Sally hears something dangerous in her daughter’s voice, but of course thirteen is a dangerous age. It’s the time when a girl can snap, when good can turn to bad for no apparent reason, and you can lose your own child if you’re not careful.
“We’ll go to the drugstore in the morning,” Sally says. “Once we get hold of a package of brown dye you’ll look perfectly fine.”
“I think that’s my decision.” Kylie is surprised at herself, but that doesn’t mean she’s about to give in.
“Well, I disagree,” Sally says. There’s a lump in her throat. She would like to do something other than stand here—smack Kylie, perhaps, or hug her, but she knows neither of these things is possible.
“Well, that’s too bad,” Kylie says right back. “Because it’s my hair.”
Watching all this, Antonia has a big grin on her face.
“Is this any of your business?” Sally says to her. She waits for Antonia to go inside before turning to Kylie. “We’ll discuss this tomorrow. Get in the house.”
The sky is dark and deep. The stars have begun to come out. Kylie shakes her head no. “I won’t.”
“Fine,” Sally says. There’s a catch in her voice, but her posture is straight and unrelenting. For weeks she’s been afraid that she might lose her daughter, that Kylie would favor Gillian’s careless ways, that she’d grow up too soon. Sally had planned to be understanding, to consider such behavior a passing phase, but now that it’s really happened Sally is stunned to find how angry she is. After all I’ve done for you is lodged somewhere in her brain, and, far worse, it’s in her heart as well. “If this is the way you want to spend your birthday—fine.”
After Sally goes inside, the door closes with a little hissing sound, then slams as it shuts. Kylie has been alive beneath this sky for thirteen years, and only tonight does she really look at all those stars above her. She slips off her shoes, leaves them on the front stoop, then goes around to the backyard. The lilacs have never before been in flower on her birthday, and she takes it as a sign of luck. The bushes are so lush and overgrown, she has to stoop to get by them. For her whole life she has been measuring herself against her sister, and she’s not going to do that anymore. That is the gift Gillian has given her tonight, and for that she will always be grateful.
Anything can happen. Kylie sees that now. All across the lawn there are fireflies and heat waves. Kylie stretches out one hand and fireflies collect in her palm. As she shakes them off, and they rise into the air, she wonders if she has something other people don’t. Intuition or hope—she wouldn’t know what to call it. Perhaps what she has is the simple ability to know that something has changed and is changing still, under this dark and starry sky.
Kylie has always been able to read people, even those who close themselves up tight. But now that she’s turned thirteen, her meager talent has intensified. All evening she has been seeing colors around people, as though they were illuminated from within, just like fireflies. The green edge of her sister’s jealousy, the black aura of fear when her mother saw that she looked like a woman, not a little girl. These bands of color seem so real to Kylie that she has tried to reach out her hand and touch them, but the colors bleed into the air and disappear. And now, as she stands in her own backyard, she sees that the lilacs, those beautiful things, have an aura all their own, and it’s surprisingly dark. It’s purple, but it seems like a bloodstained relic, and it drifts upward like smoke.
All of a sudden, Kylie doesn’t feel quite so grown-up. She has the desire to be in her own bed, she even finds herself wishing that time could go backward, at least for a bit. But that never happens. Things can’t be undone. It’s ridiculous, but Kylie could swear there was a stranger out here in the yard. She backs up to the door and turns the handle, and just before she goes inside, she looks across the lawn and sees him. Kylie blinks, but sure enough he’s still there, under the arch of the lilacs, and he looks like the sort of man no one in her right mind would want to run into on a night as dark as this. He has a lot of nerve to be on private property, to treat this yard as his own. But, clearly, he doesn’t give a damn about such things as decorum and good behavior. He’s sitting there waiting, and whether Kylie or anyone else approves or disapproves doesn’t much matter. He’s there all right, admiring the night through his gorgeous cold eyes, ready to make somebody pay.
CLAIRVOYANCE
IF a woman is in trouble, she should always wear blue for protection. Blue shoes or a blue dress. A sweater the color of a robin’s egg or a scarf the shade of heaven. A thin satin ribbon, carefully threaded through the white lace hem of a slip. Any of these will do. But if a candle burns blue, that is something else entirely, that’s no luck at all, for it means there’s a spirit in your house. And if the flame should flicker, then grow stronger each time the candle is lit, the spirit is settling in. Its essence is wrapping around the furniture and the floorboards, it’s claiming the cabinets and the closets and will soon be rattling windows and doors.
Sometimes it takes a good while before anyone in a house realizes what has happened. People want to ignore what they can’t understand. They’re looking for logic at any cost. A woman can easily think she’s silly enough to misplace her earrings every single night. She can convince herself that a stray wooden spoon is the reason the dishwasher is constantly jamming, and that the toilet keeps flooding because of faulty pipes. When people snipe at each other, when they slam doors in each other’s faces and call each other names, when they can’t sleep at night because of guilt and bad dreams, and the very act of falling in love makes them sick to their stomach instead of giddy and joyful, then it’s best to consider every possible cause for so much bad fortune.
If Sally and Gillian had been on speaking terms, instead of avoiding each other in the hall and at the supper table, where one would not even ask the other to pass the butter or the rolls or the peas, they would have discovered as July wore on, with white heat and silence, that they were equally unlucky. The sisters could turn on a lamp, leave the room for a second, and return to complete darkness. They could start their cars, drive half a block, and discover they’d run out of gas, even if there’d been nearly a full tank just hours before. When either sister stepped into the shower, the warm water turned to ice, as though someone had played with the faucet. Milk would curdle as it was poured from the container. Toast burned. Letters the postman had carefully delivered were torn in half and their edges turned black, like an old withered rose.
Before long, each sister was losing whatever was most important to her. One morning Sally awoke to find that the photograph of her daughters, which she always kept on her bureau, had disappeared from its silver frame. The diamond earrings the aunts had given to her on her wedding day were no longer in her jewelry box; she searched her entire bedroom and still couldn’t find them anywhere. The bills she was supposed to pay before the end of the month, once in a neat pile on the kitchen counter, seemed to be gone, although she was convinced she’d written out the checks and sealed all the envelopes.
Gillian, who could certainly be accused of forgetfulness and disorder, was missing things that seemed almost impossible to lose, even for her. Her prized red cowboy boots, which she always kept beside the bed, simply weren’t there when she woke up one morning, as though they’d decided to just walk away. Her tarot cards, which she kept tied up in a satin handkerchief—and which had certainly helped her out of a fix or two, especially after her second marriage, when she didn’t have a cent and had to set herself up at a card table in a mall, telling fortunes for $2.95—had evaporated like smoke, all except for the Hanged Man, which can represent either wisdom or selfishness, depending on its position.
Little things were gone, such as Gillian’s tweezers and her watch, but major items were missing as well. Yesterday, she had gone out the front door still half asleep, and when she went to get into the Oldsmobile, it wasn’t anywhere in sight. She was late for work and figured that some teenage boy had stolen her car and she’d p
hone the police when she got to the Hamburger Shack. But when she arrived there, her feet killing her since she wasn’t wearing shoes meant for walking, there was the Oldsmobile, parked right out front, as though it were waiting for her, propelled by a mind of its own.
When Gillian questioned Ephraim, who’d been working behind the grill since early that morning, demanding to know whether he’d seen someone drop off her car, she sounded on edge, maybe even hysterical.
“It’s a practical joke,” Ephraim guessed. “Or somebody stole it, then got cold feet.”
Well, cold feet was certainly something Gillian knew about lately. Every time the phone rang, at work or at Sally’s house, Gillian thought it was Ben Frye. She got the shivers just thinking about him; she got them all the way down to her toes. Ben had sent her flowers, red roses, the morning after they’d met at Del Vecchio’s, but when he phoned she told him she couldn’t accept them, or anything else.
“Don’t call me,” she told him. “Don’t even think about me,” she cried.
What on earth was wrong with Ben Frye—didn’t he see her for the loser that she was? Lately, everything she touched fell apart—animal, vegetable, mineral, it didn’t matter in the least. It all fell apart equally beneath her touch. She opened Kylie’s closet and the door came right off its hinges. She put up a can of tomato-rice soup to cook on the back burner and the kitchen curtains caught on fire. She walked out to the patio, to have a cigarette in peace, only to step on a dead crow, which seemed to have fallen directly from the sky into her path.
She was bad luck, ill-fated and unfortunate as the plague. When she dared to glance into the mirror she looked the same—high cheekbones, wide gray eyes, generous mouth—all of it familiar and, many would say, beautiful. Still, once or twice she had caught sight of her image a little too quickly, and then she didn’t like what she found staring back at her. From certain angles, in certain sorts of light, she saw what she imagined Jimmy must have seen, late at night, when he was plastered and she was backing away from him, her hands up, to protect her face. That woman was a silly, vain creature who didn’t stop to think before she opened her mouth. That woman believed she could change Jimmy, or, if worse came to worst, rearrange him somehow. The absolute fool. No wonder she couldn’t work the stove or find her boots. No wonder she’d managed to kill Jimmy, when all she’d really wanted was a little tenderness.
Gillian had been crazy to sit in the booth at Del Vecchio’s with Ben Frye in the first place, but she’d been so upset she’d stayed until midnight. By the end of that evening, they had eaten every bit of the food Sally had ordered and had fallen for each other so hard they didn’t notice they had each consumed an entire pizza. Even then, it wasn’t enough. They ate the way people who’d been hypnotized might have, not bothering to glance at the bits of salad and mushroom they speared with their forks, not wanting to leave the table if that meant leaving each other.
Gillian still can’t quite believe that Ben Frye is for real. He’s unlike any other man she has ever been with. He listens to her, for one thing. He’s so kindhearted that people are drawn to him. People just assume he’s trustworthy; whenever he visits cities he’s never been to before he’s always asked for directions, even by natives. He has a degree in biology from Berkeley, but he also puts on magic shows in the children’s ward of the local hospital every Saturday afternoon. The kids aren’t the only ones who gather around when Ben arrives, with his silk scarves and carton of eggs and his decks of cards. It’s impossible to get the attention of any of the nurses on the floor; some of them swear Ben Frye is the best-looking single man in New York State.
Because of all this, Gillian Owens is definitely not the first to have Ben on her mind. There are women in town who have been after him for so long they’ve memorized his daily schedule and all the facts of his life, and are so obsessed that when asked for their phone number they often recite his instead. There are teachers in the high school who bring him casseroles every Friday evening, and newly divorced neighbors who call him late at night because their fuses have all blown and they insist they’re afraid they’ll electrocute themselves without his scientific know-how.
These women would give anything to have Ben Frye sending them roses. They’d say Gillian needs her head examined for sending them back. You’re lucky, that’s what they’d tell her. But it’s a perverse sort of luck: The second Ben Frye fell in love with her, Gillian knew she could never allow someone as wonderful as he is to get involved with a woman like her. Considering the messes she’s made, falling in love is now permanently out of the question. The only way anyone could force her to become a wife again would be to chain her to a chapel wall and aim a shotgun at her head. When she came home from Del Vecchio’s on the night she met Ben, she took a vow never to marry again. She locked herself in the bathroom and lit a black candle and tried to remember some of the aunts’ incantations. When she could not, she repeated “Single forever” three times, and that seems to have done the trick because she keeps refusing him, in spite of how she feels inside.
“Go away,” she tells Ben whenever he calls. She doesn’t think about the way he looks, or about the feel of the calluses on his fingers, the ones caused by practicing knots for his magic act nearly every day. “Find someone who will make you happy.”
But that’s not what Ben wants. He wants her. He phones and phones, until they all assume he’s the one calling each and every time. Now whenever the phone rings in the Owens house, whoever grabs the receiver doesn’t say a word, not even a hello. Each one of them just breathes and waits. It’s gotten so that Ben can discern their breathing styles: Sally’s matter-of-fact intake of air. Kylie’s snort, like a horse who has no patience for the idiot on the other side of the fence. Antonia’s sad, fluttery inhalation. And, of course, the sound he’s always wishing for—the exasperated and beautiful sigh that escapes from Gillian’s mouth before she tells him to leave her alone, get a life, get lost. Do whatever you want, just don’t call me anymore.
Still, there’s a catch in her voice, and Ben can tell that when she hangs up on him, she’s sad and bewildered. He truly can’t stand the thought of her unhappiness. Just the idea of tears in her eyes makes him so frenzied that he doubles the miles he usually runs. He traipses around the reservoir so often that the ducks have begun to recognize him and no longer take flight when he passes by. He is as familiar as twilight and cubed white bread. Sometimes he sings “Heartbreak Hotel” while he runs, and then he knows he’s in deep trouble. A fortuneteller at a magicians’ convention in Atlantic City once told him that when he fell in love it would be forever, and he laughed at the notion, but now he sees that reading was completely on target.
Ben is so mixed up that he’s begun to do magic tricks involuntarily. He reached for his credit card at the gas station and pulled out the queen of hearts. He made his electricity bill disappear and set the rosebush in his backyard on fire. He took a quarter from behind an elderly woman’s ear as he was helping her cross the Turnpike and nearly sent her into cardiac arrest. Worst of all, he’s no longer allowed into the Owl Café at the north end of the Turnpike, where he usually has breakfast, since lately he sets all the soft-boiled eggs spinning and rips the tablecloths off each table he passes on the way to his regular booth.
Ben can’t think of anything but Gillian. He’s started to carry a rope around with him, in order to tie and untie Tom Fool and Jacoby knots, a bad habit that comes back to him whenever he’s nervous or when he can’t get what he wants. But even the rope isn’t helping. He wants her so much that he’s fucking her inside his head when he should be doing things like putting on his brakes at a stoplight or discussing the influx of Japanese beetles with his next-door neighbor, Mrs. Fishman. He’s so overheated that the cuffs of his shirts are singed. He’s hard constantly, ready for something that looks as if it’s never going to happen.
Ben doesn’t know what to do to win Gillian over, he has no idea, so he goes to see Sally, ready to beg for her help. But Sally won�
�t even open the door for him. She speaks through the screen, with a distant tone, as if he’d appeared on her front stoop with a vacuum to sell, instead of arriving with his heart in his hand.
“Take my advice,” Sally suggests. “Forget Gillian. Don’t even think about her. Marry some nice woman.”
But Ben Frye made up his mind the minute he saw Gillian standing beneath the lilacs. Or maybe it wasn’t his mind that was so intensely affected, but now every piece of him wants her. And so when Sally tells him to go home, Ben refuses to leave. He sits down on the porch as though he had something to protest or all the time in the world. He’s there all day, and when the six o’clock whistle at the fire station over on the Turnpike blows, he still hasn’t moved. Gillian will not even speak to him when she comes home from work. Already, today, she has lost her watch and her favorite lipstick. At work, she dropped so many hamburgers on the floor she could have sworn someone was tipping the plates right out of her hands. Now, Ben Frye is here and in love with her and she can’t even kiss him or wrap her arms around him, because she’s poison and she knows it, which is just her luck.
She rushes past him and locks herself in the bathroom, where she runs the water so that no one can hear her cry. She is not worth his devotion. She wishes he would evaporate into thin air. Maybe then she wouldn’t have this feeling deep inside, a feeling she can deny all she wants, but that won’t stop it from being desire. Still, in spite of her constant refusals, she can’t help but peek out the bathroom window, just to get a look at Ben. There he is, in the fading light, certain of what he wants, certain of her. If Gillian were speaking to her sister, or, more correctly, if Sally were speaking to her, Gillian would draw her over to the window to get a look. Isn’t he beautiful? That’s what she would have said if she and Sally had been talking. I wish I deserved him, she would have whispered into her sister’s ear.
Practical Magic Page 11
