Alien Tango

by Gini Koch

  The rest of our team arrived. “Um, girlfriend? What the hell are you doing?” Reader sounded mildly freaked.

  “Making Serene go psycho so Jeff can track her. She’s been kidnapped by the Club 51 Goon Squad.”

  “She’s not enjoying it,” Brian added, sounding disappointed and somewhat insulted.

  “Jeff going to believe that?” Reader asked.

  “Sure,” Michael chimed in. “She’s making out with Bri, not me. Now, if she were making out with me, Jeff’d have a reason to worry.”

  “Everyone’s a comedian. You think we can stop now? Could she really continue to buy that we’re in a love clinch with the rest of you around?”

  “Kitty, she’s a psycho,” Jerry said. “I think she could believe it if you were in the middle of O’Hare.”

  Probably true. Brian and I continued to cuddle. I found myself bored. Maybe it was just that he was a human, and I was already aware of the benefits of A-C stamina. More likely, of course, was the fact that I wasn’t remotely interested, let alone in love with him.

  My phone rang. Martini must have put it back into my purse when I was unconscious. Dug through, happily, it was him. “Jeff, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, baby, we’re fine. We have Serene, but her kidnappers got away.” He sounded pissed. “You can stop fondling Brian now.”

  “Gladly.” I pulled away and went over to Reader. “How’s her mental state?”

  “Oh, beyond great.” His sarcasm was on high. “Just this side of frothing at the mouth.”

  “How are you handling her?”

  “Roughly, because we’ve had no choice. Christopher said to tell you that she’s not quite as bad as the alligator, though.”

  “Can you get back to us?”

  “Not using hyperspeed. We got to her just in time. A couple more miles and she’d have been too far for us to catch her on foot.”

  “Where are you, we’ll come get you.”

  “Find a vehicle. Seriously.” He sounded tired, and I could hear him panting a bit, though he was trying to hide it.

  “Jeff, do you need adrenaline?” I tried to keep my voice from rising, but I failed if Reader putting his arm around me was any indication.

  “Probably not any time soon.” He couldn’t even lie on the phone.

  “Okay, look where are you? How do we find you?” I was moving to hysterical, I could feel it.

  Gower took the phone out of my hand. “Where are you, exactly? Uh-huh, right. Okay, Kitty and I’ll be there.” He hung up, handed me my phone, Reader let go of me, Gower grabbed me, and we were off.

  Not at full speed, I assumed because Gower didn’t want me to pass out. We whizzed around more things that were completely unfamiliar. I wasn’t even trying to look. I was trying to stay calm.

  We stopped in an area that looked like wetlands. The others were a few feet away from us. “Make it fast,” Gower said. “I’m pretty sure we have alligators about.”

  “Fabulous.”

  Martini was on his knees, hands on his thighs, looking as though he’d run a marathon. Christopher was struggling with Serene—there was nothing he could do to help because she was nuts. “Serene, cut the crap, you moron,” I snapped as I ran to Martini. “You really think I want Brian when I have Jeff? We were doing it because you’re just stupid enough to fall for it, and that way Jeff and Christopher could save your life.”

  “You lied to me!” she screamed. “You tricked me!”

  “ACE! I need help here! I don’t know what you can or can’t do, but she’s super powerful and she’s totally nuts. She’s a threat, but most of it’s not her fault. Is there anything you can do?”

  “Yes, Kitty,” Gower said in his ACE-voice. “Will help Christopher.”

  I laid Martini on the ground. “Baby, this is gonna suck.” I ripped his shirt open.

  “Just tell me . . . you didn’t like it with him.” He was gasping.

  I dug out the harpoon and filled it. “Didn’t like it. Didn’t dislike it. It was work, part of the job. It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t titillating. It was boring.” I did what I always did, leaned down, kissed his forehead. “I love you, Jeff.”

  Then I plunged the harpoon into his hearts, and he bellowed in agony.

  CHAPTER 56

  JUST AS AT THE SPACE CENTER, I had to fling myself on top of him to try to keep him somewhat still. I managed to get the harpoon put away and put my whole body on him. I was crying, I couldn’t help it. He was out of his mind again, and I’d had to stab him twice in less than twenty-four hours. This was dangerous for him and horrible for me. And Christopher and Gower had to deal with Serene, so I had no help at all.

  Martini was thrashing wildly, worse than when he’d been injured. He flipped us, and my head slammed into the ground. He reared back, and I managed to roll out of the way of his fist. His eyes were wild.

  “Jeff . . . Jeff, it’s me, it’s Kitty. Stop.”

  He grabbed me, and I could tell he didn’t know who I was. He was roaring, and he started to shake me. He could kill me like this—he was strong enough to do it normally, and the adrenaline made him even stronger. I tried to fight him, but I couldn’t do it. I was still crying, but now it was from fear.

  “Jeff ... please.” I heard something, something not human. Gower had said there were alligators nearby. “Jeff, something’s going to kill us. There’s a ’gator coming!” I was freaked and terrified, and I couldn’t get free from him.

  An image appeared, close to my head. It was floating, but it looked sort of like a warped devil. Martini spotted it and let go of me to try to grab it. He rolled off, still thrashing and bellowing, now hitting air.

  I managed to drag myself to my hands and knees. Christopher and Gower seemed to have Serene under control. But there was something out there, and Martini was fighting a figment of, I had to guess, Christopher’s making. I staggered to my feet and went to him. I could feel the animal watching us, and all I wanted to do was run.

  Martini was still going strong. I waited until he was on his stomach, then I dropped onto his back and wrapped an arm around his neck. He flipped again, but I had my head tucked this time. He was heavy, but I wrapped my legs around him and squeezed. I’d learned how to ground fight, and I’d also been taught that I wanted my opponent unconscious. My arm tightened on his throat.

  “Jeff, please, please come back.” He was struggling still, but maybe a little less. I didn’t relax my legs or my armlock around his neck. “Baby, please come back. I’m so scared.”

  His thrashing was slowing. “K-Kitty?” He sounded borderline out of it still.

  “Yes, it’s me.” I was still crying.

  “Why are you strangling me?” He was confused and hurt, and it took time for him to remember what had happened.

  “You’re trying to kill her,” Christopher snarled. “She’s a little upset, therefore. Jeff, get it together. We’re surrounded by hostiles.”

  I could feel him force himself to calm down. “Who’s around us?”

  “Alligators.” I tried not to let my voice shake, but I couldn’t. I also didn’t let go.

  “Kitty, you can stop now.”

  His hearts were still pounding like mad. “I don’t think so.”

  He looked around. “Well, yeah, hold on, but stop strangling me.” He flipped to his hands and knees and stood up, all in about the blink of an eye. “Stay on my back.”

  “I need my purse.”

  Martini managed a strangled laugh. “Right.” He bent, grabbed it, and handed it to me. “You’re right, they’re all around us.”

  “I want to go home.”

  “Me too, baby.” He edged to Christopher and the others. “Thanks. How’s Serene?”

  “ACE knocked her out humanely. I was just going to punch her.” Christopher sounded pissed. “You almost killed Kitty, Jeff. Twice.”

  “Thanks, I need a guilt trip right now. Paul, you out of juice?”

  “Yeah, so’s Christopher.”

  “Jeff, you ca
n’t go to hyperspeed now. It’ll kill you. I can’t give you more adrenaline so soon.” My voice was heading to the dog-only register.

  “Okay, baby, it’s okay.”

  I was still crying. “No, it’s not. They’re going to eat us.” I’d stopped strangling him, but my arms were still wrapped around his neck.

  He took my hands in one of his. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

  “Hope you have some ideas,” Christopher snapped. “Unless I’m hallucinating, I think those things closing in on us have other ideas.”

  “ACE? Can you put a shield around us?”

  “Yes, Kitty.”

  I saw a shimmer, and we all started to float. “Okay, Paul, apparently we need to have a sit-down so I can explain that, since you now share mental floor space with the most powerful consciousness in the galaxy, it’s probably okay to personally ask for an assist now and then.”

  The ’gators saw their tasty treats start to get away, and they rushed us.

  “Kitty, stop screaming.”

  “I always scream in terror when things are trying to kill me, Christopher, it’s my thing.” One snapped at Martini’s feet, and I shrieked. Its snout hit the shield and it bounced away.

  “Baby, I need the eardrums. It’s a shield that stopped bullets when it was activated before. I think ACE can stop a couple of ’gators.” There were at least a dozen of them. I chose not to point this out.

  “How long can ACE keep us protected?”

  “How long do we need?” Gower asked. He sounded strained.

  “Paul, is ACE drawing on your power to do this?”

  “I think so, at least somewhat.” He was definitely gasping, just a little, but much more than he’d been before ACE had started shielding us.

  “So, not much more time.” I dug into my purse, pulled out my phone and dialed, thanking God the A-Cs put massive extended-life batteries in these things.

  Reader answered on the second ring. “Where the hell are you, girlfriend?”

  “Up to our asses in alligators. I know that’s considered a folksy little saying, but I mean it literally right now.”

  “Not a great help.”

  “I’ve never been here before! Wetlands. Alligators. Scary. It’s all I’ve got for you.”

  “Tell James to follow the main road that leads into the wetlands,” Martini said. “The gate’s open, we’re past the parking area, but not too far off it. A car should be able to drive off-road in this area.”

  I repeated Martini’s directions. “Please tell me you have a vehicle.”

  “Um . . . yeah. We do.” Reader sounded underwhelmed.

  “What’s wrong with it? It’s not some horse cart is it?”

  “No . . . not like that.”

  “James, we’re in trouble. What the hell are you in?”

  “A nineteen-seventy-five Volkswagen Super Beetle.”

  I let that one settle into my mind for a moment. “All of you?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Who besides you?”

  “Lorraine, so we’d have medical.”

  “That should leave room for . . . Jeff, only, in the back.” Good lord, we were going to die.

  “No, it’s a convertible. And in mint condition. Plus, we can shove Serene into the hood, since the engine’s in the back.”

  “Oh, well, that makes all the difference.” I looked at the others. “We’re going to die. Just thought I’d share.”

  “We’ll be fine,” Martini said reassuringly.

  No sooner were the words out of his mouth than I saw two snouts, one in particular, I recognized. “Oh, really? ’Cause I would swear that Gigantagator and Alliflash have spotted that some of the people they hate most in the world are here, just waiting to give them a second chance at a feeding frenzy.”

  No sooner were these words out of my mouth than the shield disappeared. Martini and Christopher each managed to grab Gower, who wasn’t unconscious but was pretty close.

  I went back to the phone. “James? I just want to say that it’s been a pleasure, and I really hope you find more friends and a new boyfriend soon. Try not to mourn us past five years.”

  Then Alliflash ran toward us, and I was too busy screaming to chat any more.

  CHAPTER 57

  I’D EXPERIENCED SOME SHOCKING THINGS in my life, most of which had happened in the last five months. Aliens being real, totally gorgeous, and God’s gift to sex. Lots of life on other planets out there, much of it unfriendly. Parasitic superbeings that wanted to kill people. My mother being the head of antiterrorism and a former member of the Mossad. My father being a cryptologist for NASA’s ET Division. Every single event of the past twenty-four hours. But nothing had prepared me for what happened next.

  Alliflash was in front of us, one snap away from making Martini have to dress up as a pirate every Halloween, when it spun around and started hissing at the other alligators.

  Gigantagator did the same thing: got right up to where it was in position to have a Christopher-snack, then spun and did the same, only louder.

  “Back up, slowly,” Gower said.

  We all did, Martini and Christopher still holding Gower up. Alliflash and Gigantagator were snapping, but not at us. Alliflash started to trot around us in a circle—it moved as we did, hissing and snapping at the ’gators surrounding us. Gigantagator rushed some of them and drove them back, moved nearer to us, and did the same thing in another direction.

  “What’s going on?” I asked in a stage whisper.

  “No idea,” Martini said in the same voice. “Just don’t mess up whatever it is, and we’ll be fine.”

  I realized I still had my phone in my hand and hadn’t hung up. I could hear Reader yelling. “Yes? Sorry, what?”

  “Are you all still alive?”

  “Amazingly, yes. I don’t know how, but we are. Not sure for how long.”

  “I think we’re close. Let me know if you see headlights.” I forced myself to look over my shoulder. Got to see Gigantagator chase off all the alligators that were behind us. Also spotted a couple of pinpoints of light. “Yeah, I see something that could be an ancient VW without enough room for all of us in the distance.”

  “Did I hear that right?” Martini asked.

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Girlfriend, stop complaining. At least it’s motorized.”

  “James, we’re going to draw lots for who gets to be ’gator chow. I’m not seeing the upside yet.” I was, instead, seeing Alliflash racing around hissing and snapping, ensuring that the few alligators behind us that Gigantagator hadn’t spooked would take the serious hint. The lights were getting brighter.

  In a minute or so I could hear the car. It sounded like it was going all out. Its all out didn’t sound like much over forty miles per hour. I knew Alliflash was faster, and I suspected Gigantagator was as well. Not to mention all their friends and relations.

  “Is that our ride?” Christopher asked, sounding mildly horrified.

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “He’s really in a VW? That wasn’t a joke?” Christopher sounded more horrified.

  “It’s apparently vintage, in mint condition, and a convertible. It’s also a Beetle, so, um, I want to say I think I have the most to live for. Ability to bear children and all that.”

  “We’ll be fine.” Martini seemed to have attached to this phrase. It dawned on me that he was as scared as I was, but he was both male and the highest-ranking individual here, and so he was doing what he was trained to—pretend to be calm, cool, and collected. I felt a rush of possessive pride. He really was the most awesome man I’d ever known, even beyond my dad and my Uncle Mort.

  The screech of slow-moving tires hit our ears, and we all turned to look. Sure enough, a convertible Beetle skidded to a less than impressive sideways stop just outside Alliflash’s circle.

  “Oh, look. ‘Herbie the Love Bug’ is here to save us.” I hung up the phone and dropped it back into my purse.

  “Hilarious,” R
eader shouted. “Get in!”

  “Where?” Martini and Christopher asked in unison.

  “Toss Serene into the trunk in front.”

  “You’re kidding.” Christopher sounded appalled. “I mean, I wanted to punch her, but that’s kind of carrying it too far.”

  “She’s small enough, she can fit, and she’s unconscious. Or we can drop her here. Your choice.”

  “Everyone move toward the car together,” Martini said. “See if we lose the alligator perimeter or not.”

  The men inched over and the ’gators inched with us.

  “A little faster would be good,” Reader shouted. “There’s a bunch of them on the other side of the car.”

  No sooner out of his mouth than Alliflash expanded its circle, and Gigantagator did a rush where I couldn’t see it. We moved faster. Reader popped the hood, and Christopher dumped Serene in and carefully closed it.

  “I can’t believe she fits and we’re doing this,” he snapped.

  “Oh, shut up. We need to get Paul into the car. Not to mention the rest of us.”

  “How?” Martini asked. “I mean, really, how? There’s no room. Tell you what, you get in, James gets you out of here, the three of us manage. Somehow.”

  “The hell with that.” I studied the car. The advantage I had over all of them, Reader included, was that I’d actually hung with people who owned cars smaller than this one. “Okay, Lorraine, sort of climb onto James for a minute.”

  “Okay.” She did, with a lot of cursing on both their parts.

  “Put Paul in the passenger seat, then Lorraine, you sit on his lap.”

  Done, with more cursing, though Gower was able to move a bit better.

  “Jeff, put me down.”

  “No. Not just no, hell no.”

  Couldn’t imagine why he said that. “Okay, put me on the hood.”

  “Why?”

  “Just do it!” He backed to the car, and I dropped down. I grabbed the windshield, just in case. “Great.” I looked at him and Christopher. “Jeez, guys, get into the back!” You wouldn’t have thought I’d need to tell them.