Kendra

by Coe Booth

  Tanya busts out laughing. “Kendra, he’s been checking you out ever since play practice began. The whole cast can see it. You ever notice that every time you need someone to lift something or help you out with something, he’s always the first person there?”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “He’s into you,” Adonna says.

  Malcolm nods. “For real, girl. That boy got it bad.”

  “Stupid bad,” Craig says.

  I shake my head, but really, I can’t be all that sure they’re wrong. Maybe he does kinda like me. He is always friendly to me and all that. But why can’t it just be that he’s a nice guy?

  Adonna’s still looking over at Darnell. “You know, he’s not bad-looking,” she says. “He could be an okay first boyfriend for you. Short-term, I mean. You don’t wanna be stuck with him all summer.”

  “Stop looking at him,” I whisper. “He’s gonna think we’re talking about him.”

  “We are.”

  “Still.”

  But Adonna don’t stop looking and I can’t do anything to make her, so I just kinda give up. I’m not sure how I feel about Darnell possibly liking me. Only thing I’m hoping is that he didn’t see me with that Devil Dog just now and get any ideas. Because that’s the last thing I need.

  Of course, all through dress rehearsal I’m feeling weird around Darnell, even though I’m still not even sure if he likes me or not. For the past month, I been hanging out backstage with him, even spending time in the storage room and the tiny little janitor’s closet together, and I just never thought anything about it. I mean, I never got any vibes or anything. Not once.

  But Adonna’s probably not wrong about this. I mean, if there’s one thing she’s good at, and there’s really only one thing she is good at, it’s guys.

  So all during the rehearsal, I try to act real natural around Darnell, like nothing changed. We have so much to do, there’s hardly time to think about anything else. In between the short plays, the whole set has to be rotated and the furniture and decorations have to be changed. And everything has to be done fast, and real quiet.

  Well, it’s supposed to be real quiet. But a couple of times, Mr. Melendez has to come backstage to tell us that we’re not working quiet enough, that we can be heard from the audience. Not only that, but the crew screws up a few times, like we put the furniture in the wrong place in one play and we forget to change the backdrop for another, which actually turns out really funny because it looks like the characters are having a beach party right in the middle of a classroom.

  The actors don’t let it stop them, though. I have to give them that. The only time they break character is when this guy Kevin trips over a chair on the set and slides about two feet across the stage. First they check to see if he’s okay, and then when they find out he is, they bust out laughing, which is what all of us on the crew are already doing backstage. We can’t help it.

  The pizza gets delivered right in the middle of the last play, so I set up a table backstage and start laying it out, along with paper plates and napkins for everybody. I’m just about finished when I hear the side door open and see Nashawn poking his head in from the hall.

  “Oh, good. It’s you,” he says when he sees me. He’s still in his baseball uniform from practice. “I hear y’all got pizza up in here.”

  I put my hands on my hips and try to act tough. “You know, we had to pay for this.”

  “C’mon,” he says. He looks around like he’s making sure nobody else is back there. “You can’t spare a couple slices for a hardworking first baseman?”

  I just look at him and don’t say anything.

  He flashes a bit of a smirk. “I made two RBIs.”

  “Whatever that means.”

  “C’mon. Hook me up. I’m starving.”

  For some reason, I can’t say no to him, and not only because he’s begging. It’s hard to explain, really, but before I know it, I’m sneaking two slices of pizza onto a plate for him. Just like that. And when I get close enough to him to hand him the food, I can smell him. He smells like he been playing real hard, all sweaty and musky, and not in a bad way, either.

  “Here,” I say, and right then from the stage I hear Tanya screaming, “I hate you! I hate you!” It’s like she’s really into her character now. I just hope she’s crying for real this time.

  Nashawn’s eyes get wider for a second. “What the—?”

  “One of the plays,” I tell him.

  “Sounds a little crazy to me,” he says.

  “It is.” I hand him a napkin. “Oh, yeah, make sure you don’t tell anybody where you got the pizza from, because nobody else is getting any.”

  “I hear you,” he says, smiling all big. “You know, you’re one of the nicest girls at this school.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “For real. I’m serious. Any girl who feeds me like this, man, what can I say?”

  “Just say good-bye. Before I get caught.”

  “I owe you,” he says, but he’s already looking away, pushing up against the door to get out. And then he’s gone. Just like that.

  I pull the door closed as quiet as I can and go back to the table to finish getting everything ready before the rehearsal is over. And I don’t know why, but now I’m the one that’s smiling all big.

  ELEVEN

  “I know you didn’t leave out this house dressed like that,” Nana says in that sharp, angry voice of hers. I only been in the apartment, like, three seconds and that’s the first thing she has to say to me.

  I look down at my clothes like I don’t know what she’s talking about.

  “What? It’s jeans and a blouse.” But even as I’m saying it, I can’t believe I forgot to take a jacket to school with me, so I could cover myself up before I came home.

  Nana’s standing in the hall right in front of me, practically blocking me from moving. She’s holding a dinner tray with a plate of spaghetti, and she’s staring at me hard. “I don’t know why you think it’s okay to dress like that girl upstairs.”

  “I don’t think that.”

  “And don’t think I don’t know about them thongs you got in your dresser, and who got you to buy them.”

  “I never even wore them,” I say. “And why are you going through my stuff?”

  “Don’t try to change the subject, because that shit don’t work with me, pardon my French. If you think I’m going to watch that girl change you into some kind of—”

  “That girl has a name, you know.” I roll my eyes before I can stop myself.

  “Look, you keep on dressing like her and talking back to me, you’re really going to have me thinking you’re up to something. I’m this close to taking you to the doctor and—”

  “I know, I know. You’re gonna have me checked, right?” I shrug. “Well, go ahead.”

  “Girl, don’t get fresh with me today.” She’s still looking at me like she knows I did something wrong. “Don’t forget your place.”

  “Sorry,” I say, looking down at the floor.

  “And I don’t understand how that school expects you kids to pass your classes when they got you out to all hours. On a school night, too. This shit don’t make no kind of sense to me, pardon my French. Like y’all don’t got nothing better to do but work like slaves all night.”

  She heads into the living room, still mumbling to herself. She can have a whole conversation like that. Actually, I’m convinced another person would only get in her way. I stand there near the front door, watching her set the tray on the coffee table and settle into her favorite spot on the couch, right across from the TV. And all I feel is stupid for letting Adonna talk me into wearing this top. Like Nana wasn’t gonna find out about it. I mean, it’s easy for Adonna to come up with these ideas, but she don’t have to be here when Nana’s going off on me all the time. It’s just not worth it.

  The phone rings and I run into the kitchen to get it, since Nana’s too busy flipping channels now. Like she’s not just gonna end up watching
one of her stupid women’s movies. I pick up the phone and say hello, hoping it’s Renée. And it is.

  “Hey, Babe,” she says. “Tell Nana I made it here in one piece.”

  “Okay, I will.”

  “And tell her—drum roll, please—I was offered the position at City College and I accepted!”

  I laugh. “Congratulations!”

  “Thanks. It’s so weird. Me, a real college professor.”

  “What are the students gonna call you, Professor Williamson?”

  “No way!” She’s laughing, too. “They’re gonna have to call me Doctor Williamson. You know how hard I had to work for that title?”

  “I know,” I say, because, even though I don’t really know how hard it was, I do know how long it took. She been away practically my whole life. I barely even remember anything before she went away to school.

  “Babe, I have to do this faculty development thing at City next week if I want to start teaching this summer, which I need to do. So I’m coming home on Sunday.”

  “Oh, that’s good,” I say, “because Sunday’s the last show. It’s at five and the tickets are seven dollars. You can buy one at the door, so don’t worry about that.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good,” I say, and try to think of something else to talk to her about.

  But by now Nana’s in the kitchen, right by my side. “That Renée?” she asks, reaching for the phone.

  I try not to get an attitude with her again, but it’s kinda hard because I don’t know why she can’t let me talk to Renée without interrupting us. Still, Renée is coming back home and that’s all I care about right now. So I tell Renée to hold on, that Nana wants to talk to her.

  “I’ll see you Sunday, then,” she says.

  “Okay, bye.” I hand the phone to Nana. “Here.”

  I stand there and listen to their conversation for a while, but all I’m hearing is, “Yeah…well, finally…that’s a good salary…uh-huh, yeah…’bout time you’re going to be making some money.”

  My mind isn’t really on what they’re talking about, though. All I’m thinking is that Renée is coming home and this time it’s for good. I mean, moving to Boston could have been good, to start somewhere new and all that. But there’s nothing better than staying right here with Kenny and Adonna and, yeah, even Nana.

  Because I know everything is gonna get better once Renée gets back. Easier. Like Renée can be the one to tell me what I can wear to school and who I can talk to and what time I have to be home. Nana won’t have to do all that. And then maybe, hopefully, things between me and Nana won’t have to be so bad anymore.

  TWELVE

  “You’re in a good mood today,” Adonna tells me the next morning on the bus. Then under her breath she adds, “About time.”

  I just smile a little bit, but I’m not gonna tell her anything about Renée coming back on Sunday. She’ll find out for herself in a couple of days.

  Me and her are squished together in the only two seats that were free, on the long row in the back. The lady next to me got hips for days, and she’s taking up her seat and at least half of mine, probably more. And she’s wearing this perfume that wouldn’t smell bad if she had on a normal amount, but it’s like she washed her clothes in it or something. I have to breathe through my mouth just to keep from choking.

  “Well, what’s up?” Adonna asks me. “Darnell ask you out or what?”

  “Not everybody needs a man to feel good,” I say. “I’m just happy about the showcase. That’s all.”

  “I can’t wait, either.” Adonna shakes her head, smiling. “It’s gonna be so funny seeing Tanya up there crying.”

  “Well, we all been waiting for that. But she says she can do it, so keep your fingers crossed.”

  “Oh, I know she can do it,” Adonna says, and leans in close to me with her eyes kinda lit up, the way she does when she got something good to tell me. “You should have been there last year, because she was going out with these two guys, right? One at school and one from her building. Stupid, I know. Anyway, one day she got busted by the home boyfriend, coming outta the school, holding hands with the other guy. And you should have seen the acting she was doing. Man, she was good, crying and telling both of them she was sorry and wrong and confused and all that. And telling both of them she needed time to think and make a decision and all that kinda bullshit. Her crying looked real, too. And I, like, came over and took her away from the whole scene, and all the way down the street she was still crying like a fucking baby ’til we turned the corner and then, like, in a split second, she was smiling, acting all, like, it wasn’t a big deal what just happened. I couldn’t believe it.” Adonna starts laughing. “Then the next day, she was back with both guys, telling both of them that he was the one she picked. It was hilarious!”

  Adonna really does have the best stories.

  The bus makes one of those big, lopsided turns and the big-hipped woman practically lands in my lap. And it hurts. A lot. “Sorry,” she says over and over, but she can’t really get off me ’til the bus finishes making the turn, and by then my leg is just about numb.

  Now not only am I gonna be sore, I’m probably gonna be smelling like her all day, too.

  After a while, when the bus stops at a red light and I’m not being crushed anymore, Adonna asks me who else I invited to the show tonight.

  “Just you guys,” I say.

  “I still can’t believe you got me, my mother, and Kenny sitting together.”

  “I bought all the tickets at the same time. I didn’t know you wanted to sit by yourself.”

  Adonna rolls her eyes at me, but I can tell she’s just being stupid. “Well, I’m gonna act like I don’t know them,” she says. “Especially Kenny.”

  I ignore what she’s saying. “I’m just glad I have someone coming every day. You guys today, Nana tomorrow, and Sunday—” I cut myself off and close my eyes for a second, thinking about how dumb I can be sometimes.

  When I open my eyes, Adonna is staring at me, so I look away, outta the window as the bus passes the bank, the Jamaican patty shop, and the sneaker store that just opened up. I know she’s gonna start something, but I really don’t want me and her to end up in a fight today.

  “Don’t tell me Renée’s coming in to see the show,” she says with that attitude of hers.

  I shrug. “Maybe.”

  “She moving back to the Bronx?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “What does she think, that sitting through your show is gonna make up for missing the last ten years of your life?”

  I don’t know why, but when she says stuff like that, I feel this weird pain in my chest. I wanna tell Adonna to shut up and mind her business, but I don’t. Of course.

  I just go back to looking out the window, like none of it bothers me.

  The showcase starts at seven that night, and by then Adonna is the last person I’m thinking about. Everything is just happening too fast. All of us on the crew are working hard and staying focused, and we don’t have time to think about anything except trying not to screw up. Even the guys are doing what they’re supposed to, not joking around like they used to do at rehearsals.

  Before I know it, it’s all over and all five of us are backstage sitting on the floor drinking water, trying to catch our breath. Darnell is sitting right next to me, both of us leaning up against the wall. We’re close, but not that close, and I still can’t tell if he likes me or not because he’s not really doing anything. I mean, yeah, he did sit next to me when he could have sat anywhere, but I’m not sure if it means anything. So I try not to think about it.

  On the stage, Mr. Melendez is on the microphone, calling the actors out for their curtain call, and they’re getting a lot of applause. It’s like it’s never gonna end. Then I hear him say, “The freshman/sophomore showcase is also an opportunity for our design students to show off their talents. And don’t you agree, this set is truly remarkable.”

  More applause. Which fe
els good for, like, a second.

  ’Til I hear him say, “So let me introduce our set designers, who have been doing double duty as the stage crew.”

  “Oh, no,” I mumble under my breath.

  Mara’s eyes open wider, too. “He doesn’t want us to—”

  I nod and slowly stand up as Mr. Melendez says, “So come on out, set designers!”

  As he reads off our names, we go out onto the stage as a group and take a bow. I’m practically shaking because this is definitely not where I wanted to be. The whole theater is packed and all those people are staring at us, and I don’t know how the actors do it because I’m definitely more comfortable behind the scenes. I mean, I can’t get off that stage fast enough!

  After everything is over, and we’re done cleaning up backstage and putting everything away, I meet up with Grandma, Kenny, and Adonna in the lobby, which is still pretty crowded with people hanging around. It’s so good to see Grandma outta Bronxwood because ever since she had hip replacement last year, it’s like she hardly ever leaves her apartment, much less the building. Well, except to go to her doctors’ appointments and that kinda thing. I mean, I know walking around is hard for her now, but still, it’s kinda sad that she’s just home all the time. So I’m real glad she came out just to see my set.

  “You did good, Babe,” she says, giving me a half hug with one thick arm around me and the other holding her cane. “That was one of the best shows I ever seen, and that set was something else.”

  Over her shoulder I see Adonna roll her eyes up to the ceiling. “I’ll be back,” she says, and heads over to where Tanya is standing with her mom and little brothers.

  When Grandma finally lets go of me, Kenny is the next one to give me a hug. “You got talent,” he says. “I knew it. Just remember who bought you your first coloring book. Me.”

  I laugh. “I’ll remember that when I’m rich and famous!”

  “You better,” he says.

  I get to go back to Adonna’s apartment after the play because that morning Nana told me she had something to do after work. So I actually have to eat the dinner Grandma made. Not that’s it’s bad. It’s just that Grandma don’t understand how to put together a normal meal. Not really. Like, she made lasagna, fried fish, and no kinda vegetable or anything. If Nana was here, she would say eating like this is why Grandma is so fat, which is really, really mean, but probably true.