  “He’s good-looking enough, so I don’t doubt it.”

  Reader shrugged. “So, what’s your boyfriend call you, Turco?”

  “I’m not gay, you sick son of an alien bitch,” Turco snarled.

  “They seem gay to me,” Tim said, from behind Reader. He was tied up in the same way. “I think this one’s the groom,” he jerked his head at Taft.

  “We have to stop those Security guys.” They were out of the room, and I couldn’t see them any more.

  “I’ll do it,” Brian said.

  “Not alone.” Gower seemed torn. “Look, we’ll be there and back fast. Kitty, will you be okay here alone?”

  “Sure, even though I won’t be able to hear what’s going on. Get going. The faster you take them out, the faster you’re back.”

  Gower nodded, grabbed Brian’s hand, and then they disappeared. I looked back inside. Tim and Reader were getting a couple of nice hits to the stomach. I saw my five pilots’ mouths moving, and they started getting hit, too. I assumed they were all following Reader’s lead with the gay-baiting.

  I wasn’t destined to have to watch this too much longer. I heard something, then smelled something, and saw Christopher carrying a reasonably small alligator, maybe only six feet long. It was clearly pissed and struggling. He was having some trouble with it, particularly since he was crouched down.

  “Kitty,” he gasped. “Open the damn door!”

  CHAPTER 44

  THE ONLY ISSUE WITH OPENING the door and releasing the alligator was that I didn’t have hyperspeed, and Gower wasn’t here to have ACE do crowd protection. On the other hand, it was clear Christopher wasn’t going to hang on too much longer.

  I compromised. I reached up, flung the door open, and screamed, “ALLIGATOR IN THE HOUSE!” as loud as I possibly could.

  Christopher shoved it in and slammed the door. We both dropped to the floor. I could hear screams and gunfire. “I hope that’s working like we wanted it to.”

  “It’s a plan of yours, Kitty. I’m sure it’s going to go haywire somewhere.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence. By the way, not clear on the idea of a big ’gator, were you?”

  “I was, but that was the biggest I could handle alone. My clothes look like yours normally do.”

  “They smell much
worse than mine ever do.”

  “So we let you believe.”

  I was about to say something scathing, when I saw Martini and Michael heading toward us, carrying the largest alligator in, I guessed, existence. It was much more pissed than the other one had been and was struggling with clear intent to at least maim, if not kill. Even in a crouch, though, they had it fairly well under control.

  “The door,” Martini hissed. “Like now!” Okay, maybe not all that much under control.

  I flung it open again. “BIGGER ALLIGATOR IN THE HOUSE!” They flung Gigantagator in, and Christopher slammed the door again.

  “I just want to say that I hate your plans.” Martini leaned against the wall. “And as they go, this one was both the grossest and the most dangerous to life and limb, and, yes, I’m including when we took down Mephistopheles and all the others.”

  “Not to mention the wonderful odor we’re now all carrying,” Michael said.

  “Hopefully there’s something in the medical kits for it,” Martini said. “I don’t want to smell like swamp for the next day and a half.”

  “Oh, stop whining.” I risked a look up. “Oh, wow. You guys have to see this.”

  I had no idea where Gower was, but ACE was on the case. All the hostages were floating up near the ceiling in what looked like two big, protective bubbles. This left those with the guns and the alligators alone on the floor.

  Hitting a moving target is not as easy as it looks in the movies, and hitting a moving target when you’re running for your life is even harder. I looked more closely and could see small, protective bubbles around the alligators. How sweet, ACE had heeded my “don’t harm the ’gators” directive.

  “Anyone have any hyperjuice left? Or should we just stun the creeps with your aromas and fashion-forward outfits?”

  “I do,” Gower said, as he appeared next to us. “My God, what’s that smell?”

  “Hilarious.” Martini glared at him. “Where the hell were you?”

  “We’ve got the two they sent to capture us knocked out and tied up in the break room, and Brian’s guarding them, Glock at the ready.”

  “Good. ACE is doing an awesome job with the hostages. But I want to get the guns away from the creeps, just in case.”

  Gower nodded. “Happy to.” The door opened and closed so fast I only saw it because I was looking for it. I was alone in the hall, however, just me and some puddles of stinky swamp water. No Glock in my hand anymore, either, meaning one of the men, Martini most likely, had taken it, probably to keep me out of the action. Well, the heck with that.

  I could see guns flying through the air and landing in someone’s hands. When I didn’t see any more guns in human creep hands, I opened the door.

  To see the smaller alligator right there, mouth open, sharing its displeasure with me. It was through the door before I could slam it, and I decided that I’d run track for years for a reason.

  I leaped back, so its jaws just missed me, and then I spun and ran. It was after me, and I remembered that these puppies could move when they wanted to. And this one wanted to. “Alien hater!” I shouted at it as I skidded around a corner.

  It kept on coming, and I kept on running. I’d never been great with distance, but it’s amazing how much stamina pissed-off nature on the hoof snapping at your heels can give you. I didn’t have just an alligator after me, I had the Flash of ’gators after me.

  I rounded more corners, and Alliflash kept up with me. When did these things get tired? Ever? I kept on running, but I had no idea where I was in the maze. I just prayed I didn’t hit a dead end.

  No sooner prayed for than denied. I rounded a corner and there was nothing but a door at the end. I tried to open it, but it was locked.

  I heard voices. “Hey! Let us out!”

  “Hey, let me IN!”

  No use, door was locked from the outside, apparently, and I didn’t have a key. I turned around. Alliflash was approaching, slowly now, and it looked really pleased. Okay, I’d been a hurdler. I could do this. And I had to do it right away, or I wouldn’t have enough room to get my speed up.

  I took a deep breath and then ran right toward it. I was the rare hurdler who had a perfect four-step, which meant I’d learned to lead with either leg. So it wouldn’t matter where I pushed off from, as long as no part of my body was in Alliflash’s jaws. On the other hand, I wasn’t a tall girl, so if I jumped too soon, I’d land somewhere on the ’gator’s body, and I knew instinctively this would not be good.

  Got to where I could see its beady eyes, and then I sailed over the scariest hurdle of my life.

  Landed on the end of its tail and managed to keep going without falling or twisting an ankle. Sadly, this meant that Alliflash was aware of where I was, but at least I wasn’t cornered any more.

  I tried to head back the way I’d come, but I hadn’t been paying a lot of attention to landmarks. I risked a look behind me—damn thing was still right there, relentlessly coming after me and simultaneously going for the land speed record.

  Rounded more corners that I hoped looked familiar. Found myself wondering how badly it hurt to be eaten alive by an alligator. Decided it had to be pretty bad and found the will to keep on running at top speed.

  I thought I was close to Mission Control but, shockingly, discovered another dead end. This one had three doors. All locked, but no one behind them, or if there were people locked inside, they were shy. These doors had the long bar handles and they were set up in a “U” shape. I didn’t have a lot of options.

  If necessity is the mother of invention, then terror is the father of ability. Additionally, five months of wild sex with Martini had toned a lot of my muscles. I put my back to one of the corners, put my hands on the unmoving sides of the door handles next to me, and pushed up and jumped at the same time. It took three attempts, but I managed to get my feet onto the metal.

  This was great in that I wasn’t on the floor. However, Alliflash didn’t have too far to go to be able to grab me. I needed a weapon. Of course, I’d had one, but it had been taken away to keep me safe. I’d ponder the irony later, if I got a later. Then again, even if I’d still had my Glock, not only were the alligators officially protected, they were ACE protected, too. I didn’t figure I’d have had a chance of hurting it with a bullet anyway, and having my hands free was probably in my best interests.

  As Alliflash again started coming toward me in a slow and menacing way, I rummaged in my purse—carefully. My balance was precarious at best, and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be able to jump it again. My legs were shaking, and I was sprinted out.

  Things I’d used in the past as weapons of sorts came into my hand. But I couldn’t fathom how music would calm this particular savage beast, no pen in the world was going to penetrate that hide and I had no prayer of hitting an eye, and I just couldn’t see hairspray, not even Ever-Hold, managing to do anything other than piss Alliflash off even more.

  My hand hit some papers and I pulled them out. I didn’t remember carrying any papers with me. Took a fast gander—briefing stuff. Okay, Reader must have slipped this in my purse when I wasn’t looking in the hopes I’d read it myself. I had nothing else worth trying.

  I balled a piece of paper up and threw it over Alliflash’s head. It snapped at it, then turned back to me. Fine. If it was willing to play, I was willing to keep it distracted. Balled up another piece and tossed again. It snapped again. Cool, it liked to play fetch, or in this case, snap.

  This was great in that Alliflash wasn’t trying to eat me. Yet. But I was going to run out of briefing papers soon. Within a couple of minutes, I was down to the last piece of paper. I looked at it. It had two pictures on it. Two men, one big and older, who looked mildly familiar. The other well coiffed and reasonably attractive, but with a lean, mean look to him. I checked the names—the first was Howard Taft, the second Leventhal Reid. I realized Taft’s son resembled him, which was why he’d looked familiar. I stared at their images for a few long moments. Then
I balled my last page up and tossed it.

  It didn’t go far and landed on Alliflash’s back. It snapped at it, turning around to try to catch the paper. Good, anything to focus its attention on something other than me.

  The paper rolled off, and the alligator stomped on it. That was going to be me in just a few seconds. For sure, since Alliflash turned back to me now, jaws open, beady eyes twinkling as it contemplated its dinner of Kitty on the Hoof.

  I decided I’d tried everything else. I screamed.

  CHAPTER 45

  ALLIFLASH WAS RIGHT UNDER ME. We were staring into each other’s eyes, and I could feel its breath. Interestingly, it didn’t smell nearly as bad as the guys who’d been in the swamp had, but I didn’t think I was going to live to share this with anyone. I was still screaming but thought about stopping, because what was the point? I’d be shrieking in pain in just a few moments anyway.

  It lunged toward me, and my scream went up. But before its jaws closed on me, it whipped away. I followed the movement to see Martini swing the ’gator by its tail and fling it down the hall.

  “Get it out of here!” he thundered at someone.

  “You couldn’t knock it out?” Christopher’s voice shouted back.

  “Jump!” Michael’s voice. “Shit! Jump, jump, jump!”

  “Stay there,” Martini said to me. He disappeared. I stayed put.

  I heard some loud bickering, then it got quiet again. I stayed put. I didn’t want to discover Alliflash had outrun an A-C. Because part of me figured it could.

  Martini was in front of me again. He was still a mess, but he had a jacket on and didn’t smell anymore. I assumed one of the girls had something that got rid of swamp gas or else he’d stopped to shower fully clothed.

  “Why the hell did you open the door, where the hell did you go, and what the hell did you think you were doing?” he shouted. At least it wasn’t a bellow. “Paper balls? You were throwing balled up paper at an alligator?”

  I couldn’t help it; my lower lip started quivering, and tears came into my eyes. I tried to talk but realized I’d burst into tears if I did, so I shut my mouth.