The Complete Works of O. Henry

by O. Henry

  Pettit wrote many stories, which the editors re- turned to him. He wrote love stories, a thing I have always kept free from, holding the belief that the well-known and popular sentiment is not properly a matter for publication, but something to be privately handled by the alienists and florists. But the editors had told him that they wanted love stories, because they said the women read them.

  Now, the editors are wrong about that, of course. Women do not read the love stories in the magazines. They read the poker-game stories and the recipes for cucumber lotion. The love stories are read by fat cigar drummers and little ten-year-old girls. I am not criticising the judgment of editors. They are mostly very fine men, but a man can be but one man, with individual opinions and tastes. I knew two associate editors of a magazine who were won- derfully alike in almost everything. And yet one of them was very fond of Flaubert, while the other preferred gin.

  Pettit brought me his returned manuscripts, and we looked them over together to find out why they were not accepted. They seemed to me pretty fair stories, written in a good style, and ended, as they should, at the bottom of the last page.

  They were well constructed and the events were marshalled in orderly and logical sequence. But I thought I detected a lack of living substance -- it was much as if I gazed at a symmetrical array of presentable clamshells from which the succulent and vital inhabitants had been removed. I intimated that the author might do well to get better acquainted with his theme.

  "You sold a story last week," said Pettit, "about a gun fight in an Arizona mining town in which the hero drew his Colt's .45 and shot seven bandits as fast as they came in the door. Now, if a six-shooter could -- "

  "Oh, well," said I, "that's different. Arizona is a long way from New York. I could have a man stabbed with a lariat or chased by a pair of chap- arreras if I wanted to, and it wouldn't be noticed until the usual error-sharp from around McAdams Junction isolates the erratum and writes in to the pa- pers about it. But you are up against another proposition. This thing they call love is as common around New York as it is in Sheboygan during the young onion season. It may be mixed here with a little commercialism -- they read Byron, but they look up Bradstreet's, too, while they're among the B's, and Brigham also if they have time -- but it's pretty much the same old internal disturbance every- where. You can fool an editor with a fake picture of a cowboy mounting a pony with his left hand on the saddle horn, but you can't put him up a tree with a love story. So, you've got to fall in love and then write the real thing."

  Pettit did. I never knew whether he was taking my advice or whether be fell an accidental victim.

  There was a girl be had met at one of these studio contrivances - a glorious, impudent, lucid, open- minded girl with hair the color of Culmbacher, and a good-natured way of despising you. She was a New York girl.

  Well (as the narrative style permits us to say in- frequently), Pettit went to pieces. All those pains, those lover's doubts, those heart-burnings and tremors of which be had written so unconvincingly were his. Talk about Shylock's pound of flesh! Twenty-five pounds Cupid got from Pettit. Which is the usurer?

  One night Pettit came to my room exalted. Pale and haggard but exalted. She had given him a jonquil.

  "Old Hoss," said he, with a new smile flickering around his mouth, "I believe I could write that story to-night -- the one, you know, that is to win out.

  "I can feel it. I don't know whether it will come out or not, but I can feel it." I pushed him out of my door. "Go to your room and write it," I ordered. "Else I can see your fin- ish. I told you this must come first. Write it to- night and put it under my door when it is done. Put it under my door to-night when it is finished -- don't keep it until to-morrow."

  I was reading my bully old pal Montaigne at two o'clock when I beard the sheets rustle under my door. I gathered them up and read the story.

  The hissing of geese, the languishing cooing of doves, the braying of donkeys, the chatter of irre- sponsible sparrows - these were in my mind's ear as I read. "Suffering Sappho!" I exclaimed to myself. "Is this the divine fire that is supposed to ignite genius and make it practicable and wage-earning?"

  The story was sentimental drivel, full of whim- pering softheartedness and gushing egoism. All the art that Pettit had acquired was gone. A pe- rusal of its buttery phrases would have made a cynic of a sighing chambermaid.

  In the morning Pettit came to my room. I read him his doom mercilessly. He laughed idiotically.

  "All right, Old Hoss," he said, cheerily, "make cigar-lighters of it. What's the difference? I'm going to take her to lunch at Claremont to-day."

  There was about a month of it. And then Pettit came to me bearing an invisible mitten, with the forti- tude of a dish-rag. He talked of the grave and South America and prussic acid; and I lost an after- noon getting him straight. I took him out and saw that large and curative doses of whiskey were ad- ministered to him. I warned you this was a true story -- 'ware your white ribbons if only follow this tale. For two weeks I fed him whiskey and Omar, and read to him regularly every evening the column in the evening paper that reveals the secrets of fe- male beauty. I recommend the treatment.

  After Pettit was cured be wrote more stories. He recovered his old-time facility and did work just short of good enough. Then the curtain rose on the third act.

  A little, dark-eyed, silent girl from New Hamp- shire, who was studying applied design, fell deeply in love with him. She was the intense sort, but ex- ternally glace, such as New England sometimes fools us with. Pettit liked her mildly, and took her about a good deal. She worshipped him, and now and then ignored him.

  There came a climax when she tried to jump out of a window, and he had to save her by some perfunc- tary, unmeant wooing. Even I was shaken by the depths of the absorbing affection she showed. Home, friends, traditions, creeds went up like thistle-down in the scale against her love. It was really discom- posing.

  One night again Pettit sauntered in, yawning. As he had told me before, he said he felt that he could do a great story, and as before I hunted him to his room and saw him open his inkstand. At one o'clock the sheets of paper slid under my door.

  I read that story, and I jumped up, late as it was, with a whoop of joy. Old Pettit had done it. Just as though it lay there, red and bleeding, a woman's heart was written into the lines. You couldn't see the joining, but art, exquisite art, and pulsing na- ture had been combined into a love story that took you by the throat like the quinsy. I broke into Pettit's room and beat him on the back and called him name -- names high up in the galaxy of the im- mortals that we admired. And Pettit yawned and begged to be allowed to sleep.

  On the morrow, I dragged him to an editor. The great man read, and, rising, gave Pettit his hand. That was a decoration, a wreath of bay, and a guar- antee of rent.

  And then old Pettit smiled slowly. I call him Gen- tleman Pettit now to myself. It's a miserable name to give a man, but it sounds better than it looks in print.

  "I see," said old Pettit, as he took up his story and began tearing it into small strips. "I see the game now. You can't write with ink, and you can't write with your own heart's blood, but you can write with the heart's blood of some one else. You have to be a cad before you can be an artist. Well, I am for old Alabam and the Major's store. Have you got a light, Old Hoss?"

  I went with Pettit to the depot and died hard.

  "Shakespeare's sonnets?" I blurted, making a last stand. "How about him?"

  "A cad," said Pettit. "They give it to you, and you sell it -- love, you know. I'd rather sell ploughs for father."

  "But," I protested, " you are reversing the de- cision of the world's greatest -- "

  "Good-by, Old Hoss," said Pettit.

  "Critics," I continued. " But -- say -- if the Major can use a fairly good salesman and book- keeper down there in the store, let me know, will you?"

  NEMESIS AND THE CANDY MAN

  "We sail at eight in the morning on the Celtic," said Honoria, plucking
a loose thread from her lace sleeve.

  "I heard so," said young Ives, dropping his hat, and muffing it as he tried to catch it, "and I came around to wish you a pleasant voyage."

  "Of course you heard it," said Honoria, coldly sweet, "since we have had no opportunity of inform- ing you ourselves."

  Ives looked at her pleadingly, but with little hope.

  Outside in the street a high-pitched voice chanted, not unmusically, a commercial gamut of "Cand-de-ee-ee-s! Nice, fresh cand-ee-ee-ee-ees!d

  "It's our old candy man," said Honoria, leaning out the window and beckoning. "I want some of his motto kisses. There's nothing in the Broadway shops half so good."

  The candy man stopped his pushcart in front of the old Madison Avenue home. He had a holiday and festival air unusual to street peddlers. His tie was new and bright red, and a horseshoe pin, almost life-size, glittered speciously from its folds. His brown, thin face was crinkled into a semi-foolish smile. Striped cuffs with dog-head buttons covered the tan on his wrists.

  "I do believe he's going to get married," said Honoria, pityingly. "I never saw him taken that way before. And to-day is the first time in months that he has cried his wares, I am sure."

  Ives threw a coin to the sidewalk. The candy man knows his customers. He filled a paper bag, climbed the old-fashioned stoop and banded it in. "I remember -- " said Ives.

  "Wait," said Honoria.

  She took a small portfolio from the drawer of a writing desk and from the portfolio a slip of flimsy paper one-quarter of an inch by two inches in size.

  "This," said Honoria, inflexibly, "was wrapped about the first one we opened."

  "It was a year ago," apologized Ives, as he held out his hand for it,

  "As long as skies above are blue

  To you, my love, I will be true."

  This he read from the slip of flimsy paper.

  "We were to have sailed a fortnight ago," said Honoria, gossipingly. "It has been such a warm summer. The town is quite deserted. There is no- where to go. Yet I am told that one or two of the roof gardens are amusing. The, singing -- and the dancing -- on one or two seem to have met with ap- proval."

  Ives did not wince. When you are in the ring you are not surprised when your adversary taps you on the ribs.

  "I followed the candy man that time," said Ives, irrelevantly, "and gave him five dollars at the corner of Broadway."

  He reached for the paper bag in Honoria's lap, took out one of the square, wrapped confections and slowly unrolled it.

  Sara Chillingworth's father," said Honoria, "has given her an automobile."

  "Read that," said Ives, handing over the slip that had been wrapped around the square of candy.

  "Life teaches us -- how to live,

  Love teaches us -- to forgive."

  Honoria's checks turned pink. "Honoria!" cried Ives, starting up from his chair.

  "Miss Clinton," corrected Honoria, rising like Venus from the head on the surf. "I warned you not to speak that name again."'

  "Honoria," repeated Ives, "you must bear me. I know I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I must have it. There is a madness that possesses one some- times for which his better nature is not responsible. I throw everything else but you to the winds. I strike off the chains that have bound me. I re- nounce the siren that lured me from you. Let the bought verse of that street peddler plead for me. It is you only whom I can love. Let your love forgive, and I swear to you that mine will be true 'as long as skies above are blue.'

  On the west side, between Sixth and Seventh Ave- nues, an alley cuts the block in the middle. It per- ishes in a little court in the centre of the block. The district is theatrical; the inhabitants, the bubbling froth of half a dozen nations. The atmosphere is Bohemian, the language polyglot, the locality pre- carious.

  In the court at the rear of the alley lived the candy man. At seven o'clock be pushed his cart into the narrow entrance, rested it upon the irregular stone slats and sat upon one of the handles to cool himself. There was a great draught of cool wind through the alley.

  There was a window above the spot where be al- ways stopped his pushcart. In the cool of the after- noon, Mlle. Adele, drawing card of the Aerial Roof Garden, sat at the window and took the air. Gen- erally her ponderous mass of dark auburn hair was down, that the breeze might have the felicity of aid- ing Sidonie, the maid, in drying and airing it. About her shoulders -- the point of her that the pho- tographers always made the most of -- was loosely draped a heliotrope scarf. Her arms to the elbow were bare -- there were no sculptors there to rave over them -- but even the stolid bricks in the walls of the alley should not have been so insensate as to disapprove. While she sat thus Fe1ice, another maid, anointed and bathed the small feet that twinkled and so charmed the nightly Aerial audiences.

  Gradually Mademoiselle began to notice the candy man stopping to mop his brow and cool himself be- neath her window. In the hands of her maids she was deprived for the time of her vocation -- the charming and binding to her chariot of man. To lose time was displeasing to Mademoiselle. Here was the candy man - no fit game for her darts, truly -- but of the sex upon which she had been born to make war.

  After casting upon him looks of unseeing coldness for a dozen times, one afternoon she suddenly thawed and poured down upon him a smile that put to shame the sweets upon his cart.

  "Candy man," she said, cooingly, while Sidonie followed her impulsive dive, brushing the heavy auburn hair, "don't you think I am beautiful?

  The candy man laughed harshly, and looked up, with his thin jaw set, while he wiped his forehead with a red-and-blue handkerchief

  "Yer'd make a dandy magazine cover," he said, grudgingly. "Beautiful or not is for them that cares. It's not my line. If yer lookin' for bou- quets apply elsewhere between nine and twelve. I think we'll have rain."

  Truly, fascinating a candy man is like killing rab- bits in a deep snow; but the hunter's blood is widely diffused. Mademoiselle tugged a great coil of hair from Sidonie's bands and let it fall out the window.

  "Candy man, have you a sweetheart anywhere with hair as long and soft as that? And with an arm so round? " She flexed an arm like Galatea's after the miracle across the window-sill.

  The candy man cackled shrilly as he arranged a stock of butter-scotch that had tumbled down.

  "Smoke up!" said he, vulgarly. "Nothin' doin' in the complimentary line. I'm too wise to be bam- boozled by a switch of hair and a newly massaged arm. Oh, I guess you'll make good in the calcium, all right, with plenty of powder and paint on and the orchestra playing "Under the Old Apple Tree." But don't put on your hat and chase downstairs to fly to the Little Church Around the Corner with me. I've been up against peroxide and make-up boxes be- fore. Say, all joking aside -- don't you think we'll have rain?"

  "Candy man," said Mademoiselle softly, with her lips curving and her chin dimpling, "don't you think I'm pretty?"

  The candy man grinned. "Savin' money, ain't yer? " said be, "by bein' yer own press agent. I smoke, but I haven't seen yer mug on any of the five-cent cigar boxes. It'd take a new brand of woman to get me goin', anyway. I know 'em from sidecombs to shoelaces. Gimme a good day's sales and steak-and-onions at seven and a pipe and an evenin' paper back there in the court, and I'll not trouble Lillian Russell herself to wink at me, if you please."

  Mademoiselle pouted.

  "Candy man," she said, softly and deeply, "yet you shall say that I am beautiful. All men say so and so shall you."

  The candy man laughed and pulled out his pipe.

  "Well," said be, "I must be goin' in. There is a story in the evenin' paper that I am readin'. Men are divin' in the seas for a treasure, and pirates are watchin' them from behind a reef. And there ain't a woman on land or water or in the air. Good- evenin'." And he trundled his pushcart down the alley and back to the musty court where he lived.

  Incredibly to him who has not learned woman, Mademoiselle sat at the window each day and spread her nets for the ignominious game. Once
she kept a grand cavalier waiting in her reception chamber for half an hour while she battered in vain the candy man's tough philosophy. His rough laugh chafed her vanity to its core. Daily he sat on his cart in the breeze of the alley while her hair was being ministered to, and daily the shafts of her beauty rebounded from his dull bosom pointless and ineffectual. Un- worthy pique brightened her eyes. Pride-hurt she glowed upon him in a way that would have sent her higher adorers into an egoistic paradise. The candy man's hard eyes looked upon her with a half-con- cealed derision that urged her to the use of the sharp- est arrow in her beauty's quiver.