I’m stunned into silence while he says all of this, completely speechless.
‘Have I, Annie?’ he says, turning back to me and taking my hands into his huge bear-like grip. ‘Have I lost you?’
‘No,’ I sob, but through tears of relief and happiness and joy this time. ‘No, no, of course, not. How could you have?’
There’s so much more I want to say, but the words get stuck in my throat. I want to tell him that we’re soul mates, that he and I are something that cannot be split apart, no matter how hard either of us tried to…
He moves closer and gently brushes the tears from my cheek with his finger, then pulls me towards him.
And next thing, he’s kissing me like the years have just fallen away and we’re back to being two love-struck teenagers all over again.
We’re both so rag-tired, heavy-lidded with exhaustion and yet still have so much to talk about, that I’d have gladly stayed snuggled up with Dan on my couch for the whole afternoon. Holding each other, rediscovering each other, reconnecting right back to the way we were a long, long, time ago.
But suddenly the vision of Liz lying in that hospital bed comes hurdling into my thoughts. And so I fill Dan in on the details, telling him that we’re all beside ourselves and just how precarious her condition is.
‘I should call the hospital, love,’ I tell him and he agrees, gently easing himself out of my arms and reaching over to the coffee table to where the landline is, then passing it back to me. ‘Good idea,’ he murmurs softly. ‘Her family must be here by now, so maybe there’s something we can do to help them.’
I smile lovingly up at him. Vintage Dan, he’s just found his wife again and is already wondering what we can do to help total strangers. Sure enough, when I call the hospital, Liz’s dad has just arrived, but there’s no change in her. None at all. I thank the registrar and hang up and next thing, Dan’s right beside me again, cradling me against him and holding me tight.
‘Shhh, don’t be upset, love, they’re doing all they can for her. And remember miracles happen every day. Hey, look, one just happened to me, didn’t it?’
I brush my hand up against his stubbly, rough, exhausted face, thinking God Almighty, he looks like a Johnny Cash song. Then we snuggle up on the sofa together, clinging onto each other like our lives depended on it.
We stay like that for a long, long time and I think I must have dozed off for a bit, because next thing I know I’m groggily coming round, still locked in Dan’s arms.
‘Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,’ he murmurs.
‘Oh my God,’ I smile weakly, ‘you weren’t a dream, you’re really here.’
‘Really here and never leaving your side again unless you order me away.’
Then he slowly turns his head down to me, cups my head in his hands and leans in to kiss me. A soft, lingering kiss at first but then gradually becoming deeper and more intense till next thing he’s slid his hand down my shirt and is slowly unbuttoning it. I let him, bending down to kiss his hand as he does, loving how warm his touch is against my skin, and never wanting this moment to end. Then I reach up to pull his jumper over his head and he undresses fast, not letting me go, stopping to kiss me all the time.
Two minutes later, we’re both naked on the sofa, his huge, deeply tanned, rock hard body clinging to mine as he rolls over me tantalisingly, licking my earlobes, kissing my neck, breasts, everywhere, like an explorer expertly mapping out my skin with his tongue.
Then, as we make love like we haven’t done in the longest, longest time, I realise just how much I’d completely forgotten about him. I’d blanked out his taut, toned body, the musky smell of him, the sheer hulking size of him and how tiny and safe I always feel in his arms, how intense and urgent and passionate a lover he is.
How did I forget all this? How could I have?
Afterwards, we lie side by side on the sofa together for a long, long time, stretched out in easy silence.
‘I love you,’ he keeps telling me over and over again, the black eyes regaining some of their old twinkle. ‘Always have, always will.’
‘I love you too. Even when I didn’t like you, I still loved you.’
And he laughs and it occurs to me, it’s been so long since I’ve seen Dan really laugh, I’d actually forgotten what his teeth looked like.
Funny but I spent so much time these past few weeks wanting to go home.
But with Dan beside me, his head on my chest, his arms locked tightly around me, I suddenly realise.
I am home.
Later on in the afternoon I take Dan to the hospital to keep vigil on Liz. Where there’s no change. Her father is still here and my heart goes out to him when I see his pale, shattered face, his whole body bent double with exhaustion. Dan encourages him to go back to Liz’s apartment to try and sleep, but he refuses to budge.
‘Well, then at least come downstairs and have something to eat,’ says Dan kindly.
He agrees to be led down to the canteen by Dan, but stops halfway out the door to thank me and the others too for watching over Liz round the clock.
‘Over here, we’re like her family too,’ is all I can say.
I stay behind and read out yet more gossipy magazine stuff to Liz, hoping, praying that on some level she can hear me. Then I realise that what’s been happening of late in my own life might just be of more interest to her than news about Lady Gaga’s meat dress, so I tell her everything.
Bring her up to speed on absolutely everything. About my dinner date with Jack and how I couldn’t get out of The Plaza fast enough, about how I’d thought Dan was with someone else, while the whole time he was thinking the very same thing about me. So he hopped on a flight over and now here we both are. Figuring out things.
‘But you know something, Liz? This time, I think that he and I might be OK.’
I look down at her, so tiny and thin in the hospital bed, with drips coming out of what looks like every vein on her arm and think…be OK too, Liz. You’ve got too much to live for to go now. Just open your eyes, that’s all we’re asking…such a little thing to ask for.
I’ve introduced Dan to the whole gang now and it’s like every time he’s out of the hospital room, either Chris, Alex or Blythe feels the need to tell me exactly what they think about him, no details spared.
‘Such a good looking man, love!’ says Blythe. ‘And a real gentle giant too. Far more suitable for you than…well, we needn’t say any more on that subject, need we? Do you know I went to St Patrick’s Cathedral yesterday to pray to St Jude for poor little Liz and I lit a candle for you too that the right thing would happen for you in…well, let’s just say in your romantic life. And look how well that turned out for you? But then that’s St Jude for you. He never lets me down. Patron saint of hopeless cases, you know.’
Much later in the afternoon, I’m outside in the hospital corridor at a vending machine, watching milky tea shoot into a plastic cup when Dan comes rushing up to me, his huge hands gripping me urgently by the shoulders.
‘Annie, love, come quick. You need to see this.’
I abandon the tea and race back to the ICU with him, where everyone else is gathered around her bed – her father, Blythe, Chris, Alex. The whole gang’s here.
Dan and I stand together at the back of the room, and I can feel his warm hand slipping around mine. I glance up at him and he gives me a look that says, it’s OK. She’s going to be OK.
‘Liz?’ her dad says to her gently, ‘Liz, can you hear me. You opened your eyes just a minute ago, do you think you could do it again? Try, Liz, please try. Try for me.’
And that’s when it happens. Slowly, barely perceptibly, her eyelids start to flutter and I physically gasp. Then she sees us, all of us, gathered around her, watching her with a combination of terror and relief and happiness.
There’s no mistake. Liz is awake. For sure. Gradually, she takes each one of us in, then manages to mouth a weak thank you.
‘You see?’ says Blythe triumphantly. ‘I told y
ou. St Jude has never once let me down. Ever.’
Chapter Twenty-One
I’m almost late for the show, barely shaving the half-hour call, but for once I don’t care. Because not only has a miracle happened to Liz today but Dan is here, beside me. Where he belongs
So he and I grab a taxi to the theatre together and we’re still clinging to each other in the back seat, as he softly kisses my neck, ears, cheeks, running his hands through my hair every chance he gets. ‘You know, back at your apartment earlier was amazing,’ Dan whispers. ‘Best afternoon I’ve had in I don’t know how long. Why haven’t you and I been having sex more often? We’re bloody good at it!’
I grin up at him, still euphoric about Liz being OK and only now that all the worry over her has been eliminated, allowing myself to sink deep into happiness about Dan…and next thing we’re kissing again, his mouth firm and insistent on mine.
‘Honeymooners, huh?’ says the taxi driver from the front seat, clocking the pair of us in his rear-view mirror.
‘In a way, yes,’ I say and Dan smiles that crooked smile that I love so much.
‘Actually,’ he leans forward to proudly tell the driver, arms tightly wrapped around me, ‘would you believe that we’ve been together ever since we were fifteen years old?’
The driver whistles, duly impressed.
‘Well congratulations to you both. Wish my wife and I were as loved up as you guys after all that time. Some achievement, huh?’
We just look at each other and smile.
For love to strike once, I think, is easy. Especially when you’re only fifteen. For it to strike twice with the same person is nothing short of a miracle.
Then right outside the theatre box office, he suddenly grabs me and leans down to kiss me all over again, then slowly moves down to nibble at my neck, tickling me. Getting more and more intense all time and it’s only wonderful.
‘Sweetheart?’ he murmurs softly in my ear. ‘Love of my life? Heart of my heart?’
‘Shut up talking and kiss me some more.’
‘Oh I fully intend to, but first tell me, do you really have to go to work? Can’t we just go back to bed and continue making up for lost time?’
I break off to smile up at him and realise that the black eyes are twinkling down at me like they haven’t done in the longest time.
‘Ehhh…let me just get this straight. You are the one ticking me off for having to work?’ I laugh, teasing him.
‘I know, love, I know I’ve been a nightmare to live with. But if you’ll just give me one more chance, I can tell you that things are going to be very different from now on…far more sex in the afternoon I think, for starters…’
‘Mmmmmmm…very good idea…’
Then he breaks off to kiss me properly again and I’m on tip-toe now, my arms locked tight around him, when next thing I hear a familiar voice from behind.
‘Annie Cole, don’t tell me you’re picking up strange men off the streets now?’
It’s Hayley, Queen of the Box Office, almost unrecognisable in a hoodie and on her way into work. Like I should be.
‘This isn’t a strange man,’ I beam at her, eyes shining brightly. ‘Hayley, I’d like you to meet my husband.’
‘Oh my Lord, you must be the famous Dan!’ she exclaims, her face lighting up in instant recognition. ‘Ohhh, I’m so glad you two are working everything out! You know for a minute there, I thought you guys were in trouble.’
Dan stays for a full two weeks and now, with the worry of Liz gone, I don’t feel guilty about the deep joy I’m feeling any more. Liz, by the way, is doing exceptionally well; she’s back at the Eleanor Young clinic having treatment, sticking with the programme this time and every Monday, without fail, the rest of us troop up to Albany to visit her. She’s still weak as a kitten but is slowly gaining weight and as Dr Goldman says, recovery is a long process and she’ll need just to take things one day at a time. But so far so good…
Meanwhile it’s like Dan and I are on a second honeymoon. Having spent so long apart, and I’m not just talking about since I came to New York either, now it’s as though we can’t bear to be as much as three inches away from each other. No matter where we go, in restaurants, clubs or bars, we’re like some mythological two-headed, four-legged beast, constantly wrapped around each other, touching each other, snatching kisses every chance we get.
It reminds me of days of old – we’ve barely left each other’s side and it’s only magical. We’re completely back to that relaxed easiness, that level of familiarity where we can practically hear thoughts dropping into each other’s heads. Together we’re revisiting all the landmarks we saw here before and instead of feeling a pang of nostalgia, now all I can think of is our future and what lies ahead. And I’m not frightened any more. Not now. With Dan beside me, how could I be?
Jack and Dan finally do meet, late after the show one night, when Dan is sitting chatting to me in my dressing room. Totally unannounced, Jack strides in, ostensibly to give Rachel some performance notes. Each instantly cops on who the other is before I introduce them, but if I thought there’d be any underlying tension, I was well wrong.
Without even realising I’m doing it, instinctively I lean in towards Dan, who slips a possessive arm around my waist as he politely shakes hands with Jack, as much as to say, she’s forgiven me and she’s chosen me. Meanwhile Jack just gives him one of his Jack looks, nods curtly at me, and is gone. The next news bulletin I hear about him is that he’s finally been offered a movie script that he’s agreed to work on and is out in LA.
Not long after, one lazy afternoon, Dan and I are strolling through Central Park in the warm October sunshine, when he suddenly pulls me down onto a bench beside him and kisses me spontaneously. One of those long lingering kisses that turns into something more intense and I just know that if we were back in my apartment, we’d most likely both have all our clothes off and be diving into bed together round now.
‘Mmmmmm,’ I say, cradling the back of his neck when we both eventually do come up for air. ‘Now what was that for?’
‘For putting up with me,’ he says, whispering into my hair. ‘Like no other woman in Ireland would have. How did you stand it all that time, Annie? With me working, working, working day and night? Jules gave me a right earbashing about it when she got back from her holiday here, you know. Told me in no uncertain terms that I hadn’t exactly acted like husband of the year and that if I lost you, I’d only myself to blame.’
‘Oh, honey, I knew you had to work as hard as you did. I knew you were only trying to build up the practice and needed the cash to support not just us but your mum and Jules too. It was rough going, I’ll admit, but I did understand.’
‘All those times I let you down and acted like some work-obsessed shit. Last year’s anniversary, Christmas Day, for God’s sake…I’ve been playing it over and over in my mind and all I can think is how lucky I am you didn’t divorce me.’
‘I’ll be honest, it certainly wasn’t easy…but that was then, and this is now.’
He laces his hands around mine and is playing with my wedding ring now.
‘You know, I’ve been thinking, love.’
‘What’s up?’ I ask.
‘When your contract is up here and the show is over…I don’t want you coming home to The Moorings with me and then you and I falling into the same old pattern again; me gone all the time while you struggle on alone.’
I don’t answer him straight away. Mainly because while I’ve been dying to finish work and get back to my life with Dan again, I have to admit, the picture he’s just painted isn’t an appealing one. Because, the God’s honest truth is, I just don’t know if I could go back to that life again. Maybe all would be well for a time, but for how long? And would the same old problems start resurfacing?
‘So, what do you think we should do?’ I ask him tentatively. ‘I mean, there’s your mother to think about and Jules too.’
And Lisa fecking Ledbetter, I add bitter
ly in my head. Who’s still living in the house, kids and all, most likely claiming squatters’ rights by now. Wouldn’t put it past her.
No, definitely not a pretty picture.
‘Sweetheart,’ he says, slipping a warm arm around my shoulder. ‘If it’s one lesson I’ve learned the hard way it’s this: what matters most is you and I. Our marriage is my number one priority. So would you just trust me for the next few weeks? I’ve got to get back soon, but by the time I come back to you this December, I promise you, things will be very different.’
‘You’ll still come back in December?’
‘Course I will. I made you a promise, didn’t I? And will you trust me to sort things out at home before you get back?’
‘I’d trust you with my whole life.’
‘That’s my girl.’
We kiss again, more deeply though and next thing his warm, eager hands have somehow slid under my jacket and jumper, cradling my breasts, brushing his thumb over my nipples, touching me all over, making me want him so much that it’s making me dizzy and my breath is coming in short, panting bursts.
‘Annie?’
‘Don’t stop…whatever you do, don’t stop…’
‘I’ve no intention of stopping…I was wondering…do we have time to get back to your apartment, before you have to go to work, I mean?’
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow Page 34
