A Whirlwind Engagement

by Jessica Hart

  'Then why hasn't he rung?'

  'Perhaps he's having problems getting rid of Aisling. You were the one who told us you thought he needed to be clear that relationship was over, so he probably feels that he has to sort that out and then he'll be round here like a shot!'

  But Josh didn't come round. He didn't come round, and he didn't ring. He didn't email. He didn't even send a text.

  Bella spent four days checking the phone to see if she had missed a call, although that wasn't likely as she took her mobile everywhere. Of course, his phone might not be working, she reasoned desperately, but then he could use the phone at work, couldn't he? Ditto computers. What were the chances that his laptop and his entire company network would crash at the same time? There had even been time for him to write her a letter and put it in the post!

  'Do you think he might be ill?' she asked Phoebe on Friday morning.

  'No,' said Phoebe patiently. 'I think he's waiting to hear from you. From what you told me about the way you were on the flight home, I think he's probably sitting there thinking that you don't even want to be friends any more.'

  'Or he's too happy with Aisling to even think about me,' said Bella glumly.

  'Well, you won't know until you talk to him, will you? Don't be silly, Bella,' said Phoebe sternly. 'Just ring him!'

  In the end, Bella sent an email which took her ages to compose. She didn't want him to think that she had been pining, but she had to see him. So she pretended that she had been terribly busy and apologised for not being in touch sooner. Since she knew perfectly well that Josh hadn't even tried to be in touch with her, he wasn't to know that her inbox hadn't been jammed with messages and her phone permanently engaged, was he?

  'What about a drink sometime?' she finished in what she hoped was a suitably casual way that would give him no indication of the degree of her desperation. Surely that sounded just like someone whose only concern was to pick up their friendship exactly where it had been before they had spoilt everything by sleeping together?

  As soon as she had sent it Bella agonised about whether she had put it the right way. Every five minutes she checked her inbox to see if Josh had replied yet, and when his name finally popped up in bold, her heart lurched hammering into her throat.

  God, she was in a bad way, she thought. It ought to take more than the sight of his name to reduce her to this state, but her hand shook on the mouse as she clicked to open the message.

  'Doing anything this evening?' it read.

  'Nothing special,' Bella typed quickly in reply. Apart from loving you and needing you and wanting you. 'Why don't you come round? We can have a bottle of wine and a chat. It'll be like old times!'

  There, that didn't sound too intense, did it?

  Josh's reply came back a few minutes later. Bella clicked eagerly. Perhaps he would say how much he was looking forward to seeing her, how much he had missed her even? Anything to give her some indication of what he felt.

  She should have known better.

  'OK,' said the message.

  Bella was a terrible rambler when she got going, but Josh had succinct emails down to a fine art. They were always restrained, polite and to the point. Like him, really.

  She was absurdly nervous before he arrived that evening, and dithered about the house wondering what to wear, how to look, how to be. It had never been a problem when she wanted to impress a man before. Kate had always said that she should have a Ph.D. in flirting, but she couldn't imagine flirting with Josh. She couldn't make play with her eyelashes or cross her legs or smile seductively at him. He would just ask her why she was fidgeting.

  The peal of the doorbell broke into her thoughts, and Bella's heart jerked wildly. She had to take several deep breaths before she could even open the door, and when she did all the air evaporated from her lungs all over again at the sight of him standing there.

  'Hi.' Her voice came out as a squeak, and Josh looked faintly surprised. Not a good start. Bella coughed. 'Sorry, frog in my throat,' she mumbled. She stood back. 'Come in.'

  He was looking exactly the same as ever, she thought with a mixture of joy and despair. Joy because the mere sight of him now was enough to make her senses tingle and send happiness rushing along her veins. Despair because she could see no sign that she had the same effect on him. There was no outward indication that Josh had missed her at all, or that this evening was any different from all the other evenings when he had dropped round to see her as a friend.

  He did look a little tired, though, Bella thought, studying him covertly as she got out a bottle of wine, but there could be lots of reasons for that. He wasn't drawn and puffy-eyed from crying himself to sleep every night like her, that was for sure.

  'Have you been busy?' she asked as she rummaged for a corkscrew.

  'Chaotic' Josh sat down on one of the shabby sofas at the end of the kitchen. 'C.B.C. contacted us the day after we got back. They gave us that contract.'

  'Really?' Bella looked up from the corkscrew in surprise. 'In spite of Bryn?'

  'It turns out that the man who really makes the decisions at C.B.C. was on that boat trip as well,' said Josh. 'He was the short guy who helped us move the boat round the island. Anyway, he seemed to think that we were what their organisation needed.'

  'Josh, that's fantastic news!' Bella was genuinely pleased for him. He had only set up his company a couple of years ago and she knew how much he needed a big contract like the one they had just won from C.B.C. to make it secure.

  'He was very taken with you,' said Josh. 'He went on and on about how charming you were. I suspect you might have done more than the rest of us to get us the contract.'

  'I'm sure that's not true.'

  Bella poured the wine and carried the glasses over to the sofa. Handing one to Josh, she sat cross-legged at the other end of the sofa, where there was no danger of touching him, and leant forward to chink glasses.

  'Thank you anyway,' he said.

  There was a pause. For a man who had just secured his company's future, Josh seemed ill at ease. 'So, how have you been?' he asked after a moment.

  'Fine. And you?'

  'Yes, fine.'

  Talk about stilted conversation, thought Bella despairingly. Anyone would think they were on a blind date.

  'I wasn't sure if you would be coming on your own or not,' she tried again brightly. 'Where's Aisling tonight?'

  'Aisling?' echoed Josh, as if puzzled by the question. 'I've no idea.'

  The icy claws that had been clamped around Bella's heart since that awful taxi ride back from Heathrow eased their grip for the first time. Cautiously, it was true, but definitely eased it. 'So you're not…?'

  'Not what?'

  'Not together again?'

  'No.' Josh sounded almost cross.

  'I'm sorry,' she said, afraid that she had touched on a sore point.

  'Why?'

  Bella was flustered by the direct question. 'Of course I'm sorry if you're unhappy.'

  'I'm not unhappy,' snapped Josh, and drank his wine morosely. 'Not about Aisling, anyway,' he added as an afterthought.

  It was so unlike him to snap that Bella wasn't quite sure how to react. She eyed him a little uncertainly. 'Well, if it's not Aisling,' she said cautiously, 'what is it that's making you unhappy?'

  Josh hesitated.

  'You can tell me, can't you?' Bella persevered. 'A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. That's what friends are for, isn't it?

  'That's the trouble,' said Josh, putting down his glass with a sharp click. 'I don't think I can be friends with you any more.'

  He said it so seriously that for a moment Bella could only stare at him. Surely he didn't mean it? 'You can't just stop being friends, Josh,' she said in a voice that wavered in spite of herself.

  Josh looked bleakly back at her. 'I just think it would be easiest if I didn't see you any more.'

  'But…why?'

  'Because being friends isn't enough for me any more.' He dropped his head int
o his hands as if unable to look at her stricken face. 'I'm sorry, Bella,' he said. 'I just can't do it. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you but I don't think I can stand it any longer. We should never have slept together that night,' he went on, not stopping to see her reaction. 'It's ruined everything. I knew it would. I knew we wouldn't be able to go back to the way we were before, and we can't, or at least, I can't. It was OK when I could just think of you as a dear friend, and I'm going to miss you more than I can say, but I'm too in love with you to be friends now, and I don't know how I'm going to bear not seeing you.'

  The words were pouring out of him in a rush. Bella had never heard the self-possessed Josh sound so incoherent, and it took her a few moments to realise what he had said. When she did, she swallowed hard.

  'Josh-'

  But it only came out as a whisper, and Josh was still talking. Now that he had started, he seemed unable to stop.

  'I haven't known what to do,' he was saying in despair. 'I was desperate to see you, but I knew that if I did I would just want to kiss you, and it's no good. I know you want us to stay friends, but I can't. I can't do it, Bella.'

  'Josh-' she tried again.

  'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't want to embarrass you.' He hadn't even heard her. 'God, this is awful, but I have to tell you I love you. I love you,' he said again despairingly. 'I don't think I can manage without you, but I know how you feel about Will, and I know nothing is ever going to be the same again and-'

  'Josh!' Bella had to shout in the end, and he stopped as if she had slapped him in the face. 'Will you please shut up a minute and let me say something?' she asked him.

  He looked cautious. 'Yes.'

  'I am not in love with Will,' she said very clearly. 'I do not want him. I want you.'

  It was Josh's turn to stare. He kept opening and closing his mouth as if he couldn't decide which statement astounded him most. 'What?' was all he managed eventually.

  'I only said that I was in love with Will because you were engaged to Aisling,' she told him. 'I thought it would be awkward if you knew how much I loved you then and it just seemed easier to let you believe that I was miserable about Will, but I wasn't. I was miserable because of you.'

  'Easier?'

  'Well, I didn't know that you loved me, did I?' Bella pointed out, exasperated.

  They faced each other almost irritably until Josh finally registered what she had said.

  'You're in love with me?' he said in disbelief.

  Bella sighed. 'I think I've probably always been in love with you, Josh. It just took me a long time to realise, and when I did, it was too late, or it seemed that way.'

  Josh was still having trouble assimilating what she was telling him. 'You love me?'

  'Yes,' said Bella, going for the simple approach, which was all he seemed capable of understanding. She felt as if a huge smile had started inside her and was spreading out to her fingers and her toes and the ends of her hair and finally her lips. 'Yes, I do.'

  'Bella…' Josh was still staring at her, but suddenly it sank in and he started to laugh. 'Bella,' he said again as he reached across the sofa and pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. 'Do you know how many years I've waited to hear you say that? Fourteen!'

  'You're not going to try and tell me that you were in love with me all that time!'

  'Of course I was! I fell in love with you at first sight,' he told her. 'You know perfectly well that you were gorgeous and irresistible, and you still are,' he said, kissing her again, and Bella wound her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

  'Why didn't you tell me?' she mumbled against his throat.

  'I knew you would never look at me,' said Josh, his hands moving hungrily over her. 'You were way out of my league! So I opted for friendship. I told myself that it was better than nothing, and I got used to the fact that you were going to end up with someone else. I didn't like it when I thought you were serious about Will, but you seemed so keen, there didn't seem much I could do about it.

  'I think that's why I turned to Aisling,' he said. 'I thought she might be like you but the trouble was, she wasn't you. I was so relieved when she broke off the engagement!

  'And you,' he said, pulling her down into the cushions and kissing her, long, deep, desperate kisses, 'you were so sympathetic, which was the last thing I wanted. You kept going on about being a friend and all I wanted was you. That's why I spent so much time with Aisling,' he told her. 'It was the only way I could think of to keep my hands off you!'

  Bella sighed happily. 'For two people who know each other as well as we do, we seem to have got into a right old muddle,' she said. Her arms tightened around him. 'Is there anything else that I should know to avoid any more misunderstandings?'

  'Only that I love you,' said Josh seriously, taking her face between his hands and looking deep into her eyes. 'I love you and I need you, and I want to come home every night and know that you'll be there. What do you think, Bella? Can we be lovers as well as friends?'

  'Yes,' said Bella, pulling his head down so that she could kiss him again. 'We can, and we always will be.'

  'This is all very mysterious!' said Gib, when Bella opened the door. 'All Phoebe will tell me is that we've been summoned to dinner and no excuses will be accepted. What are you girls keeping from me?'

  'I've told you everything I know,' protested Phoebe, standing beside him. 'Tell him, Bella.'

  'It's true. She doesn't know any more than you do. It's a surprise for everyone.' Bella smiled radiantly. 'Come in,' she said. 'Kate and Finn are already here.'

  'Thank goodness you're here!' exclaimed Kate, hugging first Phoebe and then Gib when they went into the kitchen. 'Finn and I are dying of curiosity, aren't we, Finn?'

  'I'm beside myself,' he agreed, deadpan.

  'Well, I am,' said Kate when they all laughed.

  'Me too,' said Gib. 'So come on, Bella! Don't keep us in suspense any longer. What is this big surprise?'

  Bella looked at Josh, who smiled and took her hand. 'Bella and I are getting married,' he announced.

  There was a moment's silence, then the four others burst out laughing.

  'Well, we knew that!'

  'That's not a surprise!' objected Phoebe.

  'I agree,' said Kate. 'We've known for ages. I told Finn weeks ago that you were finally getting your act together.'

  'I thought at the very least you were going to tell us you were having a baby!' said Phoebe.

  'Well, it was a surprise to us!' Bella was inclined to be offended, but Josh was laughing too.

  'It's no good, Bella,' he said. 'That's what comes of having good friends. They know you better than you know yourself!'

  'But we're very, very glad you've come to your senses at last,' said Phoebe, making amends as she hugged them both.

  'And about time,' Kate added, doing a swap. 'We were beginning to wonder if you would ever get round to it!'

  'I think this makes it a hat trick, doesn't it?' said Gib when the champagne had been opened. 'Three mock engagements, three happy endings!'

  Josh put his arm around Bella and kissed her. 'Three happy beginnings,' he said.

  Jessica Hart

  ***

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