Through My Rhymes - Volume 3

by Jesse Chamberlain

  Break me but not my heart, even if the world falls apart,

  Break me but not my heart, even if it all goes dark,

  Break me but not my heart, even if my world falls apart,

  Break me but not my heart, even if I didn't have one to start.

  I got a cold feeling that's creeping over my bones,

  Set my phone to silent so I can't hear any tones,

  Some nights you just say to yourself that you want to be alone,

  But your mind thinks of actions that you wouldn't condone.

  Some deal with it one way or another,

  I just want to be held by another,

  Because you don't have to be lovers to slip between the covers,

  But you don't have to do anything else besides hug each other.

  Once the heart gets involved then I can't take it when it breaks,

  Broken it myself and had it broken to the point I'd get the shakes,

  That's just love at its most brutal and those are the stakes,

  To find that love again, I'll do whatever it takes.

  I need to learn to say no to letting someone go,

  I need to learn to knuckle down, talk and together grow,

  When I find that again with someone, then I'll know,

  There are only happy todays and no more lonely tomorrows.

  Break me but not my heart, even if the world falls apart,

  Break me but not my heart, even if it all goes dark,

  Break me but not my heart, even if my world falls apart,

  Break me but not my heart, even if I didn't have one to start.

  Saturday, October 29th, 2011

  The list kept growing and the cracks started showing,

  The problems you were having just started overflowing,

  You needed to finally say something when I wasn't going,

  In any direction and our future was up in the air and not knowing.

  We just didn't have it in us at the time,

  When I was seriously out of my mind,

  You saw it happen but acted to it blind,

  But in the end it was me who crossed the line.

  I miss you, but know you stopped loving me,

  But to you, I still owe an apology,

  They say if you let it go and it comes back then it's for eternity,

  So I know for that fact that you stopped loving me.

  That was the last night that I've had pizza inn,

  After making a bet that I hope to win,

  It has nothing to with you but that night's where I begin,

  When you said I'll be alone forever and that's not forgotten.

  Maybe things would've been different in another time,

  Maybe if I had had a job then, than everything would be fine,

  But I probably would've never written 2 books in that time,

  Trying to steady my life that's been on the decline.

  You'll probably never read this but I still see your door in my face,

  Slammed with all your might and the rest of it hate,

  I just hope you are happy forever in any case,

  But still understand if you consider me a waste of space.

  My last love kiss hello but never got a good bye,

  The night that crushed my heart and brought tears to our eyes,

  The last slice that I've had from the inn,

  I hope you are loved forever by another me who different.

  My last love kiss hello but hopefully not forever,

  Maybe I have changed for worse or better,

  But it still weighs on me that I may be alone forever,

  So I still dream of love and hold on to memories I treasure.

  In My Mind: This is one for me. The last time I would see my last girlfriend and the day my love almost died. I broke her heart and crushed my own. Crushing it greater then she will ever know but it sparked me writing again and without this event I wouldn't of grown to write some of the poems I have.

  I Love You

  It's 4:10am and I just woke from a dream,

  I just woke hearing 3 words but what does it mean?

  I was laying here with her and that her, was my ex,

  Now I'm lost about what to do next.

  It's still fresh in my mind about what just happened,

  All of her suit cases packed and I'm tearing off wrapping,

  She brought me presents that were the cutest and made me smile,

  Animal underwear made to look like the animal in a unique style,

  She came into see me and did that cute thing she'd do,

  Where she'd clap her hands really fast and smile, oh so cute,

  She came over and I hugged her, collapsing on the bed,

  Then looking in her eyes and holding her I said,

  I Love You and she said I love you too,

  I woke up knowing not what to do,

  My arms still shaped like I'm hugging her tight,

  Is this the last time I'll hear those words in my life?

  I said I love you and she said I love you too,

  Now I'm laying here not knowing what to do,

  She said I'd be alone and is it coming true?

  Were you the one who I'd forever say I love you?

  My arms still shaped like they were around you,

  My arms still shaped like I'm holding you tight,

  Will it now be in my sleep for the rest of my life?

  The only way to I hear I love you is in my sleep at night.

  I'm so lost and confused like I thought I'd healed more than this,

  But after saying that, this is where we went in for the kiss,

  Every time we use to kiss, to me, it felt like it was Christmas,

  Because it felt different every time but good like opening a gift.

  Dear God help me and please take away my pain,

  I never want to break another woman's heart again,

  Dear God please don't let it be true,

  I don't want to be alone, give me a sign of what to do.

  Maybe that dream was a sign, I have love on my mind,

  When I thought I'd never be loved another time,

  In my deepest and darkest hours when my world goes dark,

  I must remember I still have love in my heart.

  This one's for you Ashlea, now and forever,

  Written but you may never read but I can treasure,

  The dream that I had was all about you,

  I got to hear you one more time say I love you.

  In My Mind: As the poem states, I woke up from a powerful dream on the 24th of May, 2013, and I woke up with a smile on my face. I felt free of the demons that had haunted me since the night of October 29th. I will forever remember her saying to me that if I never change, I will end up alone. The last thing she would say to me before slamming the door in my face was "Fine. Go on and quit". It is these moments that stand out so clear in my mind and is what drives me from time to time, to keep writing. When she said those things, it scared me for months. I literally mean months on months. You could even say that it scared me from October 2011 till May 2013.

  Then I had this dream and when I woke up, it felt like my soul had forgiven me. It felt like I had said to myself that it's ok now and that I can let go of the pain. I wrote this as a reminder that even if I did end up alone further down the road, I was loved and loved by more than one. Since then I have had a few more dreams and I feel less worried when I have such great family and friends around.

  Not Around Enough

  I'm sorry that when times get tough, I'm not around enough,

  I'm sorry that when times get rough, I'm not around enough,

  I'm sorry that when times got tough, I wasn't around enough,

  I'm sorry that when times got rough, I wasn't around enough.

  I could never hear your tears and you never shared your fears,

  But I was always here and that fact never remained clear,

  It was lost and muffled along down the l
ine,

  Now it seems like there will never be another time.

  When the time moves forward and words never leave your lips,

  Problems start to pile on and your life falls to bits,

  You wish you could catch a break but you just want to call it quits,

  Then it's not until it's all gone that you know what you miss.

  All you can offer are apologies that fall on deaf ears,

  Staring at nothing wonder how you got here,

  Seems like déjà vu and your dreams start to haunt you,

  I guess it was never enough but if you could offer up a clue.

  Where was this feeling when you needed it the most?

  When you want to take their hand and dance till toast,

  Breakfast in bed and lay in all day holding each other close,

  Now all I've got to dance with and hold are ghosts.

  I'm sorry I was never around enough to love you,

  I'm sorry I never sent a text message through to check on you,

  I'm sorry that in the end that sorry isn't good enough,

  I got what I deserved because I wasn't around enough.

  In My Mind: I wrote this as an apology from the heart because I know I am quite stubborn and my greatest weakness as a partner, and probably a person, is communication. Whether this is a cause of my youth because I never really saw my dad express himself emotionally. So I never really heard my mum express herself either with him. It's an excuse but a possible reason for my underdeveloped social skills. This poem is an apology for my failures in a relationship as a partner and quite possibly as a person.

  Emotional Attachment

  Wired differently or I just haven't learned to deal with it,

  Everything seems to have an emotional attachment with it,

  Reasons I've changed and stopped doing things I use to,

  Just because of the pain attached so I choose not to.

  Avoiding songs and failing to watch a show or flick,

  All because I now have a negative thought to it,

  All from a broken heart that tears straight to my soul,

  God I wish there was an easier way of letting things go.

  But I'm wired differently or just lacking the experience,

  Other people would just say I'm just acting delirious,

  But it's just me for the moment and I'm just expressing this,

  If you wanted to know more about me and was curious.

  I need to be taken by the hand to a safe place,

  Where it's only me and you, and erase any other trace,

  But look me in the eye and touch me on the face,

  Let me know it's ok to have attachments in an emotional state.

  Maybe in time I'll lose this part of me to my future,

  When in time it becomes just me and her,

  Lose the attachment like a plug pulled from a wall,

  Never being the reason I would once again fall.

  I'm Sorry for Your Tears

  There are times in my life where I wonder if what I did was right,

  Like letting someone walk out of my life or walking out that night,

  But here I am with my mind on the boil as the words flow for me to write,

  Still wondering if this is mine or am I running out of loves of my life?

  Wishing I was a Jesse on another time line with a fine wife,

  But that's another time and I should look forward and stop with hindsight,

  But for just this time, I'd like to make this rhyme about those almost 10 years,

  To say sorry to every girl I ever hurt and I'm sorry for your tears.

  I'm sorry for those tears that you ever cried for me,

  This is my apology for all those times I never said sorry,

  For when I said I would be there but wasn't and guess I never will be,

  I'm sorry for those tears you cried and forever I'll feel guilty.

  18 months with Liz, 3 years with Meg and 4 with Ash,

  Somewhere along the way felt like something would last,

  Maybe it's just something in my past that I'm lacking in my craft,

  The makeup of what makes me and right now I'm only made of half.

  For every night I never kissed you and said I love you then night,

  For every time we took a walk and just put my hand against my side,

  For every signal that you dropped and I missed never seeing it in sight,

  For every time I never held you and didn't show I loved you with all my night.

  I'm sorry for those tears that you ever cried for me,

  This is my apology for all those times I never said sorry,

  For when I said I would be there but wasn't and guess I never will be,

  I'm sorry for those tears you cried and forever I'll feel guilty.

  Love Left... and Didn't Leave a Forwarding Address

  I'm sorry but you must've just missed them as they aren't here anymore,

  I can tell because there's nothing to hold and my heart is sore,

  Nil wins and 3 loses to me seems like an unfair score,

  Someone tell me what is loves address because she's not here anymore.

  Love's left me once more and walked straight out of the door,

  Down on my knees with my head against the floor,

  Love's gone and left me again leaving me a mess,

  Love left and didn't leave a forwarding address.

  I hear the wedding toasts and love fills the room,

  It's just in the air, radiating off of the bride and groom,

  The couples around that've done it before and others too soon,

  If you could bottle this love and make it a cologne or perfume.

  I wonder if my maps have been updated on my GPS,

  If I typed in love, would it give me love's address?

  Or would it tell me where it was and not forwarded to?

  I need Sherlock on the case to just give me a clue.

  Love's left me once more and walked straight out of the door,

  Down on my knees with my head against the floor,

  Love's gone and left me again leaving me a mess,

  Love left and didn't leave a forwarding address.

  No One (To Cuddle Up To)

  Sheets over, blankets up, but no one to cuddle up to,

  Electric blanket on, PJ's on, but no one to cuddle up to,

  Winters setting in, end of autumn cold, but no one to cuddle up to,

  Bed space for 2, a place for you, but no one to cuddle up to.

  Memory foam pillow moulds to how my head and neck sleep,

  But her body is what I want to mould against under the sheet,

  Cuddle up to and keep warm too like covering her feet with my feet,

  Kiss the back of her head and neck, listening to her call me sweet.

  My dreams are helping but I'm waking to no one there,

  These arms, this warmth, and no one to share with but the air,

  Think warm thoughts in the winter as I prepare,

  For this season of solitude with only thing shared is the cold air.

  Sheets over, blankets up, but no one to cuddle up to,

  Electric blanket on, PJ's on, but no one to cuddle up to,

  Winters setting in, end of autumn cold, but no one to cuddle up to,

  Bed space for 2, a place for you, but no one to cuddle up to.

  Holding On (Too Long)

  I'm criticised too often for being human,

  Only writing it is what my heart is doing,

  Trying to clear away space to achieve clarity,

  But maybe it's these reasons no one wants to be with me.

  I'm told I'm holding on for too long,

  Feelings for the past remain too strong,

  Crying in my sleep because it's now all gone,

  Please let me hold on for just a little long.

  It's not all about the loves that I've lost,

  It's not all about the decisions that led to loss,


  It's not all about the time I've cost,

  It's not all about the lines that I've crossed.

  Seems like in the mean time it's been dream time,

  My mind exploring my depths in between the lines,

  Trying to remain delicate and do justice to rhymes,

  Holding on too long helps me continue to shine.

  I know to some people it seems a little pathetic,

  But I know a life's half lived if you don't regret it,

  That's decisions you made or chances left behind,

  Because in time there are new chances you find.

  Listening to the artists that came way before me,

  I'm jealous because they managed to find their glory,

  In amongst their rhymes they weaved their story,

  Maybe I'll have a moment to carve my history.

  I know I'm holding on for a little too long,

  But it is who I am and it's not all gone,

  Waiting for the moment another one comes along,

  Because it's all love in my heart and remains strong.

  Where Do I Go From Here?

  My dreams are stronger than ever but they still haunt me,

  Thought I had finally reached a moment of clarity,

  But it all feels more confusing than ever before,

  Maybe part of me hasn't forgiven me and is still sore.

  'Where do I go from here?' is something I just don't know,

  When I've scrapped up a feeling and its brought me to a low,

  Hit me hard until I wash it away with the ink of my pen,

  That is until I go and do it all over again.

  I've written about an angel that'll come and save me one day,

  Her lips touching mine and taking all of my pain away,

  One day I'll have an angel that'll just hold me and say,

  They'll love me forever and right here is where they'll stay.

  Maybe someone will read these and turn them all into songs,

  Put my name up in lights like on the charts and stage is where I belong,

  Maybe I'll be added to an Australian poet's compilation one day,

  But for the moment I'll write any way I have to, to see a better day.