Shattered Illusions

by Laura Greenwood

  “Are you sure it’s a good idea to give me that?”

  “Yes,” he answers. “It’ll help heal your burns.”

  “Oh.” I haven’t really thought about the burns in a while. Mostly because my skin felt healed.

  “I know it doesn’t hurt now, but the damage is a lot further down than you think it is. You need to get your strength back up.” He passes me the cup, and I take it without thinking. But I do hold back from drinking. Just. Eric is right, I do have plenty of discipline, but this is testing me to the limits.

  “Even so...”

  “You’re safe, Ashryn, I’m here to make sure you don’t go too crazy.” He brushes past me as he enters my room, and a warm feeling spreads through me, starting at the point where our skin touches. Oddly, I do feel safe with him about. And it still breaks my heart that others don’t always feel that way because of the scars. People can be idiots. Just because something isn’t perfect looking on the outside, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have any value. Or that it isn’t valuable. Sometimes, the broken things are worth the most.

  “Is there a chance of that?” I ask.

  “A very slim one. But I’ve only seen it happen once or twice in the years since we developed the chemical. And let’s just say they didn’t have your mental fortitude.”

  “Sometimes, I doubt I do either.”

  “Don’t,” he says, turning me around so I face him. “The fact you’re standing here and aren’t freaking out says a lot about how strong you are. Plus...” he trails off and glances away.

  “Plus?” I prompt, trying to ignore the pressure of his hands on my arms and how much I like it. As cliché as it sounds, butterflies are making themselves known in my stomach. Guess there’s no denying I’m attracted to him any more then.

  “You’ve spent two decades with the vampire hunters, yet here you are with an open mind, and a cup of blood.” We both glance down at the hand I’m still clutching the blood in. Which is when he notices his hands are still touching the bare skin of my arms.

  He removes them instantly, causing disappointment to well up inside me. Guess I have it bad then. I’m not all that sure how to process that.

  “Dimitri wants to see you,” he says, looking everywhere but me. Maybe I can hope he’s feeling the same kind of things I am. A girl can dream.

  “He’s finally going to tell me what he wants from me then,” I mutter bitterly.

  “What, no. Who said what?” he demands.

  “No one. It was just something Eric said...”

  “Don’t trust a thing that man says,” Remus growls.

  “Don’t tell me what to do,” I bite back. Butterflies or no, he isn’t going to talk to me like that. “I do trust what he says. Because of how he talked to me. I get you don’t like him cause of the whole fake prophecy thing, but let me make up my own mind.”

  He stares at me, flabbergasted by my outburst. I don’t know why.

  It isn’t like I’m acting out of character or anything.

  “Sorry,” he mutters, looking down and at least a little ashamed. As he should be. No one talks to me like that. And nobody is going to start.

  “No problem. But don’t let it happen again,” I insist. He nods, but says nothing. Clever man. “So does he want me, or not?”

  I sit down on my bed, mostly to put some distance between me and the man doing funny things to my insides. At least a little part of me wants him to stop whatever he’s doing so I can actually concentrate on something other than him.

  “He does, yes.”

  “Ha, so I’m right!” I almost jump up from my seat in my excitement. What can I say? I like being right. Even more so when the other person has been such an ass about it.

  “Yes,” he admits, reluctance painted all over his face. I almost stick my tongue out at him, but decide against it. That really would be childish of me. Kind of fair. But also super childish.

  We stay in silence for a few more moments. Me sat on the bed, him, pacing a little restlessly. I won’t lie, I’m finding it kind of awkward. Not terrible, I need to run away awkward, though. More of a, I’m not sure quite where this is going level of awkward.

  “Are you going to take me to him, or...” I trail off, realising just how bandied about I’ve been. It’s always one of them taking me somewhere, or to one of the others. Only question is whether it’s to protect people from me, or me from others. Then again, it could be for an entirely different reason that I wasn’t going to examine too closely. They’re still vampires. All of them. And while I’m just about used to the fact I am too, I’m not at a place where I can start any kind of romantic attachment to any of them. No matter what level that may be at.

  Except Bram. His attractive kind of angry just makes me want to have lots of hate sex with him until it all fades away. Maybe I should propose it to him next time our paths cross?

  Remus sighs, and my attention is fully onto him before I give it much thought. Damn man, affecting me this way. I wish he wouldn’t.

  “Yes, I’ll take you to him.” He pushes a hand over his face, ruffling his dark hair. Hmm, he looks particularly sexy when he does that. How much more so would he look if I’m the one messing up his hair? No. Now isn’t the time for me to have thoughts like this, not if I’m going to see to Dimitri now. It’s just going to get confusing if I’m thinking of the wrong man.

  “Thanks,” I mutter, really not feeling that thankful. There’s nothing wrong with the head vampire, at least, I’m assuming that’s what he is. But I don’t want to be calling him the wrong name. That would be more awkward than my current conversation.

  Chapter Nine

  “I’ll leave you here,” Remus says, before retreating back the way we came. Great. Why did these vampire men keep insisting on disappearing on me? It was getting old really damn quick.

  “Don’t mind if you do,” I say to myself as I push open the door and step inside. Dimitri hunches over the table, scribbling away at something I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be seeing. That seems to be how it normally goes anyway.

  “You’re here then?” He doesn’t look up from what he’s doing. How rude.

  “Obviously.” I lean against the wall, crossing my arms and pushing my breasts up under the leather. I’m sure the effect would be ten times better if he actually looks at me. Then again, I suspect he’s still trying to avoid looking me in the eye. One of these days, he’ll slip up, and I’ll finally know what it is he’s hiding. I say finally, but its only been a few days.

  I hate secrets though. They don’t mix well with my powers. They don’t mix well with me in general really. Probably something to do with the hidden nature of the guild. It’s always been like that, even if I’m only just starting to realise that.

  “No need to be sarcastic, Ashryn,” he says, turning to face me, his eyes still looking off to the side.

  “No need to be such a dick,” I respond, squaring my jaw. His eyes flicker to my face briefly, but they still don’t meet mine. This is getting infuriating.

  He laughs, a deep chuckle that sends a thrill through me like I’ve never experienced before. Not even with Remus.

  “You wanted to see me?” I ask, trying to distract my body from the things it’s focusing on.

  “Yes. I have a mission for you.”

  “Right.” I’m not impressed. I only just stopped doing missions, I don’t really want to start again. “I don’t want to kill anyone,” I add, surprising myself. Even more so when my eyes start to sting as if I’m about to cry.

  “You might change your tune once you’re there,” he says, his words taking me aback slightly. What’s he on about? There? Where was there? Though maybe if I stop wondering and listen to him, he might just tell me, rather than letting me stew in my curiosity.

  “I don’t want to kill anyone,” I repeat when he says nothing, a low growl sneaking from my throat. Oops. Wasn’t aware I could do that. Guess it’s just a side effect of being what I am now. It’ll take some time to get used to, I’m sure, bu
t least people will know I’m pissed off now.

  Though a sai to their throat probably tipped most people off anyway.

  Dimitri sighs, looking a lot worse for wear than he did at dinner the other night. That’s never a good sign. Particularly not when the person in question has at least a little bit of power. It normally means that something is about to go very, very, wrong.

  “Fine. Bram can do any killing that we need doing. But you still need to go with him,” he says.

  “Oh no. No, no, no. I’m not going anywhere on my own with Bram.” I shake my head, but don’t uncross my arms. It’s effort though. I really want to hold my hands up to protect myself. Which is stupid, I know. Dimitri clearly isn’t going to hurt me. Other than the initial bite, he hasn’t even touched me. How disappointing. I wish he would. I bet his touch feels so different from Remus’ gentle, caring one. It’ll be strong, and assured, and...

  I think I should stop there. I’m not sure what’s got into me since I turned. Maybe becoming a vampire just makes you super attracted to everyone. That’s going to be inconvenient if true.

  “You’re the only one who knows where the guild is, Ashryn. I need you to go with him.”

  “Send someone else with me,” I say before the rest of his words process. “Wait...did you say the guild?”

  Something like dread winds its way through me, tugging on just about every part of my being. Going back to the guild isn’t a good idea, I’m sure of it. And Dimitri should know that. The guild are the ones who sent me after vampires in the first place after all.

  “Yes.” He sighs again, looking even more haggard than before. Definitely not a good sign. “They’re stepping up their attacks. And not just on the questionable vampires, on everyone. There’s agreements in place, accords.”

  “There can’t be,” I scoff. There can’t be any. I’d have heard about them, surely? The guild is secretive and shady, there’s no doubt about that, but it’s also small. There’s no way they could keep something like an accord with the other side quiet. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

  “They’re centuries old, and not very well known about on either side. I only know because...” He stops talking abruptly, almost as if he shouldn’t be saying anything. I wonder if this is related to his darkest secret? It must be, Otherwise, he has no reason to act so odd about it. Other than the fact I’m an ex-hunter.

  Huh. I’m an ex-hunter. It’s the first time I’ve thought that. It’s pretty clear my days working for the guild are over, but it’s still a slight shock to think it in such definite terms. Maybe I should feel worse about the fact I’m not one anymore. Perhaps I should even feel guilty for abandoning something I’ve spent my whole life doing. But if I’m honest, I’ve felt better about myself since being here. Even arguing with Bram has made me feel more like me than anything at the guild did.

  “Hmm.”

  “I see you’re not convinced.” He smiles at me, in a way that just makes me think of secrets. And kisses. No, wait, I can’t be thinking about those. Not with Remus affecting me the way he’s been doing. It’s not fair to either of them, is it? Better not go down that road. If all my years with the hunters prove anything, it’s that I’m loyal to the point of it being a fault. I should pick between the two of them, as much as the idea doesn’t appeal. I push thoughts of Eric away. He’s beautiful, true, but I really don’t know him, and I’m not sure why he’s entering my mind right now.

  “Not in the slightest.” I smile back, letting my amusement seep into my voice. Dimitri sighs again. If he keeps pulling faces like that, then he’s going to get worry lines. If vampires can get them. I haven’t really had a chance to ask about that. I haven’t even had chance to drink the blood Remus brought for me. That’s annoying, I’d been looking forward to it. Maybe after I’m done here I’ll be able to go back and drink it.

  “No matter. I still need you to go. They killed a child last night.” His voice cracks, as if he can hardly believe it. To be honest, neither can I. But probably not for the same reasons.

  “There are child vampires?” The words come out far sharper than I intend them to, but I can’t help it. This is news to me on so many levels.

  “Of course, where do you think new vampires come from?” He turns his head a little, almost as if he’s about to meet my eyes, but he remembers at the last second and glances away again. Damn. I really want to know his secret. More and more with each passing second.

  “Biting.” My mind goes back to my own turning. There’s no way I’m going to believe vampires aren’t made.

  “A lot fewer than you think,” he answers. “Do they really teach you nothing at the guild?” He’s genuinely surprised, as far as I can tell, but I’m not really sure. I’m quickly heading towards confusion.

  “Apparently not.”

  “Most vampires are born. In certain circumstances, they’re made. But about a hundred years ago, there was an agreement made where new vampires can only be turned if their life was at risk. Like yours was.”

  “You can’t tell me that’s the only time.” I finally unfold my arms, and push away from the wall. He flinches when I approach the table, but doesn’t actually move. I ignore his paperwork from earlier. I’m curious, but clearly its a little touchy for him, and I don’t want to break his confidence really. That’d be a dick move.

  “Of course not, but it keeps most of us in line.”

  “Hmm.”

  I think of Bram. I doubt anything could keep him in line. Though trying may be fun. I should suggest it.

  Dimitri sighs. “Look, believe me or not, Ashryn, but we need your help. And after you’ve been there, you may see the truth.”

  I doubt it, but I don’t want to say that aloud. No matter what, I don’t want to piss him off, and not just because that would lead to an angry vampire. Even as used to dealing with those as I am, I don’t want to have to. Plus, this outfit is clean, getting it covered in blood wasn’t on my agenda.

  “Fine, where do you want me to go?” I ask.

  “Bram’s in the weapons room.”

  I want to make a retort about how no one gave me a map, but really, I know that isn’t helpful. Neither was his instruction, but I guess that’s a perk of being in charge. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone if you don’t want to.

  He must see something on my face, because he sighs, then grabs a piece of paper from the table and sketches out a quick map, scribbling some notes on the side. “Here.” He shoves it into my hand.

  I study the lines on the page, surprised to find I actually understand them. I don’t wait for him to say anything else. It probably wouldn’t be anything useful anyway. Turning on my heels, I stride back through the doors, with my head held high. The weapons room isn’t far from here, it will be no time until I’m facing off Bram again. Weirdly, I’m kind of looking forward to it.

  Chapter Ten

  “Finally.” Bram looks pissed. He tightens the holster of his sword around his waist, and scowls at me as I enter. I’m not sure why, I’m ready to go as it is. I have my sai, I have my stakes, that’s all I need to kick some serious vampire butt. Wait, no, hunter butt.

  This is going to get confusing. What if I come across someone I know? Am I supposed to hurt them? Even go as far as kill them? Can I actually do it? A large part of me says no. But I guess that’s what I have Bram for.

  And here’s me thinking when I have a man with me, it’s for things other than killing. Funny how the world works sometimes. I park thoughts of what I’d rather be doing for later. Bram isn’t for me, and I know it. As much as I wish it was different. Here I go again, thinking of men in terms I shouldn’t be, I really need to get a grip on that side of me. If I’m not careful I’m going to end up in a compromising situation, and not the fun kind.

  “Where do you want me?” I ask.

  Bram swivels his head in my direction, an interested look on his face. He’s not completely unaffected by me then. Good to know. Mostly so I can use it to my advantage la
ter. I may not need to, but it’s always good to have back up plans.

  “Just get ready to go.”

  He’s so surly. One day, I’m going to make him smile.

  “I am ready, it’s you who isn’t.” Okay, so it isn’t going to be today, not if I carry on pissing him off like this. The corner of my mouth lifts into a smirk.

  “Fine, let’s just get going.” He straightens out and stretches his shoulders, his back muscles stretching his shirt. Mmm. I could look at that all day.

  He pushes past me and out of the double doors that lead out into the night. Handy those. But it does make me wonder what will happen if we’re caught outside during the day.

  Bram walks quickly. I’m lucky I’m physically fit or I’d struggle to keep up with him. Which I realise is probably the point, but really just makes me more determined to prove to him I’m not just some damsel who needs saving. I never need saving.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, when I can’t hold back any longer. We’re about fifteen minutes from the house the vampires live in, and the suspense is killing me. Or it would be if it weren’t for the fact I’m already dead.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know.” His words should be teasing, but they aren’t. He really doesn’t like me, and that’s going to be an issue if we’re going to work together.

  “Dimitri said we’re heading towards the guild. If you get me to Westminster Grove, I can get us there.”

  “We’re not going to the fucking guild,” he growls, spinning on his heels so he’s facing me. We’re inches apart, and he’s breathing heavily, though from what I’m not sure. He’s just as physically fit as I am, there’s no doubt of that. So why is he out of breath? Oh well, nothing about this man really makes sense to me.

  “Why not?” I demand.

  “Because it’s a fucking trap, Ashryn. Are you really so dense? I thought hunters were supposed to be smart.”

  Oh boy, he doesn’t know what’s good for him. I feel my nostrils flare, and I try my best to steady my breathing in an attempt to calm down. It’s not going well.