I felt like I was disconnected from my body. Here, but not. I kept replaying what had happened over and over in my mind—but the outcome was always different as I imagined the various ways Icky Guy could’ve hurt me. Things could’ve been so much worse than they were. I could’ve become one of those stories you hear about on the news.
Once in the vehicle Cade cranked up the heat and reached over, giving my knee a reassuring squeeze.
“I’ll deal with you later,” he hissed at Thea. He sounded like a father scolding his child and disappointment laced his tone.
Thea didn’t reply. I was glad. I didn’t want to hear her voice.
Cade started to pull out of the parking lot, but his headlights flashed over a man leaning against the side of the building smoking a cigarette. It was him. My body stiffened and I whimpered. Cade noticed and slammed his foot on the brake, which shoved all of us forward.
“Is that him?” He asked. “That’s him, isn’t it?”
He didn’t wait for me or Thea to reply. He was out of the vehicle in one lightning fast move. I watched, frozen, as he ran up to the guy. He must’ve yelled something, because Icky Guy looked up and then Cade’s fist slammed into the side of his face.
The guy fell to the ground, his cigarette forgotten, as he clutched the side of his face.
Cade bore down on him and hit him again and again.
“Oh my God,” Thea gasped from the backseat, “he’s going to kill him.” I heard the seatbelt click undone and then she slipped out of the car after Cade.
She grasped her brother’s arm, pulling as hard as she could. She finally got his attention and pointed at the vehicle. No, not at the vehicle, at me.
Cade shoved his fingers through his hair and nodded.
They got back in the car and Cade sped out of the parking lot, his jaw clenched tightly.
I leaned my head against the cool glass of the window and closed my eyes.
I wanted to pretend that tonight didn’t happen—to erase it from my memory with one swipe of my fingers over the delete button.
I’d tried that once before, but memories have a way of haunting you for the rest of your life. They don’t just go away. They become a part of you—an essential element of your make up.
fifteen
I cracked my eyes open on Sunday morning to find Thea standing above me with a tray of breakfast food. After last night I hadn’t bothered to get up and run this morning. When I woke up at five I promptly went back to sleep, muttering, “Screw it.”
“What are you doing?” I rubbed my eyes free of sleep and glared at Thea.
“Well,” she frowned, “I’m trying to apologize for last night.”
“I think you did that with the thousand and one times you told me you were sorry.” I sat up¸ stretching my arms above my head.
Thea sat the tray in my lap and then proceeded to perch on the end of my bed.
“Yeah,” she frowned, looking forlorn, “but I didn’t think you forgave me.”
She had that right. “No, I didn’t.”
Tears pricked her eyes. “You have no idea how sorry I am, Rae. I was selfish by running off and leaving you alone. It was stupid of me. I can’t take back what I did, but I want you to know that I feel awful.” She swiped at a tear coursing down her cheek.
I swallowed thickly. I didn’t want to fight with Thea. “You’re forgiven.” She brightened at my words. “But don’t you dare try to get me to go out some place like that ever again.”
“Deal,” she agreed, reaching forward to hug me.
I stiffened at first, but then returned the gesture.
Thea was sweet and she had good intentions. I also felt that Thea could be a bit naïve to the ways of the world. She had an almost childlike innocence that I was envious of. I’d walked face first into the harsher facts of life and there was no coming back from it.
I finally looked down at the tray of food. She’d gotten three to-go boxes full of food from the diner. “Do you really think I’m going to eat all this?” I laughed.
“Well,” she smiled, “I was kinda hoping you’d forgive me and we could share.”
This time it was my turn to say, “Deal.”
While we ate Thea did a good job of getting my mind off last night. She told me stories about being a kid and all the trouble Cade, Xander, and she used to get into. Apparently they were quite the troublemakers. Especially the boys.
Hearing Thea talk about her childhood made memories of mine spring to mine. I missed my friends. I missed Brett. I missed the future I could’ve had.
Brett and I were always close. We’d known each other since we were in diapers, thanks to our parents being friends. Not having him in my life anymore…at times his loss was crippling. I’d loved him.
I startled.
I’d loved him.
I was thinking of him in the past tense. Loved. I loved him once. No more. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. A part of me would always belong to Brett, but I was…I was no longer tied down by my feelings. And that…yeah, that was sort of freeing.
After we finished eating I got dressed for the day. Nova and I had plans to meet up around lunchtime to work on our project some more. It was coming together nicely and I could even see myself becoming friends with the purple-haired girl.
“What are your plans for the day?” I asked Thea, as I wiggled into a pair of jeans.
She sat cross-legged on her bed with a magazine in her lap. “Don’t know. I might go get my nails done. They’re looking shitty.” She held her hands out and wrinkled her nose at the chipping polish. I couldn’t help but look down at my own nails and the purple polish that adorned them. “Yeah, nails it is,” she nodded her head. “You’re welcome to come if you want.”
“Uh…” Rachael had loved getting her nails done. Rae, not so much. Rae did her own nails and a crappy job at that. “I’m supposed to meet up with Novalee to work on our project.”
“Invite her!” Thea chirped. “We can make it a girl’s day! Go to the mall! Come on! It’ll be fun!” She pleaded.
Sometimes I felt bad for Thea. In instances like this I could tell just how lonely she really was.
“I can ask her,” I shrugged, “but I doubt it’s really her thing.”
“You can let me know then,” Thea smiled, but I didn’t miss how her shoulders sagged.
I sighed, guilt eating away at me. “I’ll text her and if she’s not into it I’ll ask her if we can reschedule.”
“Really?” Thea brightened, her eyes wide and happy like a puppy’s.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Plus, I think you owe me after last night’s disaster,” I teased.
She frowned. “I really do.”
“I was only kidding, Thea,” I told her, grabbing my phone off the bed.
“I know, but you’re right. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you.” She looked at me forlornly.
“You don’t need to make it up to me.” I wished now I hadn’t said anything, even if I had only been joking.
She gave me a look that said she clearly did. I ignored it and texted Nova.
Not even a minute had passed when she responded.
I looked up at Thea and grinned. “She’s in.”
***
“Thea,” I groaned, “so help me God if you put that hot pink polish on your nails I will beat you within an inch of your life.”
She giggled and placed the bottle back on the shelf. “What would you suggest then?”
“Black,” Nova spoke up.
Thea wrinkled her nose. “Um, no.”
“Do you really like pink that much?” I asked, suddenly feeling bad for what I’d said.
“Not really.” She admitted.
“What’s your favorite color?” I asked.
“Green,” she answered immediately.
“Then go with green.” I picked up a deep hunter green color. “Try this one.”
She grabbed the bottle from my hand and looked at it. “Okay. I’m going to do it.�
��
Something told me this was a big step for Thea. The color of nail polish probably seemed like such a little thing, but from the little Cade had said I got the impression their mom was controlling when it came to Thea. She wanted her daughter to be a pink glamour princess.
Thea handed her nail polish over to one of the ladies working there. Now that Thea was taken care of it was my turn to pick something. I settled on a dark purple with glitter that appeared nearly black unless the light was shining on it. Nova chose a deep red.
They seated us so the three of us were in a row and could talk.
We were all quiet at first. I think Nova and Thea didn’t quite know what to make of each other.
Nova was the first to break the silence. “If you like green, why were you choosing pink?”
Thea shrugged and the nail lady scolded her for moving. “My mom,” I knew it, “likes me to look a certain way.”
Nova eyed the designer jeans and pale yellow blouse Thea wore. “So I’m guessing this uppity nun garb you’re wearing isn’t quite your style.”
I snorted. Nova was blunt, and I kind of liked that about her.
“No,” Thea laughed. “It’s not.”
Nova nodded and seemed to be pondering something. Finally she said, “I find that pleasing other people in turn makes ourselves miserable.” Pain flashed in her eyes and she hastily looked away. I studied the side of her face wondering what that look meant.
“Yeah,” Thea sighed, “I feel pretty miserable a lot of times.”
My spine straightened. What? I didn’t know that? Thea…she was always so happy. I would never guess that she felt that way. I was shocked to say the least. I guess it showed that I didn’t know as much about her as I thought I did. Just like she didn’t know the truth about me.
Some friends we were.
Nova turned back to Thea. “I think after we’re done here, we should go shopping and get some clothes that you like.”
Thea pondered her words. “I’m not even sure I know what I like.”
Nova smiled sympathetically. “We’ll figure it out.”
Right then, my gut clenched. This was so familiar. I used to do things like this with my best friends, Sarah and Hannah, but they we were gone now and I was…I was here. I was here with Nova and Thea, and I felt like, maybe, the three of us could be best friends—if I found it in my heart to let them in.
When our nails were done we strolled through the mall, going in to practically every store we came across. I was glad I’d worn my Converse, otherwise my feet would’ve been killing me.
Nova and Thea seemed to have instantly bonded which I found funny, since they seemed so opposite. Thea was obsessed with Nova’s purple hair and I wouldn’t have been surprised if in a few days hers was purple.
Exhausted, we stopped to eat at one of the restaurants in the mall.
We’d just placed our order when two guys I recognized strolled in. Nova and Thea were sitting on the opposite side of the booth so they didn’t see them.
Cade smiled when he saw me watching him and sauntered over with Xander close on his heels.
“Hello, ladies,” Cade slid into the booth beside me. Xander squeezed in next to Thea and lowered his head to quickly whisper something in her ear.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
Cade held up a shopping bag from the sporting goods store. “Shopping.” After giving the bag a shake he dropped it on the floor. “I hope you don’t mind if we join you.”
“Not at all,” I smiled. I shouldn’t have been happy to see Cade, but I was. My body hummed pleasantly anytime he was near and I’d become addicted to the feeling.
Cade finally swiveled his gaze to Thea and glared at her.
I may have forgiven her for last night, but it was clear Cade hadn’t. “I can’t believe you dragged her out again.”
Thea frowned and seemed to close in on herself at his words. “I thought it would be nice to get out. She didn’t have to come. I would’ve come by myself,” she defended.
“Cade,” I put a hand on his forearm, “I wanted to come. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay.” His muscles flexed beneath my touch. “Last night could’ve been a whole lot worse and I don’t think Thea grasps that.”
Thea’s face grew red and she slammed a hand on the table. “I do understand that and I feel awful. I don’t need my douchebag brother making me feel worse.”
Whoa. I thought that was the first time I’d ever seen the siblings argue. It was weird. And…and they were arguing because of me.
“As long as you understand I might forgive you…one day.” Cade muttered. He picked up my glass of Sprite. He took a sip and slid it back my way. At my look he shrugged. “I was thirsty.”
Of course he was.
The waitress came by and startled at our new guests. “I’ll get you guys a menu,” she muttered before walking off.
She returned a moment later with the menus and got their drink order. Cade insisted that we would share. “Rae doesn’t mind,” he winked at me.
The waitress nodded and walked away.
“You should’ve gotten your own,” I muttered, feeling Thea’s eyes on us.
He shrugged. “And miss the chance to share straws with you, I think not. Especially since,” his voice lowered and he whispered in my ear, “I haven’t kissed you yet. And trust me, Rae, when you’re ready I’m going to kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before.”
My breath caught and something told me he was right. Kissing Cade would be unlike anything else I had ever experienced. Even with Brett. Cade was different. I saw that clearly now and it scared me. I wanted to run, but I wanted to stay even more.
When the waitress returned with Xander’s glass of water the two guys placed their order.
I realized then that poor Nova was completely out of the loop.
“Nova, this is Cade. Cade, this is Nova. We have class together. She’s a photographer too. Cade is also Thea’s brother,” I added.
“Nice to meet you,” Nova smiled.
“Likewise.” Cade reached for my drink again. I was about to ask the waitress to just bring me my own, but I knew Cade would only drink from that one too.
“And this is Xander, Cade’s best friend.” I pointed to the guy seated beside Thea.
Nova had to lean forward to see him. “Hi.” She gave a small wave and he returned it. I didn’t miss the way his hand grazed lightly over Thea’s shoulder before dropping below the table.
Thea caught my gaze and hastily looked away. Clearing her throat, Thea turned back to me. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
I shrugged, taking my Sprite from Cade before he drank it all. “Just staying on campus.”
Cade swiveled in the booth to look at me while Thea’s jaw dropped. “You can’t spend Thanksgiving by yourself! That’s just…wrong!”
“I don’t want to go home,” I muttered. I felt bad because I knew my parents wanted to see me, but I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t subject myself to that town’s ridicule anymore. I couldn’t bear to run into Brett’s parent’s—and they were nearly impossible to avoid since they lived next door.
“Why don’t you spend Thanksgiving with us?” Thea pleaded. “I’ll ask my mom, but I know they won’t care. She always makes too much food anyway. Please, Rae?” She begged. “You can’t be alone on Thanksgiving.”
“It’ll be fun.” Cade waggled his eyebrows with a grin. “We can have a Harry Potter marathon.”
I felt unsure of what to do. A part of me was ecstatic that they’d offer, but I was also scared. A whole four days at their house—sleeping near Cade? Something told me this could be dangerous. But I found myself saying, “If it’s okay with your parents then I’m in.”
“Yay!” Thea clapped her hands together. “This is going to be so much fun!”
Fun? Or a disaster?
sixteen
The house was modest in size, smaller than I had expected. The front was gray stone
with large windows. The wood front door had orange and yellow leaves hanging around it with a wreath in the center. It had a cozy, lived-in look to it.
“Home sweet home,” Cade mumbled, sliding out of the Jeep. He didn’t sound all that thrilled to be home.
I’d stepped onto the driveway when the front door opened and a short woman with hair the same color as Thea’s came running towards us. “You’re home! You’re home!” She chanted. She acted as if she hadn’t seen them since they left for school, which I found odd since it had only taken us thirty minutes to get here. Surely she’d come to one of Cade’s football games.
She hugged Cade and then Thea. She didn’t appear to want to let either of them go.
“I’ve missed you.” She held Thea at arm’s length as her eyes narrowed. “What are you wearing?”
Thea looked down at the leggings, brown boots, and jean shirt she wore with a coat. “Um…clothes.”
“You look like you’re homeless.” With that her mom turned to me. “You must be Rae.” She enveloped me in a motherly hug. She seemed nice enough but her previous words to Thea had been rather rude.
“I made lunch. I thought you guys might be hungry. Get your bags, eat, and then you can get settled.” She patted my cheek. “You’re a pretty girl.”
I wasn’t sure if I should say thank you, so instead I stood there. She seemed to take that as an answer.
Once she was gone, I said, “Your mom seems…nice.”
Cade laughed, getting all of our bags from the trunk. “Yeah, if nice is a code word for crazy.”
“Hey,” Thea slapped his arm lightly, “she’s our mom. Be nice.”
Cade sighed and looked at me. “She tries, but she can be very judgmental. Our mom, I mean,” he added as if I hadn’t figured out who he was talking about. “Like I told you before, she’s zany.”
“But we love her,” Thea added, like it needed to be said.
“Where’s your dad?” I asked, looking around like he might pop out from behind a bush.
“Probably inside spying on us,” Cade grumbled.
Thea picked up her duffel bag. “I’m starving.” She headed towards the house, leaving Cade and I alone.
Rae of Sunshine Page 14
