Cowboy Promise

by Janalyn Knight

  Piper tugged on her arm. “Can we go see the toys now, Momma?”

  “Sure, honey.” Without looking at Doug, Dallas moved off, heading to get a gallon of milk first.

  Ice-cold now, with her gut in turmoil, her thoughts went to her own situation. How could she trust Cash or Ethan? Doug was just one of many unfaithful men she’d seen at The Cowboy. The bar was full of guys every weekend who were disloyal jerks. How in the hell had she forgotten that?

  DALLAS GOT UP EARLY Saturday morning after a fitful night’s sleep. She fixed a cup of coffee and lay on the couch, hoping to come up with the right words to cancel the day Cash planned for the three of them. She admitted she was frightened—scared as hell to go further in her relationship with either Cash or Ethan. Doug had fooled her. He’d been a charming, persistent shit, like he didn’t have a beautiful wife and child at home waiting for him. The creep had been a wake-up call—a dash of ice water reminding her of a man’s true nature.

  After fixing a second cup of coffee, she returned to the living room. Trailing her fingers along the buffet as she walked, she stopped at the photo of herself as a little girl of seven or eight. She stood in front of her mom, leaning against her, clasping her mother’s hands desperately, seeking comfort and shelter. Growing up, Dallas had always been fearful. Afraid her mother would die. Terrified her father would fall asleep and never wake up.

  Her mother skipped meals when food was scarce, which was most of the time, and those awful commercials on TV talked about people starving to death. Now she knew when she’d tried unsuccessfully to wake her father, he’d been passed-out drunk, but back then, it had petrified her when he wouldn’t come around. Laying the picture on her chest, she held it for a moment, wishing there had been someone to comfort that timid, frightened child with too much knowledge of life’s perils.

  Brushing dust off the frame, she gently placed it back where it belonged and continued on to the couch.

  What if Cash and Ethan were fooling her, too? What did she really know about them? She hadn’t met any of Cash’s friends and didn’t run in his circles. All she had was his word for his history and his character. And what about Ethan? He’d definitely been a player. His mom was always fixing him up with the daughters of her social-climber friends, too. What happened to all those women? It was too big a chance to take. And how had she let herself bring a man into her daughter’s life? She’d lost her mind.

  Without anything prepared, she typed the first thing that came to her head and broke the day’s date with Cash.

  As soon as she tapped send, her stomach bottomed out. She’d lost something significant. Closing her eyes, she buried her face in the throw pillow. Her belly started a slow, deep burn as reality hit her. She wouldn’t see Cash anymore. The light that filled her heart ebbed away, drip by brilliant drip. It was her choice to cut him out of her life, but that didn’t matter. A dull ache settled on her chest. Her head knew that there couldn’t be a relationship without trust, yet her heart wanted the man who’d been caring and kind to her. That scared little girl inside of her feared being alone again.

  She opened her eyes and stared at Piper’s souvenir from the train museum which sat where her daughter left it on the coffee table. Cash had given up his Saturday so Dallas could spend time with Piper. Reaching out, Dallas traced the steam engine replica with her fingertip and pictured him holding Piper high so she could touch the levers out of her reach. Dallas folded the little engine into her palm and hugged it to her breast. Her coffee sat untouched until it turned cold.

  SUNDAY CAME AND DALLAS forced herself to be more upbeat for Piper’s sake, working on the house and laundry and even spending a little time playing with her. Naptime finally rolled around, and Dallas helped her daughter into bed. Though it was way too early, she poured herself a glass of wine and retreated to the couch. The simple, clean lines of her pale furniture suddenly seemed cold and unwelcoming.

  Her phone rang. It was Cash. She let it roll to voicemail.

  Hands shaking, she picked it up. She couldn’t put off telling Sarah what was going on any longer.

  Her friend answered right away. “Hey, how’s it going? How’s Piper? No, wait, how are those two hunks you’re seeing?”

  Dallas couldn’t help but smile a little. Her friend’s upbeat personality was just what she needed. Calmer now, she answered, “Piper’s great. She’s taking a nap. As far as the two hunks... Sarah, I’m making a big mistake. I don’t think I should see them anymore. I mean, what do I really know about them? How do I know I can trust them?” Pausing a moment, she chewed her cuticle, drawing blood.

  Sarah, sounding confused, said, “What happened?”

  Dallas continued as if her friend hadn’t spoken. “The fact is, I don’t know. I’ve come to realize that I can’t take that chance anymore.”

  Sarah sucked in a loud breath. “Whoa! Tell me now. What in the hell happened, honey?”

  “Cash and Ethan didn’t actually do anything.” She went on to tell her friend about Doug. “It’s just that it might easily have been Cash or Ethan hiding something horrible like that. How would I know?”

  Sarah paused, then said, “You don’t. You trust. It all comes down to that when you’re in a relationship. You either trust, or you don’t.”

  Dallas made a rude noise. “Trust? After what Piper’s father did to me? I thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together. Now I feel that way about Cash and Ethan. Like maybe I might have a future with one of them. But what secrets do they hold? Will they turn their backs on me? I don’t think I can take it, Sarah.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, you are a mess, aren’t you?”

  Dallas gulped long swallows of wine. “I am. I blew Cash off yesterday when he planned to take us out. And I’ll do the same to Ethan tomorrow. I just can’t face this anymore. You’d think I’d feel better, now that I’ve decided what to do. But, Sarah?”

  “Yeah, honey?”

  “I thought I could just go back to the way I was, but I can’t. The way I was feels terrible now. How did I ever stand my life before?” Her bottom lip trembled.

  “Your life is hard. I’m not sure how you do it. Holding down two jobs and being a good momma. I have to ask—are you sure you want to do this? Break it off with Cash and Ethan?”

  Dallas took another swallow of wine and rubbed the heel of her palm across her aching chest. “I can’t find it in me to trust. I want to, but how, Sarah?”

  “Trust is kind of like faith. Why don’t you pray about it? I hate for you to give up on these guys. Being with them has been good for you.”

  Dallas closed her eyes. “Thanks for listening, Sarah. I love you.”

  AS DALLAS HEADED TO work Monday morning, she dreaded the start of her day. What should she say to Ethan? Sarah’s encouragement yesterday had done nothing but add to Dallas’s confusion.

  At the office, mistakes plagued her morning. Her lack of concentration and exhaustion were symptoms of her less than three hours of sleep the night before.

  Finally, as she knew he would, Ethan dropped by her desk. Leaning his hip casually on the corner, he asked, “How are you, Dallas?”

  Sighing, she said, “Tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

  He frowned. “You okay? Can I help with anything?”

  Here it was, and she had no clue what to tell him yet. “I need to slow things down a bit. Spend more time with Piper.”

  Ethan examined her face, seeming to search for more than what she was saying. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but I don’t want to stop seeing you, either. I hope we can work this out.”

  This was as hard as she thought it would be. “I need some time, Ethan.”

  “Is this about your cowboy?” he asked, his voice strained.

  She jerked her head back. “No, absolutely not. I’ll always be honest with you.”

  He smiled and reached across the desk to clasp her hand. “Okay, then, you rest this week. Take some time, and we’ll talk soon.”


  Really? He gave her a week? She’d decide when she wanted to speak to him again. “I’ll see you later, Ethan.” Turning her back to him, she unlocked her computer and got back to work.

  At three o’clock, Cash sent her a text.

  I’m missing you today. I hate it when I don’t see you on the weekend. Hope you’re having a great Monday. : )

  She sent a happy face back. If only she knew how to trust him—trust Ethan. She couldn’t just snap her fingers and make it happen. Following Sarah’s advice, she’d prayed last night. So far, nothing had changed.

  That afternoon, as she headed to the copy room, Dallas heard Ethan’s voice coming from his assistant’s desk. The unpleasant tone made her pause and listen.

  “How am I supposed to show this to my client? The colors are all wrong. I told you how I wanted it. My meeting’s in ten minutes, and there’s no time to change it. This is an embarrassment!”

  Ethan stormed out of his office and into Dallas’s sight. His angry expression softened into a welcoming one as he approached her. “Hey, what’s up?”

  Uneasy after what she overheard, she said, “I’m on my way to make some copies. See you,” and moved around him, hurrying down the hall. Never had she heard him use that tone of voice. Was he having a really bad day, or did Ethan behave like that regularly? Deeply unsettled, she finished her copies and made her way back to her desk. A terrible thought hit her as she sat down. If, in the end, she chose Cash, would Ethan treat her badly, too?

  By the time she picked up Piper and drove home, she had a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. She microwaved macaroni and cheese for her daughter, gave her several dollops of applesauce and a glass of milk, and called it dinner. Piper watched cartoons and played with her toys while Dallas drowsed on the couch. Her pulse slowed in her neck as her mind gradually numbed.

  After Piper’s bath, Dallas read her a story and tucked her in. Her own bed pulled at Dallas. Her usual glass of wine didn’t even sound good. She dropped on her pillow, feeling drugged though she hadn’t taken anything. A few minutes later, her phone rang. The caller’s name filled her with dread. Cash. Dropping the cell unanswered on the nightstand, she turned over, grasping for the reprieve of sleep.

  Tuesday afternoon, after moving through her day like a sleepwalker, she arrived home with Piper, determined to get her fed and ready for bed early. Her phone rang as she lay on the couch while her daughter ate dinner in the kitchen. Heart sinking, Dallas read Cash on the caller ID. She couldn’t dodge him anymore. Punching the green-lit button, she said, “Hi, Cash. How are you?”

  “Worried.” His voice, full of anxiety, sounded loud over the line. “You haven’t answered my calls. Is everything okay?”

  Telling Cash that she needed to spend more time with Piper didn’t seem right. He always went out of his way to include her daughter in the time they spent together. With an overwhelming need to be honest, she said, “It’s ... ah ... I’m having a hard time...” God, how could she say she didn’t trust him? It sounded so wrong.

  “What is it, honey? Let me help you.” His concern came through loud and clear.

  She signed heavily. There was no way to make this sound nice. “Something’s happened. I mean, I don’t really know you at all. I don’t know I can trust—”

  “I’m coming over.” He hung up.

  God, what had she done? The last thing she wanted was to meet him face-to-face. Every muscle in her body felt limp, lifeless. She couldn’t see Cash. Not like this. Not tonight.

  Piper walked in. “I’m done, Mommy. Can I watch cartoons now?”

  “How about we take your bath first, honey?” Escorting her daughter to the bathroom, she searched every inch of her being for the strength to face the man who’d be knocking at her door in an hour.

  WITH HIS MIND FRACTURED into a million crazy thoughts, Cash sped toward Dallas’s house. What the hell was the woman thinking? She didn’t know him? Didn’t know if she could trust him? Where in God’s name did that come from? The woman may as well have hit him with a shovel. Dammit. He’d done nothing to give her cause to doubt him.

  He shook his head, gritting his teeth. Her past few days of silence, except for that damn happy face, had driven him crazy. He’d imagined all sorts of awful things that might be going on. The worst of which was that she’d dumped him and chosen the lawyer. He pressed his lips together. It could still be that, couldn’t it? She might have been spouting excuses on the phone. Gusting out a breath, he rubbed his forehead hard. He really hoped not. He loved Dallas. No way was he losing her to that freaking guy.

  Later, after knocking firmly on Dallas’s door, he promised himself that he would be calm and listen to what she had to say, despite his frustration.

  She opened the door, and the first thing that popped into his mind was that she looked bedraggled. He instantly shifted gears from angry and hurt to extremely concerned for Dallas. Drawing his brows together, all he could think to say was, “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  Everything he planned on saying now felt wrong. He had to find out what she was going through. Forget about his feelings.

  As he entered, the house was quiet. “Where’s Piper?”

  “I put her to bed a little early tonight so we could talk.”

  He followed her to the living room and sat on the couch, giving her plenty of space. “So, tell me, what’s worrying you?”

  Dallas eased down on the cushion and pulled a throw pillow against her stomach, her eyes downcast. “I’m sorry you came all this way tonight, Cash.”

  Frustrated, he said more sharply than he meant to, “I had to, dammit.” He sighed and went on calmly, “Dallas, I don’t think you know how much you mean to me. Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

  Her fingers tightened on the pillow. “There’s this guy...he...” Her voice trailed off and she looked away from him, as if frustrated.

  He clenched his fists. “What? Did he hurt you?” His pulse pounded.

  She looked up with a startled expression. “No, no, that’s not it.”

  He blew out a hard breath and unclenched his hands, urging her, “Start from the very beginning.”

  Picking at the design on the colorful pillow, she slowly told him about seeing Doug and how angry his betrayal made her. “Suddenly, I thought, how do I know I can trust you or Ethan? Everything I believe about you could be lies.”

  She paused to gather her thoughts. “Cash, I lived with Piper’s father for a year and a half, and he planned to leave me and move back east without telling me. And, after saying for two years how much he loved me, when I got pregnant, he wanted nothing to do with my baby. How am I supposed to trust? I never saw any of that coming, and it nearly destroyed me. I can’t trust right now. Not you or Ethan.”

  Her eyes were red with tears. It was all Cash could do to keep from pulling Dallas into his arms and comforting her as she spoke. He had a feeling that doing so wouldn’t be right. She needed to stand on her own two feet while she faced up to her feelings.

  He slid a little closer to her and picked up her hand. It was icy cold and he sandwiched her fingers between his warm ones. God, how he wanted to take care of this woman. “Dallas, I’ve been betrayed before, and it hurts. Loss of trust is a hard thing. It kills love. But the thing here is, I’ve done nothing to lose your trust. You’re operating on fear and a bad experience. I’m not saying I blame you. You’ve had it rough.” He squeezed her hand. “I just don’t want to lose you because of it.”

  Eyes downcast, she said, “I understand how unfair my feelings are, but how do I change them? I’ve tried. I’ve prayed about it, but it runs around and around in my head.” She looked into his eyes.

  Now, he scooted beside her and pulled her into him. Nestling her head under his chin, he said quietly, “Feel my arms around you. Listen to my heartbeat. Hear me when I say I’ll never betray you.” He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, letting the silence seal his words.

  THE FOLLOWING SUNDAY rolled
around, and Dallas was more herself. She’d done a lot of soul searching, some of it pretty painful, though her conversation with Cash helped more than anything to dispel her distrust. His promise touched her deeply, forging a new and stronger bond between them.

  True to his word, Ethan allowed her space, and she felt better about being with him again, too.

  Kate and Sarah were coming over at three for wine and cheese and some much-needed girl talk. Sarah was bringing her two kids, six-year-old Colin, and three-year-old Cara, and Piper was ecstatic about having someone to play with.

  At noon, Sarah called. “Hey, Dallas, you ready for two rowdy munchkins this afternoon?”

  Dallas laughed. “Yours will fit right in with mine. She’s so excited she probably won’t take her nap.”

  “You’re lucky. I can’t get my two to lay down at all anymore. Hey, listen, remember when we talked about Acacia?”

  “Sure.”

  “She’s been swamped with last-minute wedding plans. I thought I’d bring her along today, if you don’t mind. She’s agreed to be my designated driver, too.”

  “Oh, I’d love to see her. Of course, she’s welcome.”

  DALLAS FINISHED THE house and had time to get herself cleaned up when Kate arrived at the door, holding up a bottle. Dallas leaned in for a kiss. “Thanks for the wine. You know what I like.”

  Kate laughed. “How are you?” Narrowing her eyes, she took in every detail of her friend’s face. “You need to get more sleep, woman. You’re getting crow’s feet.”

  Dallas grinned. “Oh, just what I wanted to hear. I’ve lost some sleep, but I’m better now. Hopefully, they’ll go away.” Thinking of Ethan’s mother, she laughed. “Botox is not an option.”

  Piper wiggled between them, reaching her hands in the air. “Hi, Auntie Kate.”

  The woman smiled and lifted the little girl into her arms, following her hostess to the kitchen.