Forever We Fall

by Chloe Walsh

  Shaking my head, I inhaled a calming breath before opening the door of my office and stepping inside.

  “So good of you to join us, Kyle,” David immediately commented dryly and I had to force myself not to react. He saved your wife. He saved your wife . . .”Busy morning?”

  “You could say that,” I muttered, walking around my desk to sit.

  “Give him a break,” Mike chuckled, winking at me, as he lounged in one of the chairs on the other side of my desk. “He’s a newlywed.”

  “Ah yes,” David mused. “You’ve accumulated a wife.” Shifting in his chair, he crossed his leg at the knee and clasped his hands together. “Should I offer my felicitations, or would I be overstepping the line you so obviously keep me behind?”

  “Felicitations?” I shook my head and muttered, “Why the fuck do you always have to talk like you’ve swallowed a dictionary.” Tilting my head to one side, I studied the blank expression on David’s face. Fucker would make a great poker player . . .

  “Is that a crime?” he asked wryly.

  “More like a nuisance,” I shot back, fighting down the urge to go head to head with the douchebag. Jesus, I hated these quarterly meetings. “I’ve been to college, too, David,” I added, my jaw straining from the effort it was taking to keep my voice low and calm. “Graduated with honors, top of my class, and I don’t talk like I’m a fucking robot.”

  “Should I take the credit for those brains of yours?” David asked, smirking.

  “You really shouldn’t,” I managed to choke out through clenched teeth.

  “Breeding beats feeding, Kyle,” David mused. “You know, blood is thicker than water. I would like to think you inherited at least some of my attributes.”

  “I don’t think so, David,” I spat. “Blood is overrated. In my experience water is given freely. Blood has a price tag.”

  “Can we get this over with please?” Mike muttered, red-faced. “I’m not in the mood to play referee.”

  “Sorry man,” I told Mike. It wasn’t fair on him to start shit up with his daddy. He’d been a fucking savior these past few months. “Have you got the financial reports for Denver?” I asked, focusing on our father.

  “Of course,” David mused, leaning forward to push a neat folder towards me.

  “Thanks,” I growled. “Did you bring the report on the . . .”

  The office door burst open, halting me mid-sentence, and Lee came thundering in, pushing Hope in her stroller. “Kyle,” she puffed, clasping her side.” I need to talk to . . . oh.” Her cheeks reddened when she realized I had company. “Sorry,” she mumbled, mortified. “I’ll wait for you . . . in the restaurant.”

  “You can stay, baby,” I chuckled, taking in how cute she looked all flustered.

  “No, no,” she conceded as she backed out of my office with Hope. “You guys just . . . do your thing. I’m starving anyways.”

  “I misjudged that girl,” David said quietly as soon as she had closed the door behind her. My head snapped up in confusion. “She’s not who I thought she was,” he added. “She’s a good girl.”

  “Yeah,” I said stiffly. “She is.”

  “Kyle,” David groaned. “Can you please, for one conversation, remove that chip on your shoulder? I am not trying to argue with you,” he added in the most honest tone I’d ever heard him speak. “I’m merely admitting I made an error in judgment. Your wife is special.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “Because she’s got a heart that’s too fucking pure.” Shrugging I added, “She sees the good in the most despicable of people.”

  “Meaning me,” David said flatly.

  I shrugged. “If the shoe fits.”

  “God,” Mike hissed, standing abruptly. “I don’t know which one of you is worse,” he muttered as he stalked over to the door and threw it open. “You’re both as pig-headed as the other.”

  “I helped you, Kyle,” David said in an even tone when Mike had left. “I don’t make a habit of helping many people.”

  “I don’t owe you anything, David,” I retorted. “Consider it child-support for the eighteen years you forgot to pay, and the twelve I spent fucking homeless.”

  “I regret not claiming you,” he admitted. “I made a poor decision.”

  “Ah well,” I sneered. “You never lost sleep over it when I was a kid, so why start now?”

  “Perhaps I’ve grown a conscience?”

  I shrugged. “Look, thank you for what you did for Lee. I appreciate it,” I muttered begrudgingly. It fucking pained me to thank him for anything, but I was grateful he’d been there for Lee when I hadn’t. “I also know you pulled some strings with the DA to get Jimmy put away, so thanks for that, too, but that changes nothing between us.” I exhaled a sharp breath. “I’m not Mike,” I told him. “I’m not the squeaky clean son whose gonna roll over when you want to pat his belly. I’m the fucked up one, with more issues than you could even begin to imagine.”

  “Issues with me?”

  “With the whole damn world,” I chuckled humorlessly. “Don’t try to understand me because you never will.”

  “Fine,” David said softly. “But give me a chance to get to know my granddaughter.”

  “No,” I replied immediately.

  “Come on, Kyle,” he argued with a hit of passion in his voice. “If you won’t give me the chance, then give her the chance. She deserves to know me.”

  “Hey stranger,” Karen’s voice chirped in my ear, startling me from where I’d been day-dreaming over a cup of coffee. “I haven’t seen or heard from you in a while,” she added, sliding into the seat opposite mine. “A little birdie told me you got married in March. Thanks for the invite.”

  “It wasn’t planned,” I blurted out quickly, feeling terrible. “I swear I would have invited you otherwise.”

  “Relax Lee,” she chuckled. “I was joking.” Stroking Hope’s head softly, she grinned at me. “I heard about the trial. How are you holding up?”

  “It’s still all a blur,” I admitted with a small smile. “It’s a pinch-me moment. I guess I’m still getting used to it.” Shrugging, I added, “It will take some time to forget about her.” Impossible now she’s sending more damn letters . . .

  “Yeah,” Karen sighed. “I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through,” she added in a quiet tone before smiling. “So . . . how did the wedding go?”

  “Great,” I breathed, grinning like an idiot. “I still can’t believe it, Karen. We’re married.” I waved my hand in front of her face like an idiot, showing her my plain gold wedding band. “I’ve never felt so . . .” I paused to think of the right word. “So content—so secure in our relationship.”

  “I’m happy for you, Lee,” she said softly, her brown eyes warm and smiling. “You deserve your happy ever after.”

  “So, what about you?” I asked brightly. “How’s Jordan?”

  “Big and bold,” she chuckled before checking her watch. “I’m actually collecting him in a few minutes from daycare. We’re going to the park if you girl’s would like to join us?”

  “I was supposed to wait here for Kyle,” I mumbled, the weight of Rachel’s folded letter in the back pocket of my jeans weighing heavily on my mind.

  Karen’s face dropped and I felt bad immediately. “I’m in,” I blurted out impulsively. “The fresh air will do us the world of good.”

  “It’s so beautiful out here,” Karen mused as we strolled through Chautauqua Park. “The views are something out of this world.”

  “I know,” I replied softly. “I remember when I first moved here I was in awe of this place.” We’d left Hope’s stroller in Karen’s car, and my arms were starting to ache from carrying her.

  “Here,” Karen chuckled, holding her hands out for Hope. “Give your arms a rest.”

  “Thanks,” I sighed as I passed Hope to Karen. “I can’t wait until she’s steadier on her feet. She’s already a third of my size.”

  “T
hat wouldn’t be hard, Lee,” Karen teased as she walked beside me, making faces at Hope. “Kyle’s huge.”

  “Can I hold her?” Jordan asked, tugging on my jeans. “I promise I won’t hurt her, Mrs. Carter.” His green eyes were wide as saucers. “Please?”

  “Why don’t we sit on the grass,” I coaxed, my heart squeezing for the adorable little boy staring up at me. “And you and Hope can play together then.”

  He nodded eagerly and I bit back a chuckle. Hope definitely had a fan in Jordan Valentine. Plopping down on the grass next to Karen, I sighed in contentment as I watched Hope and Jordan play happily.

  “He’s crazy about her.” Karen smiled, pointing to where Jordan was picking daisies out of the grass and handing them to my daughter. “He hasn’t stopped talking about her since they met.”

  “He’s so freaking cute, Karen,” I gushed. “I would’ve loved a little boy.”

  “Why don’t you?” she asked. “You’re a married woman now.” Poking me playfully in the ribs, she leaned back and rested on her elbows. “Now’s a good a time as ever.”

  “I’m infertile,” I said quietly. “I can’t have more children.” Leaning on my elbows, I rested on the grass beside her. “Kyle’s crazy for another baby, but it’s not going to happen for us. The odds are completely stacked against us in that area. Nothing works right since the shooting.”

  “You never know, Lee,” she replied, craning her neck to watch the kids. “You’re so young. Things could change.”

  I chuckled. “That’s what Kyle says.” I twisted on my side to face her, enjoying the heat of the early May sunshine. “But we’ve been trying for over eight months.” Shaking my hair out I sighed and said, “With Hope it happened the first time, so I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

  “I saw you at Linda’s funeral,” Karen whispered, turning to face me. “I wanted to say hi, but . . .” She exhaled heavily. “I didn’t want to intrude. Kyle looked in a bad way.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded sadly and forced the memory of those dark days from my mind. “He’s much better now.”

  “That’s good,” she replied. “I felt awful for him. I remember when I first started working at the hotel, those two were glued to each other’s sides.”

  “Linda was his surrogate mother,” I told her. “Kyle had a tough upbringing . . . She was the first solid relationship he ever formed. She was his rock for half of his life. He was never going to accept her death easily.” I rubbed the skin over my chest and sighed. “I was so afraid for him,” I confessed. “I thought he’d fall into the same depression Derek fell into after Cam’s death.”

  “Derek your housemate,” Karen whispered.

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “He was so sick for such a long time.” I wiped away the tears I felt on my eyelashes. “I was terrified the same thing would happen to Kyle. Thankfully, he seems to be dealing with his pain.”

  “What about you, Lee?” she asked. “How did you deal with your friend dying?”

  I smiled to myself. “I was wrapped in cotton wool by the two men in my life.” Chuckling I added, “They’re a little protective of us.” I pointed to Hope. “But I watched her die, Karen,” I told her. “I held her in my arms, so I was under no illusions of where she was and why.” My whole body shuddered. “I’m still sad, it still hurts like nothing else, but at least I have my memories of Cam. I cherish my memories and in my heart she lives on. She’s never gone from my mind.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Lee,” Karen confessed, red-faced. “She sounds like she was an amazing person.”

  “She was.” I smiled at Karen and sat forward. “I’m starving. Would you like to come over for dinner?”

  “I’m not sure,” she mumbled, brushing her hair back from her face. “I probably shouldn’t.”

  “Come on,” I coaxed. “We’re friends now, right?”

  “Yeah,” she smiled. “We are.”

  “You need to calm down, Kyle.” I didn’t know why Derek was even bothering trying to talk me down. The only thing that was going to calm me was finding my girls. “Everything is gonna be fine.”

  “Derek, it’s getting late. She’s on her own with my baby and she’s not answering her fucking phone,” I roared, clutching the wheel as I took the bend on the road too tightly. After my meeting with David, I’d collected Derek from therapy, completely forgetting to take Hope and Lee with me. When I’d—belatedly—remembered the girls and got back to the hotel, they were already gone.

  “Slow down, asshole,” Derek hissed clutching the door. “She probably called a cab from the hotel and went home. You said Theresa saw her with one of the cleaners?”

  “Yeah, but that was hours ago. Goddammit, this is all your fault. You and your fucked up therapist.” It wasn’t their fault. It was all my fault and I knew it. But it was easier to put the blame on Derek, because he wasn’t the one who’d forgotten about his wife and child.

  What the hell was wrong with me?

  “My fault?” Derek shouted in outrage. “Oh, so I’m the one who spent the bones of three hours droning on about carnal urges and going through the twelve steps to a successful marriage? Step. By. Step.” Shaking his head, he hissed in disgust. “Apart from the fact that you have no goddamn shame when it comes to talking about anything sexual, you’ve put me off relationships for life. Good job. Thanks for that, asshole.”

  “She should have stayed where she was supposed to be,” I grumbled, ignoring Derek’s rant. Fuck him, he was a big boy and he was the one who’d asked me to pick him up. If he didn’t want to hear what I had to say, he shouldn’t have invited me in. He knew by now I had a problem with my mouth.

  “Why can’t she just do what she’s told?” I moaned. This wasn’t Lee’s fault either, but I needed to distract myself while I made a plan of what to say when I found her and Hope. Find her. Grovel. Make up. Yep, my plan sucked.

  “Ah, let’s see, because she’s a woman and not a dog, Kyle,” Derek countered. “You can’t say ‘stay Lee’ and expect her to.”

  “I swear to god, Derek,” I snarled, ignoring his sarcastic retort. “I am going to find her and when I do, I’m going to handcuff her to my fucking arm.”

  “I don’t know why you’re getting all mad at Lee,” he muttered when I pulled up outside the gate of our house and keyed in the code. “You’re the one who forgot her at the hotel.” I flinched and Derek continued to torture me as the gates opened and I sped up the lane. “Yep, suck on that, control freak. You screwed up. Colossally. Imagine that.”

  “It’s not funny,” I whispered as fear gnawed at my gut.

  “Hey, now see.” He nudged me in the arm as we pulled up outside the house. “She’s home. Safe and sound.”

  “Yeah,” I whispered, sagging in relief. I could see Hope’s bedroom light was on, but who the hell owned the piece of shit Honda parked in front of my house?

  Practically falling out of the car, I rushed up the steps and opened the door. “Princess?” I called out as I stalked into lounge. “Baby, I’m so sorry . . .” my voice trailed off as my eyes took in the dark-haired kid, kneeling in front of the TV with an Xbox controller in his hands.

  “Who are you?” he asked with curious green eyes.

  “Kyle Carter.” I stepped towards him, finding myself drawn to the kid for some weird reason. “Who are you?”

  “Jordan Valentine.”

  “Cool name, kid,” I muttered as I scratched my head in confusion. I’d heard that name before. I’d seen this kid before . . .

  “Thanks dude,” he said, before turning his attention back to the TV.

  I gaped at him. Dude? What toddler said dude? “So . . .” I coaxed, shifting around in discomfort. “You here with anyone?”

  “Yep,” he said with a smirk. “Hope. She’s my friend. I’m gonna marry her when I’m big like you.”

  “What the fuck?” I gaped at the kid who was what, two at the most? Jesus Christ, keep the head Carter. He’s only a baby
. . .”No, you’re not,” I added quickly. “She’s . . . not on the market.”

  “That’s not fair,” he yelled. “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my daddy.”

  “Who’s your daddy?” I demanded. “Who’s your mommy? Where the hell did you come from, kid?”

  “I don’t have a daddy,” the kid shouted angrily and I felt like a piece of shit.

  “Neither do I, pal,” I said in a softer tone. “And I turned out just fine.” Not even close to fine, but he didn’t need to be infected with my bullshit . . .

  He studied my face for a moment before turning back to face the TV. “Are you Hope’s daddy?” he asked as he tapped on the controller in his hand. “‘Cause my Uncle DJ says that boys are ‘posed to ask the girl’s daddy first, right?” Frowning, he turned around and narrowed his green eyes at me. “My uncle Danny says I’ll have my pick of the bunch.” Shaking his head, he grinned up at me. “That’s silly, right? Who wants to marry a banana?”

  “A banana? Uncle DJ? Uncle Danny?” I raked my hand through my hair in frustration. “Who the . . . what the hell is going on here?”

  Turning around, I went to go search for Lee, but froze to the spot when my eyes fell on . . .”Karen Valentine?” I shook my head in confusion. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Hi,” Karen said sheepishly. “Lee’s upstairs with Hope. Poor thing was exhausted after dinner.”

  “Mom, that man is weird,” the kid piped up.

  “Mom?” My mouth dropped open in shock as awareness dawned on me. . . .

  “Jordan Valentine.”

  “Thanks dude.”

  “My Uncle Danny says . . .”

  “This is Danny, my friend from Addyston I was telling you about . . .”

  Green eyes. Familiar green fucking eyes . . .

  “I fucked his sister, dude . . .”

  “I took off afterwards and haven’t seen him in over four years . . .”

  Karen looked up at me with a desperate expression. “Please,” she whispered, shaking her head. “He doesn’t know.”