Here Skies Surround Us

by Melanie Mcfarlane

  I start to feel trapped under this bridge and behind this wall, with the trees flanking it on the opposite side. I turn to leave and hear Remy call after me, but I don’t turn back. It’s too late. Tears build in the corners of my eyes, but I refuse to let them run down my cheeks.

  Once outside, I break into a run. I maneuver past clotheslines and garbage bins, around tiny houses and between children playing. I still can hear Remy calling out after me, and I turn for a moment to see if he’s following. I can’t see him, but when I turn back, I am right behind Ray. I manage to jump to the side, but still bump into him.

  “Hey,” he yells out. “You damn kids. Watch where you’re going!”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, quickly moving away from him. He reaches out and grabs my arm with surprising strength.

  “Hey there, Brown Eyes,” he says, gripping tighter. He’s so close his sour breath makes my nose crinkle. “In the land of the blind, the brown-eyed girl is queen. Isn’t that what they say?”

  “I’ve never heard that,” I say, trying to shake my hand free.

  “I’ve heard of you,” Ray slobbers, drunkenly. “You saved the innocents from being infected in your dome; you saved the boy from the baker. Ray hears all. Oh, to see what your brown eyes have seen. But who will you save next, girl? Can’t save them all!”

  Ray breaks out into a high-pitched cackle. I try prying his fingers off my arm with my other hand. Thankfully Remy comes between us, pulling me away from Ray and back toward the hostel.

  “What are you doing, running away like that?” he asks.

  “I didn’t feel like staying,” I say, shaking off his hand. I rub my arm where Ray’s grip still burns and watch as he shuffles away, pushing his cart.

  “I know what Jess told you,” Remy says. “She was just playing around. That’s what Jess does.”

  “I don’t care.” I ball my fists at my sides and clench them as hard as I can, trying not to cry in front of Remy. “I just want to go home.”

  “Yeah but you don’t understa … ”

  “I just want to be alone right now,” I say. “First, I get kidnapped and kicked around; then I’m locked up and thrown into Laundry. Like seriously, what’s wrong with you people? I just want to go home, back to my dome. I wish I never came here.”

  “Shhh,” Remy whispers. “Jess and Shell are going to take care of Quinn. Let’s hang out for a bit, okay? I can tell you’re upset. I want to make sure you don’t do anything you might regret.”

  “That’s just it, Remy,” I say louder. “I don’t need a babysitter. I just want to scream.”

  “I know the perfect place,” he says, pulling me with him again.

  Remy takes me through the north quarter, past the hostel, and into the forest. I’m not in the mood for a hike, but he assures me he has something else in mind. Behind, I see the dome towering above us. As we approach a clearing in the trees, he uncovers an old truck, gets in, and motions for me to follow.

  “I might have to notify my uncle first if you plan to take me back to my dome,” I joke.

  Remy smiles. Does he never get frustrated? “I wish I could take you back to your home,” he says. “But for now, this will help you to put things into perspective.” He starts up the truck, and we drive down a worn path through the trees, away from Dome 569.

  He breaks the silence after a while. “Not everyone likes how our dome is run. As you can tell, the freedom of the outside is not as ideal as people think it will be. It has its downsides, just like being confined to the domes did.”

  “Why are they so strict here?” I ask. “Beating children for stealing food because they’re starving doesn’t seem like it will solve any problems.”

  “Caroline is focused on larger issues,” Remy explains. “When our dome colonized outside it was incredible. People were so happy. I was just a kid, but I still remember how freedom felt.”

  “When did things change?”

  “After the big attack. That’s when a lot of people died, like my parents and Evan’s dad. We had no idea we needed to protect ourselves. We never saw it coming. Caroline changed after that day. Not only did she lose her husband, but she found out shortly after she was pregnant. It made her a little crazy for a while.”

  “What did she do?”

  “First, she arranged for an attack on the dome that attacked us,” Remy says. “I was too young to go but old enough to know what was going on. We got our revenge, and in that attack, took their dome down.”

  “How?”

  “We didn’t go looking to keep survivors,” Remy says. “We went straight for their livelihoods. We burned their fields, blew up their Axis, and killed their people in the process.”

  “What about all the innocent people?”

  “There was no rhyme or reason to it. Your uncle was there. He could tell you more.”

  “Alec was there?”

  Remy nods. I’m stunned. Alec took part in the annihilation of an entire city? I can’t believe it. Is this why their rules are so cruel? Out of fear and paranoia of the rest of the world?

  We travel over an hour, driving as fast as possible as we weave between trees. Finally, Remy turns past a hill and the trees open up, revealing a destroyed bridge extending out over part a large canyon. On the other side stands a broken dome surrounded by trees and overgrown fields.

  I look at the dome itself, a structure that could not be taken out by nuclear warheads during the Cleansing War, now partially collapsed from the interior explosion that destroyed its Axis. The Axis truly is the heart of each dome. No wonder Caroline is mad that Dome 1618’s Axis is still in place. If my dome was destroyed, that would be one less threat to her.

  Remy parks the vehicle and gets out. “Let it go,” he says.

  “Let what go?”

  “Your scream.”

  I look at him, confused. Here? I look back out at the broken dome and think of all the new questions I have, with only a few new answers. I step out of the truck and get it—the whole reason Remy brought me here. Where better to let out my frustration than this symbol of all that is wrong in our world?

  I let out a gut-wrenching scream as loud as I can. It echoes into the canyon below. I scream until I’m out of breath. Tears are in my eyes from the strain, but I’m not sad. No, I finally feel a little more back in control.

  “Better?” Remy asks.

  I nod. We stand in silence for a while, looking out at what nature has taken back. This dome has no outer colony—they chose to hide inside, like my home. But what good did it do? One explosion can end it all.

  “What sort of work do Alec, Evan, and Nico do all day?” I ask.

  “They scout out other domes.”

  I can’t help but wonder what part my uncle played in all of this, and how many innocent people have died under Caroline’s direction over the years. Then I ask the question that burns inside me.

  “So they can be attacked like this one?”

  “They don’t go out and fight. They just bring back information.”

  “Which leads to more innocents being slaughtered?” My voice catches in my throat. Nausea returns. This time I grab onto my knees, because my body follows through.

  When I finish retching by the side of the pickup, I see Remy looking at me with concern. “There’s a group of us who don’t believe in living life this way. We want to separate from Dome 569 and start our own colony.”

  Remy’s face is filled with hope—hope that he can leave Dome 569 and restart life somewhere else. I recognize that hope, because I had the same feeling days ago as I traveled here with Evan. Look how that turned out for me.

  “Take me home, please.”

  The ride back is silent. After I help Remy hide his truck in the trees, he walks me home. I’m exhausted, physically and emotionally. When we get to the house, my uncle, Evan, and Nico are inside. I forgot about Evan and Nico during my ride with Remy, and my feelings of irritation resurface.

&nbs
p; “Where have you two been?” Evan asks, looking from Remy’s face to mine. “We got back early. I’ve been looking for you.”

  “I took Nat out for a bit,” Remy explains.

  “You should have run that by us first.” Evan clenches his jaw as he stares at Remy.

  “Why?” I ask. “I’m not allowed to go places without your permission?”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Evan shakes his head.

  “How about you start telling me things,” I say. “You know, like the truth about you and Nico. Then I’ll consider providing you with my daily itinerary so you can keep tabs on me.”

  Evan looks at Remy with narrowed eyes. “What did you tell her?”

  “I didn’t tell her anything,” Remy says. “It was Jess.”

  “Why would Jess—” Nico begins.

  “You know what,” I say, raising my voice, “I’ve had a crappy day. Why don’t all of you keep talking about me as if I don’t exist?” I walk into my bedroom and slam the door behind me.

  I collapse onto the bed, finally letting my tears fall. I’m not ready to deal with Evan yet. I am still upset about being a prisoner in this place. Maybe I should have stayed back home. Maybe Jak was right. I hardly know Evan.

  What would have happened if I had followed Jak that night in the dome, when he gave me his last plea?

  I roll onto my back. I know I’m overreacting, but I don’t care. I’m upset because I’m in a strange place I don’t understand. This happened to me once before, shortly after my eighteenth birthday, when I was taken from my grandparents’ apartment to go work at the Axis. I survived that and I will survive this.

  I just need to come up with a plan.

  I sit up on my bed and wipe my tears. There’s a quiet knock at my door.

  “Come in.”

  Evan’s dark hair appears through the crack.

  “Hi.”

  “What now?” I ask. “Are you here to tell me I can’t leave a conversation until I have permission?”

  “I’m sorry,” he says, sitting next to me on my bed. “I’m just under a lot of pressure and I’m trying to keep you safe.”

  “What I want is for you to start telling me the truth.”

  “What, about Nico?” He shakes his head. “I’ve told you, there’s nothing between us and never has been. Our parents tried years ago, but we just don’t have feelings like that for each other.”

  “I want to believe you,” I say. “I do, but I had to find out from that girl Jess. How good of friends are you two?”

  “Jess just gets bored when Nico and I are gone,” Evan says. “She likes to tease people. She does it to all the new people she meets. I’m sorry.”

  “I want to go home,” I say.

  Evan grabs my hands in his and kisses my knuckles, then looks up at my face. “I couldn’t stand it if you left; I need you here with me. It’s going to be difficult for me to leave, but I will. I just need to convince my mother to leave your dome alone. If I’m there, then she has to understand it’s not a threat.”

  I can see the weight of Evan’s words lie heavy on his shoulders. Lines run across his face that I don’t remember from before, outlining the stress and worry he’s developed since we entered his dome. I reach up and run my fingers along the lines. If I can smooth them maybe his fears will go away.

  Evan reaches up and gently pushes my hand down and pulls me toward him. In his arms, everything feels warm and safe, as it always does. I sigh aloud and lay my head against his chest.

  “Things aren’t good here,” I say.

  “Alec told me about you and the baker.”

  “That boy is just a child.”

  Evan runs his hand up and down my arm and kisses me on the forehead. “I don’t agree with how things are run here. Even more reason for us to leave as soon as we can.”

  “Remy says there’s a group that wants to separate.”

  “I’ve told Remy before: it’s a terrible idea. Mom would find them.”

  “He showed me the dome on the other side of the bridge today.”

  “Is that where you two were?” Evan runs his hands through his hair. “I can’t believe he took you there. He needs to be more careful with you; you aren’t just some recruit he can convince to join his side.”

  “I think that’s my choice,” I say. His body stiffens against mine.

  “Dammit, Nat,” Evan says, grabbing my arm. “When Alec and I are out working there is no one here to protect you, do you understand? It’s one thing for Remy to go risk his life, but to risk yours, too—for a cause that’s not your own—that’s not happening. You need to listen to me just once.”

  “I can’t be expected just to sit inside here and play house alone all day,” I say. “I know what you do. I know you spy on other domes so your mother can plan her next takeover.”

  Evan’s eyes widen. “It’s not like that,” he says. “You have no idea what goes on. Do you think Alec and I would do that?”

  “I have no idea,” I say. “I hardly know either of you.”

  Hurt falls across Evan’s face, and I instantly want to take my words back. But I don’t.

  I look down and play with the hem of my shirt. “I hate it here. I really do. I just want to go home.”

  “I can’t tell you what Alec, Nico, and I have been up to,” Evan says sadly. “But I can say that the only thing that gets me through it is the knowledge that if I get back early enough I can spend time with you.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I love you,” he says.

  My insides collapse.

  I’ve heard those words only a handful of times in my life. The first nine years of my life when my parents were alive is more of a blur than a memory. I’m sure they told me they loved me—my mother wrote it in her notebook—but I can’t specifically recall it. Then there was Jak. He expressed his love to me many times since I turned eighteen. But I didn’t love Jak back, not in the same way he loved me.

  Evan’s dark gray eyes stare back at me, as if they see something inside me I’m not aware exists. I blink, and can tell he’s waiting for my reply.

  “I need to be alone tonight,” I say, turning my head away from him. “I’m sorry.”

  Evan doesn’t answer. I feel the mattress shift, just before my door closes. Guilt tries to seep into my thoughts, but I push it back. I’m not really sorry. I just said it because it sounded right. Just like Evan said he loves me. He can’t really mean that, can he?

  Love should be easy, like it is in the movies back home. It shouldn’t be wrought with self-doubt. But is it our fault the stars can never align for us?

  Too much has happened today. Too much has happened since I met Evan. It doesn’t feel like he loves me when he’s never around me.

  Why are my feelings always so mixed up?

  In the morning I wake up alone. I’m not sure why I’m disappointed—I asked for this. When I get up, I see there’s a note on the table. It’s from Evan, not Alec. It says he will be home early tonight, and he has a special surprise for us. It’s signed, Love, Evan. I run my fingers over the words, repeatedly, almost hoping the paper will say them to me in Evan’s voice.

  I clutch the letter tightly. Maybe Evan does love me. A good night’s sleep has cleared my mind. This morning seems filled with much more possibility than the previous days. Maybe a new colony can be set up, like Remy wants. Maybe Evan can convince his mother to leave Dome 1618 alone, like I want. Maybe I love Evan back.

  Love? It’s just so permanent. Is it smart to think long-term when everything is so unpredictable?

  I clean up around the house and think about how silly it seems to worry about Evan and Nico now. It must have driven Caroline crazy to find out that her plans for them had fallen through; even though Evan says his mother wasn’t always like this, I think she still likes to be in control.

  What will happen if she doesn’t let Evan go? Would Caroline force me to leave, or would Alec c
ome with me? Hopefully Evan can persuade her that she can trust him to watch over Dome 1618.

  A quiet knock interrupts my thoughts, so soft I almost miss it in the silence of the house. I jump off the couch and check through the window first, and I’m surprised to see Ali.

  “Ali!” I say as I open the door. She jumps at my hello, shielding her face from the sun, but I can see darkness shadowing her left eye. “What happened to you?”

  “Oh, it’s nothing,” Ali says, touching her eye. “Your replacement is a little impatient. Anyway, I had some free time, and I wanted to check in on you.”

  “Come in.” I open the door wider.

  Ali shuffles into the room, almost looking embarrassed to be here. She awkwardly stands in the middle of the kitchen, looking around at everything.

  “Do you want to sit down?” I ask.

  “Uh, okay.” Ali rubs the back of her neck. She carefully perches on the edge of the couch and clasps her hands together in her lap.

  “So, your new partner isn’t the nicest,” I say, pointing at her face.

  “She doesn’t like how much I talk,” Ali says, “but then, no one’s ever been as kind to me as you.”

  “I doubt that,” I say, sitting in a chair across from her. “I wasn’t very nice.”

  “Since I got here everyone’s only barked orders at me,” she says, looking down at her shirt and running her hands to try to flatten the wrinkles. “You were the first person who bothered to have a conversation with me.”

  Ali’s gaze keeps jumping around the room. Her nail beds are jagged from her constant nervous chewing, and her skin is red from the chemicals and heat of the laundry. Her clothes are worn, and her hair lies limp and lifeless down her back.

  “How long has it been since you saw your family?

  “A month.” Her voice wavers. “I miss my home.”

  “What happened there?” I ask, leaning in.

  “I’m not supposed to talk about it, you know?” Her eyes dart toward the door. “We should be grateful we can help out.”