Jagger: A Caldwell Brothers Novel

by Mj Fields

  I pull on the ribbon, the ribbon that started it all. This was my first connection to Jagger Caldwell, and now I have the man himself forever.

  “Harder,” I plead, and he gives it to me, pounding away. I feel his balls slap me as he goes deep.

  The emotions, the vulnerability, the noises, the feeling of him inside me, and the knowledge that he has given me good in every aspect of my life have my heart swelling and my orgasm building.

  Fingers slide down my thighs, parting my lips as his thumb circles my clit. My eclipse rushes through me, and I clamp around him like a vice. He keeps his pace until the rhythm isn’t steady, and then he slides in and out one more time before he stills deep inside me, groaning his own release.

  Afterward, he leans down and kisses me softly. “I love you, Totty.”

  I try to catch my breath, but in all the sensations, I can only find the energy to nod.

  He smiles and pulls out of me.

  While he goes to the bathroom to clean up, I go to the closet to get dressed. It is my first date. A girl should make sure to dress nicely, I think excitedly as I go over the outfits hanging up.

  After finding the dress to match my ribbon, I exit the closet to find Jagger staring at me. His hands are on his hips and a smile on his lips.

  “Green never looked so good, baby.”

  “Is it your favorite color?”

  “Now it is.”

  “Then why always a green ribbon?” I ask, now curious. I always assumed it was his favorite color.

  “Momma had HPV, and that is the awareness ribbon color. I wanted a little piece of Momma with you.”

  Without stopping, I run over and jump in his arms. He gave me a piece of the woman who gave him everything before I even knew what he was giving me.

  I kiss him passionately, wanting more.

  “A man’s gotta eat, babe. I want you, but we both need to eat dinner.”

  “You’ll be my dessert, though, right?” I ask with a wink.

  “You’ll be mine,” he growls, kissing me again.

  —

  The bar is steady as we make our way inside. I look up and see a railing around the perimeter, then I see the stairs that lead up and wonder where it goes. The rest of the space looks like any other bar I have seen on television except Hendrix has a garage door that opens, and since the weather is nice, he has it up tonight, so it seems to draw more attention from the street.

  Jagger gently tugs my hand after we go inside to sit us at a table by the bar. Jagger and I give our orders for prime rib to the waitress. I think her name is Sally.

  A man at the bar turns on his stool and looks to Jagger. Raising his glass at us, he tips it back and drinks. “And another one bites the dust.”

  “Jared, stop that. You know we Caldwell women make everything better around here, Tatiana included.” Hailey smiles at the man.

  “Sure hope she can tell a joke better than you.”

  I look to Jagger and then to Hailey, confused.

  Jagger laughs. “This is Jared. He’s one of the regulars.”

  “Hey, he’s family,” Hailey pipes in.

  “Damn right I am. I’m like the handsome uncle. They get their looks from me,” Jared says, smiling.

  “Beer goggles on again tonight, hey, Jared?” Jagger mocks.

  Jared laughs. “See? He’s a funny one. Hailey here needs help.”

  “Jared was the officiant for both my brothers’ weddings. He usually only likes people who can tell a good joke, but Hailey can’t tell jokes to save her life, and somehow, she still won him over.”

  “He performed the weddings for both of your brothers?” I ask in a whisper, Jared watching me.

  He raises his glass again. “Don’t knock it till you try it. I can give you the best damn ceremony of your life.”

  “Well, considering we only plan to do it once, it would have to be the best, now wouldn’t it?” Jagger retorts.

  Jared looks to me and winks. “See? Their momma raised them right.” He turns back to Hailey and finishes his drink.

  “She sure did,” I say, smiling at Jagger.

  We eat and hang out for a while, and when the end of the night comes, Jagger and I help clean up and close down. Jagger takes out the trash on our way out, and as he lifts the bag, something cuts his finger. He looks to his hand, and I take it in mine as a thought hits me about what he said about taking my virginity.

  “Jagger,” I say, watching him carefully. “I may not have your blood, but I have your heart.”

  “Yeah, Totty, you do.” He smiles.

  I lick his finger. The copper taste isn’t good, but it’s certainly not as bad as I thought it would be.

  “Now I have both.”

  “Makin’ me hard,” he states, and I look to his pants.

  “Then take me home, and we can do something about that.” I wink, biting his fingertip before releasing him.

  He tugs on the green ribbon in my hair. “You were fuckin’ made for me.”

  Chapter 25

  Jagger

  I train the kid I call Buck, a tall, lanky fucker. Some of the female clientele seem to think he’s good-looking. I have no clue what women think is appealing, don’t really give a shit, either. I have my girl. Buck’s young and thinks he knows it all. He is also full of something few could understand unless they have been there.

  Vengeance.

  I don’t have to ask him how he grew up. I know there was probably a feeling of no control in his environment. His father or mother seized all power and preyed on the weaker ones in the home.

  When I correct him, he seems pissed. He needs to be right because he never was before. I could go twenty rounds with him, and he wouldn’t give up. He’s angry when I show him I am stronger, but if I didn’t, he would end up dead.

  He shows up at 7:59 a.m. without fail. He needs the structure, so I give it to him. He needs to hit something, blow off steam, take his anger and aggression out on something. He is quick and strong, and so full of anger.

  He is me without the good parts I learned from Momma.

  I see Totty walking in out of the corner of my eye. She has a class of ten women, most of them from the Nest. They don’t pay a membership because she doesn’t need the cash. Well, not yet, anyway. My girl can spend some cash. Money means nothing to her, but you leave a towel on the floor, and she’s in stealth mode, hanging that shit up.

  I laugh to myself, and then I get hit hard with a right.

  Fucker!

  I sweep his legs, and he goes down. Then he pops up, red-eyed and angry.

  “Go do some stairs, Buck,” I say, walking away.

  “Because I got you?” he mocks me.

  “No, because you ended up on your ass when you thought it was cool to sucker punch me. Hit the fucking stairs.”

  “But—” he whines.

  I pull up the rope and climb out. “But nothing. Stairs.” I point to the machine.

  He doesn’t move, his jaw set.

  “Now.”

  He narrows his eyes and takes his own damn time taking off the gloves. Shit head.

  I watch little one teaching the same old shit, over and over. She has heart. She has drive. She believes it will become instinctive to use the moves if ever attacked. I sure as hell hope so.

  In my experience, you either aim to injure or kill, or you take a beating. But I’m a man. I am proud of what she is doing, of who she’s becoming, and that the more we train together, the more her reactions pick up. She’s getting stronger on the inside and out. She’s got little muscles and shit, it’s hot.

  Kid walks over and hands me a water bottle. “Cobra’s guys are squawking on the street, calling you a pussy.”

  “That’s ’cause he wants my girl’s pussy and thinks he’ll get it if I lose. Stupid fuck has no idea”—I take a drink—“that she is as much mine as I am hers, no idea he’s gonna lose. I’m in better shape and stronger now than ever.”

  “I think you owe that to young Buck.” He smirk
s.

  I smirk back. “Maybe.”

  “There’s a lot of money out there to be made. Lots of the big spenders want in on the action.” I keep watching Totty as he speaks. “You can’t just hide away with the belt, man. Where’s the sport in that?”

  He walks away, and I let it settle in.

  He’s right. Where’s the sport in that? Not only that, but I want another piece of the motherfucker who thought taking a life would gain him admiration from someone who is mine. It’s time that motherfucker realizes it.

  I walk over as Kid holds the bag for another one of our new guys. He looks over at me.

  “Set it up,” I tell him and then go join Buck on the step machines to burn off some of my own fucking rage.

  —

  Game time. Fight night. After a week of pushing the limits and training harder than I ever have before, the time is here. The bell rings, bringing me to life. I have my brothers and my girl watching, and I have an opponent who thinks he’s got something to prove, something to take from me, something he can’t fucking have—Tatiana Rand.

  I watch how he openly takes her in, and that’s what lands him on his ass in one hit.

  I pin him, then hit him again. “She’s mine. You got that?”

  “You took my girl when I lost my temper one fucking time! You took the girl I loved. Now I’m gonna catch the mouse, and you’ll see how it feels.”

  “No woman deserves to be beat on! I didn’t take her, stupid fuck. You need to let that shit go.” I hit him again. “She came to me. That shit was over long ago. My girl isn’t a game.” I land two more punches and see his lip bust open.

  He pushes me off. I could have stopped him, but motherfucker wants to play cat and mouse. I will show him a thing or two.

  “You took the girl I could have loved, who chose to love a womanizing fucker like you. She would have loved me had you not wanted what was mine.”

  I hit him again. This time he pops up on two feet. Perfect. I jump up, too, beckoning him with both hands. He isn’t looking at me, though. He’s looking past me.

  “Eyes on the champ,” I say to provoke him, wanting a fucking fight that’s actually entertaining.

  “You took two women and my title when I was the one who protected the mouse, not you—”

  I fly at him and hit him: one left, one right, and an uppercut. He falls back and hits the ground hard. Then he gives me a smirk, and I see him look past me again.

  I look back to find he’s looking at Tatiana. I turn back, ready to strike, but he catches my hand.

  “She’ll never love someone like you. She is sickened by you.” I lay out the truth for him.

  When I glance back, she isn’t even watching, so I leave the fight and walk over to her. The ref starts talking shit, but I don’t care.

  “Tell me you are okay with this, with me fighting,” I beg her.

  She looks down.

  “Tell me, damn it!” I lift her chin, seeing tears immediately starting to flow. I am too high on the rush and have to remind myself to use control.

  I kiss her hard. “I love you, little one. Always will. Tell me this is not okay, and I walk.”

  She doesn’t answer.

  I can’t stand it. I need to know. Fuck, I need her.

  Then it becomes clear—I need her, just her.

  As I pull her against me and kiss her again, she doesn’t fight the kisses, but she sure as fuck won’t answer me or give me those eyes of hers.

  The bell rings, and the ref really begins flipping his shit.

  I pull her close, kissing her again, and then I turn to Kid. “Give me my belt.”

  He looks at me funny, but he hands it to me.

  I walk into the ring and toss it down at Cobra’s feet. “Not fucking worth it.”

  “You fucking pussy, Caldwell!” he yells.

  I hear Totty scream, “No!” right before I feel a hard jab to the side of my head from behind.

  It rocks me hard. I fall to my knees, and he is on me.

  The fucker is relentless. He is growling, almost foaming at the mouth, and at first I’ll be damned if I throw a punch. The blow comes to my ribs, then my head, then my ribs again. Pain radiates, but that isn’t what I feel. I feel need, raw, pure need for the woman I love. He pounds away. Then I can’t take it anymore.

  I dig deep, plant my feet, throw him off me, and stand. When he bounces up and comes at me again, I sweep his feet, and he falls. He falls hard and is out for the count.

  I am grabbing my shit when the ref comes over with the belt. “This is yours, Caldwell.”

  “No, man, it’s his. He can have the fucking thing. I don’t need it.” I look at my brothers and Tatiana. “There are some things more important than a fucking win—one is family.”

  I grab Tatiana’s hand and give it a gentle squeeze, and she squeezes my hand in return. Acceptance.

  Chapter 26

  Tatiana

  I didn’t realize how much the fighting really bothered me until Jagger was there with Cobra, who was not fighting back. Watching Jagger hit him while Cobra took it…just took it.

  I know Cobra did bad things. He told me himself. People can change, though, right?

  I want to believe in the good. Jagger gave me that. Cobra was nice to me. He may have made mistakes with his ex, and that obviously cost him, but he paid his price.

  Did he really change, though? Was I part of some game for him with Jagger? The way he came at him after Jagger was giving him the title was a far cry from the taunting man taking the beating in the opening round. It’s all so confusing.

  Being there made me understand I can’t do it. I can’t watch him pound away at someone for sport.

  Is this a mistake, wanting him to quit? Should I have said anything?

  Will he feel the rage and need to take it out on me?

  Statistics show that women who come from abusive backgrounds seek that out in their mates. Have I done that and not realized it?

  I have a family now for the first time ever, yet fear grips me. What if things go bad? I would lose Jagger, Hailey, and Livi. I would lose everyone I have grown to care about.

  I wiggle my toes, the soft fabric of the slippers reminding me I can walk freely around in our home in my treasures. I don’t have to hide from Jagger.

  He comes in from opening the gym, and I tense.

  “Totty?” he questions, knowing I usually give him a greeting.

  My shoulders tighten, and my eyes grow wide in panic as he steps over to me. Squatting where I sit on the now slip-covered couch, he watches me, and I push my back into the couch, wanting space.

  “Talk to me.”

  I shake my head, trying to get a handle on myself.

  “Totty, we’ve gotta communicate. Something has you upset.” He reaches out to touch my face, but I pull back.

  “I’m scared,” I whisper.

  He jumps back as if I assaulted him. “Of me?” He pushes his thumb into his chest as he stands up and backs against the wall.

  I nod.

  “Are you fuckin’ kidding me? What the hell happened from me leaving our bed this morning, with you soft and moaning for me to stay, to now?”

  I don’t speak while tears well up in my eyes.

  “Have I ever given you anything but good touch?”

  I shake my head.

  “Have I given you any reason to doubt the man I am, the man I was raised to be?”

  I shake my head again, tears streaming down my face.

  “Don’t cry,” he whispers. “Do not cry when I feel like I can’t touch you.”

  “You fight people,” I choke out the words.

  “I fought people,” he states. “Past tense. I don’t anymore.”

  “What if…?” I drop my head in my hands. “What if you, like, need it?”

  He comes over and drops to his knees in front of me. “Totty,” he says softly. “Look at me please.”

  Like a child, I spread my fingers apart and peek out at him.

&
nbsp; Tenderly, he takes my wrists and pulls my hands from my face. “You are all I need. You, Tatiana. Fighting gave me an escape when I was a kid, an escape from an old man who took out his every frustration on my momma. I couldn’t do shit back then, so I did what I could. I trained. I trained, and I fought so that, one day, I wouldn’t have to watch helplessly like I did when I was little while a man took out his aggression on a woman.”

  Reaching out, I run my thumb along his chiseled jaw. “Good.”

  “Always good to you, Totty. Don’t fear me. Don’t fear being with me.”

  I sigh and wiggle my toes against the slippers that have given me comfort for so long. “I’m sorry. I was overthinking and got carried away.”

  “It’s not gonna be easy coming from where we both came from. We can break the cycle, though. Together, we can become better than the past. Believe in me and believe in us.”

  Cupping his face in my hands, I pull him to me and kiss him softly.

  “Don’t fear me. Never me,” he pleads.

  “Everything good,” I whisper against his lips and kiss him deeply.

  Firm arms wrap around me, and he takes me to our room, where he shows me just how much he treasures me. With every slow movement, he gives me good.

  —

  Two weeks later, I stand back and admire the gray and green kitchen. Hailey and Livi helped me pick the colors while the guys stripped the wallpaper down and prepped the walls for paint. Hailey has spent every spare minute here helping me while Marisa was at preschool. Livi has done what she could without being around the paint fumes. Patiently, Jagger then painted the chevron pattern I picked out. Looking at it now, I am amazed.

  Livi smiles and giggles.

  “Why green? Just curious,” Hailey asks as she looks at the ribbon on my wrist.

  “The first ribbon Jagger gave me was green.” I toy with the fabric. “I use it as shoelaces. Looped them together into a belt once. I wear it in my hair, on my wrist, on my ankle, always somewhere. Every day from the moment he gave it to me, it’s been with me.”