Flesh: Part Four

by Sky Corgan

  “Thanks,” I respond, my tone as dead as I feel inside.

  Then the door closes, and it's over. I clutch my purse tightly as if it will offer some sort of comfort while I make my way to my car. Sleeping with Lucian was a mistake. Yes, I redeemed myself, but to what purpose. The sex was great, but now...I can't remember the last time I felt so horrible about myself.

  I slip into the front seat of my car and simply stare out through the front window for a minute. Tears make their way to the surface and cascade down my face slowly. I feel too numb to break into sobs. The rational part of me says that I never should have expected anything more than this. And what in the hell does he have to do this damn late at night? Is it a date? Does he have an appointment at Flesh?

  Flesh.

  I start my car and blink away my tears. Why do I keep forgetting about that place? It's because I'm so attracted to him. Pathetically, I try to pretend that he's normal. He's not normal though. Not only is he not normal, but he's definitely fucking other people.

  The pictures in his bedroom were turned down. Maybe they were of his girlfriend. Perhaps he didn't want me to know. Maybe he's going to fuck her right after he had sex with me.

  The possibilities are maddening. Derrick was right. This was beyond a bad idea. Why did I let myself fall for Lucian?

  Because you wanted it. You wanted him to make you feel how you've never felt before.

  That thought is almost laughable. While we were having sex, I did feel how I've never felt before, aroused to a level that I didn't even think existed. But now, I also feel like I've never felt before—like a complete slut. Selfish. My body was too greedy, and now my heart is paying the price. Hours from now, maybe even minutes from now, he'll be with another woman. I tried to pretend like it didn't bother me so that I could get what I wanted from him. Now, though, it makes me feel like a horrible person, like a worthless human being.

  I can't do this anymore. I can't see him again. Not like this. It sucks that I still have to work with him, but that's all it can be from this point on. If I lose him as a client, there will always be other clients. And if I get fired because I lose him, I'm sure I can find another job.

  Trying to force myself to believe that he's something he's not isn't working. It's pointless and damaging. I have to stand my ground from now on. Damn the job. I have to put myself first. No more Lucian Reddick.

  From the Author

  I hope you've enjoyed Flesh: Part Four. Part Five will be available shortly.

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