by Matilda Hart
My thoughts ran to the upcoming festivities and the heart in my chest as if I’d never opened my mouth in front of a crowd before and suddenly, I was frightened that I may perform badly or embarrass myself or possibly my husband by forgetting the words, singing off key or some of the many other hazards that went along with singing for the upper class and all their pomp and glitz that could make one like myself uncomfortable. I was better suited for singing for people like my husband and myself: those who forgive mistakes easily. By no means was I the best singer in the land but there were very few that could hold a candle to my talents and my biggest drawback with performing was my nerves and my inner voice telling me that I’m going to hit a faulty note or sing out of key. It had never happened but I was always afraid that the first time would be in the presence of someone who was of the utmost importance. Becoming a singer was not a dream of mine nor was it an aspiration to become a world famous singer but my husband enjoyed my voice and any time that I was asked to perform, I felt a rush of pride and accomplishment in my work so I never refused an invitation. The extra money earned from these occasions was mine to do as I wished, as Thomas would have none of the taking of money from me so I usually funded my own hobbies such as sewing or interior design and occasionally, I would try my hand at flower gardening even though most of my seedlings would die before they’d been given a proper chance at life. I feared that my problem may have been overwatering but since I also forgot completely about my tiny green responsibilities on the back porch, the problem could have also been lack of hydration. Since I was more suited for indoor work and tasks, that’s where I tended to spend most of my time and left the majority of the outdoor work for the menfolk. I’d often spend hours making tapestries or dresses and even drapes and quilts were in my bag of tricks.
I’d once entertained for Grace Charlton’s birthday and the wages from that night bought the material that I’d used to make new drapes for the parlor and Thomas’ look of satisfaction when he saw them was more pleasurable to me than all the applause that I’d been given for my singing. My role, first and foremost, was that of dutiful wife but often my thoughts wandered to large banquet halls, surrounded by societies’ elite and those who had come to see me, personally. Dreaming was often described as a foolish but when I sang in my home to the walls and paintings, I never got near the rush of excitement that I got when I performed in front of a room full of people. Admitting that I could be slightly egotistical was a problem for me so I would never let Thomas know that I had such dreams of grandeur or that I was only content with my life that he provided. Maybe I had wishes and fantasies of living a more exciting life but I would never act upon them while I was married to Thomas and since divorce was not an option for me, I lived with the silent yearn in my heart for more.
Chapter Four
The evening of the Duke of Devonshire’s birthday had arrived and I couldn’t take my eyes off of my own reflection in the full length mirror that my mother had given me shortly after my wedding and told me that it had belonged to my grandmother so should I have a daughter one day, it was to be passed to her. I had always been extra careful when dusting the ornate mahogany that lined the large oval mirror and the intricate carvings that were inlaid into the rich wood. It stood on a large frame that looked like an H when gazing down on it with two large legs that supported the heavy glass and its border. The deep emerald satin that I’d chosen for my gown was perfect against my dark hair and my eyes nearly matched the fabric perfectly. The black embroidered designs right below the bosom gave it an extra something for the eye to appreciate and I’d made sure not to make the stitching too intricate as to draw an admiring eyes to my bosom. I’d given it a square neckline that was both modest and attractive enough for a married woman to properly display herself in the public eye and my hair fell across the right shoulder, pinned in hidden spots all over my head to secure the curls in place all night. Finishing my ensemble with a long pair of black satin gloves, I decided that I was finally ready and gave a curt nod and approving smile to the reflection staring back at me.
Thomas was bringing the carriage around and as I heard the clop of the horse hooves, I gave myself a final judging glance and decided that it was the best I was going to do and went down the stairs to meet my husband. There was a slight feeling of butterflies in my stomach but I knew that it would pass as I got closer to my performance and once the music began, I would open my mouth and be free of all nervous tendencies. Fear before a performance had always been a problem but it always disappeared as soon as I started to sing as if the release of the song in my throat overpowered any other force that existed at the time and I could get completely lost as the eyes adored me from the crowd. I won’t make myself into a liar by saying that I didn’t get a rush from the look in the eyes of those that had been touched by my voice and I often wondered if I’d been unmarried if my life would be so different that I’d be a singer full time. My thoughts mustn’t wander to such foolish fantasies or notions and I should feel shame for thinking of a life other than the one provided me by my wonderful Thomas.
The ride to Hartford Manor was mostly silent as I fidgeted with my thumbs or tried my best not to twirl the curls right out of my hair. Thomas sat beside me as he drove the horses and tried to keep my mind occupied by pointing out various plots of the landscape that he found interesting or remotely beautiful, even though I’d seen them all hundreds of times before and he’d try to keep me talking about store business but that’s when my mind would drift off into thoughts of sour notes and off-key tones. Taking approximately an hour or so, our journey soon came to an end as we neared the gates of Hartford Manor to find that we were far from one of the firsts to arrive.
The kind looking young man standing near the front entrance to the large main house of the estate informed us that he would tend the horses so that we could enter together and Thomas handed him the reins as he assisted me to the ground with a smile on his face. I could see the pride in his eyes as he bent his elbow and offered it to me as we walked towards the house and I could hear the sound of a sweet melody of strings that were playing an upbeat Quadrille. The boisterous vibes radiating from the grandiose structure before us were drawing me into their arms and beginning to cover me with their energies as I felt myself begin to feel like I was at a party and not at a job that could and would determine my reputation as a singer for the rest of my days.
Thomas and I were greeted by a smiling hostess and informed us that they were expecting my arrival and that’s where we parted ways. He was carted off to the ball with the rest of the guests and I was escorted to a room down a long hallway that ran off the side of the ballroom where I found two other ladies who informed me that they were to accompany me with harmonies and texture but they assured me that it was Constance Sutton who was to be the main attraction, not that I had given a second thought to their presence or the chance that they’d been there to steal my spotlight. I’d heard them both sing and knew that if they were here it must be to back me up because there’s no way on God’s creation that any ear on the committee of songstress choosing would ever think that either of them were my equal or beyond. I don’t mean to sound arrogant because that could not be farther from the truth but I won’t say that I wasn’t confident about my talent and knew my worth.
About thirty minutes of vocalizing with Meredith and Grace, I found that we blended quite well together and they would provide adequate “oohs and aahs” to my melodies as I performed for the handsome nobleman on his birthday. I’d yet to see the charismatic Duke of Carlisle but I anxiously awaited my chance to wish him a happy day in person and possibly have a story or two to tell at my next quilting. I was told to be ready to move to the ballroom in five minutes and I took in a deep breath and readied myself for the upcoming performance and the many eyes that were about to be upon me. This wasn’t a dinner party for Helen Candor or an invitation to sing a few tunes at the Sunday picnic. I was at the home of the most important man in Devonshire and surrounded
by not only the elite of the common society but most of the royals, as well. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to look up and see that the Prince of Wales had traveled from London for the occasion, for I hear that he and the duke are not only cousins but also the best of friends.
As I made my way towards the small stage, hidden by a heavy, red velvet curtain, I took in a deep breath, hummed a few notes in the back of my throat to keep my vocal chords ready and I waited for the announcement that I’d anticipated for almost a month. As I heard my name being called, it pleased me slightly that the announcer hadn’t added ‘accompanied by’ and a piece of me felt as if I were being held a bit higher than my standing in this society; almost as if I were someone of the utmost importance and with that extra boost of confidence, I managed to give the performance of a lifetime, bringing even the duke to his feet, leading a standing ovation as I concluded my final song. I’d spotted Thomas in the crowd and he seemed almost disinterested to be here, with that smug look on his face that said more to me than any words that his mouth could muster: He was bored. The poor thing had been hearing me practice for the last few days that he’d been around and I was quite certain that he’d been completely burned out on hearing my voice but he stood there nonetheless, supportive and strong. I didn’t even notice when he’d come around the back of the staging area but when I came face to face with Jefferson Carlisle, the breath seemed to escape my lungs and the very heart in my chest stood still as I for the first time could truly appreciate the deep, breathtaking blue of his eyes.
Chapter Five
In a feeble attempt to seem unfazed by his sudden appearance and startling introduction as I literally turned and ran face first into his chest but he seemed to find it amusing. Not near as amusing as Thomas would have found it had he walked around the corner or perhaps seen from his vantage point in the crowd that I was in the arms of the duke, if only for a second and by mere happenstance. I shyly backed away from his awkward embrace and nodded apologetically for my clumsiness, as I felt that I should have been watching where I was going but I was moving in haste due to the fact that I wanted to get back to Thomas.
“Pardon me.” I smiled and stepped to the side as his eyes washed over my face and down the front of my dress before settling again on my face, finally making eye contact after giving me a good once-over. “My mistake.” The sweet smile on my lips might as well have said, “I’m a complete fool” because he just stared at me and made me feel increasingly more and more uncomfortable by the second.
“No, not at all. It is I who am sorry, my lady.” He extended his hand and I placed mine gingerly in the grasp of his fingertips and he raised it to his lips slowly while looking into my eyes. Though I was wearing gloves, it still felt inappropriate for another man to kiss any part of my body but looking into the blue pools underneath each eyebrow almost made me forget that for a moment. “I should have made my presence known.” He lowered my hand from his lips and I placed it inside my left hand and held them both close to my body, trying to maintain proper posture and stature whilst in the presence of His Grace.
“Your singing was absolutely hypnotizing.” He spoke the words as if they came straight from the heart with a look of absolute adoration in his eyes and I took that what he said was the truth. “I’m so pleased that I took the suggestion to invite you to join us tonight.”
I felt my face flush as his words seemed to pierce through to my very ego and I felt full of pride from the adoration of such an important man
“Thank you, Your Grace but I’m just using the tool with which God has blessed me and I’m so thankful that you’ve given me the opportunity to do so.” I nodded graciously and he laughed and offered his arm, which I awkwardly took and let him lead me away from the bustle of the gathering crowd that had formed behind the curtain.
“Please, join me, Mrs. Sutton.” He replied.
“Constance, please.” I smiled as he repeated my name and noticed that he was looking at me with a bit more than adoration. Pretty sure that he was staring, I smiled and walked alongside the duke, feeling his strong musculature under his well-made jacket. As we walked, I felt my heart race because I wasn’t so used to being that close to a man so handsome and strong and quite frankly he made me uneasy. Had I not been privy to his reputation as a smooth talking womanizer, I might have been persuaded to say yes when he turned to me and said,
“I’d love for you to join me for a private drink so that we could talk about bringing you back the next time we do something like this around here. There is nothing I would love more than to see you again.” I felt the urge to say yes almost immediately but the thought of Thomas looking so disinterested and unentertained flashed to the forefront of my mind and as much as I wanted to entertain the notion of returning for later events, returning to my husband became my top priority.
“I’m sorry but I must decline, for my husband awaits me in the main hall.” The look in his eyes didn’t decline on the amount of yearning they held as he asked once more, just to be sure that I wouldn’t change my mind but I once again repeated that I was terribly sorry but had to be going.
“A voice like yours shouldn’t be contained to the English countryside. Your voice needs to be heard by the world and there is none that can compare to your beauty. You must return, I beg of you.” I was in complete awe at his words for I felt that he truly appreciated my art and the talent that it took to perform so flawlessly. He made me feel as if he could see into my soul and find the part that makes me aware of my emotions and gently manipulate it. This man was saying all the right words that would work on a single woman and had I given him the proper chance, they may have worked on me. He took my hand in his and kissed it one last time before escorting me back to the main hall where Thomas smiled when he saw our approach. He was standing in the company of two women that I didn’t recognize and they quickly scurried away before the duke and I could reach him. The blond glanced back to steal one more glance at my husband while her red headed friend tried to pull her along and they got lost in the crowd.
“Thomas, I introduce His Grace the Duke of Devonshire.” Thomas gave a curt bow of his neck and said,
“Your Grace.” The duke acknowledged my husband but yet did not release his hand from the tops of my fingers that held the crook in his elbow and I dared not jerk my hand from his grasp. Not only would it be considered rude but also very disrespectful and that is not the kind of impression I wanted to leave with him if I wanted to acquire another show at Hartford Manor. I’d not yet run this by Thomas but I knew that he would be like he always was: supportive and understanding of my own desires and dreams. My husband was always looking out for my best interests and as long as I returned the same courtesy our marriage would continue to grow and strengthen.
The bicep under my hand flexed and I gripped it out of reflex and seeing the smile in the eyes of the duke as I did so, I knew that he had done it as a way to get my attention and show that he was in top physical form, which would take my mind to his chambers where he would try to defile my marriage and character in one act of misconduct but I wasn’t one of his usual companions. There was no way that I would let the charm and sex-appeal that radiated from his very being let my thoughts drift to impure…He was already doing it to me.
Not once had the duke said or done anything out of the ordinary yet, there I was, fending off advances that he’d never made all because I knew of his reputation with women. He clearly respected my marriage to Thomas and wasn’t going to overstep the bounds in a feeble attempt to seduce me. Either that, or he simply didn’t find me attractive but with the way this dress fit my body and the way my hair seductively fell down my shoulders, I didn’t see how that was possible. I knew that I was an attractive woman and how to look to get a man’s attention but because I was married, I chose to do those things only in the presence of my husband and make myself available only to him. Had I not been married, I would have been more than willing to take the duke up on any offer that he chose to offer me and t
hat included the kind that usually ended with a pile of rumpled clothes.
Finally releasing my hand and handing me off to Thomas, he looked into my eyes and I could have sworn that I saw a hint of flirtation as he said,
“I’ll send for you one day next week so that we can go over your schedule once I get my activities arranged to see when you may be available. Until then,” he nodded and broke eye contact and looked to Thomas, who nodded and they left it with a casual farewell, the duke continued, “Remember what I said about your talent. You should be able to showcase that voice to the world and I could be able to do just that for you.”
The night was warm and the carriage ride home seemed to fly by, with Thomas at the reins and me, talking nonstop about the many beautiful dresses and fine suits that I’d seen.
“I could make you one just like the one that the Earl of Trevaine was wearing, I found it rather exquisite and don’t think that it would take too much trial and error to get that lapel just right. It seemed simple enough yet looked so elegant, don’t you think? Oh, Thomas. Tonight was just wonderful, don’t you agree? The music was lovely and the food was delicious. Did you have some of the little bits of crab stuffed into the mushroom? I must have had at least three of those and the wine was to die for, Thomas.” He chuckled and clicked the horses on before he replied,
“That explains so much, my nightingale. I was wondering what had you so giddy tonight and I’m afraid that you’ve just given yourself away with the wine.” Thomas didn’t like it when I drank but I did have a glass before the show and was by no means feeling the effects of it, I was simply happy and in such a good mood about the duke’s personal review and opportunity to come back. Floating on air didn’t describe the feeling that I had all the way home but my celebration was cut short when we got home and Thomas wanted to do a little celebrating of his own.
