The Silent Princess

by T. A. Grey

  Alex’s fingers splayed wide and the fat pads of his fingertips scraped against her sensitized skin. She shivered as a wave of chills swept over her. She could feel every single movement as if his touch was magnified.

  Confused, squinting in the dying firelight from the fireplace, Hanna gasped then finally focused in on Alex. She needed to say something. This wasn’t a dream was it? All she could remember was going to sleep after their spat. Yet now, Alex was nuzzling her waist with kisses, his eyes closed in repass, his palm idly strumming her stomach. It felt so nice to be treated gently, almost as if he cared about her.

  What did she do? Did she wake him up? He didn’t seem to be aware of his surroundings, likely still deep asleep himself. But, oh, his touch felt so nice. A greedy little part of her wanted to let him keep touching her. Just how much of her need was from her and how much from her breeding cycle?

  Hanna’s breaths shuttered as her hips lifted against Alex’s touch. Never had she wanted a man so badly. Never did she have to fight so hard for one. And it would be worth it. She knew it. This man was special. Even if she couldn’t trust him further than she could throw a cow.

  Alex kissed a path across her hipbones, then he tossed on arms across her upper thighs as his mouth moved lower. This man did seem to like to--oh my! She had to stop this. She couldn’t let him carry on like this. Her eyes were rolling into the back of her head with dizziness. His warm lips caressing her, licking her skin. She had to do the right thing and end this before things went too far.

  She tried saying his name.

  No response.

  He continued his arousing caresses, his mouth erring closer and closer to her moist center where she panted for him. More stroking touches, his hands burning where he touched her, leaving a path of fire. Alex had a possessive touch, not afraid to squeeze and grab her roughly, so much different from her previous lovers. Suddenly he moved far lower, sliding between her legs, so he could rub his cheek against her underwear-covered sex. Hanna’s head fell back and a moan drifted out of her.

  Then, nothing.

  His touch stopped. It took a moment for Hanna to realize what had happened. Slowly her eyes peeled open, staring at an upside down fire burning down to almost nothing but cinders. A chill already permeated the air. She reached down without looking yet, caught soft strands of hair and threaded her fingers through hit, then she glanced down.

  His eyes never opened and she wondered, how much of this was him in sleep?

  He was a sight like no other. Taking her breath away.

  “Alex.” What else was there to say?

  How could one man affect her so?

  Lips wet, Alex stared at her sex like a man at his end. His cheeks were flushed against his golden skin, gray eyes ravenous with need, teeth bared in aggression.

  A growl in his throat. A sound which triggered a primal response inside her. She melted into the cot, legs falling open, and arms ready to embrace. She’d made a similar position with him the other night, and he’d accepted her.

  Would he tonight?

  “Hanna.” This time the sound was ragged and torn. His grip surrounded her inner thighs, where her skin was super sensitive. And he grabbed her, like a man with purpose. His breaths became loud and as he looked back between his legs at her sex. He seemed to grow frustrated. Perhaps even angry.

  Then he grabbed her panties in his fist, one hand on each side of her hips, and started shoving the material down her legs. He was impatient. Done with them. This slight piece of clothing was merely an obstacle in the way of his job. With an irritated grunt, Alex tossed the panties away and then lowered his face between her thighs.

  “I need to take care of this.” That was all he said.

  And then he did.

  Hanna was suddenly blasted into sexual ecstasy. Like a bucket of hot water thrown on her, she was jolted awake and alive, burning with fiery passion.

  “Oh yes!” she cried out. Her hands threaded in his soft, dark hair, her hips arching against his voracious mouth.

  Alex made love to her sex with hungry movements. Tongue performing wickedly against her bud, making her guts clench with raw pleasure.

  His movement’s slowed to a lazy swirl. Smooth, gentle rhythms pulsating against her warm flesh that made her breath hitch in her throat. Her orgasm peaked, a tense coiling deep in her lower body that imploded, gushed, and shook her body entirely. She called out his name, hand clenching in his hair.

  She panted as the final peeks passed her, shivering and stunned at the intensity. He made her feel amazing…how did he manage to do it?

  But, as soon as it was done, it was as if the light went out. Alex bolted away from her, squinting in the darkness, flushed and panting. The dying fire in the fireplace provided only a shadow of light. Bare chested, on his knees before her, Alex ran a hand through his hair, then over his face as he took in his surroundings.

  “What’s going on? Fuck. Sorry. Didn’t mean to…got carried away.” He looked down at what awaited him--Hanna sitting in a prone position, legs open and sex wet and bared for him.

  Hanna felt a blush darken her cheeks and knew it was the most embarrassing thing she’d ever felt.

  “Alex, we don’t have to stop.” Her voice grew gentle.

  Alex shook his head, then grunted. “No way. This was a mistake. I woke up and then,” he shook his head again. “I don’t know what happened.”

  “But—” her voice stopped him from sidling back to his side of the bed. “I wouldn’t mind if we kept things going?” Hanna might’ve liked to say something sassy and sexy, but the most she could pull off was a hesitant question and a worrisome biting of the lip. Not very good.

  Alex waved her plea away. “Forget it. We shouldn’t even be sleeping together anyway. This is fucked up.”

  He stuffed his pillow beneath his face and rolled away from her. Hanna felt decidedly cold. And a touch bitter. It hardly seemed fair that he could just do what he did, and then walk away so easily.

  Talk about frustrating. Hanna didn’t know what to do about it. Everything she tried was sidelined by Alex’s morally ambiguous code of ethics. Who knew he had such strict no-sex policies? She’d seen him with a variety of--sleazy--women.

  So, what was the problem?

  Why not her?

  Hanna glared at the ceiling. Thoughts churning around like a carousel.

  On top of all that, they were in serious trouble. As in...one of them might die for what they’ve done to Remi.

  “Am I really going to be some woman who goes out like this?” Hanna whispered to the darkness.

  Hanna’s words were not for Alex’s ears, though she was too deep into the realization to care what he thought.

  “Go out like what?” Alex asked some time later. His curiosity must be getting the best of him too.

  Hanna decided to share her thoughts with him. Wasn’t like she was going to live forever. “I guess I don’t want to die knowing my last few weeks on earth were so...pathetic. You know? Is this what we’re going to do? Just work here until our final days are over? Then one of us gets to watch the other die? I think it’s bullshit. It’s all buillshit, Alex.”

  A grunt in response.

  Hanna found she had more to say. “For what? This is all because I went on a date.” Bitter laughter escaped her and she rolled on her side, wide-awake now, and talking to Alex’s back. “My first date in years. I drop my scumbag of a husband for cheating on me, multiple times by the way, and I try to change myself, you know? I think: why not improve myself? Why not be the kind of woman I want to be? But then, everything went to shit.”

  “What kind of woman do you want to be?” Alex asked.

  The question stopped her.

  “What do you mean?”

  A sigh came a moment later, then Alex rolled over. They were lying face to face. She could see little crescent-shaped scars on his face amongst sunspots from working outdoors most of his life.

  Whatever happened to you, Alex Thompson?


  Hanna recalled the rumors kids had spread in school about the Thompson’s. About Alex and his dad...and the things his dad did to him. People said he’d grown up in a rough environment. That his dad beat on him. Hanna believed it. Alex had never grown up like the rest of them, with healthy loving families. His mom had died while he was too young to remember, and his dad, well Hanna had never witnessed anything personally. She did remember Alex missing huge chunks of school--months when he wouldn’t attend. But if you wanted to find Alex, you only had to go to any of the bars to find him. He was always around there, with a cigarette in his mouth, and a hard glint in his eye. Getting into trouble with the law as a young man.

  “Why kind of woman do you want to be Hanna?”

  Her mind answered readily: The kind she’d seen Alex with on numerous occasions. Hot babes with big tits, short skirts, and a bitchy take-no-shit attitudes. These, in her mind, were tough women. Strong, able to handle it all, and they did it while wearing high heels.

  Naturally, she didn’t speak a word of that aloud. That could be a touch too shameful and she was embarrassed by her own thoughts.

  But seeing as her name had a death-note tied to it, Hanna decided to try something brave. What’s the most it could hurt? It’s not like she had long to live anymore, Alex either, for that matter.

  “I want to be the kind of woman I’ve always wanted to be, I suppose. It’s actually kind of a difficult question.”

  Alex had one arm tucked under his pillow. He was gorgeous by the dying firelight, eyes staring into hers. Ever watchful, he was, taking in everything at once. He’d always had that raw honesty to him. When he acted like he cared it’s because he really did. He never lied about things like that, was too serious.

  “I’ll ask again. What kind of woman, Hanna? Because I don’t think you need to change a thing.”

  Hanna found herself frozen, eyes stuck wide-open as she stared at Alex. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  She rolled away to give him her back. She couldn’t do this face-to-face conversation any longer. It was too personal. Not even for a minute. Her face burned red, the embarrassment too much for her to handle. She felt like steam was coming out of her ears from all the pressure in her head.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “I can’t talk about that,” she said after a minute.

  Alex’s chuckle was like silk sliding across the skin that she shivered. “Can’t talk about it? All right, then. Babe, let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about---”

  Hanna spun back around. “Let’s not. Let’s not talk about anything. Alex, we’re gonna die out here in the cold. Let us...can’t we just....”

  She could tell she startled him with that honest admission. Her unasked question hung there suspended between them. An act of near desperation, a need for her to feel close to someone she knew and perhaps even cared about.

  “Babe,” he started. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

  “Actually, I think I do. Pretty well.”

  He laughed dryly. “I know you think you do. But you have no idea.”

  Hanna jumped at the opportunity. “Why don’t you explain it to me then? What’s wrong with you? You’ve kissed me before. You’ve acted like you care about what happens to me. So, what’s wrong now? Why can’t this happen?”

  This meaning sex. And yes, she was truly bothered by his refusal to her. She supposed it was ego, but whatever it was it nagged her, bothered her deeply. His body seemed more than willing and hell, even part of his head seemed in the game. Was she experiencing some sort of feminine anger at his denial? It’s true she did feel a touch justified, whether her anger was real or unjust, she didn’t know. All she knew was that Alex appeared to want her, but kept refusing her advances. She wanted to get to the bottom of it once and for all.

  “I don’t want to be a loser anymore, Alex.”

  Alex’s face pinched in confusion. “Huh? Wait, what are you on about now? You’re a...loser?” He said the word slowly, like a foreign word that sounded strange rolling off the tongue.

  “Yes, a loser. I’m an accountant, Alex. I am good with sums and numbers and tax laws. I received excellent grades in high school, then carried that on into the university and graduate school. I was at the top of my classes my whole life. I joined extra-curricular clubs, and I made friends with everyone including my professors. I did everything I was supposed to do. But I’ve never been fit, clever, funny, or exciting. Like I’ve always wanted to be. I married young and stayed dedicated to Tom long after I should have. I’ve made too many mistakes to count. And now I can see a narrow end in my future, coming up rapidly. I want to make the most of it. But what I don’t understand is: why am I not good enough for you.”

  Boom.

  Silence filled the room.

  Alex took in all of what she said. She stayed strong and kept eye contact. She wasn’t going to back down from what she’d said. Not now. It was that time to be brave. To be the kind of woman she’d always wanted to be and stretch herself. Strong, proud, and good enough. Yet, even imagining these thoughts left Hanna reeling with doubt. How could she ever be those things when she felt like they were a lie? Like she was pretending to be those things?

  “Hanna, babe, I don’t know how you ever got to feeling like you’re not good enough for me, when that ain’t the case at all. I’m the loser, babe. Me, not you. What I find funny is all those things you just said. How you’re not funny or exciting and all that--that’s exactly what I think you are, Hanna. All of those things. Maybe you’re the one wearing blinders.”

  Hanna swallowed a lump the size of a fish stuck in her throat. He...actually thought all those things about her?

  And now her pulse was racing like a bunch of horses in a stampede.

  Wait. Hanna sat up straight. “If I’m so great and everything then why do you keep acting like touching me is so loathsome to you?”

  Alex’s face turned blank. Not revealing his true feelings.

  What was he hiding that could be so awful?

  Whatever it was must be bad, because Alex shook his head. He wasn’t going to tell her.

  Hanna scoffed at him. “I can’t believe this bull. Taken here against my will, attacked by some crazy prince, and then who am I stuck with? None other than the badass biker, Alex Thompson.” Her voice raised as she took on an announcer’s persona, voice grand and loud. “Here in this corner, standing tall at six feet, two inches and two-hundred-and-fifteen pounds is lykaen Alex Thompson. Some say he is a badass, others say he’s a criminal, and some that he’s a pansy. I agree with the latter.”

  Hanna finished her speech, then rolled onto her side. She didn’t want to look at him anymore.

  “Two twenty-five,” he corrected gently.

  Hanna glared at the wall. Her heart hurt. She wanted to cry and the pressure behind her eye sockets to do so became difficult to ignore.

  “Hanna,” he called softly. Fingertips ever so gently trailed down her spine, barely touching her. Hanna squirmed until his hand retreated. “You have no idea what’s wrong with me.” His faint words were like a hot poker in the ass.

  Hanna sat up one last time and all but shouted. “Then tell me!”

  A moment later, the guard outside the room, banged on the door hard enough to shake it in its frame. “Keep it down in there!”

  Fuck.

  Here, she’d thought she’d finally gotten through to him. She could see anger on his face and in the tightening of his jaw. She’d finally done it--pushed him past his boundaries--but all she had to show for it was his wrath. Hanna could only hope it was worth it.

  “What’s up with you, Alex?” She waited, breathless with anticipation. She desperately wanted to know his secrets.

  Once she knew the answer, perhaps she could go about reversing his stupid ideas.

  Alex stood. Bare chested in the night, long legs muscular, feet bare, hard hips covered with underwear she’d like to peel off with her teeth. “You wanna know?�
�� She could see him struggling to decide the best choice to make.

  “Yes, I’d like to know.” Hanna tucked herself beneath the covers as if for protection from Alex’s outburst.

  Alex looked livid. Past the breaking point.

  “You know what? I don’t even think you deserve to know. It’s my business, Hanna.” Alex grabbed a rickety chair and shoved it in front of the dying fireplace. He took a seat and started setting logs on the fire.

  He was always so busy with that fireplace when they were in here. Sure they didn’t have much to do while locked in their room for the night, but certainly, the fire wasn’t that interesting.

  “Princess. You know what? You should have married Remi. Should have welcome all his advances, babe. You two would have been great together. A prince for the princess.”

  Hanna leapt out of bed as if it were on fire. Stunned at his words. “What did you say to me?”

  Alex set two logs in the fireplace. “You heard me,” he said bitterly.

  “I thought so. But before I hit you, I thought I’d be certain.”

  “Yeah, right. You talk the talk, Hanna. But you and I both know you’re nothing but talk.” He leveled his gaze on her. “Waiting for a man to make all the moves on you while you sit idly by hoping and praying.” He must be speaking from anger because this was not the Alex she knew.

  Hanna made an anguished sound. Alex immediately looked like he regretted what he said.

  “Hanna, look, I didn’t mean...”

  She cut him off. “Just can it, Alex. Now I see what you really think.” It explained how he treated her. “Don’t worry. I won’t ever ask anything from you again. This is the last time I ask. I’m sorry I wasted my time.”

  “Hanna---”

  She headed into the cramped bathroom and turned the shower on. At least the noise drowned out the strained silence. A part of her felt like crying. Another part wanted to hit something. Like his face.

  She did neither of those things. Instead, she hung her head on the cold wall and let the numbness fill her. Never feeling more alone than she did in this moment.