The Little Orphan Girl

by Sandy Taylor

  ‘You mean the Honourables’ house?’ I said, shocked.

  ‘I do indeed,’ she said.

  ‘But I can’t work there, Mammy.’

  ‘And why not, may I ask?’

  ‘Miss Caroline hates me because I called her Miss Baggy Knickers. She’ll give me a good thrashing if I show my face up there again.’

  ‘Don’t be so fanciful, Cissy. She’s a lady now, I shouldn’t think she’s thought of you once. She probably won’t even remember the incident, you were just a child then.’

  ‘Oh, I think she will, Mammy. Do I have to work there?’

  ‘Not if you don’t want to but there’s very few jobs in the town and the ones that there are hold no future for you. This is a job with prospects, Cissy. If you work hard and do as you are told, you could do very well.’

  ‘It’s not that I don’t want to work, Mammy. I want to do my bit, I want to make things easier for you.’

  ‘I know you do, love. You’re a good girl.’

  ‘Can I think about it?’

  ‘You can of course, but don’t think too long or the job will be taken.’

  I went outside and stood beside the granddaddy’s chair, watching Buddy running around the alley.

  ‘Did the mammy tell you about the job up at the big house?’

  ‘Do you want to work up there?’

  ‘Would I have to sleep there?’

  ‘I’d say you would.’

  ‘I’d miss you and Mammy and Buddy.’

  ‘And we’d miss you, child, but you have to think of your future and I’d say that working in the big house is better than sweating away in the laundry like your mother.’

  ‘But Miss Caroline hates me.’

  ‘Sure, you were both children then. I’d say you weren’t important enough to have been on her mind all these years.’

  ‘What will you do without me, Granddaddy?’

  ‘I’ll miss you child, but Colm will look in on me and I have Buddy. In fact, since I’ve been sitting outside the cottage, I think I could call on one of the neighbours if I need help.’

  I rubbed my hand over the granddaddy’s old head. He had a fine head of hair and it felt nice and clean. ‘You smell different,’ I said sadly.

  ‘I thought you’d be pleased.’

  I looked down at the ground. ‘Everything is changing.’

  Granddaddy nodded. ‘That’s life, Cissy, If everything stayed the same you’d still be up in the workhouse.’

  ‘I suppose so.’

  ‘Why don’t you go and see Colm? See what he thinks about this job of yours.’

  I called Buddy, who looked at me and then ran back to the granddaddy. Even Buddy had changed.

  I walked up the alley to the grey house and knocked on the door.

  ‘Have you come for a book, Cissy?’ asked Colm’s daddy.

  ‘No, Mr Doyle, I’ve come to see Colm.’

  ‘I think he’s around somewhere, unless he’s out with that girl of his.’

  Just for a moment I hated Colm Doyle and I hated Alana Welsh. She was welcome to him, I thought angrily.

  I walked away. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I said.

  Nobody wanted me, not the granddaddy, not Buddy and not Colm, and I had a feeling that the mammy wouldn’t even notice if I wasn’t there. I’ll take the bloody job up at the big house and if Miss Baggy Knickers says anything to me, I’ll... I’ll… What could I do? Nothing, that’s what. I stomped back down Paradise Alley and into the cottage, slamming the door behind me.

  ‘Jesus Mary and holy Saint Joseph, are you trying to take the door off its hinges?’ said the mammy.

  I could feel the hot tears behind my eyes and a lump in my throat. I tried to swallow it down but I couldn’t and I started to cry, great gulping noisy sobs that threatened to take the breath out of my body.

  Mammy came across and put her arms around me and I cried as if my heart was breaking.

  ‘For heaven’s sake, child, what’s wrong with you?’

  I took a big breath and rubbed at my eyes. ‘Nobody wants me, Mammy. No one cares if I go away, no one will miss me,’ I sobbed.

  ‘Ah, Cissy, where has all this come from?’

  ‘It’s true, Mammy. Colm’s walking out with Alana Walsh, Buddy prefers the granddaddy to me, the granddaddy has a pile of new friends and you…’

  ‘What of me, Cissy?’

  I looked into the mammy’s eyes. I’d never really known whether she loved me or not. I’d had no experience of mammies when I’d first met her but I’d seen other mammies and they were different somehow; they weren’t so cross all the time.

  Mammy stroked my hair. ‘You don’t think I’d miss you?’

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  The mammy tipped my chin up and smiled a sad kind of smile. ‘You’re my world, Cissy Ryan. I may not show it very often but I love you with every breath in my body.’

  I threw my arms around her and nestled my head in her shoulder. I stayed in her arms for a very long time until Colm knocked on the door and walked into our house but I wouldn’t look at him.

  ‘Shall I leave you?’ he said, looking worried.

  ‘We have a sad girl here, Colm,’ said the mammy.

  ‘I can see that, Mrs Ryan. Is there anything I can do for the pair of you?’

  I shook my head but the mammy ignored that. ‘You can take her for a spin, Colm. She needs taking out of herself.’

  ‘I’ll do that gladly. Will we take a ride out the strand? I find that the sea soothes the soul and I’m thinking your soul is in need of some soothing, Cissy.’

  ‘Go on,’ said the mammy.

  Reluctantly, I unwound myself from Mammy’s arms and nodded at Colm. I was quiet all the way through town and out towards the strand. Colm didn’t seem to mind but every now and then he touched my arm, which felt nice. I wanted to be cross with him but I didn’t feel cross any more, just sad.

  We left Blue and the trap at the side of the road and walked down the pebbly beach. It was a beautiful summer’s day and the sea was like glass. I began to feel calmer. There were some big rocks underneath the lighthouse and we sat down and looked out over the ocean.

  ‘And what was all that about, Cissy?’ he said.

  ‘Everything's changing, Colm,’ I said.

  He smiled and nodded his head. ‘Ah, life sure it has a habit of doing that.’

  ‘I don’t like change,’ I said, looking up at him.

  Colm took my hand in his. ‘The daddy told me you’d been up at the house looking for me.’

  ‘He said you were out with Alana Walsh.’

  ‘I was in the stable giving Blue a bit of a rub down. Now don’t tell me that’s what put you into a mood.’

  ‘Not just that, Colm. No one seems to need me any more.’

  ‘Do you really believe that?’

  ‘I did a while ago.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘Now I feel like an eejit.’

  ‘I’d say we all feel like eejits now and again. It’s allowed.’

  There was a warm breeze that gently lifted the hair from the back of my neck. It felt lovely. I wished Nora could be here beside me, feeling the good clean air on this beautiful day instead of being stuck in the workhouse. Maybe if I worked really hard and earned lots of money I could buy a little cottage and me and Nora could live together. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?

  ‘Have you given any thought to the position up at the house?’

  ‘I’m worried about Miss Caroline and what I called her.’

  ‘I shouldn’t worry about that one. She’s away at school.’

  ‘And her brother, Master Peter?’

  ‘He’s away too.’

  ‘Do you think I should work there?’

  ‘I’d say you could do worse, Cissy.’

  He put his arm around my shoulder and we sat in silence, listening to the little waves lapping the shore and tumbling the pebbles.

  I looked out over the calm sea, Yes things were changin
g and the little girl who’d thought she was an orphan was growing up.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The mammy was gently brushing my hair. ‘You have nothing to worry about, Cissy. You’re well turned out and you have a fine brain in your head.’

  ‘But what if Mrs Bretton takes against me and doesn’t give me a job?’

  ‘Now why would she take against you? What have you ever done to her? You go up to the big house with your head held high and always remember who you are.’

  ‘Who am I, Mammy?’

  ‘You’re Cissy Ryan, daughter of Moira Ryan and granddaughter of Malachi Ryan. You’re as good as the next girl and don’t you forget it.’

  ‘I won’t, Mammy.’

  ‘And if the almighty Mrs Bretton can’t see that you are the finest girl in Ballybun then it’s her loss. Now stand back and let me look at you.’

  I knew that I was looking great altogether with my new boots and shawl that the mammy had bought for me.

  She smiled and nodded her head. ‘You look lovely, Cissy. There’s just one thing missing.’ She walked over to the dresser and opened a drawer, then she handed me a little paper bag.

  I put my hand inside and pulled out a ribbon. It was the colour of the sea – a sort of greeny blue – and as soft as velvet. ‘Oh, Mammy, it’s the most beautiful ribbon I ever saw, thank you.’

  ‘Turn around, Cissy,’ she said.

  I knelt down in front of her and let her place the ribbon in my hair. I loved the feel of her hands against my skin; they were rough from working in the laundry but I didn’t care. The mammy didn’t fuss over me very often and I could have sat at her knee all day as she gently smoothed my hair, gathering in the stray wisps from the back of my neck as she tied the ribbon in a bow. It was so quiet in the little room, just the crackle of the peat settling in the grate and the feel of Mammy’s breath soft as a feather on my cheek.

  ‘There now,’ she said, smiling. She took my face in her hands and kissed my forehead. ‘Go and show your granddaddy.’

  I went outside and stood in front of the granddaddy’s chair.

  ‘I’m ready for my interview up at the big house, Granddaddy, and I have on my good boots and my new shawl and I have a fine ribbon in my hair.’ I spun around so that he could see it.

  The granddaddy smiled at me and his old eyes looked glassy as if he was about to cry. ‘You’ll do,’ he said.

  I saw Colm and Blue coming down the alley so I ran inside the cottage to say goodbye to Mammy. I put my arms around her waist.

  ‘You’ll be fine,’ she said.

  ‘All ready for the big day?’ said Colm as he helped me up into the trap.

  ‘I’m terrible scared, Colm.’

  ‘Sure, why would you be scared? You look grand altogether and is that a fine ribbon I see in your hair?’

  ‘The mammy bought it for me.’

  ‘Well, you look lovely, Cissy, and I’d say you have nothing to worry about.’

  ‘Have you ever gone for a job?’

  ‘No, I always knew I’d help my father with the milk.’

  ‘Have you ever had a mind to do something else?’

  ‘I’ve done a bit of daydreaming in my time but my father has no one else, so I feel it’s my duty to remain in Paradise Alley and help him.’

  ‘You never told me that you had a sister, Colm.’

  ‘She died when I was a baby, God rest her soul. I don’t remember her. I wish I did, it would have been nice to have had a big sister. My mam died shortly after. People in the alley said she died of a broken heart but my father said she had a weakness in her lungs. It’s always been me and him and luckily, we’ve always rubbed along fine.’

  ‘Well, that’s a blessing anyway.’

  Before I knew it, we were climbing the hill up to the Hall and I suddenly felt awfully sick. ‘I feel sick, Colm,’ I said.

  Colm pulled on the reins and stopped. ‘Take some big deep breaths, Cissy,’ he said, ‘and you’ll be grand.’

  ‘I don’t feel grand, I feel terrified.’

  ‘You’re tougher than that, girl. If you’re not feeling brave then pretend you are, it works every time. Deep breaths and a brave face.’

  ‘It’s alright for you to be telling me to be brave, Colm Doyle. It’s not you that has to go in there.’

  ‘That’s true, Cissy. I was just trying to help.’

  ‘If you’ve a mind to be helpful then you can turn the trap around and take me home.’

  ‘If that’s what you want then I will, but I don’t think it is.’

  I took a deep breath. ‘Okay, let’s go.’

  We continued up the hill and through the big gates.

  ‘I’ll be here when you come out. Now remember, deep breaths and a brave face.’

  I climbed down from the trap and started to walk up the drive. I turned back to look at Colm and he waved to me.

  I knocked on the kitchen door and it was opened by Bridie.

  ‘Come in, Cissy,’ she said.

  I walked into the kitchen. It was a huge room – bigger than the whole of our little cottage. It had a long table running down the length of it and there were shiny pots and pans hanging down from the ceiling. If Mrs Bretton took me on, this is where I would be working.

  ‘You look terrified,’ said Bridie, grinning at me.

  ‘I am,’ I said.

  ‘Well, you’ve no need to be and Mrs Bretton is okay, she won’t eat you. Just be polite and you’ll be fine. Come on, I’ll take you up to her.’

  I handed my shawl to Bridie and followed her up the stairs. We walked through a wide hallway, my boots making a clattering sound as we walked across the shiny wooden floor. In front of me was a beautiful curved staircase and on the walls were huge paintings in ornate frames. This was another world. This was where the Honourable Miss Caroline had been brought up; it was no wonder she’d looked down her nose at me. Talk about knowing your place. Well, if I hadn’t known before, I certainly did now.

  ‘Okay, this is it,’ said Bridie and knocked on the door.

  ‘Come in,’ said a voice.

  We walked into the room.

  ‘Cissy Ryan to see you, Mrs Bretton,’ said Bridie, bobbing down.

  Was I supposed to bob down too? No one had told me anything about bobbing down.

  Mrs Bretton was sitting in a high-backed chair beside a marble fireplace. A lovely fire burned in the grate and the walls were lined with hundreds of books reaching up to the ceiling. She was wearing a beautiful cream dress and there were pearls around her neck. Her fair hair was piled high on her head, held away from her face with silver slides that sparkled in the glow of the fire. The room was large and square; a gold velvet sofa sat below the long windows. More pictures hung from the walls and everywhere smelt of lavender and soap. It must be a wonderful thing indeed to be this rich – Mrs Bretton must be a very happy woman.

  ‘Thank you, Bridie,’ she said.

  Bridie bobbed down again and left the room.

  ‘Come and sit down, Cissy,’ said Mrs Bretton, beckoning towards the chair opposite her.

  I sat down; the chair felt soft and squishy and the fire warmed my legs.

  She seemed to look at me for a long time. I began to feel awkward and out of place.

  ‘Have you been in service before, Cissy?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m still at school, Madam.’

  ‘At the convent?’

  ‘Yes, Madam.’

  She continued to stare at me and I could feel beads of sweat gathering under my armpits. I hoped I wouldn’t start to smell.

  ‘I hear from Bridie that you live in the town.’

  ‘Paradise Alley, Madam.’

  ‘With your mother?’

  ‘And the granddaddy.’

  ‘Your grandfather?’

  I could feel my face going red. ‘Yes, my grandfather.’

  ‘Your mother is Moira Ryan?’

  ‘Yes, Madam.’

  ‘And I believe you came from the workhouse, is that
right?’

  I could feel my face redden.

  ‘Yes, Madam.’

  ‘I have just taken on a young girl from the workhouse. Her name is Annie.’

  I didn’t know if I was supposed to respond to that so I kept quiet.

  ‘You are aware that I will need you to live in?’

  ‘Yes, Madam.’

  ‘You will work from five thirty in the morning until eight in the evening and you will have every Wednesday off and every other Sunday. Will that suit you?’

  ‘Oh yes, Madam, thank you.’

  ‘When do you finish at the convent?’

  ‘In two weeks’ time, Madam.’

  ‘Then I shall expect to see you in two weeks, Cissy. Your uniform will be provided, so you can tell your mother that she has no need to worry about that.’

  ‘I will, Madam.’ I stood up. ‘Thank you, Madam,’ I said and did an awkward sort of bob.

  Mrs Bretton looked as if she was stifling a giggle. ‘Goodbye, Cissy,’ she said.

  ‘Well?’ said Bridie, as I walked back into the kitchen. ‘Did she take you on?’

  ‘She did,’ I said, smiling.

  ‘She’s not so scary, is she?’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me about the bobbing thing? I just tried it and nearly fell over.’

  ‘I’ll teach you. Sure you’ll be a grand little bobber after a few lessons.’

  Just then a young girl came through the door, carrying a bucket that looked too heavy for her.

  ‘Annie, this is Cissy. She’s going to be working here so we’ll have more help.’

  Annie put the bucket down and grinned.

  ‘Pleased to meet you, I’m sure, Cissy,’ she said. ‘We could do with a bit more help.’

  ‘And I’ll be glad to be of use,’ I said, grinning back.

  ‘I’ll show you the ropes, Cissy. You’ll soon get the hang of it. Annie here helps Mrs Hickey with the food and the running of the kitchen and you and me look after the house. I’ve been doing it myself since Rosie left. It’ll be grand to have some help again.’